How To Tell If A Guy’s Falling In Love With You

Hey Evan,
I met a really nice guy. We are going out for a month now. And as all women do, I’m falling in love. But how do I know if he is feeling the same way about me without having to ask him directly?
Antonella from Holland
Dear Antonella,
I wrote about this in a chapter of Why You’re Still Single called:”Diminishing Returns.”
In it, a woman wonders why a man would invest time, energy and money in somebody he might not even care about.
(There was originally a great joke about oral sex here that was later removed by editors, but the point remains the same.)
A guy can want to fall in love, tell you you’re beautiful, treat you like a queen, and ravish you in the bedroom, and it still doesn’t give any indication that he’s actually interested.
So how will you know that he’s interested in you?
He’ll call you as soon as possible to make plans to see you again. That’s it.
Any other excuse, as pointed out ad nauseum in He’s Just Not That Into You, is meaningless.
You’re not wrong, Antonella, for wanting to find some clarity in your relationship. It’s normal that, over the course of a month, your feelings would start to deepen and develop. But one month is still a short period of time and unless you’re quite positive that he’s on the same love track as you are, I would lean back and play it cool.
You shouldn’t have to ask him how he’s feeling. You should know how he’s feeling based on the effort he’s making for you.
Instead of forcing him to have a potentially uncomfortable conversation before he’s figured out his feelings, why don’t you just wait to see him reveal his feelings? Believe me, if he’s calling you every day and wants to see you four nights a week, you can be pretty sure that he’s serious about you. On the other hand, if you see him once a week and he only communicates with you by text message, I wouldn’t get too excited about him.
And when you reach the point where you simply can’t live without the knowledge that you’re in a committed relationship, most likely, in a month or two, that’s when it’s time to have a real conversation with him.
But ultimately, you shouldn’t have to have ask him how he’s feeling. You should know how he’s feeling based on the effort he’s making for you. And if he’s not making an effort, you don’t have to look very far for your answer.
Update: This is such a popular topic, I created a special video that dives into this topic further! Click here to learn how to tell if your boyfriend is falling in love with you.
Your friend,
Evan
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88 Comments »Filed Under Dating












Roger 1
Evan is definitely right on point here. Listen to what he says Antonella.
Roger
Damie 2
I know how to tell a guy is falling in love with you. He tells you, with his actions, and not necessarily just his words.
Rayna 3
I agree with Damie. Actions must match his words. One of the big signs that a man loves you is that he tells everyone about you and how much in love with you that he is. He can’t stop thinking about you or talking about you. He wants you to meet everyone that is important to him.
cora 4
also, he stops dating other women.
I once dated a guy who swore up and down that he was just THAT into me. he’d send me little e-mails to let me know he was thinking about me. he’d say he was excited about (listen closely here) ‘the potential of an us’. he’d talk about the way my lips made him swoon. I thought it was over-the-top, but he seemed so convinced that I started to believe his ardor myself. I started to let him in. and then predictably, just as I started being the one to want to make plans and get closer, he starts to withdraw. I later found out he’d met another woman online to swoon over. he pulled what my g’friends and I call THE BIG FADE. went from 60 to 0 in under 3 dates.
ah well. I know it’s tough when your hopes are high, but take it from a veteran of the big fade. It’s just in some people’s natures to gush initially with little thought of following up words with actions. just as ev says, your boy may be a keeper, but you only know when you don’t have to wonder or have a big talk about where you stand. True love, when it’s there, is a pretty obvious and unambiguous thing. just as me or my husband.
.
Ella 5
When I fisrt started dating my boyfriend he was very flaky. He spent more time with his buddies than me, only called me about once or twice a week and never seemed to put me first. I stuck it out, for five years to be exact because I knew when we were together that he was the one and he just needed some time to grow up. We broke up after five years of dating and spent three years apart dating other people but remained close friends. What I couldn’t find even in the guys that wanted to see me every day was that comfort and unconditional love that I felt in someone who only saw me a few times a week. After three years I realized I was spinning my wheels dating other people and I wanted him back. We had one date and we decided to move in together. We have now been living together for 8 months and things couldn’t be better. We have a new puppy who we both adore but most importantly we see a lot of each other and his friends and other priorities take a backseat to our relationship.
Ella
B 6
All good points. For me, it is things like his late night calls when he tells me how he loves it “when lie in bed together and talk like this” but he “feels sad when [he] turns over and realizes we are not actually that close (because we are on the phone)”…how just hearing my voice is healing to him, and how he felt lonely and tortured being in my bed without me (he house-sat the cat when I had to be away for several days and he slept in my bed instead of gong home/next-door to his own).
Having been together almost 7 years and still not married because all of his friends are married and unhappy, I am content enough to know that he loves me and is with me because he WANTS to be. I was married once, for 20 years. We both enjoy our space and treasure even more our time together. I sense he is getting closer to knowing that he DOES want to get married, but I am not pushing him. We have our careers, he is transitioning there, and we might both be relocating to another area soon. (He even told his mother that she should start thinking about moving when we do, as we help take care of her…and I love her as much as he does!)
He is my best friend and partner, an intuitive parent and counselor to my children and pets, my spiritual guru, and the one true love of my life.
Life is precious and our love relationship is our most precious gift.
How to know if he is in love with you? There’s no mistaking it…but you might not even hear it expressed in those words!
Jami 7
I dated a man, for 3 months, for the first 8 weeks he called every day and stayed with me from our first kiss. After the 8 weeks, he asked me if I only wanted sex from him? I told him no. then he told me he loved me and asked if I loved him. I was sared, I had never felt that way plus his ex was calling in the middle of the night. He slowly pulled away on the fourth month and slept with his ex. Now 6months later I still love him, he calls me (he knows how I feel), will tell me he loves me, when I do not say anything, he says he loves everyone. He wants to have sex/then doesn’t want to hurt me. I have not had sex with him, I couldn’t do it, I cried. I know he loved me but not sure what happened. I had never felt like that before but I realized it to late. I still cry over him and love him.
hunter 8
to Jami,
…you saw him 3 months? That is the perfect period. The first 90-days, is all hunky-dory…everything is fine, everyone is on time, men always shave, etc. Details begin to surface from 3-6 months, men 10 minutes late, forget to shave, etc. You had sex with him? You are bonded…women marry from the neck down, men marry when we sign a certificate. Having sex is like adding super-glue at the short hair site….oxytocin? Maybe, but it will be up to two years before you break the bond, unless, you see someone else as soon as you can, remember, no sex.
witch_angel 9
i had sex with my indian friend,he grew up in my country,here in the philippines.i think im in-love with him,he never had a girlfriend.after what happened i never heard anything from him.what does that means?
witch_angel 10
how to make an indian man fall in-love with me…im a filipina
Diana 11
My boyfriend and I first met in Jr high.Then came back into contact at our mutual guy friend’s girlfriend’s(she’s my friend too) 23rd birthday. We’ve been spending more and more time every week.Depending on our work schedules.Slightly less if I have to work the closing shift.
From what I hear, he used to complain etc to the couple we know because he hardly got to see our guy friend.But now he knows what it’s like to have someone who he wants to see all the time.
I know I’m not in love with him.It’s been only a month.I do know I’m falling in love.At this stage in my relationship, it’s more lust than anything else.I don’t want to rush anything.He makes me feel safe and not scared like the guys I dated before him.He’s not saying I love you during the first week or talking about marriage in the first week.Which is nice because I tend to not stay in relationships where they move too fast.
stacy 12
i meet this guy at work i really like and we have become friend but i have fullen in love with him i told him by text that im fulling in love with him but he didt text back nothing, so i dont know how he feels, please give me advice and tell me what he might be thinking
Marina 13
Stacy, girl I hate to be tough about this but Im gonna be honest, he doesnt feel the same way. Guys really are not complicated they do what they want, when they want to. If he really liked you he would contact you one way or another. Also are you sure your in love with him or have you just not met anyone else, and seeing him everyday is more convinient??? Stop and ask yourself, is this a guy for in the meantime so I dont have to be alone??, if thats that case then trust me feeling a little lonely is better then the quick fix that still doesnt fill the void.
Michael Ejercito 14
Marina,
One of the perks of having an SO is to measure up to other people. Someone for the meantime would just do.
E 15
Me and my current boyfriend have been together for 5 months now and before that we were really good mates, and we have always had chemistry, (how we met was a twist of fate, but thats another story!) but he had a rep with the ladies, i thought i would never get with a male ‘slag’ as u could call it…but a few months after i split with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years, and a brief relationship with another guy, he asked me out..i thought hard about it and decided 2 give it a go..2 of our friends who are together are with each other ALL the time and are basically married! my boyfriend said that he would never be that kind of boyfriend and said that we are too young to live out of each others pockets and that he wasnt the type of guy 2 see me every day..i thought fair enough! and just got on casually with the relationship, it was very rocky, with him not treating me very well and causing arguements and basically i thought he had not much interest, the one time he had done something horrible 2 me, and he wanted to make it up and said for us to have a nite in at his just the two of us…he decided 2 go to his mates after an hour or so!! charming! and i almost split with him on a few occasions cuz of how he treated me!..but about 2 or 3 months ago he changed, he became like our 2 friends..he wants to see me everyday and gets sad when he dont see me for like a day! he says he loves me all the time, says that he thinks im the one and always has been since we first met, and even says that if he could afford it and i was a little older (im 18 he’s 20) he would ask 2 marry me right now! and he has said that a few times..it kinda freaked me out at first! because his attitude towards me changed totally..but hes a great guy and i wouldnt want anyone else, we have such fun and a laugh together we have always been compatable and our group of friends have said that they knew we would end up together soon enough! but i was very shocked by his sudden change of behaviour! and so were all our friends claiming he had never been like this with a girl and how he has ‘settled down’ from his wild ways..it was a shock as i had known him before…and hes always saying that if he lost me he wouldnt know what to do…its just not him! but i feel that is how you know a guy has fallen 4 u..love makes him change..wanting to see you everyday..calling you & texting all the time, wanting to spend random weekends away with you, calling you at 3am after a night out with the lads saying how much they love you and how they never want to spend a night away from you ever again..even saying that even if he is out with his mates he cant stop thinking about you and when your in the same room as him he feels so happy that your there.
i know im quite young..but i feel that this is when you know a guy is in love with you..when he changes his behaviour as he has gradually fallen for you and wanting to see you everyday cause he loves your company.
Aida 16
Guys never love a woman with a real intention. Don’t be deceived when guys tell u that ur their only love. Guys give love to gain sex… Woman whould be smart enough not to give sex to gain love… In my case, I can only say one thing, I am lucky enough to say “NO”. Guys never fall in love with girls, they just like money and sex… There is no good guys in this world… So I prefer to better stay single for the rest of my life…
Anonymous 17
Ok, Aida, if you prefer to stay single, then may I ask a dumb question? Why are you reading a DATING blog? (I am female, btw…not some jerky guy)
hunter 18
to aida,
There is a way of making dating fun, keep telling your story, there is always someone out there with correct answers.
Udonotneedtoknow 19
ok aida
not all guys are in it for sex.
My dad has 5 kids, three from his first marriage and 2 with his new wife, and he is extremely happy, he doesn’t even have time for sex.
he loves my stepmom and he shows it. A man will show it if he truely loves u, even if they don’t know that they are doing it.
so if u want to be single fine, but dont ruin it it for the rest of girls like me. U HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK!!!!!! if u have had problems with dating then screw dating for u. see ya!!!!!!!
Evan Marc Katz 20
Udonot -
That’s not how we play on this blog. Feel free to disagree with Aida’s point of view. Please leave out the personal insults. Thanks.
The Management
Heather 21
I am a little disappointed in one thing that Aida wrote. If I guy only text’s you during the week and does not call and only sees you once a week does not prove whether or not he is into you. I think calling a women and wanting to see her four or five times out of the week is too excessive with in a month of time. Taking things slow with someone does not mean they are not or will not fall for you. Our society has become too much about instant gratification, and any man that hangs around too much makes me wonder how mature he is and how stable he is. Nothing wrong with having boundaries, and your own life. I see my boyfriend once a week and we text every day, and I am sure he is into me. So to sum it up a month is a very short time to start questioning any body how they feel about you or delving into your own feelings about them. So slow your horses.
Heather 22
Oops I did not mean Aida I meant Evan! Thanks!
Tammy 23
Hello Aida,
What made you so bitter towards men? I am in no way saying that you are not entitled to your opinion, but you sound so angry.
Dollie 24
I kinda skimed over what everyone said but i have to say that I do agree Heather .. i been with my bf since may 21 an we mainy just text a few times each day an its usually almost everyday except one day during the week I get to see him. though might get harder now with the huge possiblity that he now moving .. i love to move with him as i have that gut feeling he is the one just i know its only been a few months .. but im hoping he decides not to move ot sayin it sefishly just his friends are here an his family is close pus he told me he rather stay here to begin with .. he only moving cuz of work which had him move his stuff to here from where he was before an then 2 weeks later tell him to move back after he already moved back home .. thats a stab in teh back .. but ayways was getting off topic .. even if the guy doesnt call an just only texts could be he hates being on the phone an rather speak face to face hence the seeing you as much as he can .. I love my guy an teh why he looks at me all dreamy like says he loves me to even if he ot said it his actions speaks volums from how he kisses me to how he holds me even when he with his friends
^_^
vida 25
I would like to share with you all my casual relationship with my very close friend. We both are married and working together. Our story started with friendship eating together, sending SMS, calling each other and chatting when home. Then suddenly I dont know what happened we ended up sleeping together until now. I love him but I dont know if he feels the way. One time I asked him if he love me, he replied and said Almost. He said I’m special to him and thats the only thing he can give me. He cant tell the word that he loves me as its not right.
Michael Ejercito 26
Vida,
Adultery is always a bad idea.
Nee 27
I think when it comes to love, you don’t always know it’s love unless you know if you are ready for it. I have been dating a guy for six months now. In the beginning, since I was still getting over breakup (3 years together), I was trying to just have fun and play it casual. Then I wondered “3 months is a long time to be with someone without a relationship” so he became my boyfriend. I kept doubting him because I doubted myself in my ability to love again so soon, but his still believed in me. Now at 6 months, I know he really loves me from the way he tells me and calls me all the time. Sme guys can be shy about the chivalry so you may not always know how he feels if he’s not the romantic type. Give him time and overall, he will show you if you gently show him what you want. After two weeks apart, now I really know how much I adore him!
starthrower68 28
Reference to another of Evan’s blogs: “do nothing; sit back and watch what he does. If you like it, stay. If you don’t go”. Makes it very simple and uncomplicated.
Sweetie 29
Now this is just my opinion so please I hope I don’t offend anyone…
If a man is always up under you everyday of the week, then he is not a real man…he needs to get a job !!!
If a man is working …. leave him be… let him work and talk with him when he gets home.
Women need to be more secure in themselves to know that even if a man doesn’t call you right back … it does not mean that he is doing something wrong… maybe he is just doing his job and can’t call you right back.
I remember another blogger stating that as a society we are programmed for instant gratification… that is sooooo true. I believe that if we learn to take things slow and gradual… maybe more of our relationships will last longer or become permanent. There might be a more solid foundation of the relationship if we take the time to learn a person before we bed down with them. Then maybe we can make an educated and sound decision on whether or not we are in LOVE or LUST with a person.
Like I said I don’t mean to offend anyone this is just my honest opinion.
Sayanta 30
Sweetie- #29
Why would you offend anyone? That is some of the most sound advice I’ve ever heard.
Lavishly30 31
I have developed a “Fondness” with a man which is complex for us both,in many instances things are good commendable, the sex is excellent, lavish gifts are in play, petting could be heavier, time spent carefully, but well….of course if anyone they knew would consider it to be taboo & unspeakable anyway……so….point is I am falling more and more for this man it has been some months now and it is getting deeper and my feelings are getting stronger by the day. The other thing is we socialize within the same circle and his best friend is falling for me and I for him also, he is too a total gentelman and we have not crossed that line yet, but I know he wants a real relationship with me and that is something I truly want to have and something that I know I will probably never have with the other man…but even still we are still both in a situation???
Karl R 32
Lavishly30, (#31)
You’re in a relationship that could get you an appearance on the Springer show. Any advice I could give you would be common sense to anyone age 10 and up.
What kind of response were you hoping/expecting to receive?
Maria 33
How to tell if a guy is falling for me in my book:
1.) he is constantly humping my leg
2.) He is gushing (can’t do enough for me)
3.) Consistently attentive
4.) Buys me stuff
5.) Makes long term plan w/ me (ie vacation planning)
Men are easy….now where is he dammit?! LOL
carebear. 34
I am young, I am with this guy, this is our second time going at a relationship together. The first time we dated we were together for four months, then we split up because of some drama, and now we have been together for nine months. And i love him. He loves me. We see each other about two- three times a week, and its a lot better that way. Because i never get sick of seeing him. going a few days without him makes me miss him more! if i were with him all the time, i know i still wouldnt be sick of him. But the fact that I have to wait to see him makes our relationship so much better! For the first part of our relationship i was not really into anything more than making out, but now im alllll for everything! and i think its better that way. at least for us. and i know he isnt all about the sex, because we can go for months with out it and the relationship is stillll so sturdy! So trust me, womenn. Love is possibleeee. hahahaha even with the densest of men
fox 35
hhhmmm- so if a guy calls every day and wants to see you several times a week, he loves you? Not always! I am love with a man that wants to spend every night with me, calls me up to ten times a day and then tells me that he doesn’t love me as more than a friend. Almost all of his actions prove otherwise. But, I guess that only thing that matters is what he says- he doesn’t want to be with me. I am devastated, heartbroken, and don’t know how to move on. He is my best friend and I don’t want to be without him, but I can’t handle this heartache.
starthrower68 36
It goes back to Evan’s sage advice, “sit back and watch what he does”. Anybody can say anything but actions are what prove it true or not. Once that notion sinks in, and you can keep from getting too attached or emotionally invested until you see those actions, you will be much more at peace.
FrogPrincess 37
I absolutely, 100% agree with Evan on this one. Sometimes guys say what they think you want to hear to get in your pants, calm you down, avoid confrontation, or a million other reasons. Sometimes they say things because they’re just being “in the moment”. They blab whatever it is they’re thinking in that moment, letting possibilities run through their minds. Then later on, well, things change. And sometimes guys just plain lie. What doesn’t lie is ACTIONS. How a man treats you reveals how he feels and I’m not talking about trying to “read” something into him not calling you back or whatever. If a man wants to be with you, he will be with you. If a man wants something else, he will jerk you around, say whatever you want to hear, but make you his absolute last priority. We all deserve to be with someone who not only WANTS to be with us, but actually SHOWS they want to be with us.
Thus spake the voice of painful experience.
.-= FrogPrincess´s last blog ..The Brush Off =-.
Buffy 38
I’ve been reading over all these posts and I agree with a lot of them. Now, yes, everyone has their own entitlement to what they say or believe in..but heres it from my point of view. For one..I’ve never had a guy who calls me up four or five times a week.. texts me constantly.. or after we spend time together..immediately plan the next time..and quite frankly..I like it like that. To me.. absence makes the heart grow fonder. Seeing someone every day, though it is nice..even if it’s someone who you are in love with.. or just someone who is a friend tends to be a little too much for me. I seem to think the more you see them..the more..maybe you easily tire of them? If that makes any sense to anyone. I believe that you really start to appreciate missing them..and seeing them..when you don’t get to see them that often.. it kinda makes it that much more enjoyable.. even if you only do see them..every 3 weeks… or every month..and the primary part here is it gives YOU time to sit back and say..”ok… is this love…is this infatuation… am I just lonely..and clinging to him because he is a good man”? You really have to look deep inside yourself and your heart..because sometimes the feelings you may feel at the time can be deceiving. I know “I love you” is one of the most powerful words on earth..and I know..it’s easy to feel the words through and through..but my advice to all of you women in this predicament.. just take your time, take it slow.. don’t start over analyzing a good thing..because thats when it starts driving you crazy. Just appreciate the times you have together with “him”.. let him know that you really do respect him… and let the pieces fall. I’m going use a saying that one of my friends have used to wrap this up.. “Let’s just enjoy our time of getting to know each other, cuddling, finding out about one another.. let me teach you things..and you teach me..we’ll learn along the way from each other..and whatever happens.. happens”. I think that sums it up pretty ideally for me. As for the advice part..to all you ladies.. don’t think just because you texted him..2 hours ago..and he responds.. the next day..don’t think it’s because he “doesn’t like you”..it could be a lot of different factors. A) He could be busy working or engaged in an activity B) He could of left his phone at home.. C) His phone could of died..and needed to be recharged. Theres so many things that “could of happened”..so stay positive.. enjoy the times you get to spend with each other.. and yes.. if I may go out on a random field trip here.. I have a feeling I know what you women are going through.. smelling his scent..strong even after you have left his place.. not wanting to wash your sweater because it has individual scent all over it and you can’t get enough..(yes.. we all do it) Thinking of you and “him” in different scenarios together.. wanting to just hold..and kiss him again.. being in his arms is the only place you wanna be…and you know what.. thats great. It is.. because if you can feel that strongly, put that much raw emotion into it..you’re human.. of course you’re going go through these emotions.. just keep in mind..that even if it doesn’t work out..and you guys remain friends… VALUE the time with the person..and continue to support them in whatever they do..(I know it may be hard to do.. but if you do love them..and care about them..don’t be the selfish one, don’t put him in a compromising position.. just love him for who he is.. and stay positive! Something else, quickly..that I wanna share with you..is “The secret”.. for those who don’t know what it is.. well.. first off it’s a movie.. and it really is the law of attraction. It stayed hidden for a longtime..and why I am mentioning it..is because I think it corresponds with this topic. The law of attraction..or the universe…heres your most..inner..deepest thoughts.. whether it be negative ones.. or positive ones.. so when you say..”I’m inlove with this man… I love his smile.. his distinct laugh..his scent…the way he looks into my eyes” that is a VERY..strong emotional message you are sending out to the universe.. but most importantly.. a positive one. Now, when you are thinking “I love this man.. but he’s never going be mine..we’ll just be friends…and it hurts”..you’re infact sending out.. just that message..and the universe says..”Your wish is my command” and you just get more of those bad feelings…feelings.. of hurt.. and unbridled emotion. Now, I know.. that you guys are probably saying “it’s easier said than done” and you’re right.. but everyone has got to get out of that negative frame of mind.. and be thankful for the things they DO have with this person..NOT what they don’t have. If it helps..make a list.. write down all of the things that you do have with this person..and cherish that, always. I hope this has helped!
-Buffy
kaels 39
hey the same things happing with me but i go to school with this guy and i cant stop dreaming about him
DiDi 40
Vida, sorry to say that, but i’m so sad and disapointed that their is people think the way you do, my husband did the same with his co-worker, and he has the same exact story, it break our family a part, i dont really know, what make people think they have the right to break a family, G-d gave us brain to think,…………….. is it really worth it …………………………………
khadija 41
Evans advice is true. I wish I had learned this stuff earlier. I learned the hard way in the school of hard knocks.
Guys know when they’ve met the one. They know early on and proactively express commitment in actions and words. Don’t have sex unless there’s commitment (there’s wisdom to this, ladies.) Sex for women is bonding but it’s not for men. It isn’t wise to bond with a guy who hasn’t committed to you. If you have sex before commitment, it makes him even less likely to value you and commit. If he isn’t making plans with you and taking steps to commit on his own initiative, you are wasting precious time with a man who is stringing you along until his next conquest.
dreamhearted 42
I hate being fall in love with him. He is like an air. He makes me believe that he is attracted to me. After all, he leaves me falling…
…
hunnibabe 43
I have read the advice on this page and have just been confused. Im still not sure of how to tell if a man is falling in love. I think just waiting till they say it for me is the best way.
susu 44
Go slow and watch his actions. Best advice ever. Stop talking about “us” and focus on what you see in your date. Does he have the qualities that you admire and respect?
Just hang back and let the relationship develop from the things that really matter in a relationship, respect, mutal interests, admiration of their other qualities such as talents, insights and the like.
Show your interest in him by enjoying his company and NOT in discussing your feelings endlessly. When the time is right that discussion on feelings will come up and you will both appreciate the conversation.
Instead of making rules for yourself like “if he calls me x times this week he is interested” – pay attention to how YOU feel when he calls and what is happening between you. If you enjoyed the conversation, simply look forward to the next call. If he is enjoying your company too the exchanges will become more frequent naturally.
You cant force the right relationship – it develops and sometimes that just takes time. But the time is well worth it because the relationship you get will be high quality and feel good to you both.
Jenny 45
i agree with someone who said this previously, you know when a guy loves you when they can change completely once they say the first words: i love you
it means they realize how much you mean to them.. also you can tell by their ACTIONS not just their words. They spend time with you and do things to make you happy without telling you that’s why their doing them. They care a lot when you’re mad at them, and you can trust them because you know they don’t even think about other girls. People around you can usually see it from the way they look at you and DONT look at other girls. It’s a pretty obvious thing. Also, theres a never “I think i love you” that clearly means theyre unsure and dont want to commit to saying it. If they love you, they’ll know… 100%.
You can tell, trust me. But remember, don’t just rely on words. Any person on this universe can say the words “I love you. You’re all that i want, i want to marry you, you’re everything” But if you’re having doubts, and their actions don’t add up (not wanting to spend too much time with you, putting friends and other girls as higher priorities…) then the chances are, they don’t love you.
eimeo 46
I pretty much always agree with everything Evan says, and I mostly do here as well, but for the fact that I’m with a wonderful man at the moment and most of our communication is done by text! I’ve always preferred it to phone calls, and he’s not a native English-speaker so sometimes it can be hard to understand him on a bad line anyway… We don’t see each other more than once a week either as our schedules are so busy, but we text up a storm every day (so much so that I had to get my service plan changed so that I could have more inclusive text messages as it was starting to cost me a fortune!) I think, as Evan says, context is so important – while it’s probably true that most men who only text are making a statement about their interest level, there’s always the exception!
Carolyn 47
WATCH THEIR ACTIONS! not necessarily their words. Men show their feelings through their actions. Men may say various things for various reasons, wanting sex, not wanting to hurt your feelings, etc. If they care, you will know through what they do. Particularly since men are not as in touch with their feelings as women or as comfortable verbalizing feelings, their actions are the most valuable indicator…ie do they make time for you, are they seeing you exclusively, what is their body language, etc.
Svetlana 48
@Aida. That’s not strictly true. Not all men all dog any more than all women are desperate golddiggers. If you want to stay single all your life fine, but something tells me you really don’t because you’re at this page. My advice to you is maybe not date…yet. Get yourself into some counseling and deal with the anger and hurt issues that are clearly clouding your judgement. Take responsibility for your part of any negative relationships (and yes, it takes two to mess up)…and then forgive yourself. Love can be yours, if you are ready for it and you are patient. I nearly 50 and I just ended a 9 year long “relationship” with a man who I should’ve seen long ago who wasn’t into me. Sure I could go all bitter and say I’m not gonna date anyone…ever, but I say hope springs eternal and for all I know Mr. Right may be just around the corner, and while I’m taking a break now to clear my head, I know when the time is right and if God wills it, true love will be mine. So take hope Aida, all is not lost.
Diane 49
All I can say is it’s very hard to predict how a man will be even if he texts or calls you many times a day. My ex texted me and called every minute of the day but turned out to be the biggest player in existence. All he did was make me lose trust in men. Now I have been seeing this guy for about a month who seems great in everyway. He textes me everyday, we see each other once a week. No official dating but I honestly believe he is just shy & a little insecure about women. From the conversations we have had he has met women who in the end turn out to have boyfriends. so I can understand his concern. I just hope for the best and willing to see where time will take us and try to enjoy every moment of it…who knows he might be the one!
Rain 50
This is to all the women out there that is searching for their one true love…
From my experiences, love is a very funny thing. It comes when you least expected it and it goes when you think that everything is good. Every guy out there has different personalities, there are no two guys that are alike. Some guys like to talk and some don’t, some are attentive and some doesn’t know what they want. The most important thing is find your own happiness with or with out a man, only then when you are truly happy that is when the right guy will come along.
Being confident and happy about who you are is the most important thing because when you are not, you can’t make someone else happy. Love will come and once it does, like a piece in a puzzle, it will feel like you are complete.
Cheers,
P.S. I hope this helps, because I once been in everyone shoes. Now I can say I am happy.
DeeDee Wright 51
If a guy loves you, he will tell you, he will show you, he will not hurt you, he’ll introduce you to his parents and friends, he wants to see you alot even if only for a minute, he’s concerned with your health, he doesn’t lie to you, he includes you in his life and some decisions that he may make, he takes up for you, he marries you!!!
alittleconfused 52
i’m no expert when it comes to love.. i have one failed relationship (or should i say fling) which lasted the whole of two weeks and took me a whole year to stop me blaming myself for being such an idiot
i strongly believe in 2 things:
1. if a guy loves you it should be just YOU… the whole ‘i-love-you-but-i-also-love-my-girlfriend/wife-and-i’m-so-confused-but-i-need-you’ line is so crappy its insulting…
2. never make anyone your priority while you still remain their option… have more respect for yourself… sure in relationship we all need to make a few adjustments, a little compromise… but at the end of it if ur still not u then he’s not in love with u… just the idea of u in his head..
this comes from personal experience… and both points i believe r applicable to both sexes…
i am an indian girl studying in a college and i’ve been close friends with a classmate of mine since the last 4 yrs…
he has a habit of holding my hand and playing with it and seems very comfortable talking to me… he’s like my best guy friend… i dont know how well the rest of u will get this situation but where i am right now, a guy n girl dont hold hands… period … its frowned upon… inappropriate… and coz we’re most of the time in each other’s company almost the entire college believes we’re together… i frankly found the whole thing amusing and there was no awkwardness since he also knew about the rumors.. we even joke about it…
but there are certain things i’ve noticed over time… he holds my hands (for a long time)… plays with my hair (he told me he found the way i tie my hair in a bun cute)… insists on sitting beside me… has told me a few times that he’s closer to me than to the other guys in class coz i unerstand what he says… another close friend of mine asked me about us and said that she thinks he likes me but is afraid to say it (again this is just her opinion)… i don’t know… maybe i’m overreacting… there’s no way i’d date him… we have very VERY little in common excepts a love for national geographic and action movies… but i wonder if he likes me…
Is He Just a Loving Person? 53
How to tell if a regular ordinary man loves you? His penis eventually grows old and tired so when the blood flow slows down how does a man show love? Go to doctor for a prescription for Viagra? When there is only $50 in cash in his wallet and you have a bill for $350 that needs to be paid how does a man show love? Use a credit card to pay it? Does a man love you when he does anything he can to have sex with you? Does a man love you when he spends enough money on you?
How is love expressed by an ordinary man anyhow?
For many human beings, being acknowledged and exchanging something with another affirms their belief that they do indeed exist, that they are not alone and that they can have an effect somehow. But is this exchange love? Can love just be like the air – invisible but always there? Does a man have to keep on blowing smoke into the air to show that indeed the air is there? Does the sun have to say in words “I love you,” for you to feel it loving you?
Another question to ask “Is he just a loving person?” If he is, then how can you ask him to just love you alone? It’s like asking the wind to stay home and sit down with you to talk?
Love is flowing and is shared in moments – like a genuine smile or a deep true laugh. The key is to acknowledge it when it appears – and savor and cherish it and then let it keep on flowing through you – letting it go.
That’s when a man truly loves. He just loves.
ariel/fib 54
I can truly say love is great love hurts sometimes u feel both i am 22 and with 3 kids 2 kids i am with the man of my dreams been thro hell and back we r not married but been there thro sick or in health better or for worse and so on one thing i know is when u love eachother your never alone and nothing else should get in the way and be happy with u then u can have a life long love also u have to know what healthy love is and what sick love is and very important is to be independent and life goes on we live and learn !!!! to all my love bird rock on!!!
Ruby 55
Saras Chandra #55
Why do you have to make your decision TODAY after only two months? Also, the older you get, the less age differences matter, so no, I don’t think this should be a concern. If you’ve been friends for 25 years, he’s probably not that much younger anyway. How nice for you two to have connected romantically after so much time.
Take some more time if you need to, and give it a chance!
Ruby 56
Oops, wrong page!
Helen 57
Normally on New Years’ Eve I avoid men, because that’s when all the ugliest, oldest slimeballs try it on with younger women, so I was out with friends to see in the new year. But this lovely guy came over and started chatting to me and my friend, and I thought he was dead sweet. We all moved on to a nightclub and he went off with his friend, but when we got to the club I instinctively found myself looking for him, and when he reappeared, we spent all night with each other, flirting and chatting, eventually when the midnight bells chimed, we kissed, and it was the most amazing night of my life!! He took my number and apparently tried to text me, but had got one of the digits slightly wrong, so I didn’t get the message, but we’d been tagged in Facebook photos by our friends, so I messaged him on there, and we have done ever since. He told me he’s glad I did, and recently I took him to the pub where we met, and he couldn’t stop grinning!! He lives in a different city to me, so we’re a bit of a BT couple! We see each other every 2 weeks roughly, but skype as much as possible and message each other daily. He isn’t in love with me yet, or so he says, but things are going well, and I’ve already fallen for him, so I’m just trusting that he cares more than he’s admitting at this stage. It’s been 4 months in real terms, but the long distance makes it a slower thing to develop. We keep finding things we have in common, and when we’re together, it just feels right
I’m terrible for being open and honest about my feelings, comes from being an artist! But some good advice here I reckon, I’ve had a good feeling about my boyfriend from the night we met, just need to play it cool
Kate Candy 58
Having a man call you every day, text and buy you gifts is great, but to tell if someone is in love with you, the kind of love that is sustaining, it’s a good idea to ask yourself: “Are we building something together?” A sustainable relationship is about growth and to grow is to be able to communicate. So, it’s not just the attention that’s important, because, frankly, a lot of weirdos can call, text, and buy gifts, but it’s not love it’s obsession. What you need is to cook together, or plan events together, or throw parties for friends together and if the guy is willing to come on board or to include you with his plans, his bike rides, his pub crawls, then the relationship has a chance.
TiA 59
maybe im wrong, but men are not that complicated when you think about it. i think if he’s in love, he’ll behave accordingly. He will want to see her, be near her, he will be interested in engaging her in the relationship. a month is definitely too early to be talkinga bout where things are going IMO.
Jane 60
So the guy i’m seeing said “i love you” i just stared at him, trying not to make a jerk reaction, then he backtracked and said ”i like you”, later on we were cuddling, and he whispered “whatever you do, don’t fall”….i felt like someone punched me in the gut…then when i confronted him saying why he would say something so mean and hurtful, he backtracked again….say what to the whaaaat?
Jane 61
like as in ….falling? :S
or
?
Vicki 62
@fox – Your guy friend sounds really flaky, maybe bipolar. For sure his words and actions are incongruent. Congruency is what you want. Hold out for a guy whose words *and* actions say he wants to be with you.
A tip I read in a dating book, I forget which one, is if you want to attract a Quality Man, in your profile make sure you include pictures of yourself with family and friends, and mention how you admire a man who is surrounded by a large and loving family, and that seeing his interactions with beloved family members makes you feel more romantic towards him (or something like that – rephrase it in more suitable language!).
Photos of solitary women tend to attract players, whereas photos of women surrounded by lots of friends and family tend to repel them. Also, a guy looking for a booty call isn’t going to introduce you to his family to get you in to bed. He will move on to other “prey” and the guys that *do* contact you will have more serious intentions.
Having said that, beware a guy who springs his friends or family on you on the first or second date. It *might* mean he wants to move into serious commitment too quickly. Military guys are the worst about rushing into relationships (in my experience), and to top it off they are often too mentally and emotionally unstable for a healthy relationship, so go slow, whatever else you do.
If you want more than a booty call, but less than marriage or living together, you have your work cut out for you! Pretty much, in man-world, there is no grey area.
anon 63
The male write of this article is correct. Women who say otherwise hase not had real love. I have been marired more than once. They got abusive but in the courting phase, yes a guy will court you, still to this day if he loves you and when he begins,he will also try to convince you he is good for you in actions. They will try to see you more and more even if work schedules or school makes it hard. My first husband and me lived nearlk 20 miles apart and i moved to another county. i was in high school still he was in college. His car broek down but he riode a motocyle in winter to see me. Borrowed ppls car to meet me for lunch at school. Come sat. the onl day we had off, we both worked he came early on sat and we spent all day with each other. we even worked in the same corp. later. THe next guy he got on plane to see me in 2 weeks and he was in Canada. We talked for hours before that. The guy i am seeing now we have been stopping and seeing each other. He called m e after a long abscence and poured his heart out. we are both in bad divorces. i told him to see others. this one is a keeper. but he and he made time and effort. more than i knew to talk to me. a friend of his just told me what he did to first get to know me. to work it around my schedule. actions do speaker louder than words. aloof men are men who do not care.
Londongirl 64
Hi everyone – great reading these blogs
Evan is, as usual, spot on. If a man likes you and wants to see you, he’ll do something about it. I’m 3 dates in with someone who texts, calls and follows up. He’s interested in my life, what makes me tick and how I’m feeling. We’ve only kissed once – infact he hasn’t made any moves on me at all. I struggled with this inititally as I’m so used to men saying ‘all the right things’ and making a move on me fairly quickly. But, and as Evan has said time and time again, these are the men who disappear. I’m going to have some patience with my current date and see where it goes….he’s lovely, respectful and makes me laugh. There’s been no big bangs, no fireworks, but he’s doing everything right so far. I can’t tell you how much Evan has taught me in the dating game…things are starting to make sense, and best of all I’m starting to make the right choices! Fingers crossed
Lisa 65
so you move in with him, then of course his actions are less ‘obvious’ because you’re living together. I don’t know… how can you tell if he truly loves you? I don’t particularly want to get married, but it seems society needs you to be married in order to ‘prove’ your relationship, or that he loves you
Joy 66
The way a woman can tell if a man loves her. Is if he can show he loves her without actually using the words I love you.
About three months I was getting to know this man. Only a month afterwards he told me not to marry who I was going to marry. At that time my fiance was not treating me right. The man told me that we both no that my fiance wasn’t going to change. He asked me to marry him and told me that he wouldn’t ever hit me, talk down to me or treat me poorly.
Soon afterwards,
He said I hope you have a great future with your fiance.
That night I wondered why he said it at first I thought he was nervous about what he said. But then a strange thought made me think that he didn’t want my heart to be broken because of his culture.
That’s when I knew he was in love with me.
Later on asked him about what he said and he told me that we can love each other but that his culture would forbid our marriage.
After he said that he said if anything ever changes that he would marry me in a heart beat.
I love him so much and we both hope we can be together someday
because it is our strongest desire.
Starling90 67
I been long distant with this guy for almost 2 years he’s messed up a lot so have I but were just talking nothing official he moves here in 4 months were about to buy a condo together he’s really shapin up he calls everyday fall asleep on the phone like teenagers he tells me he loves me and hes ready to start a life with me .. I forgive everything that’s happened it’s long distance I figured but jus for him to be honest about it shows a lot now we can be officially together
men can change I’ve met his family they love me knew exactly who I was the first time,. Love takes time after 2 years of being so patient n understanding while he’s away at college I finally get what I want … Him <3
anon 68
lol
Kendall 69
I met a man online we spoke for several months on the phone before we met. He called every morning and text about five times eveyday. He’s a truck driver and how he makes all this money. The text and phone calls to my job five times a day became kind of annoying trying to do my job. When we met it was great but after three weeks he was talking marriage and moving in with me. I got scared and told him to slow down. My girlfriend saw he was back on Match. I found out he met a married woman online. They are moving in together. All this time he was still calling me morning honey, and text I Miss You! babe blah..blahh until I confronted him. She’s divorcing he husband for this guy thats flat broke.
Tina 70
He buys you what you want, if you want a house he’ll buy it for you. If you want a car he’ll buy it for you. You’ll know it by what he’s willing to do for you.
bella italiano 71
I have loved a guy for over 4 years now who just happens to be one of my friends..I have never told him this, and he has never mentioned anything to me about taking our friendship to the next level…he is very career-oriented, and I don’t want to do anything to disrupt his career or upset him if he doesn’t feel the same way…It’s hard, because I have so much to tell him, but then when we are talking, I go completely blank and so does he…What i really think is both of us are just to say anything about it at all….maybe waiting another 4 years it will be more secured cause i keep finding myself wishing that i would marry him one day…such wishful thinking i know, but i blame shyness for every bit of this.. :p
Mandy 72
I cant believe I had to read “if he only sees you once a week and only text you, he’s not into you” My boyfriend and I were great at first, but then it was one thing after the other and now i see him once a week if im lucky. So Im playing the game becasue I dont want to lose him, how sad. Guess we’ll see how it goes, thank you for the artical!
Jessi 73
I met a guy a few weeks back and we finally got to hang out for the first time yesterday. We went galactic bowling (i cant bowl lol) and had a few drinks by the pool. We talked, laughed, told eachothers stories
If i sat down he was right there next to me, smiling, with his arm around the back of my chair. On our way to take me home, he placed his hand on my upper leg… Does he like me??? or am i getting pulled into sex???
Jessica 74
ok i am 17 years old and im not quit sure if i know exactly what love is. but i have been with my boyfriend for a year and 4 months.. we were both virgins before we had sex with eachother. i do not think that if a boy calls you everyday that is proof that he does or doesnt love you. my boyfriend and i talk on the phone like every other day. he has prooved to me that he loves me. and im sure half of you will read this and say i dont know what love is, and half of you may or may not be right. But i do know that i have never been happier in my life since i met my boyfriend. and i do know that i couldnt live without him in my life because not only is he my boyfriend but he is my best friend. but i think that it takes two people to comitt to a relationship not just the guy. guys have a messed up way of showing that they care sometimes and they also have there on way of finding out if you really care for them. but i hope that everything goes well with everybody and i believe that the best way to tell if a boy really loves them is to trust them the most.
The kid 75
Tell him your pregnant and if he loves you he will stay and if he is just their to have sex and whatever you think he is there for he will leave, truthfully of a guy spends for then a week dating you he is probobly interested in you unless he is a mega ass hole but you can usually tell of he is right away
Ashleigh 76
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half.
When we met we were both vergins, we didn’t have sex until after our 6 months. He had never had a girlfriend before me or done anything.
At our one month mark he told me he loved me.
I didn’t say it back and I explained that I wasn’t ready to say it as I didn’t understand what love was. Once our 5 and half month hit I told him I loved him.
When I showed up at his house unexpected one day his friends kissed him. He pulled away and walked off.
Ever since that moment I realized he really does love me.
He starts at 530 am and finishes at 5 pm everyday.
And early or not I’m always on the other end of the phone.
To Heather 77
I hope “heather” comes back and reads these.
You are a player’s wet dream. It is SOOOO easy to text someone and say “oh baby I’m thinking of you” bla bla. haha.
What Evan said is actually right. A guy who loves you will show it through ACTION not some easy bullshit like texting. Setting aside time for you is what a man who truly wants you will do. And even when he’s with you the little things he does tells you how much he cares for you.
Wanting to see you or text you daily is hardly a sign of immaturity, it’s about his dedication, devotion, and commitment to you.
In the beginning, yes to each their own, some people are thrilled from “new love” so want to see each other all the time; others are careful and keep it cool for the first while. But really after some time contact should be pretty often.
Beware Heather, I hope you have found a truly honest guy. Otherwise, you’re just another sucker who feeds off of bs hope.
Colleen 78
I just got out of a 6 month relationship a month ago. I had no questions about his feelings for me until around the holidays, when he started acting weird. We were in a committed relationship at three months, talked everyday, saw each other 3 times a week. I didn’t sleep with him until the three month mark. Things seemed great. But then I told him I loved him a little after five months. He said it was too soon for him. And that’s when he got distant. I asked him what was up and where I stood with him a couple of weeks later. he told me the following: I don’t love you, don’t know if I will, I don’t see a future with you, I like my space. Then he said, you can take a couple of days and think it over and let me know what you want to do, or we can go out tomorrow, have fun, and see if anything develops for me over time.
I broke up with him then. It didn’t take me a couple of days. It shocked me a lot. And I felt crushed. But it was the greatest gift he could have given me. His honesty and true intentions. So I could move on a find what I really want and deserve. Oh yes, even though he didn’t see a future with me, we had made plans 5 months in advance to go on a trip this March. Hmmm, misleading right? I lost money on that trip. Se la vie.
pixie 79
If you are having difficulty coping with your partner’s past relationships try reading I HATE HIS EX by Alex Cooper. I had loads of issues with my fiance’s ex and I have now resolved them thanks to the advice in this book! You can get it on Amazon! Definitely worth a read!
T 80
I agree with Buff…in life a woman shouldnt express her feelings first, a man might love u but once u show them u feel the same they’ll take yo love for granted…the best is to remain loyal to him but dont bug him with lovey dovey stuff, always pretend u can survive without him, it works.
knoxville 81
how do you know when guys falling for you: it has to be in your eyes and then go straight to your heart
he sticks around
always make you smile
try to be in every moves you make
wants to know everything about you
lessen your burden in their own ways
LydiaMorgan 82
Good information. I have been divorced for 3 years. And it sure is different from dating in your 20′s. I have learned not to hang on every guys words. It is his actions. Guys have short attention spans and are not aware how they affect a women’s emotions. Just my opinion and I know there are some exceptions. I have made so many mistakes. From talking to much about my ex or having sex to soon. I think waiting 3 months to see if he is a “potential” guy. Keep it light and listen, a guy will tell you who he is and you can see it by his actions. You have to be willing to accept and stop having unrealistic optimism.
kimharris 83
i have had a man ask me for money in the beginning of our relationship….right then that set off red flags……
Luisa 84
I think time has nothing to do or calls or text messages…I had this bad experience with a boyfriend, we were together for 7 years and before that we hung out 2 years, which means we never had sex in the 2 years….so once I decided to be with him and we became partners, that was the worse thing could ever happen to me!! so, I waited all these 2 years to be with him then started having sex, meeting our families, calling each other everyday, saying “i love you” pffff….now I’m 33, met a 32 years old guy, that I really like but I don’t know yet how to take it, I try to go slow but emotions are stronger…in the end I can only think: If there’s someone for you he will always be for you, no matter what…if I have a bad breath one day or if I feel sad or happy if i just want to talk or just feel like teasing and be crazy…if he likes all these things or not, I am so tired of thinking about this and is not an easy situation because had 3 more bad experiences…all I ask is for a nice guy who can love me or accept me for who I am, just try to be myself and try to control but sometimes don’t want to think too much and just let it flow…I really hope this guy is good for me because my heart is really sad….we’ve been dating for a few weeks and still with the nerve if he’s going to text or not…but who knows we’ll see how it goes.
Geretta 85
Hello everyone. I have a response to how to tell a guy is not in love with you from dealing with my own disfunctional realationship.
1) You have to make it known that you want to be a priority in his life. (To explain this when me and my bf moved in together he was unemployed at the time; he always made time for his hobbies which were hanging with the guys, pool, and fishing. whether then spending time with his family me and my daughter. I had to make it known that QT meant something to me and I feel hes more interested in others then me.
2) whenever he’s leaving hes sure to let you know that hes leaving and he will see you later along with a peck on the cheek. Or if he gets up early to go run an errand he leaves you with a note or something or a txt on your phone later on letting you know that he didnt want to wake you an what time he will be back.(To explain, to this day I never know that my bf is gone early in the a.m. until I hear the door close or I wake up and hes not there. When he leaves its never ill see you later or I love unless I say something which I feel shouldnt be that way).
3) Its like you have to ask for affection and tell him you love him instead of it being him. (explanation: On a daily basis its like I express my love with little things around the house as cooking and making sure when hes off work he has a meal ready and I never hear I love you or dont get a short kiss out of the blue which I do all the time.
4) He has a hissy fit when he goes without sex for so long but he tells you hes not in the realtionship for sex. (explain: If my time of the month has came around I dont want to have sex and he doesnt because it grosses us both out to have sex at that time. After that time I have lost interest for sex and not really expecting it so he becomes a female and starts complaining. I know that guys really cant function without sex but I feel that its not in his interest to get to be so irrational an start making ugly comments about it if its not happening and saying things like they can get it if they wanted it, meaning they can get it from someone else.
(This is just my input and im only 20 yrs old while hes 35 yrs old so theirs a big gap and I feel I am going through so much to be at this age but I am feel I am learning alot from it and hope to soon end this realationship).
kim 86
dammit. lol. o well.
Katarina Phang 87
Geretta, I’m not sure I understand you on point 4. Are you saying that just because he’s not in relationship for sex, he shouldn’t want/expect sex from you? How can a relationship work when one person always denies the other intimacy/sex?
Harry Potter 88
Hey, all the girls out there, don’t judge your guy by how often he contacts you, but when he does, pay close attention to how he treats you. I just hope my guy likes me. Because I’ve known him for 7 years since I was in Year 1. And we know each other’s parents as well. In Year 6 I was teased about liking him and so it got really awkward between us. Now, I’m hopelessly in love with him. I left it too late. I didn’t tell him how I felt in Year 6. Now he’s not in my school. Whether I’ll ever see him again or not is a big question. Don’t make my mistake.
P.S. Guys and girls, just admit it, everyone needs a little physical loving. Nothing wrong with that. But you should be able to judge whether your guy is a pedo or not.