Why Do Women in Their 30s Not Want to Date Men in Their 40s?

I’m a 42 year old single male who recently left a 5 year relationship for various reasons, but mainly because I wanted kids and she did not. I thought that since I was an attractive, fit, well-educated, financially and emotionally secure guy that I would have no problem finding a woman in her mid 30s to settle down with and start a family. I have tried a combination of online dating, speed dating, professional singles events, volunteering, happy hours etc. and have had very few dates over the past year. I thought that online dating would be great since you are essentially pre-screening people for dates. I have found that I get no responses from any women online and the only women who respond to my ad are usually much older and don’t meet any of my criteria outlined in my profile.

I am told that women want to settle down and have kids, etc., but their actions seem to be to the contrary. At singles events, women come in groups and are reluctant to talk to men. In online situations, women say they want desperately to meet a nice guy like me, but never answer my response to their profile. I am trying to remain positive, but two things are really bothering me. One, that younger women are no longer interested in dating men who are even just slightly (3-5 years) older than them and sometimes want to date men 5-10 years younger then them. Two, women seem to be content in the fact that they are independent and self-sufficient and have a career, family and friends that fulfills them and don’t seem to be interested in truly finding a relationship. I find the latter hard to believe, but find this mantra in every profile of every professional woman online. Any advice on how to navigate these new paradigms in the dating world?

Adam

Dear Adam,

You came to the right place.

And to directly address your email, I have to divide my response into two different parts: 1) What You’re Getting Right and 2) What You’re Missing.

Let’s start with What You’re Missing. We’ll do What You’re Getting Right next week.

Why Do Women in Their 30s Not Want to Date Men in Their 40sWhat you’re missing is that what you want has absolutely no relation to what women want. We’ve addressed this before, from an older man who couldn’t possibly fathom why a younger woman wouldn’t want to be with him. This isn’t all that much different. We can complain that the opposite sex is unrealistic and passing up great opportunities – and we’d be right – but it doesn’t change that people want what they want. It’s not fair. It’s not right. It just IS.

From 25-34, men play around a lot. Why? Because they can. They have a lot of dating options, they’re building their careers, and there isn’t a clear urgency to settle down.

Once a guy crosses 35, however, he (theoretically) tends to get more serious.

What you’re missing is that what you want has absolutely no relation to what women want.

Alas, the women with whom he wants to get serious are 27-34. This gives men time to court, fall in love, travel together, move in, get engaged, and enjoy a few years of childless marriage before starting a family.

The problem is that many women from 27-34 are independent professionals just like their male peers. They, too, have a lot of dating options, are busy building their careers, and don’t have a clear urgency to settle down.

Then she hits 35. Theoretically, this is when she starts to get more serious. This is also when all the problems start.

Because 35-40-year-old men who are ready to settle down still want to have time before becoming dads. Thus, their target market remains women, 27-34 – who may not be ready to settle down quite yet. These women still have money to make, places to travel and oats to sow.

The 35-40-year-old women who ARE ready for marriage, unfortunately, are roundly ignored by the men they desire – their 35-40-year-old peers. These women are youthful and find themselves far more attracted to men in their 30’s than their 40’s.

…the bigger takeaway is that ALL of us are very judgmental on age.

Which brings us to you, Adam. You say you’re looking for a woman in her mid-30’s. That’s perfectly fair. But if none of them are looking for you, your wheelhouse is going to be women in their late 30’s to early 40’s:

Find the people who want you. It’s the same exact advice I give to women in their early 40’s who want men in their early 40’s…except men in their early 40’s want women in their 30’s.

And around and around we go.

I’m being a bit unfair, Adam, because there IS a market for a 42-year-old man – and you can certainly be doing better than you’re currently doing. Pick up a copy of www.findingtheoneonline.com and it should make a difference. Seriously. But the bigger takeaway is that ALL of us are very judgmental on age. To a 34 year old woman, 42 sounds OLD. To a 42-year-old man who wants his own biological children, anything above 36 is getting into risky territory. The lesson to all of you younger readers: take your love life seriously when you turn 30, instead of waiting until you’re 35 or 40.

36
26

Join 5 Million Readers

And the thousands of women I've helped find true love. Sign up for weekly updates for help understanding men.

I hate spam as much as you do, therefore I will never sell, rent, or give away your email address.

Join our conversation (982 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.

Comments:

  1. 631
    elizabeth

    Hey guys
    when you meet the right person, nothing matters- people who are looking put specifics like height age etc but if you just live your life and enjoy it, you will just meet some one and everything will fall into place. It will not matter if her is ten years older of younger of if he is tall can have kids or not, nothing will matter if you fall in love.

  2. 632
    Sass

    As I read through a lot of these comments and I get why online dating is such a profitable business and why so many people are single. People have built up in their minds who they think they deserve with all of these qualifications, “two years older than me is too old but two years younger than me is too young” “she has to want kids but not have kids” etc. and when your dating pool is so small you can’t find anyone you can’t understand why.
     
    There are some obvious characteristics we (mostly) all steer clear of: drug/alcohol abuse, anger issues etc. But if you can’t be open to just meeting and getting to know someone without immediately screening them with some “perfect mate” checklist you made up, you’ve already done yourself in. I believe such individuals  are less concerned with wanting an actual relationship and more with what other people think about them and how their date reflects on them. 
     

  3. 633
    g

    “Find the people who want you.” ……Exactly! As a 50 year old white US middle class professional heterosexual male may I recommend taking a look at women in their 30s and early 40s in Thailand, Philippines, Viet Nam, Laos, Cambodia, etc. And I am not talking about some form of creepy sex tourism, I am referring to the large number of educated, employed, and attractive available women who WANT to be with a foreigner that is 10+ years older than they are. It is their custom to do so, sadly because in a less favorable economic environment, few younger men can afford to take on the financial responsibilities of marriage or parenthood (not that there aren’t many many fatherless kids in these parts of the world…to the contrary).

    I feel sorry for 40 something year old women who only want a man 3-5 years older at most (just check out about 2/3 of the personal ads from women that age). Let’s lay it on the line. Unless you are exceptional in beauty, brains, wealth or a combo of all three, 45 year old guys who you would be attracted to (the fit, handsome one’s with some money), are not looking for you. They are looking for the you that existed about ten years ago.

    1. 633.1
      Anthony Thomas

      I know why middle aged White men love Asian women but that’s not in the interest of this forum. Neither are White women in America feel threaten by them, after all at 50 you’re a cast-off they don’t care…
       Otherwise you are spot on. The women mid 30′s and later who haven’t let themselves  go because of failed relationships with so-called Alpha males have to be exceptional to bag men who are debt free, moneyed and in-shape.
       American women have lost the war but don’t understand the implications of this yet. 
       I would add to your options of Southeast Asia and include Eastern Europe and ALL of South America. Not sure what White men are whining about, plenty of women outside this country love American White men….  Just don’t be tubby, lazy and stupid. 
       

  4. 634
    Jon Williams

    In my opinion solid advice.  However, there is a broader world for the 42 year old male.  Consider dating a non-American woman.  I am in my mid-40s and have discovered that women from other cultures think dramatically different than the typical corporate climbing American woman.  I finally accepted that their was nothing wrong with being a more traditional minded male that valued and was attracted to the nurturing domestic attributes that many women posses.  I discovered Latin America where beautiful, educated, women in their late 20s and 30s had no problem dating a man in their 40s.  More poignantly, contrary to the unfounded stereotype not all latin women want a “gringo” for stuff nor are they crazy to come to America.  In fact, many are college educated, proud, independent, and quite happy with their more feminine domestic attributes.    I find that they respond well to me because I value their feminine nature and let them know that our roles may be different, but they are equal.  Our culture falsely characterizes gender roles as a senior subordinate type of relationship.  But if anyone can honestly characterize any job that is harder more challenging or more significant than being a good mother, then good luck.  It is great to have the freedom to act and be treated like a man while also sharing space with a genuine woman that is so much more than my “economic” partner or “ambition” opponent.  I valued having a wife not a roommate that I had sex with.  I find that the college educated female that manages a home like an enterprise is quite attractive.  Sometimes she leads me and sometimes I lead her, but we are definite equals.

  5. 635
    Chris

    OK. When it comes to a subject like dating age appropriately for both men and women. It’s not always 1+1 equals 2, it’s not just black and white, there are many grey areas.
    You have to first understand the difference between biological age and chronological age. First off, everyone ages differently. Depending on your genes, race, your lifestyle, your diet, and finally your inner soul, and personality. If I really want to buckle down and say what I think is right. I do think men should be older than women, by say, 3-5 years. That’s just being practical and safe. It works, at least from numbers perspective.
    But again, people age differently, in general, they say men age better, I don’t fully agree or disagree with this, although I am confident in aging well, as well as looking young for my age 26, I could not say the same for many guys my age. I have seen women in their early to mid 30′s who are so youthful in their skin, looks, attitude and fashion and aged FAR BETTER than man their age, or even couple of years younger. In this case those women are far better off dating younger guys. It’s rare but it works, especially when a younger guy looks older and older woman looks younger. How long will it last and can this develop into something lasting? Not my call. 
    So I understand this whole older women wanting to date someone their age or younger, because they SCREAM youth and also are hitting their sexual peak, it’d be tough to stay away from younger studs and youthful, boyish charm, while men their age are looking old, bald, fat and sloppy.
    Then there’s the opposite for men. Ones  that are youthful, healthy, vibrant, works out, dresses well, clean cut and makes good money, all around alpha. For them, they will feel like they can snatch a much better looking younger women. For them, lots of women their age are old, fat, sloppy, and aging prematurely beyond their years.
    What topics like this, when it comes to age issues between men and women and dating, MISS OUT ON is the attractiveness, and social status of the men and women. We should not just discuss age and come to conclusion whether you can date this or that person. You should also include questions like, is the guy ALPHA male, or BETA male? Is the men or women good looking? In shape? Is the men YOUTHFUL, or women YOUTHFUL, not only in terms of looks, but attitude, mannerism, personality, and fashion?
    It’s never easy one to answer. I will say it this way, when it comes to finding the one, it’s truly tough, whether she or he is “age appropriate” or not. There are so many other things that come to hand, first and foremost, YOU are YOU. Not everyone is cut from the same clothes, though I admit majority of population on earth you can put them into big bulky catgeories, there are always odd ones(or special ones) that stand out.

  6. 636
    Krista

    It is strange how just being a certain age can make you less valuable … my mother was one of those women who at 50 looked 30 some days & I am often considered 10-15 years younger than my actual age.  I have been dating a man for 3+ years off and on but mostly on.  It’s not so much that I want to marry him, but that I feel he should want to marry me more than anything.  People consider me beautiful… i have a high paying job… i am considered uniquely feminine and I’m artistic & do athletic things that most people in their early 20 s could never do.  I have a lot of sensual energy etc etc… but it is very discrete & soft (ie. not forward.)  These 3 years… although I feel like he has loved me very much… he hasn’t desperately tried to marry me etc… & although he is a wonderful person & in shape/pretty good looking… he is … as much as I love him… just a regular guy.  I think ….how can he not be desperately trying to capture me?  :)  But he is 33 & I am 37 … and we met almost 4 years ago.  It doesn’t matter that I look in my 20s … inside of him he probable feels there is no way it can work in the long run because soon enough I’ll be old.  Life seems strange… but it actually makes sense.  I guess the happiness that I wanted is probably behind me :)

    1. 636.1
      Christine Calkins

        Just a suggestion but you might want to read Dr. Phil MacGraw’s book “Love Smart”. He does a great job explaining what your asking about.

  7. 637
    Marc

    Krista, I believe you are not alone. Many women go through the exact same thing. The difference is, you aknowledge the problem, instead shaming/blaming men.
    You deserve someone great, but I dont think a man 4 years younger would ever appreciate you the way a 45, or 50 year old man would.
    Regardless of how good a woman looks for her age, us men always have that number in our head. If I had to choose between a 30 year old who looks 25, and a 20 year old who looks 25, even though they LOOK exactly the same age, I would choose the 20 yo every time. A group of friends and I, all in our 30´s, posed the question to one another….”would you choose to date/marry an average looking teenager, or a 30 year old ´10´ ” Everyone chose the average teenager without hesitation.
    Evolution is not fair, and your happiness is not behind you! We all have to lower our standards and expectations as we age, as we ourselves are less desireable. I think you are being honest with yourself in your post. Dont waste any more time. Find a 42+ guy to date!

    1. 637.1
      AllHeart

      Marc, all I have learned from what you shared about you and your friends is that you value women as primarly baby-makers over any other quality. You’re free to value women anyway you want. But most will judge a man’s own quality based on his personal beliefs about women. Women are not looking to be valued by men in such selfish and shallow ways. Just as men aren’t looking for that either. No man wants to be a human ATM. Most women don’t want to be a baby-maker. Now the teenager won’t catch onto that for a long time. But by the time she is 30, she’ll begin to see how this man valued her. What he valued her for will be obvious through his thoughts, beliefs and attitudes and behaviors to her and toward other women. And it’s probably going to be around then when he finds himself divorced. 
      “Shame” is a funny word though. We throw it around the internet left and right. I can understand why men feel disproportionately shamed sometimes on certain subjects. This wouldn’t be one of them though. I don’t understand why a man would feel “shamed” when they are blatantly telling women to their faces that their worth goes down when he believes his doesn’t.  Most of the men here believe they are better today then they were yesterday. Yet are pretty obviously telling women that they do not believe they are better at all. 
      Are we not infact actually shaming women? Kind of punishing them in ways that men clearly do not want to be punished as indicated by the amount of men here that believe they have more to offer at an older age despite the fact that biology actually negates that for all of us?
      Some of this is routed in a strong old stereotype of men wanting to attempt to maintain power over women through ageism. Yeah, I know that sounds a little feministy but what other conclusion would a girl come to having read a full blog of responses dedicated to the belief that women are simply less worthwhile than men when they are the same age a man?
      As for blame, that goes around a lot on the internet too. Do I blame all men for agism? No. There are a lot of great men out there that are not ageist. There are a lot of great men out there that see value in women far beyond being baby-makers. Just as there are great women out there that see value in men far beyond being an ATM. The key is finding these special individuals vs the individuals that have charted your worth up to such things.
      As for appreciation, I’m not sure many of us understand the real meaning of the word. Are you suggestiong that men only appreciate women when they are younger than them? Does that equal to a true appreciation of women or simply an appreciation for what he has shallowly physically attached to her?
      There are a lot of older men out there that do not appreicate what they have. There are a lot of men out there simply that do not appreicate what they have. (And naturally women.) Making an all inclusive statement that younger men don’t appreicate women but somehow older men do is a falsehood. A man who really appreciates women sees value in all women that goes far beyond age. He is not a man on the hunt for a young woman simply because she is young. I don’t see many examples here that show men appreciate women. 
      Evolution isn’t fair. That much I agree. But what men forget is that Evolution is not something that simply happens to women. It happens to men too. In the grand history of the world, men spend a lot of time trying to ignore this fact. Biology didn’t create a world where it wanted aging men in the game. Society did that. A society that was built on male rule over female subordination did that.  
      Please stop dictating to women that they must find acertain age you have prescribed in your head where they *should* be dating. If a woman comes across a 42 year old man she wants to date? Great. But if she comes across a 32 yearo ld man she wants to date? She should be free to make that choice and not have other men peddle the idea that she should only date men of a certain age that you have prescribed for her.
      Thanks. 

      1. 637.1.1
        Kaila

        Have noticed the ‘old fashioned’ age thing is still in existence and it is very sad.  Evan – you appear to  target the age groups of 30′s and 40′s which is interesting.  And I have noticed a major acceptance on here of older men with very young women.  Most of the time that is just ‘money motivated’.  I am over 60, don’t look it  -  I am approached all the time by men but never a man in my age range.  The men in my age range are hanging over the bar talking to a 22 year old bar maid.  It is quite interesting to watch.  They never ever approach any female in their ‘age range’.  AND if one does try to talk to these older men … well… they know everything there is to know about everything – set in their ways and ‘old’ thinking.  Not sure what they see when they look in a mirror, but I can assure you it is not what I see.  Who does approach?  Men in their late 40′s to mid-50′s who generally look a little older than their age so I always guess  age wrong –  but they are fun, like to talk, laugh, are sensual – have curious minds and strangely enough, those that are good looking don’t seem to even know it…. go figure.   I also notice on dating sites that women are not supposed to go out with a man who is their age and dating younger has a tendency to make me uncomfortable because I am continually told I’m supposed to date older men …. why is that concept still being considered?  So – to end this little rant – except for one couple, every long lasting happy couple I know has the woman older and the man younger.  Age difference is from 1 to 20 years.  They get along fine – same core values, ethics, honesty, laughter, love, mutual generosity and appreciation.  So… my final decision on reading all the on-line info on ‘dating’ is to stop.  I had hoped to learn something that might help me, but according to most ‘dating advice’, I should go find a guy about 80 years old …sure….not gonna happen…

  8. 638
    Aurora

    Wow. How disturbing. I stumbled across this article while looking up something entirely different, I don’t even know why I decided to read it, but now I am glad I did. I am 44 and still married to the same man I met when I was 21, married him at 25, and he is 6 years older than me (50 now.) We have one child, age 13.  For all our faults, and we both have plenty, we still love each other and make our marriage work. And believe me when I say it is no cliche to say that in order to make any marriage last it takes a LOT of hard work. As far as I can see, and I have the experience to back this up, almost no one here has what it takes to achieve what you say it is you are looking for, which is why you are having such a hard time. Almost no one here has talked about common values, which is crucial to compatibility,  a concept or word I do not recall even seeing on this discussion, much less avidly discussed by singles. Everyone has talked about appearances- looks, fitness, clothes, money, “hotness”- and age. Age seems to be the dividing factor on which to base all the other shallow judgements of appearances, as a shorthand for dismissing people. And as for family, the word has been used but not the concept or value of family. With all the talk of age and fertility rates, and no mention of adoption, and concern about how much IVF would cost and who would pay (her, him, or her draining his wallet) it makes it pattently and sadly obvious that children are just a life accessory. The “Goal” of passing your genes on. “Yeah, I got the job/money, the nice clothes, expensive car & house, now I’m going to shop around for a mate so I can achieve my final life goal of passing on my genes.” I don’t wish to seem critical, though plainly I am critical of this way of thinking because it is shallow and stands against everything I personally believe in, but it isn’t a desire to be critical that prompted me to write. It’s fear. I’m afraid of what awaits my son in his future. Already the kids in middle school won’t even ask each other out on a date or to be boyfriend/girlfriend because they don’t want to “settle” they want to “play the field.”  Settle! They are 13! Since when did dating mean settling! I guess I really AM old. It used to be that dating WAS playing the field and marrying was settling down. So we used to date various people, ALWAYS with an eye to compatibility and shared core values – with enough differences to broaden our horizons but nothing deal breaking- as potential prospects for marriage and eventually children, if both were so inclined to eventually want to have kids. These issues were talked about fairly early on in the relationships, which predicated whether or not the relationship continued. This isn’t to say that things were easy, that people always found the right person or didn’t end up with a baby out of wedlock or get divorced or get their heart broken a few times. What I am saying is that the one thing you all seem to have in common is that your own personal core attitude is skewed. You keep that core attitude and change the details, mostly age range and appearances, and then wonder why nothing is different, why you still haven’t found the perfect (and I do mean perfect) mate. Finding a life-long partner is a lot of hard work and you cannot substitute luck, tactics, or dating site algorithms for that hard work. And the first thing you have to do if you are really serious is take an honest look at your core values and attitude. Because I gotta say none of you is a “catch” from what I am hearing. What do you want out of life? Are you really in life just for what you can get out of it for yourself? What do you want in a partner that isn’t about age, looks, or money? Why have kids? What does family really mean to you? For my son’s sake I hope our increasingly superficial society will change course, but I fear it won’t. I will be having a talk with my husband on how best to talk to our son about dating attitudes regardless of how “imperfect” and “old” we are as a married couple. Good luck- I genuinely mean that. This discussion has been eye-opening if somewhat disheartening, and I don’t wish anyone any ill-will.

    1. 638.1
      Norcaliboy

      Aurora:  Yours may have been the best post I have ever seen on this site. Being happily married for almost 10 years with two small kids in tow, I largely agree with everything you wrote.  While my wife is objectively very attractive, qualities such as compatibility, loyalty, sincerity, being a good parent (and wanting kids for the right reasons) and sharing similar ethics far outweighed all other considerations during the dating process.  None of these qualities translate well in online dating of course.  I hope many of the posters on this thread read your post and take a while to reflect on it.  Getting married with the wrong attitude is a train wreck waiting to happen.

  9. 639
    Ningle

    There is some truth to what you are saying, but I think there is a lot of other variants too and not just the scenarios you included.   I have always had younger men attracted to me since turning 35.  I’ve dated many who were 6 to 8 years younger and had no kids and loved me and wanted to get married.  I found them too immature.  
    I do not think that everyone waits to get married.  Many marry in their late teens to mid-twenties…the drive to fall in love and procreate.   However, those who wait tend to find someone their own age.  When I watch the, “Say Yes to the Dress” shows (3 different versions aired over a period of many years) and the other wedding shows, you always see couples marrying within 2 to 3 years of age from each other.  It’s never a 35 year old man and the ages of women you named.  
    It’s a nice anecdotal  explanation, but I don’t think it holds up for the most part.  

  10. 640
    Tracy Webb

    I do not know much about the dating scene.  I am very sorry for anyone who is looking for a relationship and not able to find one.  I think life is much better with someone to share it with.  However, if I can not be so lucky to find someone to share life with, I will enjoy it by myself.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a family if you have not had one. Personally, I already have kids and within 5 years they will be out of the house.  I will not be looking for more children.  I am not going to go out of my way to find anyone or to be found.  

  11. 641
    amydk

    People, fertility seriously starts to decline at 35, but for the most part, is still viable till 40. A 42 year old could date a a37 no problem. Nut if he’s Gonna take years to figure it iut, best noty waste her time.
    Women in their 30s shOuld try to be open to guys in their 40s.

  12. 642
    Chris

    I am female and had my first child at 40. I got pregnant on the 2nd try. I am now pregnant again at 45. Quite easy again. 3 of my friends have had babies this last month all 40 and over. No issues, no defects, no abnormalities. Yes sometimes people do start late like myself. That was due to my first marriage ending at the age of 34, my ex was in a bad accident and it all went downhill. That’s life. For anyone who is over 35 all I can say is be open minded, get rid of your criteria list. It’s all crap and maybe keeping you from missing someone great. While you are looking elsewhere and not giving people a chance other people are going for it, riding the ups and downs and enjoying watching their child/children. To miss out on that joy because someone didn’t meet your criteria is sad.

  13. 643
    AllHeart

    If a man of 40 doesn’t even want to date another woman of 40, why would he think a younger woman would want to date him? By not wanting to date women his own age he’s showing a clear pattern of thought about what he believes about age.

    All in all, I hate this discussion. Men are often cruel on the subject of age.

    Another thing that bothers me is men don’t want to be used for their money, heck, some of them get bitter about having to buy a cup of coffee, but they will seek younger women until their balls are shriveled up. “Don’t use me for my money but let me use you for your age!”… So not cool guys! Love us, accept us, care about us for more then jsut these things.

    1. 643.1
      Keith

      Allheart: Men are often cruel on the subject of age.
       
      When I was in my 20s and looked for serious relationships with women I was attracted to, those women blew me off for older and more successful men.  What goes around comes around.

      1. 643.1.1
        tamara

        I just don’t understand comments like this. You’re taking out your bitterness at those women who turned u down in your 20s and shifting it to the older women now who are struggling to find love. Those are not the same women! .. And btw as a woman in my 20s, I agree that yes I have turned down men in their 20s for older guys, but sometimes I’ve turned down older guys for a guy my age I really liked. There are some shallow women who choose a man solely based on his older age and career success, but usually (at least for me) I think women look at the whole picture (personality, looks, character, etc) and pick a guy accordingly, the way men do. I doubt all those women turned u down Just because u were less successful than an older man, maybe your personalities didn’t click or smthg.

  14. 644
    Jeffrey

    @Allheart. Men can be cruel on the subject of age. A womans personal power is very strong, and concentrated in a few years, say between 15-22 years of age. A mans is much less in those years. It is spread out among decades, kind of evening things out.
    .
    Another reason most men dont date women their age in 40s, 50s is because we have long memories about possibly being rejected by her when she was 18, and in her “power years”. If we couldnt have her during her best years, we dont want a watered down version of her looks when she is on the tail end of physical beauty and now feels we are worthy of her. Not cool. As wrong as I know it is, I must admit I get a warm, fuzzy feeling inside when I see a group of 30/40something women (who you can tell were once hot) at a bar, watching us, same age, having a great time with 20somethings. But I realize those women were also in their early twenties and had their turn at youth, just like all of us.
    .
    I must add that the older I get, the more I appreciate youth. Teenage women who I would consider marriage material physically today, I would not have given a second look to when I was her age. Strange.
    .
    There certainly arent enough sweet, gorgeous 20 year old women for all the men that desire them. And there arent enough tall, confident, successful, handsome 35 year old men for all the women that desire them. Try to get the best deal in your relationship that you can, while remaining realistic based on what you can offer. I am 41, and my gf is half my age. If women that age didnt want to date me, I would keep moving up in age, and down in the looks dept. until I found my “sweet spot”. I suggest people do the same. Shoot high, and see what the market will bear for you. Quickly lower your standards as you see the markets response. Good luck to all. Interesting comments…..

    1. 644.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Fair enough, Jeffery. But what do you value in a woman besides youth and beauty? Because I can’t think of a 21-year-old who has any wisdom, experience or gravitas to bring to the table. Personally, I would be bored silly or incompatible with any woman under 35.

      1. 644.1.1
        Keith

        35?  Bit harsh no?
         
        I’d say most women are mature enough for marriage in their late 20s.  Jefferey’s 21 year old is probably not heading for the altar.  But whatever floats his boat.  But to say that most women under 35 would be boring?  That’s a bit extreme.

    2. 644.2
      SparklingEmerald

      Jeffrey @ 644 – WOW, just WOW !  Allheart made a pretty good response to your coldblooded post, but I would just like to add a few things in regards to your callous remark
      “As wrong as I know it is, I must admit I get a warm, fuzzy feeling inside when I see a group of 30/40something women (who you can tell were once hot) at a bar, watching us, same age, having a great time with 20somethings.”
       
      For one thing, your stated purpose for your schadenfreude is supposedly “because we have long memories about possibly being rejected by her when she was 18, and in her “power years”.    Unless you recognize one of those women personally as someone who rejected you, you are basically delighting at what you imagine is their sadness and your assumption that they “deserve” it for ever rejecting a guy during their “power years”
      Your first assumption is that they are lonely and sad (which makes you very happy).  For all you know, they could be coupled up women, enjoying a girls night out,  and they see a couple of old fools being used for free drinks by young girls.  They could be watching you and your buds, and it might be amusing to them.
      Second of all, an 18 year of every gender has the right to reject some one.  In fact, at 18, when everyone is hitting on everyone,  rejection is necessary.  How many guys do you think are hitting on hot 18 year olds ?  Are they supposed to date and or sleep with EVERY guy that does ?  Then you would be complaining that they were “sluts” and that would be your basis for rejecting them, and wishing them ill will.
      Here are several reasons why a 30/40 year woman who used to be hot (and most likely still is) would be in a position to watch you having fun in a bar.
      They could be coupled up and having a girls night out. 
      They could have been “hot” and married very young,  had a child, and like most marriages between young hotties, it didn’t work out.  Now, as a single mom, it is harder to find someone.
      They could have been one of those girls who blossomed very young, and looked 21 at the age of 16, was taken advantage of by someone strictly for her beauty & niavete.  Maybe even molested by a family member.  The experience left her afraid of men and love. 
      One of these hot girls could have hooked up with someone like you, who only wanted her for the bragging rights, to have a trophy wife/girlfriend, to say to the whole world “Look at me, I’m 45, and I married a hot 19 year old, HOORAY for me”.  Then when his 19 year “hottie” turned 25 years old, he decided she was a washed up has been, past her “power years” and dumped her. 
      She could have been very much sought after for her beauty during her “power years,” and said “yes” to almost everyone, because she wanted to be “nice” and give everyone a chance.  Her niceness was returned by guys who only wanted to bang her for the bragging rights and didn’t care one bit about her or her feelings.  With all the men bragging about their conquest with the hottie (and some men lying about it) she gained a reputation as a “slut”,  and that experience scarred her, and now she doesn’t trust that any man wants a real relationship with her, so she’s given up.
      Or she could be a stuck up, formerly hot bitch, who delighted in mentally tormenting guys by rejecting them, and now she is getting the suffering she so richly deserves.  (OK, tad bit of sarcasm here)
      But how do you  know which girl is the stuck up bitch getting her come uppance, and which one isn’t ?
      For all you know, those women that you think are so pathetic and deserve your scorn, THEY could be getting a warm fuzzy feeling imagining that YOU are some washed up middle aged loser, vainly trying to re-capture his youth by dancing with girls young enough to be his daughter.  Those young girls could be playing along, just for the free drinks, and the after hours laugh fest they will be having later on, at your expense.
      And if you value compassion, understanding and caring, you might want to try developing those qualities within yourself. 

  15. 645
    Jeffrey

    Another thing that is often brought up in dating blogs is intelligence. “….Im 27, beautiful, intelligent, college educated….”, or “my gf is very confident, intelligent….”. Everyone seems to think that intelligence is a requisite when finding a mate. I must admit, I am not attracted to confident, or highly intelligent women. I prefer a reserved woman of average intelligence. I find it very sexy!
    .
    We can all agree that intelligence is not a choice. We are born that way. Women of average intelligence deserve love just like anyone else. Im here to love them!! I will pick up the slack for every other man, and leave the smart ones for you!

  16. 646
    CaliforniaGirl

    I live in Los Angeles and know and see a lot of couples where a guy is 10-25 years older but all the girls I know personally are there for money. All of them are bored with these men and all of them dream to go out with some hot young guy. They are just wasting their time and they will so regret it. Because they miss an opportunity to meet true love and true life partner and it’s not going to be someone who values women by youth and beauty. How can they compare a new LV purse with a sleepless night filled with passion and greeting the dawn on the beach with someone you really love? There is no greater feeling than the feeling that you can choose who to be with because you can support yourself and you are confident that a man can love you for who you are and not for your long legs. Even if those girls stay with their men, in 10-15 years they are going to be 30+ young and energetic women with 50+ husbands who will not have enough energy for a lot of things. And believe me a 50 year old man cannot perform the same as 30 year old.
    When I was 20 I briefly dated a guy who was I think 34. He looked soooo old to me, he was smart and had money but was so not cool and boring and talked about his work and his friends family problems. I wanted to party and do stupid things with my friends and kiss good looking guys because I will be 20 just once and I did not want to miss that.

  17. 647
    anna

    i kind of disagree, i fell in love with a man 27yrs my senior…i ,met him when i was 22, along the way i did try to work out with men my age or slightly older, but it didnt work out I sort of kept running back to this much older guy, not about the money or anything. but he treats me like a lady and with respect. My friends laughed at me for me being with a man who could father me, but they didnt see what I saw, i saw someone with compassion someone who treated me like a real woman, i have been with him for the last 12 rs and I wouldnt mind even when he is much older, I have already been immune to the comments of other people which i personally dont bother at all, what he can love me is priceless compared to any other guy. I guess this is fate, something that is genuine cannot be replaced by age, and surprisingly I never have the thoughts of finding a hot young man even I am still attractive enough to get one…..its all about love, when you love someone age looks money doesnt matter…like the article says you can lose your house your job your money but you never lose your character

  18. 648
    Jeffrey

    @Evan 644.1,  thats one of the many interesting things about mate selection. We all look for so many different things. Besides youth and beauty, I value compassion, understanding, good sense of humor, thoughtfulness, punctuality, caring, playfulness, non-aggressive personality, nuturing qualities, domestic pride, femininity, honesty, good group of friends and good relationship with her family.
    .
    Intelligence is only one of so many qualities. A woman does not have to be smart to be a good person. And she definitely deserves to be loved. My gf thought Chicago was in Mexico, and Canada was in Europe! Lol, geographically challenged. Should I not love her for this? She actually got her bachelors degree in 3 years in International Business. How scary is that? (The college scam should be saved for another discussion).
    .
    Ive realized over the years that I dont need a “Hillary” type conversation with my girl. I get enough intellectual stimulation from my friends. I prefer to interact with my girl in a different way.
    .
    The things you mentioned to me Evan, wisdom, experience, gravitas, are the opposite of what I look for in a woman.  I can see why some men may value those things, its just not my program. (I did have to look up the word gravitas, and if my gf ever threw that word at me, Id have to break up with her!)

    1. 648.1
      SparklingEmerald

      Jeffrey @ 648 – Reading posts from men like you, is a big reason why I am on the verge of giving up.  I am not saying that a woman with an average IQ is unworthy of being loved, but the fact the you freely admit that you purposely seek out women, niave women who lack “gravitas” which means dignity, just really magnifies how much you really despise women.  The fact that you would break up with a girl, if she so much as showed an ounce of intelligence or dignity by using a word that you didn’t know the meaning of is very telling.  You are so fearful of a woman wielding her “power” over you, that you intentionally seek out women you feel are your inferior in every way, and would dump them in a NY minute at any time, if their inferiority to you, came into question, by so much as a using a word that you didn’t understand the meaning of.  (BTW, I had to look up gravitas also)
      Is your girlfriend a mail order virgin bride from some foreign country ?
      Also very sad that you think your girl is so dumb that the fact that she has a degree is scary, and evidence that colleges are a “scam”.
      Your girlfriend is probably not as stupid as you think she is, niave perhaps, ignorant and some matters definitely, because EVERYONE is ignorant on some things no matter how intelligent, and judging from whom she has chosen to partner up with for now, she is probably very inexperienced, a trait you admit you seek out in your women-children.  I hope that when she grows up, she dumps you, and finds a relationship with a man who truly values her, and isn’t just using her as therapy for his wounds incurred during adolescents.  Of course, I doubt she’ll be the one to dump you, because as you already admit, you plan on dumping her the moment she shows signs of not being the dumb, inexperienced, niave little plaything, that you so desparately need to feel powerful.
      The problem with women isn’t their power, it’s that you feel so powerless around them, that you can only feel comfortable with a woman you perceive as your inferior.  The minute she grow up a little bit, by your own admission, you will dump her.  Unless you look like George Clooney and are a millionaire, the woman-child parade of niave gullible women who will date you won’t last forever.  Your so-called sweet spot, of girls young and hot enough, will eventually go up, to the point where GASP, you might have to “settle” for a 30 year old washed up has been when you are 70, but no, that won’t work, even a 30 year with average intelligence will probably have to extensive of a vocabulary for you.

  19. 649
    AllHeart

    Jeffrey #644 – I will change my statement. Men like you can be cruel on the subject of age. But there are lots of men that are nothing like you. 
    You lost me at the very beginning when you shared your personal philosophy that women have the strongest personal power at 15-22. This proves how very little you know about any member of the female gender and their actual life experiences.
    But I get it now. You somehow manifested in your own mind that every other woman and girl out there is to pay the price for your inability to deal with your own personal pain of rejection from young girls as a young boy. 
    You clearly have some sadomasochist tendencies toward women. Proven through your illogical anger at random women at a bar because of rejection you faced from a small subset of young girls when you were younger.
    Grow up already. We all face rejection. A lot of boys rejected me when I was 15. I did not achieve my potential when I was 15 where I had the most “personal power”. I’m not living my life gleefully wanting to gain retribution on men either.  Closer to the truth is that some of those boys rejected me, I rejected other boys, and all those boys rejected other girls or were rejected by other girls. If you think you’re the only person in the world..or that young boys are the only people in the world that suffer rejection, you are being purposely ignorant to what real life is for, for everyone. You have completely denied women and girls any life variation but the one you have created in your own mind that you believe deserve your misognism and retribution. 
    It’s telling that despite the fact that it was young girls that rejected you, you’ve held onto anger directed toward women your own age. Clearly indicating that you want to punish women your own age. For no logical reasons. Only because you never learned how to deal with the way you were rejected which stopped you from thinking about anyone else. 
    You don’t see women and girls as fully realized human beings with their own difficult life experiences from early ages. You don’t see then has having value beyond a certain age either. The fact that you don’t want to acknowledge the larger life experience of girls and women everywhere shows how skewed you truly are. The fact that you have stipulated a very short window of female worth is a testament to your attempt to gain power and control over the feelings women cause you to feel that you feel you have no power and control over.
    I suggest you start to hold real conversations with women. Ask *them* how they feel about themselves, when they felt the most powerful, if those powerful feelings still walk with them today. Talk to a 15 year old girl in a non-pervy way to see what her feelings, thoughts and experiences are as a 15 year old girl. If you think all 15 year old girls are wielding their power-wands all over all the poor little boys and basking in the glow of attention, you know very little about what it’s like to be an actual 15 year old girl. Talk to 22 year old women for the same reasons. Talk to 30 and 40 year old women again for the same reasons. You will learn a heck of a lot more talking to women, asking them questions, learning about them, listening to them, then holding onto the story you created for women all by yourself through your negative experiences as a young boy-man.
    Oh by the way, you should educate yourself on the biology better. Teenage girls are actually less fertile then 26 year old women. Neither are they full grown women in terms of either physical or mental development no matter how many times a 41 year old man calls teenage girls “women” and insists that it’s perfectly normal that you have lustful feelings for them. (By the way, I don’t think it’s normal that grown women lust after teenage boys either.) 
    I suspect you don’t share your real opinion about women with any of the young women you date. You should so they can see your true opinion on their gender. 
    Please don’t advice me how to go about relationships. You are truly a very unhealthy individual and you take personal glee from hurting women or attempting to belittling them while you try to raise yourself up. Please seek help with your emotional issues and your unresolved issues with women. 
    The reason you appreciate youth more today as you get older is because you have high unresolved issues concerning women that have only grown and festered inside of you.
    I truly feel sorry for the young women who date you. They are not yet mature enough to understand how little you actually dislike women in general. 

  20. 650
    Jeffrey

    @649  A woman once told me “I had no idea how much power I had over men, until it was gone”. She was 26. A 15 year old woman has very little, if any, power over you. And youre right, she probably has no idea that in the eyes of every man, she has more power than the President of the United States. Im a man, so I am a professional on this. Im here to tell you she has a lot of power over men. I know its hard for older women to accept this. To see someone with so much power over men, when those same men wont even look at them. Especially since she has not really “earned” that power. She has been blessed with this power for simply having lived on this Earth for less time. Not fair, agreed.
    .
    Older women typically have disdain for men who lust after teenagers, its natural, so I dont fault you for it. But we must not be so arrogant to think we know more about a womans mental and physical readiness than Mother Nature. We are programmed in the West to always think in terms of “18″, but lets kick the ballistics for a minute, and look at it logically. When a woman starts menstruating, shes ready to be a mother, period. No woman, man, judge, book etc. knows more than Mother Nature and her 4 billion years of wisdom. She is perfect. Us?….not so much.

    1. 650.1
      marymary

      Jeffrey
      This is creepy given that girls can start menstruating at 12 and 14-15 is “normal”. 
      I gotta disagree with the advice that you start talking to 15 yo girls.  That’s not going to end well.
       
       
       

      1. 650.1.1
        SparklingEmerald

        Actually MaryMary, more and more girls are going through “precocious puberty” and are getting periods younger and younger, as young as 8 or 9 (I blame all the female hormones in meat) So even more creepy, is that this Jeff character, will think that an 8 or 9 year old girl is capable of being a mother, and even more creepy is the fact that she would be niave enough for his liking.

    2. 650.2
      Henriette

      Ewww.  All this talk about 15 year-olds and their sexual power makes me wonder if Chris Hansen is going to pop up in this thread and ask some of you to take a seat over there…

    3. 650.3
      tamara

      Your 26 year old woman must have lived a really hard life, if her beauty and ‘power’ were gone by that age, lol. Seriously, most of us acknowledge that men tend to prefer younger women, and younger women tend to prefer older men to younger men esp if the older man is successful, but your viewpoints (in terms of age) are extreme and not the norm.

  21. 651
    SparklingEmerald

    Jeffrey @ 650 – Not sure what your point is about girls being mentally ready for motherhood, just because they are biologically capable of conceiving.  Teen boys who are having wet dreams could also impregnate a girl, but that doesn’t make them mentally ready for fatherhood at age 12 or 13.
    And that anecdotal comment from your hypothetical 26 year woman aside, since women can bear children into their late 30′s and early 40′s,  I am not sure why you insist that women’s power is gone in her early 20′s. 
    If mother nature is so perfect, why do women retain their child bearing abilities after they (according to you) have lost all of their power at age 22 ?
    I think your hatred of women that stems from your inability to deal with typical teen agnst in your youth, is giving you a severe case of confirmation bias.
    Will you be dumping your girlfriend in 2 years when her power is all gone ?

  22. 652
    CaliforniaGirl

    No, he won’t dump her, to find someone who thinks that Chicago is in Mexico is quite hard.  I really pity all those middle aged men who are used by young girls for money or because guys their own age think that they are too stupid. But if something happens to them – they get sick or lose their assets, those girls vanish so quickly…

  23. 653
    Nattyk

    So I am 27 and dating a 37 year old man. I am being very clear in stating that I want a family and marriage sooner rather than later. I generally leave the relationship in his control, but watch with 360 vision because he does sometimes say, I haven’t thought about that yet. ..where as I have a direct answer to any questions about the future etc… etc…Honestly I love him and he is attractive enough. Although ironically he is more attractive now than he was when he was younger …. Lost weight….At 27 i’m done dating around and every dating opp that comes my way is treated seriously (as it can be!). We’ve been dating for 8 months and he’s very much still talks with ‘if this leads to’ mentality which is fine, but I honestly think to myself ‘not that many 25-28 year olds are going to jump at being with you’ (I know these gals and ,most are still stuck with guys their own age) so wake up and smell the coffee because im here and ready for you and if you start to delay or not be decisive im gone…..being a 35+ single is kinda my worst nightmare….sounds strict but its the truth! I know where im headed and I’d love a decisive partner to journey with me. My BF still seems pretty in decsive sometimes

  24. 654
    CaliforniaGirl

    @Nattyk,

    if he is indecisive after 8 months at age of 37, he will not change his mind. From my experience, men know very quickly if they want to marry you or not. My ex-husband dated a girl for 3 years before me and she ended it because he was saying he is not ready. We started to date shortly after their breakup and after 6 months he proposed. My current boyfriend of 10 months talks about marriage for few months already. Before him I dated a guy for almost 3 years and he even did not want to move together….

    1. 654.1
      tamara

      Gosh I wish I lived near u so we could be friends, I agree soo much with what u said! The guys who proposed to me proposed within months (I haven’t married) but then I see girls who date a guy for years and don’t get a proposal and they keep waiting! I think in those scenarios, even when the guy proposes it’s like he feels he should, not cos he’s really so in love. My brother dated a girl for 4 years and he recently dumped her, I feel bad for her but then I also feel she was silly to keep waiting. (they’re in their mid-20s so she’s still got plenty of time, but I know she must be feeling crummy now)

    2. 654.2
      Nattyk

      We spoke about marriage pretty early on so I’ve been straight up. At that time he seemed to be along the same lines as me. I have to move house soon and the plan is this, I sublet a room with my friend for 4-5 months. I am moving quite a bit of my stuff to this house as that room I’m subletting is small. After this amount of time me and the BF move in together. We will be together for more than a year at that point. I would say that if by 18months-2yr that it hasn’t progressed, then I won’t stick around. It could be very hard, but I’d be willing to make these hard decisions. I don’t want to waste my important years on a dead end……

  25. 655
    Jadewest

    I am 58 dating a 27 year old  model & we are in love.  I want to have children with her. She has 2 & I am cool with taking care of them. My children are 24 & 25 & are against her & it will take time for them to understand that love has no age barriers. People can analyze others ages to death, but if someone loves you & they make you happy, you only live once, so I say go for it. I am not wealthy either, but comfortable, so isnt that what everyone wants anyhow? Comfort? I dont care what anyone else thinks. I can actually outlift & even outrun men in their 20s so if you stay in shape & younger women keep you feeling young, who cares how old someone is. I look at it this way, if you are 58 & you can live to an average mans longevity of say 78…some lucky woman is going to have 20 years of good times, better than a lot of the women who have a shit time with some young punk in his 20s who wants to cheat & beat. This is the summary of what I hear from women in their 20s.

  26. 656
    AllHeart

    Jade, not many 27 year old women consider a 58 year old man a “good time”. And realistically, the 27 year old woman you are dating is not accounting for the fact that no matter how good shape you are in, at 58, you are aging at an accelerated rate. That’s just the facts. The older we get, the faster we age. Maybe you can give her another 20 years. But can you seriously give her another 20 years of quality companionship that a younger man closer to her age could actually give her? Statistically not likely. If you want to be with her, be with her, but don’t things to justify it.
    And by the way, *you* care how old someone is because you want to date wome significantly younger than you. That’s fine but don’t give some romantic nonsense that “love has no age barriers” when you really mean, “Love has no age barreiers as long as the lady is significantly younger than me.” You’re a bit unrealistic. 
     

    1. 656.1
      Keith

      Why rain on his parade?  Seriously.  What’s it to you if he’s dating someone 31 years younger?  Do you forget that this cuts both ways?  She’s chosing to date someone 31 years older fully aware of the consequences.  Why is it that the man in this scenario takes the hit while the woman is not held responsible for the relationship? 

  27. 657
    AllHeart

    Jeffrey, #650 some facts about mother nature:
     

    It is the creator of deformities, abnormalities and abstractions in nature itself. Abstract whether patterns, the ability for some amphibians to change genders for reproduction, any number of diseases, the common flu, HIV, cancer cells, heart disease are all products of Mother Nature. “Perfection” is a construct of our human minds. It is not a construct of nature. Just because something can exist in mother nature certainly doesn’t mean that it’s perfect, healthy, “should be” or even always the optimum solution.
    The fertile “sweet spot” for women is actually age 26. They will have another rush of fertileness closer to the later years of their biological systems wrapping up.
    Men’s sperm quality begins to decline by the age of 30. It’s mother nature’s way of telling men they no longer prove to be the best *optimal* option anymore. However, like women, they can go on to have healthy children outside their own “fertile sweet spot”.  
    Girls begin puberty between 10-11. Boys, between 11-12. Girls reach maturity in puberty between the ages of 15-17, boys between the ages of 16-17. Both genders continue to mature and develop until their early 20s where it finally levels off. Off-set of puberty shows a one year difference between the genders based on general statistics. Meaning, some boys will peek earlier, as will some girls, and others will peek later. This would not account for a biological factor of significantly older men sleeping with significantly younger women. 
    12-15 year old boys have the same potential to make babies as 12-15 year old girls. A factor you have not addressed in your pursuit of objectification of young girls and women alike. If you believe 15 year old girls should be having babies then you also should believe that 15 year old boys should be having them with them since *biologically* they are a much better mate than clearly an older man past 30.
    You can have children in the best physical conditions and there can still be imperfections in nature. 
    Older women and older men can both have perfectly healthy children.
    Society today is still a construct of patriarchy. This is seen through the following examples:

    Older men mating with younger women. Older men wanted to maintain power over both females and over younger males who actually physically were the better biological variables.  
    We know this isn’t rooted in biology because we know A) 15-18 year olds are not at their biological sweet spot. B) Men over 30 are no longer the best biological parters for optimum results either. Any may/december romances are not a protect of biology but the sociology of a patriarchal society. 
     Women are socialized to overlook men’s ages in favor of potential financial rewards. Thus further aiding older men to maintain their power over more biologically healthy younger male mates.Teach your girls not to use a man’s wealth as a barometer of his worth. Teach boys not to use a woman’s body as a barometer of hers. This just makes us better human beings.
    In modern times, as we see women gain more financial independence, we see women put pressure on other factors in men to be considered for good partners such as looks, youth and greater contributions to the family that go beyond financial payouts. 
    Historically women were exclusively blamed for any biological issues with a child despite the fact that both men and women contribute to the biology of a child. Women were even blamed if they failed to produce male heirs despite the fact that men biologically determine the sex of a baby.  It hasn’t been until the past 10 years we’ve seen more information come out that older fathers are the cause of numerous DNA break down. One way we see this is through Autism which has actually shown a dramatic growth in our society and which older fathers tend to be responsible for.

    It’s too bad that woman thought so little of herself. But that’s not the story every woman is living. Just as not every young girl was breaking little boys hearts everywhere with evil glee. These are the stories *you* tell yourself only. In the fast realm of the human experience, you have a very VERY limited world view of young girls and women alike. Some people choose to live healthy life stories and others don’t. And people who choose to live healthy life stories usually gravitative toward others who do as well. And vice versa.
     
    Set your bitterness and preconceived notions aside. You can pick them up again later after if you want. Hold real, vulnerable conversations with a wide range of women to really get to know them. All you seem to know of women is A) you like them young. B) You like them sweet. C) they are the cause of the emotional pain of rejection that you still hang onto as a grown man (completely ignoring the fact that many girls are rejected too.) Liking women’s bodies, liking young women, is not the same thing as having an actual healthy like for women themselves, even those young women. The only difference is that those young women aren’t experienced enough yet pick up on how you truly value them, Which in reality is no value at all. 
     
    As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned what it meant to not only be a woman, but to be a good woman. And that makes all the difference in the world.  Because that’s the key into how deep my relationships go.  I have much stronger and healthier relationships with men then I ever had before. And I find that the older I get, the more I learn, the more I require from a man to respect me or leave, the more skills I learn in being a better partner (because I have to tell you, I was selfish, naive and very young and stupid about relationships early on) the more men are willing to meet that challenge. And you know what’s even cooler? They like me more for it. 
     
    You reinforce ideas that men should ask for very little for themselves except a young body and someone who is *sweet*. Men deserve so much more than you believe they do. They deserve to ask women to be good partners, to be emotionally supportive, to try and work on being his partner, his playmate in all respects, not just sexual, to be a contributing member of the family in the terms they set as a couple.   It’s strange how little you actually require from women and you think this hurts women. It doesn’t.
     
    I look back at 15, heck, even 20 and 25, I haven’t even begun to reach my potential as a woman.
     
    When I as younger, I was not treated with respect by men. I had a lot of negative experiences with men. ALOT of my friends have as well. Just as I’m sure you had with women when you were younger. But you don’t want to think about the men that have treated women poorly because you have some messed up entitled attitude that your hurt was worse than everyone else’s. Especially over women. You don’t even give women the dignity to have a full range of life experiences from conception to adulthood because you’ve created this narrative in your head about your own pain. I have a secret for you that EVERY woman in the world knows, even those that rejected you: there are just as many men who want to use you for sex when your 20 vs 30. 
     
    I’m not telling you this because I have disdain for you. I’m not telling you this because I’m angry at you. I’m seriously trying to help you. You do not have a healthy relationship with women. And I want this point to be clear so that you don’t inflict false information on other women, older and younger, that will mistakeningly believe you speak for all men simply because you are *a man*. 
     
    Which brings me to this point. Yes you are a man. As a woman, I’ve seen lots of women say lots of things about women and men and I don’t agree with them simply because they may be another woman saying them. I impart this wisdom onto men as well when I read their comments. 
     
    There are wonderfully great men out there. Men that truly respect women. It would do you justice to spend more time in their presence. May I suggest you visit a website called The Good Men Project? It’s a wonderful website that hosts the best group of men I’ve ever seen on the internet. 
     
    Ultimately, this is a power struggle for you. One you are trying your hardest to maintain over women because of feelings of marginalization from when you were young. I suggest you spend more time figuring out your inner issues, working on your beliefs about young girls and women alike, and trying to grow past your own emotional hurts to see women as human beings, just like you. Just because you date and sleep with young women, doesn’t mean you even like those young women very much either. Even as you try your hardest to paint a picture for older women in comparison to the younger women. Me? I don’t want to see younger or older women involved with men that don’t seem to like women very much at all anyway. And liking a woman’s body is not even close to actually liking women. 
     
    Lastly, there is one piece of the puzzle that remains out of place. If you prefer young teenage girls and girls in their early 20s, then why in the world have you come to this kind of website that clearly has a more mature clientale? I am scratching my head over that. 

  28. 658
    Jeffrey

    @657 Mother Nature is perfect. HIV, deformities, earthquakes etc, is Her way of balancing population, and isolating others for reproduction value and Im sure many more reasons that we many never understand because, well, we are not perfect like Her. And youre right, two 16 year olds having a baby would probably make a healthy baby, good call.
    Just because my views or relationships dont fit into YOUR idea of a good relationship, doesnt mean mine is “unhealthy”. Thats what makes us all unique. Imagine if everyone had the same ideas about relationships.
    .
    As an adult, you dont have to try pistachio ice cream 300 times to know you prefer vanilla. You also dont need to eat dog doodie, or jump out of a plane without a parachute to know you simply wont like it. Eventually you find what you like, whether its older, same age, or younger.
    .
    Which brings me to another point. In general, we have 6 different age scenarios in regard to dating. Women dating an older man, about same age, or younger. And a man dating an older woman, about same age, or younger. Why of those 6 dynamics, is the man dating the younger woman the one that is critisized, and raises the most objections? If you have a preference for a younger man, or one your age, we dont fault you for it. What gives? Its simply a preference.
    .
    Many women took my rejection comment and ran with it! LOL, if you read my comment, I am speaking in general when I said most men have memories of being turned down by beautiful teenagers when they were younger.
    .
    Most viewpoints here are of the American kind. I retired at 34 and have been traveling non stop since. Been to 52 countries and lived in 6 of them for more than 6 months. The older man, younger woman dynamic is usually motivated by dough in the U.S., I agree. In other countries, due to culture, not so much. Even though I have done fairly well financially, I am broke compared to my gf´s family. Her father has a chain of over 200 dry cleaners/tailor shops. She is definitely not into me for my dough, although some have accused me of being with her for hers, lol! I have to leave Thailand every 30 days for visa reasons, and we cruise around to other SE Asia countries together…….on the corporate credit card of course. She gets a monthly allowance from her father that is 30x the average adult salary there.
    .
    To the men who live in N. America, and are more on the traditional side, I definitely recommend going overseas to date. Dont listen to people with agendas that tell you that all the girls are looking for your dough/green cards etc. Simply not true. Most of the women Ive met have no desire to leave their country, and like a simple life, free of hyperconsumerism. They simply want to be happy, and dont care where a man came from. If you need any advice on the overseas thing, find me on Face, Jeffrey McNeela.

  29. 659
    Charlotte

    Great advice!  One other warning for men over 40:  If you have dated several different women, having relations with them, and none of them have become pregnant, (particularly if some wanted to marry you), please beware!  There may be a reason, and that reason may be that you are unable to have children.  Please do not assume that women over 40 cannot get pregnant and that you are fertile soil. In fertility clinics across the country, 40% of the time, the fertility problem lies with the male. Females have problems 40% of the time, 10% of the time both parties have problems and 10% it is indeterminable. The fact that you sound somewhat desperate to have a child and hear yo ur biological clock ticking, makes you vulnerable for a much younger woman to being dating you and somehow miraculously become pregnant within the first month or two, (by someone else and giving you the responsibility).  If it seems too good to be true, it is!  Men experience fertility decline as they age, just as women do. Birth defects also increase with a man’s age and these things begin to decline around 35 to 40 years of age.  Sperm loses it’s motility and is unable to reach the intended target.  As Evan has suggested, stick with a woman who is late 30s to early 40s who will be more patient and understanding if you have fertility issues.  Afterall, if you’ve never fathered a child, there is a very good possibility of this, especially now that you are 42 years old.  Better to adopt with a woman who loves you than to be stuck with someone else’s child believing it is yours. 

  30. 660
    Dee

    Henriette, I agree that this 15 year olds having sexual power conversation is very disturbing.  Gross!  It makes a person wonder what truly is wrong with the people who are discussing it and wonder if they actually pursue little girls that young.  Disgusting but confirms why I am all for the sexual predator alert apps so the sane know where the insane are.
     

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>