The Secret to Finding Love: Stop Thinking. Start Acting.

I have a client in the Midwest. 40 years old, divorced, male. We’ve worked together for a month and already, he credits me with changing his life. Truly, it warms my heart. What warms my heart even more is that, unlike other clients who keep me as their deep dark secret, this guy actually TELLS his friends about me. Well, one of them called me last week.

She’s 45, she owns her own business, she looks great for her age, she’s never been married, and she knows that something needs to change. After a one-hour consultation on the phone, she said she’d like to think about it. Sure thing. Investing in dating coaching is a commitment and she should feel 100% about it before taking the plunge. She said we’d talk after the weekend.

Well, I followed up with her today. She said she was still thinking. Even though she can afford it. Even though I’ve performed miracles on her friend. Even though she’s seen my customer success stories.  Even though she hasn’t had a relationship in years. Even though she knows that online dating’s not working right now. Even though she’s more marketable at age 45 than she will be at age 46. Even though she knows that absolutely nothing will change if she doesn’t do something different.

She’s thinking.

I’m hosting a free one-hour teleclass, The 6 Things You Must Do ASAP to Be an Online Dating Rockstar. It’s on Wednesday night, August 19th at 8pmEST/5pm. Over 400 people  have registered. There are THOUSANDS of you who have not.

Stop thinking. Start acting.

It’s free…and it makes a difference.

Click here to register for the call:

Your friend,

Evan

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Steve

    She’s 45, she owns her own business, she looks great for her age, she’s never been married, and she knows that something needs to change.

    Well forget it then, she has never been married and she is 45. That obviously means she is emotionally defective and is not suitable for a relationship.

  2. 2
    Steve

    @1

    BTW, that was sarcasm AND it was directed with NO DISRESPECT to some regulars concerning earlier conversations on this blog.

  3. 3
    Selena

    LOL Steve.

    I thought the cut off for spoilage was 40 anyway. So what exactly is the marketable difference between 45 and 46?
    Ai yi yi yi.

  4. 4
    casualencounters.com/blog

    I’ve often found myself in a position where I realize that it’d be way better to make a wrong decision than to make no decision. Very few bad decisions can’t be fixed or at least have their consequences mitigated, whereas decision paralysis can ruin your entire life.

  5. 5
    Jennifer

    LOL Steve!

  6. 6
    downtowngal

    Yeesh, Evan, “more marketable” now vs. next year? Are you trying to HELP us or scare us into signing up with you?

    I’m in my late 30′s and am dating MORE now than I ever did. Despite all these people who’ve been telling me how I’m a lost cause being >35….

  7. 7
    Evan Marc Katz

    I am merely pointing out what every single person who has ever dated online knows: people set arbitrary age criteria.

    30-40
    35-45
    40-55

    Do you change between the ages of 45 and 46? Absolutely not. Do you drop off a significant number of male radars? Absolutely.

    Which is why the best time to act when it comes to dating is NOW.

    And if that scares you into signing up, it’s probably the best scare you’ll ever have. :)

  8. 8
    Diana

    I get the feeling that she was curious about your service. After all, given her situation, and her friend’s success, why wouldn’t she be? But that her “still thinking” comment may have been a polite way of saying, “I’m not interested.” This doesn’t mean she’s not going to act; just maybe not take up your offer. You know how women do not always say exactly what they mean. ;)

  9. 9
    Selena

    Possible she was put off by “the follow up”? Dunno Evan, maybe you came across as a little too eager and clingy…lol.

  10. 10
    downtowngal

    Evan, how about a workshop teaching guys not to be so superficial? Get them all on the phone at once so that the more sensible ones will be available that night for the rest of us to meet.

  11. 11
    Evan Marc Katz

    Funny, Selena. But actually, clients like the follow up. It’s a personal touch for a personal business. However, I don’t call back multiple times – knowing full well that if she’s into me, she’ll make the effort. :)

  12. 12
    Steve

    However, I don’t call back multiple times knowing full well that if she’s into me, she’ll make the effort.

    Mirroring!

  13. 13
    Paul

    I think she has a commitment phobia! Ha! Nice to see a woman have it for once. If she is good looking, successful and has her own business, if she is 45 and never married, it’s usually because of a personality that nobody will put up with, or a commitment phobia.
    Good follow up is just good business.

  14. 14
    Senior Chick

    I notice that most of the people responding to the blog are “young” which is relative term depending on what side of 45 you are looking at. At 65 I have been following Evan’s advice-bought the tapes, changed my profile to tell a story- have some pretty good pictures (one riding an elephant).

    Age seems to be the biggest hang-up. Most of the men who are in my range lie about their age. I met a very nice man who could put several sentences together, used spell check and even though he was “short” after several phone and emails we met for dinner. His profile said he was 74- he was 84. He also lied about his height since I am 5′ 4″ and I towered (slight exaggeration) over him.

    He said that he lied because he wouldn’t get any replies if he put his real age- but what makes him think at 84 he can attract someone 20 years younger? I do not want to be a “nurse or a purse”. I am amazed at the number of men in their 60″s who are looking for “30-45″- Obviously none are Michael Caine, Richard Gere or Brad Pitt look- a -likes.

    Yes, women do lie about their age and weight. Would someone please explain to me why men want a 20 year difference? I receive more replies from younger men than men my own age and quite frankly I am in chapter 2 and they are in chapter 1- I don’t want a 20 year difference either way.

  15. 15
    downtowngal

    Senior Chick, funny you should ask. I’ve received emails from guys who say they’re in their late 40′s and turn out to be 5 years older. What a huge turnoff! Makes me wonder what else he’s hiding.

    I’m attracted to guys who are confident, and someone who’s going to lie about his age demonstrates he’s not.

    I think it’s the same for women, too.

  16. 16
    Selena

    Senior Chick,

    Glad you stopped in with your story. It would appear that some men have a hard time believing that while older men prefer younger women, younger women may NOT prefer older men. Regardless whether the women in question are in their 20′s or their 60′s. Apparently we are supposed to be grateful for their interest.

    Ya reading Bob?

  17. 17
    JB

    Just curious…is it a law on this planet that everyone SHOULD want to be or HAVE BEEN married in order to be considered “emotionally healthy”? Is someone who’s 48 and divorced twice better than me because I’m 48 and never been married and have no desire to? I know online the divorced twice person has more value because no site asks how many times anyone’s been divorced etc…..Just curious

    Men online can basically care less if this or any woman has been married or divorced at any age anyway.We’re much more superficial than that…..lol

  18. 18
    Diana

    Hey Senior Chick. Age is a strange dynamic, that’s for sure. I am 48 and have been hit on by guys 18 to 80. I look about 40; no drinking/smoking, careful about the sun, pretty, but as silly or stupid as this may be, whenever I see a guy’s posted age range that includes women young enough to be their daughter, I pass them by, even if they list my age as well.

  19. 19
    AJ

    All she has to do next year is put down her age as 44 Lol. I took Evans advice and reduced my age by 6 years. Went on another site deleted the ones on the other site and am getting lots of attention. Been on a few dates and although I have not met a serious match, I am getting way more action :D

  20. 20
    Jennifer

    @AJ #19 I’m curious, did you just reduce your age in the check boxes so you’d show up in searches and put your real age in the ‘free form’ part of your profile? Or do you not reveal your real age at all? If you don’t reveal the truth at all, you may want to consider changing that. Evan had some threads on this a while back, can’t find them right now though.

  21. 21
    downtowngal

    AJ#19, interesting point. So Evan actually advised you to lie about your age? Evan, is this true?

    I know it’s frustrating when people are passed up because of their age/height, etc. (and I’ve been on the receiving end of this) but how is lying about yourself a winning strategy?

  22. 22
    JerseyGirl

    I’m in my late 20s and am amazed at the amount of older creepy men out there. If a 40 year old guys hits on me and says his age range for women is 20-39, I pass him by. Men who can’t date women their own age are sending a big message about what they themselves think of their own age. And apparently if women their age aren’t dateable, then he knows at his age, he just might not be either.

  23. 24
    Joe

    What do you consider the “not creepy” age range for a guy who’s 28 to be dating? What about a guy who’s 38? And a guy who’s 48?

  24. 25
    Selena

    @Joe

    I consider “not creepy” to be 10 yrs. In either direction.

  25. 26
    Cam

    @Joe, there’s the half your age + 7 rule :) So at 28, 21 is the youngest, at 38, it’s supposedly 26… I don’t think that really holds for mid-40s and above though…

  26. 27
    The InBetweener

    @ downtowngal comment #10

    WOW!! That’s like saying to have a workshop teaching women to go for “shorter” guys. Not likely. I mean, a workshop like that can exist, but in the end, everybody wants what they want. Not that I’m superficial myself, but I notice a lot of 3s and 4s online, want 8s, 9s and 10s. Real talk.

  27. 28
    A-L

    RE: Joe’s #24

    So long as both people are allowed to legally drink alcohol, then I would say +/- 10 years. There have been time’s I’ve had a bigger range, but it did feel weird.

  28. 29
    Paul

    The guy who created EHarmony says 6-7 years either way is about right. I agree. As much as men want youth, it is kinda weird when you are with someone that is, lets say, 10-15 years younger or older…you have less to talk about and have different stage of life issues. What men really want is youthfulness, not necessarily youth. That’s good news to women who are trying to be appear youthful. Question is…what constitutes youthfulness? Staying in shape, have a good attitude, not being all caught up in your own issues, trying to learn about the other guy, vitality, that sort of thing is attractive…not just age.

  29. 30
    marie

    Okay, maybe I’m not the norm but honestly, the biggest thing that attracts me to people is integrity and confidence.  I don’t have a type of man, no particular look, height, colour, amount of hair etc.  But I like it when they have swagger, be the best you can be, own what you are.  I think we choose who we are and who we want to become, it’s a conscience effort and people create their own destiny every day that they wake up.  Personally, I choose happy and try to make at least one persons day better.  It’s an easy route so why not :)

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