What Percent of People Respond to Your Initial Emails on Match.com?

As you may know, before I became a dating coach, I was a prolific online dater.

I tried every site around, starting in the late 90′s. Matchmaker.com. Nerve.com. JDate.com. Match.com. eHarmony.com. Chemistry.com. And probably a few others that are escaping my memory right now. These days, PlentyOfFish.com and OkCupid.com are the two free online dating players worthy of your consideration.

But from both my personal experience and my coaching experience, I’ve learned that most people tend to fail in online dating and then blame the website.

This is like blaming the gym because you didn’t lose weight.

Site are just big boxes of single people who are trying to meet each other. Nobody shows them how to come up with clever usernames. Nobody teaches them what photos to post. Nobody illustrates how to create a unique, compelling online dating profile. Nobody teaches effective email techniques based on actual research.

This is the way normal people talk when they go to parties. They don’t tap you on the shoulder and say, “You look cute. I think we have a lot in common. Let’s go out.”

The closest anybody gets is OkCupid – and all they do is give you test results – approximately 27% of people respond to first emails, overall – they don’t show you HOW to write great first emails.

So if you’ve been frustrated with your results in online dating (and one look at the comments below indicates that you ARE), there are a number of things you can do differently to get different results. One of the most powerful ones has to do with writing first emails. Consider what most people say:

Subject: Hi

Text: Hey Pat102. I read your profile and you seem really cool. I liked your photos. You have a great smile and I think we have a lot in common, too. I noticed that you have a dog. I also have a dog. What kind do you have? Where do you like to walk your dog? Maybe we can get together sometime. So, check out my profile and if you like what I have to say, I really hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely, Chris.

If you’ve ever received an email like this, you know it sucks. But then why do you also WRITE emails like this as well? My theory is because it’s easiest – it’s what comes naturally to you. So you don’t put much thought into it, and, not surprisingly, it doesn’t get very good results. Why would it? There’s nothing funny, interesting, compelling, or different about such an email. Plus, it compliments the recipient too much – as if Chris is just praying that he/she is good enough for Pat102. No wonder Pat doesn’t respond to this display of weakness.

First emails are best when you offer your opinion of something specific in the person’s profile – but instead of doing what you normally do: “I agree. I like popcorn, too!”, you actually say something disagreeable, controversial, silly, or playful. Make an observation. Be sarcastic. Come up with a joke. Anything other than, “I like you. I like what you said. Please, please, please consider going out with me.”

For example, if someone says in his profile that he likes Costa Rica, you think about all the things you know about Costa Rica and search your brain for a humorous angle. Something other than, “I’ve heard it’s beautiful there! Tell me more!” Personally, I don’t know ANYTHING about Costa Rica, but I do know that all of my left-wing, liberal, neo-hippie friends go on yoga retreats there. Literally, the only reason I’ve even heard of Costa Rica is because of yoga.

So I use this in my email:

Subject: Yoga-Retreat Island

Hey, Pat. I have to be honest with you. I don’t know anything about Costa Rica; I think it’s in the Caribbean or Central America or something like that. All I know is that all of my left-wing yoga friends go on week-long retreats there every year. Which makes me wonder: what does it look like when you fly in at the airport? As the plane is descending, do you see 25,000 people doing down dog at the same exact time? Are there 25,000 more people who are ziplining from tree to tree? Inquiring minds want to know.

Talk soon, Chris.

You didn’t talk about yourself. You didn’t talk about the person you were writing to. You didn’t compliment the other person. You didn’t brag about yourself or sell yourself or ask anyone on any dates. You just made a silly observation about Costa Rica.

This is the way normal people talk when they go to parties. They don’t tap you on the shoulder and say, “You look cute. I think we have a lot in common. Let’s go out.”

It all starts with a little bit of witty banter.This technique is known as the Opinion Opener technique and it’s worked like a charm for thousands of women and men who’ve bought my Finding the One Online audio series.

If you’re sick of online dating – all the wrong people writing to you and the right people not writing back, here are four simple things I will teach you to do:

* You can come up with a new username/headline.
* You can post different online dating photos
* You can write a better online dating profile.
* You can improve your email technique.

All of this is explained in fascinating detail in Finding the One Online – with 7 hours of audio, a 180 page transcript and a 35 page workbook.

Click here to see for yourself how to make more people respond to your initial emails on Match.com.

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Comments:

  1. 61
    Raul

    I had used match.com and out of all winks and email I have sent I would say I got a 1% rate response. And I keep very active on it. So I am setting to think that I might be very freaking ugly lol.
    But that’s fine because I know what I am worth
    :0)
    I believe is way easier for girls to get responses back when they are the ones contacting the other person.

  2. 62
    Venus

    With so many men and women on these dating sites one would expect a much better success rate.  Could it be that everyone is simply chasing the unattainable?  I see guys all the time complaining about the fake profiles of scammers (very beautiful women who look like supermodels posing in front of event backgrounds – lol-)

    Is there an unreasonable standard of beauty or success being established by fakers  (and a few legitimate stunners) so that the other real people on the dating site are deemed to fall short?   I dont send out a lot of mail but my return rate is 70% – 80%.   Last week I wrote to a guy who had a well written and witty profile though I really did not find him  attractive.  He did not write back – lol – And there I was thinking that I had lowered the bar by writing to him.   

    Online dating has been quite a learning experience.  Personally I believe that there are too many unrealistic expectations, so instead of success there is bitter disappointment.

  3. 63
    Jeff

    Ive been on match.com for about a week now. But as luck would have it, no luck. I have sent out over 30 emails with no response. Most of the women that I have emailed have read them but nothing. Im not one to think that im the best looking guy, but i do look good, well built and have a great personality. Every single email I sent was short but carefully written. What in the world do these women on here want?? Im 33 and divorced. If you look at most of the womens profiles on match.com that are in my age group they even state that they dont want to meet someone who has ever been married or has children! What century are they living in! This 2011 for christs sake! I didnt display my income but what the hell! Maybe I should then I might get a response. Luckily I only signed up for one month. If I still dont recieve any responses right when my term is up then forget it. Ill take my chances the old fashioned way. At least I will get a response of either”no interested” or “sure ide love to go out with you sometime”.

  4. 64
    Billy

    I’ve been in a few relationships off match and seem to be getting better at getting responses. I do live in the NYC area and the higher pool of people can have something to do with it. I am on here now and get a few winks a week and the occasional email. My response rate from sending emails (I never wink) is about 30-40%. 5 years ago it was very low and I attribute improving my profile to my success. I do read profiles and send something that highlights it only if I seem to fit what shes looking for. I have had issues getting a second response in some cases. I’m sure it’s just something better in her eyes has come along. There’s a lot of competition out there, but I still land dates (haven’t found anything lasting yet this go around). I think match works better if you’re in larger cities.

  5. 65
    Rene

    Wow, I had no idea match was that rough for guys!  I’m a girl in my 30s who looks much younger (I still get carded) and I will say I do generally wink at guys vs write – but I fully read profiles (have learned from past relationships, I don’t care what you look like, there are certain dealbreakers for me, aka if a guy goes clubbing every night he’s not for me)…. anyway, I do have to say re: height, etc, etc – what kind of girls are you writing?  Only the super-hot model types?  (I’m “cute” vs “hot”) – I have many, many guy friends and am amazed at the guy talk I sometimes hear at a bar, one friend got pissed that the waitress was too superficial to consider him.  She was 22 and gorgeous, he was 40something and not in shape/didn’t take care of himself.  But, I’m either attracted or not to a certain extent – we all have types, and if for whatever reason (you might look like my bratty cousin) I can’t imagine smooching a guy, I don’t think its worth wasting time exploring it.  If you’re honest, you would feel the same way about a girl you weren’t attracted to, right?
    I do respond to emails – with a yes or a no – if they’re personal and the guy seems nice, BUT, not if he ignored what I’m looking for.  AKA – if he’s 10 years older than what I listed and far away, he can’t expect me to respond.  As far as wanting someone never married without kids – I don’t think that’s unreasonable, its just preference.  I’m in my 30s, never married, no kids, and I DO understand wanting someone who is in a similar place – I was in a relationship with a guy with kids once, but still think there would be something nice about experiencing all of that for the first time with someone – of course, in a big city, its easier to find that demographic because so many people (like myself) were more career minded in their 20s.  Anyhow, interesting discussion, and hang in there guys – there ARE nice girls on the sites…
     

  6. 66
    Sara

    From the girls perspective:
    I’m 37 and I’m divorced and I’ve been on match.com for a week and I have over 250 emails in my inbox. Many of them are well written and funny but there is no way that I can respond to all of them. At first I tried even if I didn’t find the guy attractive at all. Part of the problem is that people send you emails when they are far outside of your search criteria. I’m not interested in dating someone 15 years older no matter how good looking or how rich. I probably respond to maybe 20% and even that is completely overwhelming. As for winks, I don’t even have time to look at those. I do feel bad that I can’t respond to everyone but I’m ready to get off match just because the time committment is insane…
    For the men and the women out there – if you email people who are looking for you – the odds will improve. Over half of the emails I have received are from guys who are older than what I am looking for – sure age is just a number but I really want someone my own age and when there are 50 emails from guys within a year or two of my age and who live within 10 miles of me… well…. who do you think I am emailing back?

  7. 67
    Kurt

    Jeff, if you are 33 and divorced, women probably do yiew you as a potential risk.  I am 35 myself and am leery of getting involved with a divorced woman because I know that statistically speaking, someone who has been divorced once is more likely to get divorced a second time than in someone who gets married for the first time.

  8. 68
    James

    Things are a little different for me. I’m 32. I live in the sticks, I don’t want kids, and I’m above average in looks with an athletic build. I’ve had (2) 1 year relationships close but not quite back-to-back…both I met on match. 

    I don’t spend alot of time on writing well thought out emails. I keep them light and playful. I’ve also found that less is more…this leaves more the the imagination, which adds to the mystery and intrigue of meeting someone you don’t know heightening the excitement on the first date. It “almost” makes meeting someone on match seem natural haha. In the emails I do write through my response is 21%. The past month 43 emails, 9 responses, I didn’t ask any of them out…4 asked me out after extensive pre-date dialogue….talk about role reversal.

  9. 69
    Vallient

    For gods sake its a dating site to meet and chat,, not a competition to see who can be the next Shakespeare
    I think to sit there and compose a well written and detailed mail is pretty time consuming and i think even creepy. You see a girl online you need to bag her attention and fast before she logs or meets mr right!!! I think most people who cliam to write massive mails just cut paste then ammend as seen fit… Id perfere not to do that but give a
    cheeky hello, your profile is great and you seem to be really nice. I would  like to converse sometime!! Hope your well!! Send a wink!!
    Why cant it be as simple as the above “decoded its basicly”, im hot,  your hot,, lets talk… And If your still talking over the next couple of days after the initial hi then jobs a gooden… None of this,, oh if he hasnt got time to send me a mail then i wont reply to his wink… WTF!!!! If your playing games already then you desever to stay single… I dont do winks,, like your better than somebody who,  1)knows what they want and 2)Isnt afraid to let a potential partner know this, by saying your hot!! I think too many girls play too many games…
    You know,, i dont want to spend anymore time than i have too when meeting girls,, its 2011 and i could meet 20 girls and get several numbers on a night out!! If anything people just need to be more honest,, no im not interested but thanks…

  10. 70
    Trevor

    I don’t see the womens’ stories and the mens’ stories being congruent in this thread lol. Almost every woman on here has claimed to respond to every email even if it is for rejection. And almost every man has claimed 0% response for rejections. Frankly, I don’t believe what the women have said in this thread. None of us believe you when you say looks don’t matter either. There, I said it. 

    I can’t disagree with Karl R more. These women are PAYING to meet people…JUST to meet people. And you’re comparing that to unwanted sales telephone calls? How is that at all the same? They come to the site to get emails from like-minded fellas, and then the emails they get are so loathsome(the ones they’re paying a fee just to get) that they are completely justified in utterly ignoring it. Oh I just feel so sorry for those poor ladies. Oh, how they must be suffering. How we annoy them with all those thoughtful and personal emails–it must just be awful for them. 

    Women rule the world and no one even sees it. We get to beg for their scraps IF were handsome enough and make enough money. “If you don’t play the game, then, on a dating site, where we are all coming together to meet people of common interests, the man has to compose an email so perfect to deserve her attention, that its as if God has given him the power of poetry and foresight into her thoughts.   

    “You won’t succeed unless you accept and play by the rules”. Guess who makes the rules Karl?

  11. 71
    Sheyna

    I have never had a great deal of success with match.com. I’m extremely liberal, kind of unconventional and live in an extremely conservative area. I would say my response rate is less than 2 percent on match. It was the same when I was 26, 33 and now at 35.
    The kind of guys I have gone out with in the past are similar to me, liberal, quirky, cool and maybe a little nerdy. I’m not necessarily looking for the same kind of guy I’ve always dated but a guy would have to like those qualities in me.
    So, my success ratio is low for responding to people and people responding to me. I just don’t like many people I come across on that site and really no one seems to like me and I’m ok with that.
    But hope springs eternal.
    I did meet my last bf on match though so there you go, even if 1000 out of 1000 people don’t respond or don’t interest you, you only need to find 1 compatible person.
    I love OK Cupid though, nearly 100 percent of guys I write to write back to me and I respond to about 15 or 20 percent who write to me.

    1. 71.1
      John

      “15-20%” Why so low? :\ 

  12. 72
    kate

    My brother is on Match.com and he used to get 0 responses…yes 0!  He allowed me to look over his profile and emails to women.  I insisted he take professional pics, but with natural poses, doing things.  Then, I added pics of action shots, even though they were far away shots of my brother jetskiing, rock climbing.  Then…and here is the key…I emailed the women.  I was flirty, sweet, yet a little cocky.  My brother is getting many responses and dates.  It’s all about the picture, then you have to send emails that make you seem confident.  Replies have to be a little flirty and sarcastic.  for example; If she asks what your favorite restaurant is, you should say ” I don’t devulge my secret gems online “…something like that…cocky and sarcastic.  But, don’t over do the sarcasm..just once per email is enough.  Thats my 2 cents.

  13. 73
    Emily

    I’d say less than 5%. I don’t know where all these guys are that are waiting for girls to message them back. I also don’t see the point of taking a long time to write them a thoughtful message when there is a 95% chance they will not respond. I usually write something brief and include something about their profile. Every once in awhile I get a message that says something like- you are beautiful. Wow, thanks, what good is that?

  14. 74
    TJ

     
    I’m a fit male in my mid 50s, and I’ve been on Match for a week. The response rate (80%) to my emails is so high I have a hard time keeping names and faces straight. Winks get a 30% return. I have women initiating contact, both winks and emails, and I respond to both.
    <p>My secrets?
    <p>1) I know how to craft an interesting email.
    <p>2)It is a waste of time to contact an exceptionally beautiful woman. Most of these women don’t even bother to check out my profile and the ones who do, don’t respond. At first I thought their non-response was some failing on my part, but then I poked around and discovered they receive 1,000 emails a week. Competing with 999 males for a return email is just nuts.
    <p>3)I hint at affluence in my profile. Stress on hint. Most of the women who contact me have careers, are educated and nice looking, and absolutely do not want a man who is not self-sustainable. They aren’t looking for a wallet, but they do want someone who can keep up with their lifestyle.
    <p>This is my first experience with online dating. It’s a sterile sorting process and very productive if a guy wants to put in the effort. I bought a month but won’t renew my membership. I know an addictive site when I see one, and I’m too busy to spend hours every day in cyber world.

  15. 75
    Jen

    I agree less than 5% of men respond to my emails.  I had my profile professionally written by match.com and I still don’t receive responses to my emails.

    I’m starting to think that I don’t sound good on paper.

    Very frustrating experience!

  16. 76
    Goldie

    You guys are gonna hate me. Between Match and OKCupid I only sent out a handful of emails, but pretty sure I got a 100% response, or close to that. (I have to add though, none of these people worked out in the end.) The trick is to be genuinely curious about something in his profile, have a burning question about it, and ask the question. (e.g. “Where does your band play? My girlfriends and I would love to come hear it next time we get together for a night out”). Now that I think of it, guess it has to be a practical question… now’s the time to pretend that he is your guy friend and you’re having an idle, no-pressure chat.
     
    A couple times I favorited a guy, and he responded by writing back… saving me the work of putting an email together :)
     
    I do not respond to most of the emails I get though… I tried to respond to all at first, but after a while, they all start to look the same and it’s just too much work if you know you don’t want to meet the guy anyway. Someone on OKCupid just wrote to me a few hrs ago calling me “Miss Selective Responder”… haha

  17. 77
    Alessandro

    I’m glad I found this website. I’m a 27 years old Italian men living in USA (I relocated from Italy 3 years ago). I’ve been on Match for about 4 months. Initially I only sent messages to girls I had things in common with and got a response of about 1% (1 response out of 100 sent). Later, after losing hope completely, I messaged all kinds of people, even girls I would totally reject in real life and surprisingly I still got the same response rate. 

    I am a young good looking (I’m not a model but have the typical italian face with black hair and blue eyes), well educated, smart Italian men (I even have an accent and from what I know girls like that). 

    Conclusion? My self-esteem clearly is being affected by this but I suppose, as someone mentioned already, these girls are getting hundreds of emails each week/month so they don’t even consider people who might be interesting. I like the concept of Eharmony.com..you only get about 10 matches every day etc because like this you don’t have people sending tons of messages to girls. The only problem is that from what I’ve seen on Eharmony, girls are less attractive and want a serious commitment to leads to marriage. Not that I’m against that but I’d rather take things slowly.

    Let’s all don’t give too much importance to these dating sites and hopefully we’ll find someone in real life.

    * I agree, a polite “No Thanks, not interested.” should be sent EVERY TIME. These girls that simply ignore you are totally rude. 

     

  18. 78
    LR

    Maybe 5% (this is generous) of men in the tri-state area on Match.com are really looking for a relationship. Keeping that percentage in mind, approximately 1 out of 15 men will respond to an email initiated by a woman. A male friend said that women should use the “wink” feature and my response was “really???”. 

    1. 78.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      I generally don’t do this, LR, but you’re flat-out wrong. A recent Match poll said, “Men are just as inclined to want to get married as women. In fact, 33% of men and 33% of women said they want to get married.” This isn’t even counting the number of divorced men who may be looking for a relationship without imminent marriage.

      Furthermore, according to OkCupid, men respond to anywhere from 25% to 50% of women’s first emails.

      Which just makes two things very clear, LR:

      1) Your experience is certainly not universal.
      2) If your experience really suggests that 5% of men are relationship oriented and 8% of men write back to your first emails, maybe you should try a new way of approaching online dating.

      Because lots of other people are having considerably better success than you on Match. Why do you think that is?

  19. 79
    Jadafisk

    Because first messages sent by women – especially within age ranges where women are either surfeited with male-initiated messages or more traditional – are so novel, it’s actually easier to rustle up a decent response rate than a man. All 15 men want SOMETHING from online dating, and not responding to mail would preclude all of it.

  20. 80
    Yo

    Here’s my problem

    I understand women receive tons of emails each day, but if they don’t intend to at least mark “Thanks but no thanks”, then why are they taking the time to read the emails?

    Clearly, all of the emails I have sent are read, yet I have never received a “Thanks but no thanks”, and I wish I did. I would like to use the site as a general critique of my profile and why women did not want to date, etc.

    With that said, I’m with most people here and have ~10% rate, with a few girls emailing me in this first month– and I only attribute that to the fact that I’ve traveled all over the world, and a particular type of girl finds that intriguing.  

  21. 81
    Marcus A

    my two cents…I first joined Match back in 2006…I remember having a great hit rate…I had a few women initiate contact to me…though most of the winks I received were worthless..I remember joined in April of that year..my pics were good looking…as my success rate initiating contact with women..it was 40-50%…I remember putting some thought into my e-mails..and I did have good pics I suppose…I just remember getting a lot of attention…I met maybe 16-18 women and I know total I e-mailed no more than 40 or so different women…most of them were attractive..as far as success in dating them..at least half of them there was some intimate contact (at a minimum, kissing)….ended up having sex with quite a few of them..would have been more, but I just didn’t have the time to keep up with all of them..also, to what someone said earlier about Yahoo..I remember having almost like a 70% (if not higher success rate there)…as far as actually meeting women after e-mailing or chatting…

    now my 2nd experience on Match was in 2007…I can’t remember how many e-mails I sent..but at that time I remember meeting 4 women (there was a 5th one I was going to meet..but I didn’t keep up with her..she was attractive, but I had to travel a lot for work at that time)…I may have e-mailed at most 15 women?…not sure maybe it was a little lower…of the four dates…one woman was crazy about me, we had sex on the first date..the other one, we had two dates..but nothing ever happened..the third one, she was not that good looking, the 4th one..just nothing there…

    my 3rd Match experience..late 2009…

    anyway, I met 6 women (was chatting with a total of 8..the other two, I really wanted to meet, and they were open to it,,but I just didn’t have the time)..so I remember the first three I met. I arranged three dates on a Sat..one for breakfast..one for an early dinner and one for drinks at night..the first one, we hit it off..we had been texting for a couple weeks prior and ended up having sex..the 2nd woman I met that day..she was just a bit heavy..not too bad or anything, I let her give me a bj and the third women..very pretty..very..we seemed to have a good time..and at the end of the date..she initiated a very intimate kiss with me..we planned for a 2nd date..but a week before our 2nd date, she cancelled saying she felt we didn’t have good enough chemistry..the other three women..nothing really came of it..one was due to our schedules, the other was just not pretty and the other one, just nothing there…but my overall repsonse rate, again, at least 40%

    now, for the bummer, on Match again…2011..wow..very pitiful response rate..have I lost my power? lol..started off well, but i have e-mailed, I will say 30 women? I have received liked 3-4 e-mails back…don’t know what I am doing wrong this time..lol 

  22. 82
    Goldie

    @ Marcus: “don’t know what I am doing wrong this time..lol”
     
    Word got out about you? lol
     
    I mean, seriously? three dates in one day, two of them resulting in sex??? You let her give you a BJ? Damn, you’re kind… What was the end goal of this, um, Saturday activity? Please tell me you made this whole story up… help me save what’s left of my faith in humanity.

  23. 83
    Still Looking

    @ Marcus — Well you are 5 years older now than when you started….has your age preference crept up 5 years too?  If not, that might be the problem.

    My experience w/ internet dating has been much like TJ’s @77.  There are many things that will have an effect on your success.  Some we can control, some we can’t.  I don’t think I’m particularly handsome but from talking with the women I date it appears that 50 year old men, who are slim, very well educated, and employed are in very short supply.

    My advice:
    1.  Don’t waste time on the “hotties”, it’s like buying a lottery ticket.  Take an honest assessment of your qualities.  If you are 50 pounds overweight, have a high school education, and make $20,000/yr – chances are that you will not be attractive to a neurosurgeon who runs 2 marathons a month and is ten years younger than you.
    2.  Pictures, pictures, pictures – The more pictures you have of yourself, the longer someone will be looking at your “advertisement”.  I don’t know who has suggested that women include pictures of sunsets, puppies, and group photos – what guys really want to see is YOU.  Don’t forget the “body shot” pictures – if a guy sees nothing but head shots he will wonder what is below and might decide that you are hiding something.
    3.  Profile – If you are truly “hot” you can write absolutely nothing and still get hundreds of emails.  For the rest of us, well, you better spend some time working on that profile.  Read Evan’s e-book or pay a couple of bucks to have his staff write your profile.  If you write your own profile, please, please, please make it interesting – put something in there that will stoke the imagination of the reader — pique his/her interest.  Saying you like to watch movies is boring.  Saying you like to cuddle on the couch, sipping wine, and watching movies while practicing the lessons you learned from watching a “how to give a great full-body massage” video will certainly draw a bit more attention.

     

  24. 84
    Mee

    Me: ivy league grad, military, bilingual. I’m no brad Pitt but certainly no ugly midget (5′ 11″, 180 lbs, low body fat). I have 10 pictures up, I have my shirt on for all of them, one of them is of me doing something enjoy, another with friends to show I have a life and the requisite social skills for at least some people to like me. One was in uniform too because the ladies “love a man in uniform” which I’m starting to think is not the case. My profile is well written and free of errors.
    My stats: with a sample size of 200 emails over 10 months, 45% didn’t open the email OR look at my profile. Of the 55% that actually opened the email, 90% looked at my profile, leaving 99 of 200 women who gave me some consideration…of these 99 women only 5 ever responded. So that’s about a 2.5% response rate per for all emails sent and none of those responses led anywhere. It looks a lot like the odds in Vegas; they favor the house. So I guess that means I’m either a lot uglier than I thought or maybe girls are turned off by the military. I’m not going to be cynical and say that women suck or something because that’s just false. Women are great, they just don’t seem to like me right now haha. I’m sure there’s something I can tweak in my profile or I’ll just have to wait till I’m out of the military and back in grad school. If anyone has insight into the problem that would be helpful

  25. 85
    Agravain

    Hi

    I’m a 39 year old guy in the UK.
    I’ve been with Match.com for 2 weeks now and I’m already fairly disillusioned. I’ve sent about 30 e-mails, some quite long for the girls I really like, but most short and to the point.

    In total I’ve had 4 winks (3 from women I’m not interested in and 1 from someone I’m thinking of writing to), I’ve also had 2 e-mail replies, 1 test completed, and 1 e-mail initiated by one of the girls.
    My profile has been checked 110 times.
    I responded with a thanks but not thanks to the girl who wrote to me. Of the other two, 1 wrote having clearly read my profile, it was a long entertaining mail and I quickly wrote back only to discover I had been blacklisted! No idea why, I have no secrets, maybe she just changed her mind.
    The other mail was the real nut cruncher. I really liked the look of this girl, great profile, great pics, just my type. Genuinely thrilled when she wrote back to me asking about meeting up, I replied that I’d like to and would she like to name a time and place, she responded that she was free next Friday from 6pm, I replied that I was too. No response. I wrote again to confirm as that date approached…….and……blacklisted!

    So I’m stumped. No idea what’s going on.

    Good luck out there, dating’s far tougher than I remember it.
     

  26. 86
    Sean beantown

    I’m 38 and have been on match a few times. I remember having a better response rate when I was 35 and under, but not much better.

    I have kept detailed stats on my go round this time.

    After looking at a large sample size of profiles -3000 profiles – I found 6% or 184 attractive women who I emailed, of which 6% or 13 responded to my initial email, of which a little less than half – 6 – turned into a first date, of which 4 turned into second dates. Had sex with 2. And 1 made it to a 4th date.

    Match has lots of dead profiles-35%- sort by activity date. If they haven’t been on the site in a week it’s a dead profile and not worth the time to email. I think most guys probably have between 1-10% response rate depending on their looks and profile.

    I get emails and winks from women but rarely find them attractive enough to respond.

    I have a creative profile, but my emails are weak.

  27. 87
    Andre

    I wrote to about 60 women and have not received a single response. I’m 32, 5’9” lean athletic (my pictures show that. and all of the pics are respectable) I have a grad degree, full head of hair. The catch is that I am of Indian decent. I don’t take this rejection personally as I understand I am not the typical guy a american girl grows up dreaming about. I am born here and do not have a accent but that does translate in my pics. In my pics I look like a foreigner. Geography and culture have a lot to do with the replies you get on Match. I did get those automated “sorry we are not a good match” replies several times. I did respond back to the automated rejections by telling them it was all good and I wished them the best of luck. which is how i truly feel. So thats my statistic :)

  28. 88
    Andre

    Ok so Its Andre again, now sent 200 emails none back. I think I have figured out what the problem may be. I have met a lot of women in real life, I am a good talker and have been told have a witty personality and this has compensated my handicap of being ethnic. The problem with the internet is there is no way a I can relay my personality, I can’t make a girl laugh the way I do on the supermarket line. It is very impersonal. Getting back to the emails, I am not just sending them to hot girls. Just to test I sent them to women ranging from 18-50! from skinny to a few extra pounds. So all you guys who have sent 40-50 emails and have not gotten any responses..don’t feel bad. I’m having fun with this thing. I can BET even if I send 1000 emails I won’t get a response back. What this did teach me is how powerful perception is. Anywho cheers :)

  29. 89
    AnAdventureNow99

    A little off the beaten path..
    The point is that these women are dropping the ball. If you’re fun, interesting, confident, convey it and they don’t see it. How frustrating is that? For THEM!! They continue to respond to the tricks. In the meantime great, high status men can use this frustration to better themselves. So when a the woman comes along with the right eyes, her world is Rocked!

  30. 90
    Goldie

    @ Andre, I am an immigrant from Eastern Europe, I do have an accent and I’ve lived here 15 years. Not exactly the same situation as yours, but similar enough that I can relate. My advice, try a different site. Match is tough for anyone who doesn’t fit into the conventional mold 100%, at least that was my impression. After 200 emails and no response, I think it’s safe to say that this particular site is not working out.
     
    I once tried to fix a casual female friend of mine up with a former coworker who’d just gotten divorced… awesome guy, smart, funny, great to work with, grew up in Europe and lived most of his life here… of Indian descent. Would’ve asked him out myself if I wasn’t still married at the time! So I message my friend with his info and she’s excited, but wants to see pictures. I send her a link to his FB page and she writes back, “WTF, he looks like a terrorist?” O_O not only did I never introduce her to him or anyone else ever again, I eventually removed her from my FB… but this is what we immigrants are up against here in the Midwest. With me, I make a good first impression because I look European. Then I open my mouth and people freak out and ask me if I’m a KGB agent or a spy (the spy thing was pretty hot last year, every guy on Match thought it was such a witty thing to ask… sheesh).
     
    I’ve got to ask though, what do you put in your first email? it has to be tailored to a woman’s profile. Personally, I used to get a fair amount, more than I could respond to, so I only replied to the ones that were brief, to the point, and asked specific questions about something in my profile… and were more or less witty. You say you sent 200… this makes me wonder how personalized they were.

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