Why Do Women in Their 30s Not Want to Date Men in Their 40s?

I’m a 42 year old single male who recently left a 5 year relationship for various reasons, but mainly because I wanted kids and she did not. I thought that since I was an attractive, fit, well-educated, financially and emotionally secure guy that I would have no problem finding a woman in her mid 30s to settle down with and start a family. I have tried a combination of online dating, speed dating, professional singles events, volunteering, happy hours etc. and have had very few dates over the past year. I thought that online dating would be great since you are essentially pre-screening people for dates. I have found that I get no responses from any women online and the only women who respond to my ad are usually much older and don’t meet any of my criteria outlined in my profile.

I am told that women want to settle down and have kids, etc., but their actions seem to be to the contrary. At singles events, women come in groups and are reluctant to talk to men. In online situations, women say they want desperately to meet a nice guy like me, but never answer my response to their profile. I am trying to remain positive, but two things are really bothering me. One, that younger women are no longer interested in dating men who are even just slightly (3-5 years) older than them and sometimes want to date men 5-10 years younger then them. Two, women seem to be content in the fact that they are independent and self-sufficient and have a career, family and friends that fulfills them and don’t seem to be interested in truly finding a relationship. I find the latter hard to believe, but find this mantra in every profile of every professional woman online. Any advice on how to navigate these new paradigms in the dating world?

Adam

Dear Adam,

You came to the right place.

And to directly address your email, I have to divide my response into two different parts: 1) What You’re Getting Right and 2) What You’re Missing.

Let’s start with What You’re Missing. We’ll do What You’re Getting Right next week.

Why Do Women in Their 30s Not Want to Date Men in Their 40sWhat you’re missing is that what you want has absolutely no relation to what women want. We’ve addressed this before, from an older man who couldn’t possibly fathom why a younger woman wouldn’t want to be with him. This isn’t all that much different. We can complain that the opposite sex is unrealistic and passing up great opportunities – and we’d be right – but it doesn’t change that people want what they want. It’s not fair. It’s not right. It just IS.

From 25-34, men play around a lot. Why? Because they can. They have a lot of dating options, they’re building their careers, and there isn’t a clear urgency to settle down.

Once a guy crosses 35, however, he (theoretically) tends to get more serious.

What you’re missing is that what you want has absolutely no relation to what women want.

Alas, the women with whom he wants to get serious are 27-34. This gives men time to court, fall in love, travel together, move in, get engaged, and enjoy a few years of childless marriage before starting a family.

The problem is that many women from 27-34 are independent professionals just like their male peers. They, too, have a lot of dating options, are busy building their careers, and don’t have a clear urgency to settle down.

Then she hits 35. Theoretically, this is when she starts to get more serious. This is also when all the problems start.

Because 35-40-year-old men who are ready to settle down still want to have time before becoming dads. Thus, their target market remains women, 27-34 – who may not be ready to settle down quite yet. These women still have money to make, places to travel and oats to sow.

The 35-40-year-old women who ARE ready for marriage, unfortunately, are roundly ignored by the men they desire – their 35-40-year-old peers. These women are youthful and find themselves far more attracted to men in their 30’s than their 40’s.

…the bigger takeaway is that ALL of us are very judgmental on age.

Which brings us to you, Adam. You say you’re looking for a woman in her mid-30’s. That’s perfectly fair. But if none of them are looking for you, your wheelhouse is going to be women in their late 30’s to early 40’s:

Find the people who want you. It’s the same exact advice I give to women in their early 40’s who want men in their early 40’s…except men in their early 40’s want women in their 30’s.

And around and around we go.

I’m being a bit unfair, Adam, because there IS a market for a 42-year-old man – and you can certainly be doing better than you’re currently doing. Pick up a copy of www.findingtheoneonline.com and it should make a difference. Seriously. But the bigger takeaway is that ALL of us are very judgmental on age. To a 34 year old woman, 42 sounds OLD. To a 42-year-old man who wants his own biological children, anything above 36 is getting into risky territory. The lesson to all of you younger readers: take your love life seriously when you turn 30, instead of waiting until you’re 35 or 40.

32
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Comments:

  1. 661
    Jeffrey

    Everyone seems to be obsessed with 15 year olds here. For all the God fearing people here, let it be known that the age of consent is 12 in Vatican City. We are 100% sure that Jesus was consulted before that age was instituted. I guess now everyone here knows more than Mother Nature AND Jesus. This world has gone nuts.

    1. 661.1
      SparklingEmerald

      Jeffrey – You are the one who started this obsession with 15 year old girls.  And I don’t consider the Vatican to be an authority on anything, nor to be the spokesperson for Jesus.  Do you think the pope personally consulted Jesus to allow & cover up the  boy-buggery that  happened on his watch ?
      Yes, I know the bible (OT) condones child rape and a host of other evils.  That is why I don’t consult the bible as a source of morality.  I believe much of the “nuttery” in this world comes FROM the bible.

  2. 662
    JB

    Adam, go younger.  Target 28 to 32.  Understand that the sexual market value of men and women in their 30s and older are quite different from each other.  Women in this category will rage, rage, rage about the unfairness of it all, but that’s life.  In their 20s, the power is theirs — now it’s yours.  Do not accept people telling you otherwise.
    Good luck to you.
    –JB

  3. 663
    Amy

    Hmm… I find the debate below interesting. I have a few things to say.
    1) Not all women want children
    2) Not all men want children
    This is something people need to talk about when they’re in a monogamous relationship. Also if both the woman and man in the relationship want children, how many would they ideally like to have? These are important issues and should be agreed upon. If you don’t agree, you’re not with the right person. 
    And there are many ways to have children. You can adopt. You can hire a surrogate. Just because a woman is in her 20s doesn’t mean she can’t have fertility issues. The same goes for men.
    Women in their 30s can usually bear healthy children. There can be some issues after the age of 40 but it really depends on the individual. My great aunt accidently became pregnant at 45. My grandmother got married at 19 and had two miscarriages before giving birth to my father. Everyone is different. 

  4. 664
    BC

    Okay, just turned 40 here, was in a 4 year relationship with someone a few years younger who is now with a 29 year old, we broke up because she was also seeing another 29 year old, and a 38 year old ex to boot.  The ironic thing is that the 29 year old she is with now is impotent…and I’m the opposite of that…my sex drive was always stronger than hers…even post 40.  The other 29 year old sexually assaulted her, and I’ve been pulled back her way because of it.  Crazy situation, and I’ve had no problems finding short term fun, but the majority of women I’ve been with have kids, the only ones who didn’t were 25 and 39.  Not looking to be with a 25 year old, but not wanting to start an instant family with the 39 year old either, like most men, my sweet spot of age is 33-35 for the above mentioned reasons.  As for relationships, I spent the majority of my 30s in long term live in relationships, and was engaged twice, once for 2 years, the other time for a briefer period.  Even conceived a child with the first woman I was engaged to at 30, she was bipolar, and she made a choice…her third.  She did me a favor though, but I cannot help believing that my chance at fatherhood ended with that.  Reading this is depressing, especially reading the comments from the ladies.  I did all I could to do the right thing, and be in a committed relationship in my 20s and 30s….not just play around.  So because I didn’t find the One in my 30s, am I doomed to be seen as a dirty old man, when all I want is to have a committed relationship with a woman 5-7 years younger than me without a child who won’t want a family right away, who will allow me to build a life with her before children are in the picture.  The comments from women here really boggle my mind, especially the early 30somethings who have no problems being with younger guys, but who seem to expect guys not to want younger women.  I have no problems attracting older women or single moms, have since my 20s, but I’ve always been interested in women at or younger than my age.  I want a family, tried to have one…and it wasn’t in the cards for me.  Despite this, I am determined to do what I can to find the right woman, even if it means going all over the world to do so.  Good luck with your search everyone….age isn’t just a number from what I see, but I want as many years as I can possibly have with the woman I decide to spend a life with.

  5. 665
    CubsFan1888

    These comments are crazy. Time is on man’s side not women.  Men age better because we have more muscle mass and testosterone.  Also, a man’s sexual value is based not just on his looks but also his wealth/career etc. whereas as a women’s sexual value is based solely on her looks.  Guys don’t care if she went to Harvard and makes $500K/year we — they look at the T&A first.  Besides men can have kids no problemo well into their 60s and 70s wheres women start to have serious complications mid thirties.   

  6. 666
    E.

    Leave women in North America alone.
    Admire them the way you would admire a fine horse.
    Nice to look at but not our species to marry.
    Go overseas my friend and you will see what women really are about.
    Never ever take advice from a North American woman.
    They think they are the most beautiful women in the Solar System.
    Yea, if you love cellulite and huge unobstructed ego’s.
    I have been married for 14 years  to a woman 14 years younger than me.
    She’s a model type from Ukraine. We have two children and everything is great.
    Overseas my friend. You won’t regret it.
    Leave North American women alone.
    Let them wallow in self deception that they are superior.
    You’ll find  out the truth if you take my advice.
     
     
     
     
     

  7. 667
    Elana

    I have seen many of the posts on here talking about women depreciating, or that we should be grateful for a fit and attractive low income man, or that we lose the power choice is we wait and it’s a man’s market. One question, How’s that working out for you? Women all around the world who want families want what is best for their children. Being attractive and fit doesn’t go far in the eyes of educated, successful, self sufficient women. We want a good mate and a good father/provider, otherwise we would go to a sperm bank. No American women wants to have a daughter with a man that looks at women as a second class citizen. If you choose to go over seas to find a wife and find it much easier that too is because that woman wants what is best for her children. That includes her daughter growing up to be just like the women you put down for not wanting you.

  8. 668
    Jim

    Let me tell ya ’bout the birds and the bees
    And the flowers and the trees
    And the moon up above
    And a thing called “Love”
     
    You know what, forget the age thing, find your soul mate. And hey, if a guy still wants to have biological kids, let him have them with someone who can. Good luck to you buddy!

  9. 669
    AllHeart

    Does this conversation ever get us anywhere? It never seems men or women are any further along in understanding each or coming to this issue from the perspective of helping and healing each other. It seems we just want to lash out and hurt each other instead. And because this conversation is always coming from a place of hurt and marginalization within ourselves for the injustices we feel we’ve been dealt personally, we end up disliking each other more and more. 
    After reading all these responses I am fighting awfully hard with my feelings about men right now. I want to support men in the deepest part of my heart. I want to trust and respect you, men. But it’s hard to even like you when you talk about teenagers and the submissiveness of foreigners like they are the golden calf of what is right in the world. It’s hard to like men when 42 year old guys feel entitled to 30 year old women.  And this is coming from a woman who is in her early 30s and wouldn’t mind dating a 42 year old man. These conversations make me infact NOT want to date older men at all. And even as a man, how in the world could you even expect women to feel good about these things? How in your right mind can you not understand why these things are so damaging between us? 
    I can’t speak for the guys but as a woman I can say this. Every single time another man alludes to the belief that women have less value at 25 than 18, and again less value at 30 than 25,  you are giving women the perfect reasons to not like men at all. You are hurting us.  Betraying us, devaluing us and degrading us. Each time I hear another inference that American women are subpar compared to more subservient, obedient, younger foreigners, it doesn’t motivate us American women to say, “Oh, maybe I should change my ways. These American guys really care and just want to find some love and connection like I do.” No. All it does is have us say, “If the grass is so much greener elsewhere, go. Go now. Go far. Don’t come back.”  
    Here is the thing that no one seems to understand. The more times you tell each other how you devalue them, the less they care about trying, attempting, helping, healing or getting along with *you*. 
    I am so tired of this back and forth conversation that seems more about devaluing each other then truly helping one another! 
    I don’t think anyone is any closer to what each single person here actually wants to feel whether they are a man or a woman! What is that you might be asking? Valued as a person. Valued as a woman. Valued as a man. Valued as having a worthy place in human connection and finding love. Valued in away that is not diminished by our looks, age, income or relationship status. Valued in way where men believe they are better than women and women believe they are better than men. 
    There are no new truths being expressed here, if any *real* vulnerable truths at all. There is no true communication happening because everyone feels this subject so deeply all we are doing is talking at each other firing back comments to help keep our value while devaluing each other at the same time. 
    It’s past time that we stopped this. It’s time we started wanting to help each other. Not hurt each other. 
    What none of us seem to underestand is that for generations, women were married off to men based on the money they had and her youth. And it didn’t exactly create great relationships or love. We live in an age where we can choose our mates based on love and it’s like men are still arguing to go back to times where they paid a woman’s family for her youth with his money. Do you want real love no matter the circumstances or do you want to spend all your time qualifying each other based on the most shallow of human desires? That choice is yours. 

  10. 670
    tamara

    I really shouldn’t be spending my time here when I’m rushing to meet a deadline, but I feel I have to reply…It’s fine to be a dreamer, to wish for a better world (I do! Who doesn’t?), but u can be an optimistic dreamer or a negative dreamer.
    I think u’re being excessively negative. So some men feel that, all else remaining equal, a 20 year old woman has more value than a 30 year old, and a 30 year old woman has more value than a 40-year old. Or some men think it’s a good idea to fly to Asia to find a young hot subservient bride. So what? There are billions of men in the world, u don’t need all of them to think u’re an amazing catch.
    I really don’t wanna analyse your whole post, but for example:
    ‘Each time I hear another inference that American women are subpar compared to more subservient, obedient, younger foreigners, it doesn’t motivate us American women to say, “Oh, maybe I should change my ways. These American guys really care and just want to find some love and connection like I do.” No. All it does is have us say, “If the grass is so much greener elsewhere, go. Go now. Go far. Don’t come back.’
    Why get annoyed because some men say this? What about the percentage of men you’ve heard say this, vs the percentage of men who have never said such a thing? And this talk of men ‘devaluing’, ‘degrading’ u. I really feel one can only be devalued and degraded if u allow yourself to be, if u Feel devalued or degraded. So don’t feel that way! As for saying men are ‘betraying’ u..perhaps u are getting too emotional over what some internet stranger (who may be trolling) says.
    I apologise if i seem to be blaming u, but it’s because I feel the way u think is neither healthy nor helpful to you. Yeah some of the male comments and female comments here are mainly about putting the other sex down, I think many of them are just retaliative and combative, the commenters probably aren’t even that sincere.
    I can tell u I know 2 male friends who seemed quite indifferent to me (romantically) when I was about 5-7 years younger, who have become interested in me. I’m not as fresh-faced as I was before, but I’ve grown in maturity and become sweeter, kinder etc, and overall to those 2 friends, I have become more attractive.
    To hope that many men won’t have a preference for young or attractive women, or that many women won’t have a preference for successful men, is just rather unrealistic. But I can tell u, from experience, that really these are just some of the many factors people take into consideration. Instead of looking at the ways men (or women) are shallow in how they pick partners, u could look at the way they look beyond the superficial. And once u become more optimistic, I guarantee u, u’ll increase your attractiveness to boot. But more importantly u’ll be Happier.

  11. 671
    Day

    I’m 36 and I like dating younger men who are old souls. Men who are my age have often already started to let themselves go. They are going bald, getting fat or flabby and they look old. They also act old. They often aren’t as vibrant, playful, effervescent, and full of life as younger and more fit men.  I look about 28, some say younger, and I’m vibrant, successful and driven. 

    The tides have turned. Many women want someone who looks good, too. Who takes care of themselves. Who stays young and playful and vibrant, and makes this part of their lifestyle. So I prefer looking for someone who is younger, who is vibrant and has the qualities I’m looking for, who also has the personality type that will continue to take care of their health and who will stay an old soul in an active and in-shape body.
    And men tend to die younger too, so being with someone younger than me means that I could have a better chance of more time with my beloved. I also have a powerful sex drive which is increasing as I get older. I would like my partner to be able to keep a delicious sex life with me, which requires physical fitness, stamina, and libido. Ease with erectile functioning for more years of the relationship is also desirable. 
    So there are many reasons to date younger men, and to settle down with them. There are many younger men who are the settle down type as well, who are happy to get into LTR. It’s just their personality type. They love intimacy, and going deep with a partner. 
    This is simply my experience and my truth. But I hope it helps explain why some of us ladies are now seeking the younger men. 
     

    1. 671.1
      AllHeart

      Getting older is a natural part of life. I’m beginning to believe people don’t understand this simple concept. I’m reminded of my own Father, God bless his soul. Whenever he saw an actor that got older in his generation, he’d always talk about how old they looked. I always wondered if he knew he was aging at the same rate they were. It’s like we don’t see how we age even as we see how others age. This may be especially true for men since we still have a society that is strong in the belief system that men are handsome into old age. Which isn’t biologically or even logically true. 
      But I do agree that women want someone who looks good too. I just don’t think women are as hardcore about it as men are. And wanting to be with someone that is full of life and upbeat is great. But not expecting any physical changes as we get older or expecting to be the same at 20 as you were at 40 is unrealistic. There is a different between being full of life at 40 vs wanting someone to be like they were 20 at 40. 

      1. 671.1.1
        Karmic Equation

        Couples who age together are accept getting old/looking old. I have plenty of older friends who’re like that.
         
        What is difficult is that if you’re newly single and you have a choice…Why choose someone that looks old when you can choose someone who looks young?
         
        Asians as a race don’t seem to look old as other races at the same age. I know that I look mid-late 30′s even though I’ll be 47 later this week.
         
        However, I can tell you that many men who are writing to me who are supposedly in their late 40′s, look more like they’re in their 50′s. Probably due to bad nutrition, genetics, or simply they lied about their age. My original age criteria was 35-55 for dating; I’ve since changed to 35-50. I might have to revise down, because I have so much trouble seeing myself in a relationship with someone who looks like a father-figure to me. Creeps me out.

  12. 672
    Michael

    I am 35 years old and I have been looking for a wife since I was 6 years old.  However I have trouble because I am not interested in American women. I really want to live overseas in countries like Russia or China and I figure few American women would want to give up american citizenship for countries like Russia, China or Iran. Lately I have begun travelling overseas to find a lady who can be my ticket out of the USA.  I wish American women would not state that foreign women are the only ones who are looking for a ticket out of their countries. I know I have been trying to do the same thing.  I also believe a foreign woman would connect with me better. I have more  in common with a russian than I do with an American. I like Russian food, I listen to Russian music, and I write in Russian candidates such as Vladimir Putin in US elections. Ideally I should be living in Russia.

  13. 673
    Evilllama

    Yeah, i may need medical assistance to have a baby because I’m getting “Old”. Guess what guys you need medical assistance to get an erection and maintain it, so what does that make you?

  14. 674
    Ben

    Oh snap; I better get on it then. 32 year old male. Thanks.

  15. 675
    Jeffrey

    Its nice to hear more women saying they like younger men! Finally starting to realize that younger truly is better. Even though my program is well put together, I look at my gf, who is half my age, and think “why dont you find some 24 yo dude”. Youth rules!
    .
    I encourage women to get younger dudes to date. If youre 40, the  chances of landing a ´normal´guy in your age group are low. You will be mostly desired by 55+ or under 30. Just remember, the under 30 guys want a 19 yo for a relationship, but will have fun with you for a while. Its all good, go for it!

  16. 676
    jim

    Because they are busy cougaring on 20 somethings.

  17. 677
    Leighroy

    I’m 44 year old male that has been rejected many times by women my own age so I tried younger and got rejected.
    Was also rejected by older women.
    I’m overweight/obese so I’m hoping if I get weight right I will get attention.
    5 minutes attention would be awesome.
    I’m on exercise program and anticipate to be at healthy attractive weight in 16 weeks.
    Age is no biggie but around 5 yrs either way makes it easier to relate.

  18. 678
    Oh well

    Boy after reading this I’m depressed. I’m 45. Fuck it, it’s over.

    1. 678.1
      tamara

      Don’t be depressed. 45 is just early middle-age! There are plenty of pple around your age and older, who will be happy to meet someone your age–as long as u have a job, keep yourself relatively attractive and healthy, and have a good personality. There are people still single, getting divorced or widowed and who will be happy to meet a good partner. Im not gonna lie, it’s gonna be easier for a 45year old man than a 45year old woman, all else being equal, so if ure a woman it’s a little harder, but still very very possible. I usually don’t bother typing such cheerleader-y posts to downhearted people, but somehow I felt I wanted to cheer u up.

    2. 678.2
      Cara

      I’m 38.  The only way a women my age gets a date is if she promises to sleep with a guy on the first date.  Still celibate.  Still single.  Still wish euthanasia was legal.

      1. 678.2.1
        tamara

        Hi Cara, Evan has lots of female clients your age and older who have found great rships. The way I (choose to) look at it, is that it’s not v difficult for women above 35 to date, it’s that it’s sometimes extra-easy for younger women to date. Extra-easy in the sense that they have an easier time than young men. Even then, many young women have crummy dating lives too, so don’t envy them. I feel sorry for your bad experiences, but you’re way too young to have such ennui. Maybe u could benefit from some of the self-help products sold on this website, they’ve benefited lots of women. Also, u could try online dating if u haven’t, I used that when I had a breakup and it really cheered me up to talk to new people. :-)

  19. 679
    Steve55

    If you are a man in your 40′s or older who wants to date women young enough to have children with , please keep in mind that women of most other cultures (primarily non western) not only don’t mind men 20-30 yrs older but actually generally prefer men much older. In most other countries, a 25 yr old will easily date and marry a 50 year old. In addition, most foreign women speak descent English and many are college educated or have good jobs. Many foreign women simply have a hard time just finding a man (much less a descent man) for reasons that are beyond the scope of this post, but man shortages being a major culprit). Another interesting thing is that the divorce rate is only 20% with foreign women compared to the 50%-60% divorce rate among US domestic marriages. That divorce statistic pretty much defeats the stereotype that they will just leave you for the bigger and better deal later on. Divorce simply isn’t in their vocabulary, these women tend to just want to be married and raise a family. There are severe man shortages in Russia, Eastern Europe and Latin America and some Asian countries, which leaves many women unable to find a man, so when they do find one, they really appreciate him. Many foreign women love western men because their local men really treat women badly (abuse and cheating is high). They know western men treat women well and generally don’t cheat. I’m just sayin, for you older guys that this article is talking about, your market value is very high abroad, but quite low here.  Travel is cheaper than ever now days, and foreign women are extremely marriage minded. Why stay in a market where you are in excess supply and low demand. Go where you are gold to young women. 

  20. 680
    Olivia

    the fact is that although the chance of having a baby with Down syndrome increases with maternal age, you can screen for this and avoid it if you choose. Men seem unaware that apart from downs women who have later pregnancies do not have more problems than younger women with there babies overall health. This can not be said for older fathers, they infact pass along mant detrimental mutations as they get older . In other words if a woman is still able to conceive there is no difference in what age she is. Sadly for men there age has a bigger impact on the child. 

     1. ‘He doesn’t have any fertility problems; he’s already a dad.’
    Contrary to popular belief, male fertility is finite. Similar to female fertility, male fertility decreases with age, particularly after age 40.
    Researchers have found a direct link between paternal age and an increased risk of autism and schizophrenia. Men pass along as many as four times more genetic mutations compared with mothers. As a man ages, the concentration of mobile, healthy semen and semen volume overall will decrease.
     

    1. 680.1
      RustyLH

      Yeah yeah yeah.

      Look, I don’t want anymore and had the snip. And yes, it is to BOTH men and women’s advantage not to wait. A woman in her 20′s has a very rare chance, 1 in thousands, of having a Down Syndrome baby, but a woman who is 40 has about a 1 in 19 chance. That’s no longer rare.

      So for both, it is to their advantage not to put this off.

      But, if they choose to go ahead, while you keep posting how finite it is, many men over 40 have been fathering kids. There are things he can do to increase his odds also.

      1. 680.1.1
        Julia

        You know, I am so sick of hearing about the warnings of older women having a terrible Down’s Syndrome baby. I know several very lovely people with Down’s Syndrome, they are humans with emotions, opinions, desires just like any of us. They have a third set of chromosomes. I think of all that could go wrong, physically, to a child and just don’t think down’s syndrome is at the top of this list. So please stop, its frankly bigotry.

  21. 681
    Yeppie!

    What that one lady said… Hey lady ;) wanna hook up :D
    JJ JJ. No but really want to . Na she’s rright your idiots why in hell did you wait so long … oh wait no ya can fix this… find yourself a young one, they don’t know yet and want to pop one out as soon as they can. say 20-24. Dated a 24 yeard old had her thinking this in no time flat she even said it and I wasn’t even wanting or thinking that damn shit… and I knwo she might have been testing me but she said she didn’t know where that came from because she has never ever wanted that she’s told me over and over again that she never wants kids… and then outta no where she goes I would even want to have your kids… :3 Uhhhhhh ladie sorry but to me for me do you know how badly that melts a mans okay not heart but a bit further south ah ya. not sure if anything else is a bigger turn on other than her having the kid in her the kid and being there by her side able to touch her tummy. You women are lucky. You look hot no matter what the freak your doing.

  22. 682
    Michele

    Ok.   I am a 22 year old, this blond hair blue eyed lady working on my career, who happens to be in a serious relationship with a 44 year old. It can happen, but you could say I am done type of ‘freak’ has I have always had a ‘ thing’ as you would call it for older gentleman. 

  23. 683
    Justin

    In my opinion, Adam, you can always ‘outsource’ it.  There are beautiful, incredibly intelligent, sophisticated, young women in China, Philippines, Vietnam, etc that would do anything to have someone like you; 21-29 years old.  It’s simple to chat, video chat, and you can visit them.  If it works out, just get married.  If religion is an issue, believe me, it’s not an issue for them, as they will convert.   They are incredibly attracted to westerners, and they are much more appreciative than your typical US women.  Give it a shot, and let me know how it works out.  If you need help, reach out to me, and I’ll guide you.  I know thousands.

    1. 683.1
      RustyLH

      “I know thousands.”

      *Raises hand!*

      Ahem…

  24. 684
    Terry

    Women in overseas countries who are willing to marry American men coming over trolling not for friends or company or thoughts, but for wives, female bodies and baby breeders…  What would someone do to get to America?  To get to a country where a woman has the magnificent opportunities of education and self-direction.  How many years would a person put in to gain options unavailable to her in her country of birth? Opportunities for her children?  Freedom is expensive and has to be fought for, sacrifices have to be made?  Just wondering.

  25. 685
    RustyLH

    Terry, you are operating on a stereotype that has been proven false.   The 2011 census showed that en are less likely to end up divorced if they marry a foreign woman. 20% chance with the and 60% chance with an American woman.  Also, the women we meet on places like BrazilCupid.com often want us to move there, some are willing to move here, but most are college educated.  I have talked with a woman who is a federal prosecutor there and wanted me to move there.  Same with a woman who was a doctor and one a nurse.  I have had some nurses willing to move here but they were nervous about the amount of schooling they would have to go through to get back to their profession, etc..
    To move here they have to leave friends and family behind.  Why are they willing to do this?  Why?  They have good jobs, family, friends, their native language, etc… but they will move here?  They move for love.  You don’t have to believe that but it’s true.  And they aren’t all marrying rich men to move here.

    1. 685.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Rusty, your stats are rusty. There is not 60% divorce rate among American marriages. And there’s not a 20% divorce rate in foreign marriages. That’s a popular thing that is passed along on MRA blogs to justify why foreign women are “better” and it’s all based on a small sample in a 1997 study:

      “According to data supplied by the U.S. Census Bureau, there were 2,395,000 marriages in the U.S. in the 12 months ending June, 1997 (and 1,154,000 divorces in the same period). The 4,000 to 6,000 marriages
      involving international services represent, then, a tiny portion (.021 percent) of the women who marry U.S. men…Marriages arranged through these services would appear to have a much lower divorce rate than the nation as a whole, fully 80 percent of these marriages having lasted over the years for which reports are available.”

      All good, except that only applies to Filipina women marrying American men through a matchmaker [I assume that's what they mean by "marriages arranged through these services"] though–I would guess that’s a very small percentage of overall American/foreign marriages. Plus, the stats were provided from the agencies themselves, which have a vested interest in making it appear as if these are legitimate marriages, not mail order bride situations in which she gets a visa and he gets someone who barely speaks English.

      What I’m saying is that if you want to find a foreign bride, go get her. Just spare us the trumped up details about how foreign women are better. I ain’t buying and neither are my readers.

      1. 685.1.1
        henriette

        Thank you, Evan.  Even tho’ I’m not American, I have grown weary of men who come to this site to wax poetic on the flaws of American (or “Western,” which does apply to me) women.  Slutty, ungrateful, grasping, unfeminine, entitled…  a litany of ugly stereotypes justifying why some men have pinned their romantic hopes on women in second- and third-world countries.

      2. 685.1.2
        Steve

        Evan, actually, it’s not only just the international dating agencies that quoted the super low 20% divorce rate stat between American men and filipina women, this USCIS report also stated that a branch of the Philippine government called “the commission on Filipinos overseas” also reported the same exact 20%  statistic. Lastly, while I understand why one would presume some bias among the dating agencies in their reporting of divorce rates, I also seriously doubt that all of these dating/marriage agencies made phone calls to each other saying “if anyone asks, let’s tell them that the divorce rate with these international marriages is 20%”. I guess that I find it very credible that all the agencies reported the same 20% statistic. And, interestingly enough, this reported statistic matches the Filipino government statistic on this  too. These can’t all be just a coincidence???

         As per the USCIS (United States Citizens Immigration Services)
        “As quoted word by word from the USCIS report to Congress: “It is interesting to note that, based largely on data provided by the agencies themselves (along with the Commission on Filipinos Overseas report cited above), marriages arranged through these services would appear to have a lower divorce rate than the nation as a whole, fully 80 percent of these marriages having lasted over the years for which reports are available.”

        1. Evan Marc Katz

          Great, Steve. Import yourself a young Filipino bride who can barely speak English. The rest of us adults will stick with American women who are equals. To each his own.

        2. RustyLH

          It’s all about choices Evan.  You yourself made compromises.  All men do.  And women need to also.  Yes, if a guy imports a Filipino girl she may or may not speak English.  However, since the U.S. Navy was there for so long, many Filipinos do speak English.  The 37 year old in Canada that I have speaking to doesn’t even sound foreign.
          If I could find a decent American woman around 38ish to 44ish, I might consider it.  She doesn’t have to be model good looking, but nice looking.  She doesn’t have to have a Harvard degree, or any degree.  We all make compromises.  If you aren’t finding what you want in American women, foreign women are a possible avenue to pursue.  Many men do think that it is a compromise at first, and then later, they wonder why they ever thought that.  Just like you had your list of qualities you wanted.  But you compromised and found a great wife.  And now I am sure you wonder why you ever limited yourself.  But we shouldn’t be attacked for our choices.  If a woman wants to keep it to 3 years either side of here age, more power to her.  Obviously this limits her choices, but that is her choice.  She could also look overseas.  There is nothing stopping her.  Men are not the only ones who can find love overseas.  It does seem however, that some people’s choices are approved of and some are not.   One thing I find helpful now is to realize that there is that never should never be used.  Not all men 10 years older are creepy.  Not all women are cold and heartless.  Not all women from overseas are just looking for a green card.  
          We all have to be realistic, however.  A man who is very ugly is not going to get a 10.  That is a given.  What isn’t as easy is that a 7 is also not likely, nor is an 8.  There are only so many 10s.  So you have to broaden your search.  40 year old women wanting a guy 35 to 43, which is what I see on a lot of American sites…if they aren’t getting any traction, they can keep spinning their wheels or do something different.  That’s all men who look overseas are doing.
          As for women and men being equals.  We aren’t equals.  That does not mean one is inferior…we are just different.  We see that in these choices too.  For most women, finding a younger Filipino man is not appealing, but for many men, finding a younger Filipino woman is appealing.

  26. 686
    CaliforniaGirl

    Most women from Eastern Europe I know dump their American husbands as soon as they get their green cards…Just saying…
    Maybe with Asian women you can get more lucky.

    1. 686.1
      RustyLH

      Except that the2011 census proves that to be false.   But don’t take my word for it go check the information out for yourself it’s all there in black and white.

  27. 687
    Jeffrey

    Rusty is spot on. Im an American who has lived outside of the Police State for over 7 years now. Ive dated girls in dozens of countries, and most prefer to stay where they are.
    .
    I think the myth has been perpetuated since the “mail order bride” thing caught on in the 80s. Now that women can see the real U.S. on the internet, they realize its not what its cracked up to be.
    .
    BTW Evan, you cant get a divorce in the Phillipines. Its one of the last countries that bans all divorces.
     

    1. 687.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      The statistics refer to Filipino women who came to America and married American men. Thus, it doesn’t matter if the Philippines has no divorce if she lives in the US.

      1. 687.1.1
        RustyLH

        I spent 20 years in the U.S. Navy.  Know more than my fair share of men who married women from other countries.  The only trend I am unfamiliar with is the current Ukrainian trend.  While anecdotal the sample size is very large with my having served on both coasts, and overseas.  I can’t even remember one divorce.  I am sure there are some in these circumstances but they seemed to be rare.
        From http://cis.org/marriagefraud
        “Most relationships between Americans and foreign nationals are legitimate, but because of the prevalence of sham marriages, legitimate international couples can face longer wait times due to the huge number of bogus marriage petitions that bog down an already slow and cumbersome visa bureaucracy. Scam marriages also can cast a shadow of illegitimacy over real marriages, and many legitimate couples may be forced to endure invasive and sometimes harsh interviews with United States Citizenship and Immigration Service (USCIS) and State Department personnel who are trying in good faith to screen out fake couples”
        The Center for Immigration Studies is hardly a friend of immigration.  They are a conservative group that wants to reduce immigration.  And yet they admit that the majority are legitimate.  That’s the point…because we always see the ridiculous accusations leveled that the women just want a green card.  They weed out most that do, and more often than not, the American is in on it.  The international Marriage Broker Regulation Act
         has made scams much much harder.
         

  28. 688
    Rita

    Having children is overrated.

  29. 689
    Malcolm

    There was a big outcry recently when a respected Woman author (I forget exact details, sorry) advised elite college Women that finding happiness in their Life would depend disproportionately on their choice of a partner . . . and that they would never have as good an opportunity to find such a partner as they have during college.
    But this seems to me demonstrably true . . .

    1. 689.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      It’s not true, if only because people who get married before the age of 25 are twice as likely to divorce. So is Princeton a target rich environment for aspiring wives? Technically; except few people are mature enough to get married until their 30′s…

      1. 689.1.1
        Malcolm

        Could you please provide your source for that – that Women who meet their future partners at (say) Ivy League schools are twice as likely to divorce as the rest of the population (?) 

  30. 690
    RustyLH

    Plus, there is no guarantee that rich Mr. Princeton grad will be a good husband who won’t end up cheating on her.

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