Relationship Advice: My Girlfriend Wants to Get Married, But I’ll Lose My Health Insurance. What Do I Do?
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I’ve got a very unique question, but the dilemma is not so unique to many today. I am seriously dating a wonderful woman for 14 months (I’m 49, she’s 46, she’s never been married). I am very amicably separated from ex wife of 10 years. We had no kids. We get along fine, keep in touch once in while.We did not file for divorce for a very practical reason: I am on her medical insurance policy from her company which costs me less than my monthly cable bill (very cheap), and is an extremely great policy. I am self-employed. I have some pre-existing conditions (nothing serious) that would disqualify me from getting a policy on my own. Even if I could, it would be cost prohibitive. My ex is not dating. Until one of us gets married and a divorce filing is required, I can stay on the policy. Just an example, last year I had a routine outpatient test examine and the bill to the insurance company was an eye-popping low five figures for 90 minutes. I only paid $50 for the co-pay. I went for a dental cleaning: $7.00. So this speaks for itself.
A Romeo and Juliet story for the 2000′s… Isn’t it remarkable that something like COBRA can keep two people from tying the knot?
My girlfriend who is very understanding but torn over this, as she doesn’t want me walking around without insurance (she doesn’t have a spousal plan), but understandably wants me to file for divorce, commit to her (I know I already am; I love her dearly) and wants to marry me. We don’t plan to have kids upon marriage. This whole thing has been a sore subject between us. I don’t like it anymore than she does but it’s MY reality. We live in complicated and tough times and getting sick or having an accident can bankrupt you. It’s in the news all the time. There are people out there who stay legally married for kids and money, even taxes but live under different roofs and different lives.
My question is: Should we not focus on the piece of paper of marriage (I’m not belittling marriage) and focus on our own commitment to each other, and go live our lives OR serve her fears and file divorce? I know she REALLY wants to get married and I don’t want to disappoint. But… So until my ex gets married, if ever she does someday, I have amazing insurance (and an amazing lady). I know how she feels but sometimes you’ve got to be practical and real. I wonder what your readers think about this, and what would they do.
A Romeo and Juliet story for the 2000′s…Isn’t it remarkable that something like COBRA can keep two people from tying the knot? Harrumph! If you don’t think that health care needed reforming, tell it to Steven here….
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