The Single Best Place to Meet Quality Guys

The Single Best Place to Meet Quality Guys This morning, I took a peek at the questions coming into my blog. There I found eight questions all saying the same thing:

“Where is the best place to meet a quality, relationship-oriented man? I’m really open to everything you say, Evan, but I never meet any good men!”

I hear ya.

It’s certainly frustrating to want to prioritize your love life, but not have the opportunity to meet any new men on a day-to-day basis.

This lack of opportunity, above all, is the main reason that you’re not in love now.

It’s not because you’re terrible with men.

It’s not because you have nothing to offer.

The reason you’re single is simply that you haven’t met the right guy – and yet you have no idea where he’s coming along.

I’ve only got one word for you, my friend.

Match.com

Before you tune out or run away screaming, hear me out.

Because this isn’t just my opinion. This is fact.

As opinionated as I am, I’m always open to the possibility of being proven wrong.

I hope you are, too.

Did you hear that? That’s the sound of your preconceived notions being shattered.

Because studies show that facts don’t actually matter when you have a deeply held opinion.

That’s right.

If I told you that 2 + 2 = 4, but you believe that 2 + 2 = 5, no amount of evidence can make you change your mind. In fact, any evidence that I provide that contradicts you is only going to make you believe in your original premise more.

Fascinating, isn’t it?

Yes, you’re hardwired to be stubborn and, as such, you can easily fall victim to “the confirmation bias”, which seeks out information which only reaffirms what you already believe (biting my tongue on the obvious Fox News joke…)

So, if you have dated online and discovered the following:

• Men sometimes lie.
• Men often flake out.
• Men are poor at marketing themselves.
• Men are stupid, sexual and visual.
• The wrong men write to you. The right men don’t.

I wouldn’t be able to argue with any of this.

And if you concluded that, because of those observations, you weren’t inclined to try online dating again, you’d have plenty of evidence to support yourself.

But, in writing off online dating you’d be making a massive mistake. Here’s why:

In the past three years, 17% of all married couples met through online dating.

This is more than TWICE the number of couples who met through bars, clubs, and other social events.

Did you hear that?

That’s the sound of your preconceived notions being shattered.

Don’t fight it.

Now, to be fair, 38% of marriages came from work and school. And 27% came through a friend or family member.

So clearly that must mean that those are “better” ways of meeting…

Not so fast.

How many people have a job or go to school? About 100%

How many people have friends and family? About 100%

How many people are paying for online dating sites at a given time? Maybe 5%.

What this illustrates is that, proportionally, 5% of the population (online daters) accounts for 17% of the marriages in the past 3 years.

Which goes to show that the people who are dating online are finding love at a significantly higher rate than people who rely on workplace romance or set-ups.

“So what?!” you might say to yourself, still unconvinced. “I dated online and HATED it! That should mean something!”

Irking women is my job. Anything to get you outside your comfort zone, to get you to see the world through a different, more empowering lens.

Yes. Yes it does. It means you have a deep-seated bias against online dating, so that anything I say which contradicts you is just going to irk you more.

Irking women is my job. Anything to get you outside your comfort zone, to get you to see the world through a different, more empowering lens.

So let’s keep on going with your other misconceptions about online dating:

You dated online for 3 months and didn’t find love? Makes sense. You’ve been in love 3 times in 40 years – why would you think you should it in 90 days on JDate?

You’ve noticed that men tend to disappear in the middle of emailing? Consider: have YOU ever disappeared in the middle of emailing a man because you found other men you liked better? I thought so.

You think that men misrepresent their height or age? Yep. And so do women. Maybe even you. It’s not because you have no integrity or are a congenital liar. It’s because men and women both discriminate based on looks and age, and you merely want to be given an opportunity to meet.

You don’t want to pay so much for a service that yields no results? Go out for one night of drinks and appetizers with your girlfriends. You just spent more than an entire month on Match.com and you didn’t meet any guys either.

You think that 90% of men online are “wrong” for you. You’re right. But so are 90% of men in bars, on buses, or in Starbucks. If you have high standards, MOST men are not going to be to your liking.

So if 90% of all men aren’t even first-date worthy, where is the place where you have access to the greatest number of men?

You got it: Match.com.

Listen, I’m no Pollyanna. I’m not a corporate shill for the online dating industry. I don’t think your negative experience in online dating is silly.

I’m just a dating coach who specializes in helping women meet, connect with, and understand men.

But all the dating advice in the world is useless if you’re not actually dating regularly!

If you’ve resisted online dating because of your preconceived notions about how it is, I assure you, it’s because you’ve never tried it my way.

I usually don’t plug products here, but please, do yourself a favor and check out my audio series, Finding the One Online. It’s literally EVERYTHING I know about online dating, with a 180 page transcript, a 35 page workbook and 7 hours of coaching with the same exact information that my private clients get on the phone.

Most importantly, it will forever change the way you connect with men online.

I look forward to hearing your success stories.

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Comments:

  1. 31
    Soul Sister

    Still Looking # 20 – the guy’s pictures looked like a player because in almost every picture he had his shirt off (turns out he is just a beach nut and most pics were from the beach), he wears a large cross (Latino guy, but his cross is for real, he says grace before every meal!), and a few pictures had several girls in them….so I was judging the book by the cover, and he is the exact opposite of a player, although he is very masculine, which I like.  He had no idea his pictures were sending off a “player” vibe….he was trying to project “fun”. 

    Goldie #25 – everyone has their tastes in the opposite sex, but again, I am an intellectual, a business woman, and very successful…I still do not believe I was meeting a bunch of dullards on match.  Actually, a few super smart men ended up being the most boring dates of all.  It is not my intent to challenge you so I hope you take this feedback positively, but your posts are coming off a bit judgemental and snobbish in the brain department, which can be self limiting. I wouldn’t date a guy who says he “ain’t much of a reader”, those are the ones you just pass on.  If you check for spelling, content, and thoughtfulness, and look at his profession, chances are you are going to have a date with someone who is at least average, most likely above.  This is like saying you only date men with blonde hair and blue eyes….yes, you can find them, but your pool just got much smaller.  BTW, my beach loving Latino has a Masters from an Ivy League university and I never would have learned that if I didn’t go out with him several times.  And by then I didn’t care, because we are way too busy having fun (and some very stimulating intellectual discussion thrown in there for good measure). 

    Once I threw out my checklist of must haves, I got exactly what I didn’t know I even wanted…yay for me :-)

  2. 32
    Goldie

    @ Soul Sister – it depends a lot on the location. I remember from your old posts that you’re in the Southwest? (Phoenix? SoCal?) Well, I’m not. It is a huge huge difference. I cannot relocate at this point, because I have one kid in a good school system (been in same district since kindergarten, only 2.5 years to go) and another in college on in-state tuition. With the one in college, one of the merit scholarships he receives, is targeted specifically at state residents. So, at least for a few years, I’ve got to stay put.
     
    “I wouldn’t date a guy who says he “ain’t much of a reader”, those are the ones you just pass on.”
     
    Well this was pretty much everyone I found on Match… in my area. I have no doubt that the selection will be different in large metro areas on either coast.
     
    At some point I seriously wanted to make a list of all answers I’ve seen on Match under “last thing you’ve read”. It was a wide range of responses, from “um I’m not into that stuff lol” to “local paper”. Would’ve been a funny read, too bad I never got around to compiling it! BTW the guy I finally fell for on Match, said “a Stephen King book” and that just blew me off my feet, because, compared to others I’d seen on there, the man was so.well.read. LOL
     
    “your posts are coming off a bit judgemental and snobbish in the brain department”
     
    Yes, this is my limitation and I know it. I make up for it by compromising a great deal on looks, income, family situation, distance, personality type etc etc. and on education too, actually. I’ve dated highly intelligent men with no or incomplete college education. Like you, right now I’m exclusive with a guy that, at first, I didn’t even fathom going out with, because a lot of the external things didn’t match. But… he is incredibly smart, funny, and positive. Turns out, that’s all I need.
     
    Apologize if I came off as offensive. This is the one area where I cannot back down. I know because I’ve tried. Pretty sure everyone has their own area like that.
     
    I’ve read on here that up to three must haves is fine ;)
     
    “yes, you can find them, but your pool just got much smaller.”
     
    But what do I care if it’s still a good sized pool? Do I really need to go on dates with seven different men a week?
     
     
     

  3. 33
    Nicole

    @Soul Sister, if you’ve read Goldie’s other posts, I would hardly call her snobbish, and even in this thread, she just says that intellect is a must have for her, but she’s hardly alone in having one powerful dealbreaker while compromising in other areas.  

    It is just interesting to me how quick we are to tell other people that their standards are wrong while maintaining that our own ways of discriminating against people are just fine.  Everyone seems to do this and always has an explanation of why they can do it but you cannot.

    You are kind of comparing apples and oranges, b/c you saw a guy who looked like a “player” but still sounds like an educated professional.  But he wasn’t a player.  You aren’t dating against type when the assumptions you made about this man based on PICTURES ONLY were wrong.  What exactly does this guy lack that was on your list?  It sounds like you just ASSUMED that he lacked what you wanted.  Goldie is talking about men that she meets who are still lacking in real life.  

    If Goldie gets emails from people who cannot spell and have bad grammar in addition to having pictures that indicate that all of their hobbies involve jet skis, beer, and monster trucks, it is not a stretch for her to assume that they lack her one must have, intellect.  She’s not likely to find a Ivy educated man who cannot spell or write properly.  
    I think that what doesn’t work is for people to have a list of 100 things that are less important and more rare (he must be tall, he must be rich, he must have a 150 I.Q.)etc) than having a good character.  There is a HUGE gap between someone who could qualify for Mensa and what it sounds like she is describing, and I’d guess that she could split the difference for someone who is somewhat intellectual and well-read.  But a “Broseph” is not going to cut it…I don’t know where she lives but she sounds like she’s describing the older version of what I call “fratty boys.” 

    But even in the advice to “compromise” that doesn’t mean throwing out your playbook, just softening your rules and yes, dumping that ones that make no sense at all.  So I think that I’ve read that Goldie is a tall lady, and she for example happily dates men who are shorter, and she sounds like she HAS in fact tried dating down the intellectual “ladder” to no avail.  How is she stuck-up?

    Sorry for trying to speak for you Goldie but I didn’t think the assessment of you was fair, plus as I said, I hate how people condemn other people’s must haves when they unapologetically have their own.  
     

  4. 34
    Soul Sister

    @ Nicole, I am not comparing apples to oranges, I mentioned why I thought the guy was a player and it turned out he wasn’t in response to Still Looking, #20 because she asked why I thought that.  The comments about the current bf from match had nothing to do with my comments to Goldie.  I only mentioned him at the end of my comment to her because from his profile you would not have gotten “super smart, Ivy League educated”.  His profile did not indicate it either way.  I just took a chance, like I have dozens of other times with match, and this one worked out well for me.

    I am not judging or condeming Goldie, she can like what she likes.  I was more defending match as an option to find men.  If I said I am so good looking, and all the men on match just aren’t good looking enough, that would be as black and white as saying I am so intelligent and all the men on match aren’t intelligent enough for me.  And unless Goldie lives in the mountains somewhere in a tiny little town, I just cannot believe that all the men she is meeting on match are dumb.  If ALL she is getting is emails from people who can’t spell, then that is an exception to most people’s experiences.

    Goldie, you aren’t the least bit offensive to me.  I am not telling you to lower your standards on anything. But a woman who says I am a 10 in “X” and therefore only another 10 is good enough for me will be hurting only one person…herself. 

    For a lot of men and women, it is not a priority. Tons of people want a relationship where they can just come home to each other, have dinner together, watch some reruns on TV, not talk much because they’re unwinding from work, go to bed, maybe have some sex, rinse, repeat… There’s nothing wrong with that. It just won’t work for me

    The super intelligent do not have the corner on having great, exciting, productive, worthwhile lives and everyone else is just merely passing time and dulling their brains.  I am just challenging Goldie that to think you are smarter than everyone else is no different than thinking you are better looking than everyone else.  Again, I am not saying to go out with dummies, but rather to consider what EMK calls the 7 vs. the 10.  And if someone comes across as thinking they are better looking or smarter or have a better body than everyone else, it could be very self limiting (and others do pick up on it).

    Finally Nicole, I was not condeming Goldie about anything.  I was challenging her beliefs.  That should be a good thing.  Your post kind of inferred a lot from what I was trying to say that just wasn’t true.  Personally I think it kind of sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder to get that defensive.

    EMK, match CAN be a great place to meet people, it all depends on how you want to use the venue to your advantage. And it is a hell of a lot better than sitting at home complaining about how there are no good guys left in the world. 

  5. 35
    Trouble

    Met my fiance on match.com, so I can only say it worked well for me.  Interestingly enough, in my office alone, I know 8 people who met their significant others online and married them.  Especially in my southern town, there is typically a more educated class of people online than what you’re going to meet in the bar scene. 

  6. 36
    Heather

    I agree about the comments about Match having a lot of “players.”  I cancelled my subscription after dating a number of men who seemed to consider playing mind games with women, their favorite pastime, and having a situation where I was almost assaulted because I would not “put out” on the first date.  I figure I don’t need to pay that much money, to have my head messed with, thank you.

    I do POF, and mostly I have met some nice guys.  Had nice dates, even met one guy who was UP FRONT about not wanting a serious relationship.  WOW!!!  I was very impressed by his honesty, because I saw no honesty or honor on Match.com.

  7. 37
    Goldie

    @ Nicole, thank you for your comment, I was touched :)
     
    @ Soul Sister,
     
    “…I am just challenging Goldie that to think you are smarter than everyone else…”
     
    Where do you read this stuff? I didn’t post it. Where are you getting this from?
     
    “But a woman who says I am a 10 in ”X” and therefore only another 10 is good enough for me will be hurting only one person…herself. “
     
    Again, where did I say I’m a 10 in “X”? Give me a comment number and a quote. But more importantly, how exactly am I hurting myself? Right now I’m seeing a great guy and there are a few more, who are good friends, ready and willing to take his place if need be. What do you want me to do? Dump the man I’m seeing and go back on match to see if I can find someone like him? What for? What, does he not count because he didn’t come from the right site? Is it like buying a dog, when you must only get your puppy from a reputable breeder? I don’t get it.
     
    Only reason why I posted that comment is, I’ve talked to several more people (men and women) who also had problems on Match, and they think that, because it is such a large mainstream site, that the problem is with them, and give up on online dating altogether. I was just trying to be helpful! I was not asking for help at this time – I don’t need any, right now. When I do, I’ll say so.
     
    You also appear to be confusing the “super intelligent” with the, for lack of a better word, intellectually alive. These are not the same thing. Some of the most interesting people I’ve ever met are not in the top 2% of the population, and the opposite is also true, some of the most boring people I’ve met are highly intelligent, with good education and good careers. Sorry to repeat myself, but you didn’t seem to notice this when I wrote it in my several previous comments.
     
    ” I was challenging her beliefs. “
     
    I’m confused. If I tried something several times, and it repeatedly did not work, how is that a belief when I conclude that it does not work for me? Why would I keep trying? Isn’t that the famous definition of insanity, doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results?
     
    “And it is a hell of a lot better than sitting at home complaining about how there are no good guys left in the world. “
     
    What, did I post that one too? For crying out loud. Ever since I started dating, my teenage kids have been telling me that they hardly see me anymore (which I’ve been feeling pretty bad about), and now all of a sudden I’m sitting at home complaining? You know, I really liked your posts on the other thread about sex and dating, but this is all strawman stuff. I never said any of these things that you keep telling me I did. So I cannot really waste any of my time arguing about them. Sorry.

  8. 38
    Lysa

    I’m in complete agreement with Goldie and Nicole.

    Soul Sister appears to be one of those people who blindly tell women to lower their standards, even when those standards are perfectly reasonable.

    If Goldie wants someone she can engage with intellectually, who are we to tell her she’s stuck-up? Especially when she has already tried dating men with low intellect in the past?

    I constantly face criticism when I say that I am looking for a man who is honest, respectful, hardworking and with family values. People tell me I’m stuck up, demanding and will be single all my life because I’m looking for the perfect man!

    On the other hand, school friends who have been impregnated by deadbeats who skip out of them are labelled irresponsible, and slutty.

    One guy I went on a first date with admitted that he had lied on his profile about having a job, was just about to be kicked out of the apartment he shared with six other people, and was looking for a woman to support his professional studies. In exchange, he would help her with her dream to have children!

    We went to Starbucks but he didn’t offer me a drink, but instead drank from a bottle he kept in his gym bag. He also told me he was also seeing a business woman with an expense account, who paid for everything. I just nodded politely and tried to make a graceful exit.

    When he called a few days later for a second date, and I turned him down, he also called me stuck up, and said I was searching for the perfect man.

    I’m beginning to find it abusive when women are being criticised for having reasonable standards. Is this the new face of misogyny?

    1. 38.1
      Lau_ra

      Preach, sistah!
      So I just had this type of discussion at one party on the weekend. Single guys were almost hurt to hear that it matters to me if a guy is passioned about life and new experiences, if he is relationship-minded, if I find him attractive. They also said I’m gonna stay single forever, cause I’m looking for a perfect man, as if men, who are interested in something more than just a fling, that have life besides work and that I find quite handsome (not that they are models, but at least the thought of them kissing me doesn’t make me cringe) don’t exist. Whatever “standart” you wish for (which is not the right word in essence, as I am willing to overlook the list of those “wishes”, if a guy is interesting enough, except maybe intellectual compatibility) is eventually seen as “too high” by default, just cause you’re not 20 anymore and the fish-pool is much smaller. Those same guys looked somewhat confused though when I asked them to think if their “wishlist” is any different from mine. But guess what – they don’t think they should be called picky for wanting women that want a relationship, that they find attractive and that have life besides the dating.

  9. 39
    Goldie

    Wanted to add, it’s not even a matter of low or high intellect (though there’s probably a cutoff level somewhere). It’s more of a matter of not being interested in anything. I’ve seen the most intelligent men fall into that trap. Somewhere down the road they get this idea that mature people should just relax and take it easy, and that all this reading, trying new things etc. is for college kids. As one guy put it in an email to me, “that’s all date stuff”. There’s nothing wrong with it whatsoever, my ex for example loves this kind of life, and he is by all means highly intelligent – we met in college… one of the top schools in our home country… and he was getting excellent grades without even trying. It’s just that, for me, this lifestyle bores me to death. 
     
    Where I live (Midwest), on dating sites, tons of people list grilling and watching sports as their only interests. And I don’t mean some fringey morons who can’t spell, I mean white-collar professionals, executive types. I get it that they want to come home from work, turn their brain off and take it easy. It’s just not the kind of life I’m looking for.
     
    I brought up OKC because there, at least, people expect you to answer about a hundred questions and fill out a good-sized profile that is a more or less interesting read. A guy that’s looking for a woman to grill and watch sports with, isn’t going to put in that kind of effort. He’ll go on Match where he doesn’t have to do all that work. Again, nothing wrong with him. Heck, he is the normal one. I am the weird one. I’m looking for weird people like myself. Normal people aren’t going to have a good time with me anyway.
     
    Only reason why I mentioned Mensa in my earliest comment here, (probably shouldn’t have) is to point out that OKC comes highly recommended by a reputable source. On second thought, I probably should’ve piled it on higher and added that the friend who recommended it to me, is also a college professor… true story. I admit I typed that comment in a hurry, as I had to leave home ASAP, to meet up with the guy I’m seeing. I’ll pay more attention to how I word my comments next time, so they cannot be misread. Once again, no I do not have a minimal IQ requirement for guys, that would be ridiculous. I do expect them to have a mindset similar to mine, but doesn’t everybody?
     
     

  10. 40
    Ruby

    Yes, I agree with Goldie, Nicole, and Lysa. Goldie’s involved with someone, she’s not sitting around bemoaning her fate. When it comes to dating an intelligent, intellectually curious partner, that’s one of my must-haves, too. I’ve tried the other way, and it hasn’t worked for me, either. It would be much easier for me to date someone very intelligent, but with average looks, than the other way around, and I make no apologies for that. 

    I live in a large midwestern city, and I have met intelligent men in my area – or in other neighboring large cities – on Match, but it often seems that if I venture out into more remote places, the dating pool, for what I’m looking for, is not compatible. Why try to force something that isn’t right?

    For me, probably the worst dating site I tried was eharmony, and for exactly the reasons Goldie mentioned. The quiz they are so famous for seemed useless. I met only one person in 3 months. I will say that when people are trying to date seriously, they are actually pickier, and perhaps that was the case with eharmony. For me, though, the pickings were slim. I also had a lot of fun on OKCupid, but didn’t find many who were serious about a relationship there.

    I think the quality of all the sites is cyclical. Sometimes a lot of people seem to gravitate towards one site, and then another ones becomes more popular. So it’s worth giving everything a try, because it’s really all just a crapshoot anyway. You never know who’s going to be on any given site at any time.

  11. 41
    MilkyMae

    I saw an advertisement for match.com that claimed match produces 2 million dates a year.  It sounds good(if its true) but there are 20+ million unique visits to the website every month.  I think these numbers point out one of the drawbacks of online dating and that it is magnet for passive people.  Passive adults are not great prospects for those seeking a relationship.  IMO, if you want to have success online you need to force yourself into the subset of people who are online for a purpose and who can handle online dating.

  12. 42
    Nicole

    @Soul Sister…I’m not sure how defending Goldie against your characterization of her means that I have a chip on my shoulder.

    Unless the chip to which you refer is that I too list intellect, and actually I’d point to Goldie’s example of being interested and passionate about something to be a better description of what I prefer as well.

    There are people who aren’t necessarily interested in the same things as me, but I’ve found that I enjoy interacting with men who have some kind of passion that they like the share and educate me about.  It’s actually a plus if it’s something that I don’t know about, and I’ve learned to do things that I couldn’t do before b/c of those interactions.

    I also would guess that Goldie finds, as have I, that those people are better understand/appreciate why you are passionate about certain things, and will accompany you on those activities.

    People who aren’t interested in things for themselves probably can’t enjoy partaking in your hobbies either.

    Also, infer means to reach a conclusion based on what isn’t actually there (as in ASSUME).  I used specific examples from your comment in my response, so I didn’t INFER anything.   

  13. 43
    PGL

    I am following all of Evan’s advice. I have read WHD & FTOO. I used his online profile service and I’m on Match for 6 mos. So far this first month has been a trickle. Mostly from men not in my criteria which is mostly age based. (I will never be attracted to much older men.) The only responses I have gotten from the dozens of emails I have sent out included a guy telling me he was quitting Match because he was not ready to date in LA and the other never wrote back after the 1st email.
     
    So after reading all the positive comments here, I signed up for OkCupid. And it’s been an experience very different from what everyone else has said. The first email was from a guy 10 years younger who wanted a friends with benefits. One guy told me he wanted to pull my hair. And tonight I got one from a married guy looking to have an affair. Wow…I have never received messages like this from any of my previous times on Match. It has been entertaining.
     
    And no has responded to any of my emails there either. I might not be doing Evan’s email advice correctly. Guess it’s time to review everything again.

  14. 44
    Ladybug

    Thank God  I’m a country girl! 

    I won’t run out of places to meet men and I don’t have to go to bars!   The hay barns, sale barns, at the best fishing holes, the gun shop, sporting goods, lumber yard, feed store, Coast Guard station, marina, or I can build a huge fire on the beach for the surfers or join others at their fires.  I joined the fire department, I do volunteer work with the veterans organizations, I talk to total strangers wherever I go.

    I was talked into joining online dating sites, I have an awesome profile. 
    ICK!    

    I’m sticking to the nice men I meet in person.   They respect my rules.  We’re all old fashioned and we move slowly.  Since we’re a small isolated community, friendships matter, integrity matters, reputations matter.

  15. 45
    Dawn

    I’m a mature woman, and I’ve been on Match for a few months, and had just let my subscription lapse when I literally stumbled across this article.  So to your credit, Evan, you have me thinking about giving it another try.

    On the other hand, you asked how many people have a job or are going to school, and put it at 100%.  I think you might be amazed at the number of older gentlemen on these sites who are a) looking for women 10-20 years younger than they are (and that seems also to be the experience of several other ladies who have commented here), and/or b) looking for women to fund their “retirement”/
    unemployment.

    Very discouraging to be a career woman with a couple of grown children and her own assets, and trying just to find someone with whom to share time!

  16. 46
    AileenC

    I was very skeptical of online dating. But then again, in my mid 30s and recently divorced I really don’t have anything to lose but to keep my mind open. I’ve filtered through some weird and fun emails from different kinds of men. Dating is like driving. You have to practice vigilance. I’ve met my boyfriend on Match.com after being on Match for 3 months. I work so much and to this day it still fascinates me how we ended up finding each other ( well he pursued me online, he never came up on my daily matches). Online dating has the potential to work, you just can’t expect too much. Getting a date just gets you at the door. You still have other things that must check out such as personality, humor and compatibility. 

  17. 47
    Lulu

    Seriously?! you are advising women to join match.com!!!!! This site is full of men who can not read at all. The daily matches they send have no reference to what you are actually looking for. I do not lie and have not exaggerate about anything on my profile i do not need to, take me as i am or not at all and yet i get contacted by men way out of my age range, with kids and who smoke, things which i clearly state im not looking for. I do not want to date a grandad thanks. The quality of men on this site is very poor and is about the same as you get on free sites, so why encourage anyone to pay for match.com. People go on line and read the reviews for yourselves 80% of them are less than impressed with this site. Save yourself the stress of clearing out your inbox everyday of usless emails and find a better site. THIS SITE DOSE NOT CONTAIN SINGLE QUALITY GUYS!

  18. 48
    Evan Marc Katz

    @Lulu: “This site is full of men who can not read at all.” “THIS SITE DOSE NOT CONTAIN SINGLE QUALITY GUYS!”

    You are aware of the irony, aren’t you?

  19. 49
    Sophia

    Well Evan being a grammar Nazi does NOT entitle you to put Lulu down or assume she is wrong. And every single woman here that says match.com is no better than POF is absolutely correct. In fact, POF is probably less boring. Match.com has a much slower profile response and the quality is in no way  better. I actually found it to be much worse. And none of them are worth paying for.  I am actually lucky. I am well educated and have a great job. I am also cultured and well travelled. And have more than above average looks with excellent photos. So I do get some very quality (on paper) men responding to my profile. However, it does not change the facts. And how could you really know unless you did a case study or were a woman yourself having this actual experience?

  20. 50
    Henriette

    @ Sophia – I don’t think Evan was putting down Lulu.  Rather, he was pointing out that she is criticising men on Match.com for not reading when she showed that she, herself, had not re-read her own comment before posting. 
     
    Evan has always made a point of suggesting that we not be harsh in our criticism of men we meet online, especially when we are attacking them for traits that we might in fact ourselves possess.  I believe he is merely underscoring that point in his comment to Lulu.  It is not an assumption that she is wrong but rather a playful reminder that she, too, might not come across as well as she thinks, online, and so to perhaps cut guys a bit of slack.

  21. 51
    Lorena

    Sorry but is very difficult when you don’t make much money to afford to pay for a night out every weekend or so, much less to pay every month for an online dating site. Reality check!

  22. 52
    Azure

    It’s worrying. Something seems to be definitely wrong with the dating scene for women after 50. Really. I may identify partially with the immigrant lady with the strong accent and member of Mensa. Excuse me, but reading you all, makes me feel better. At least I know now for sure that it’s nothing wrong with me in particular; either we are all committing the same mistakes, or (back to my initial statement) something’s definitely wrong with men. They all seem to want just about the same: get laid without complications or commitment, or plastic dolls. I can add some variety: they want a legal status, they think all women at this age are cougars, they want to live out of our money and work like pimps…you have to be very shrewd to identify some of their deepest intentions. Beware of hackers. They have no heart at all!

    1. 52.1
      Vinny

      “They all seem to want just about the same: get laid without complications or commitment…”
      I prefer to call it “making love” and if both parties are getting incredible pleasures (maybe this is the problem) then shouldn’t it be at the top of everyone’s list of must haves? 
      Also, men as you correctly assessed, do not like complications, we’re simple beings because we’re hard-wired that way.
      Appreciate how men are and use it to your advantage!
       

  23. 53
    Wendy

    This is my 2nd bout on Match and I’m really disappointed. I’m 54 and fairly attractive. My membership ends next month, and I can’t wait. I had a Nigerian scammer (I figured that one out quickly), some pip squeak early 40′s guys, LOTS of winks and likes on my pictures and not to be mean but, a lot of guys over 62 (my max is 60), and guys within a couple of years older than me who look like they could be my father or a heart attack waiting to happen. I have a good life, my own home, a decent job and lots of friends. Perhaps I’m not meant to date.

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