Jul04
Are Women More Likely Than Men to Require Chemistry to Go On A Second Date?
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And the reason that the quiet person at work has a crush on you is specifically because you’re being YOURSELF around him/her. Since you don’t feel that chemistry, you don’t start trying too hard, or attempting to impress, or any of the other things we do under the affects of “chemistry”. This doesn’t mean you should be with someone you’re NOT attracted to, but instead, you might want to dial it back a bit. Especially if your relationship is unbalanced, dramatic or unhealthy.
Better to be with a mate who’s a 7 on the chemistry scale but a 10 on the compatibility scale than to be with someone who’s a 10 on the chemistry scale and a 4 on the compatibility scale
Should women be less judgmental of men? Sure.
Should men be less judgmental of women? Sure.
Should we all act normal when we’re infatuated with someone? Sure.
But as long as we’re human, we’re going to be judgmental, and lusty, and myopic.
The first step is in admitting it.
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5 Comments »Filed Under Dating Tips & Advice, Favorites
JimmyE Jul 4th 2007 at 10:56 am 1
Some thoughts-
1) men are more visual and are therefore more likely to rule women out BEFORE the first date.
2) Men are expected to pursue women. Consequently there’s not much time to analyse the first few dates. If we’re having a good time, we start planning the next call and plans for the second date.
3) If a man likes a woman and finds her attractive, he’s probably going to hang about till he gets to have sex. After that, he might start to ask himself if the relationship has long term potential.
4) Women have more options in the early stages of dating, and are therefore more likely to exercise them.
5) ‘No Sparks’ is often a euphemism for more concrete factors which people are too polite to admit to (even to themselves)
feelingflirty Jul 5th 2007 at 05:50 pm 2
You have some wacky comments but I like it!
redheadfromtdot Jul 5th 2007 at 07:03 pm 3
I think that Jimmy nails it.
Furthermore:
“No chemistry” is a way of saying “lack of physical attraction”. People seem to take offense to the latter because they hear “not attracted to you” as “you’re not attractive”.
Attraction is a funny thing. It’s there or it’s not. One person can feel it while the other doesn’t. It’s hard to control.
Many of us have been physically attracted to people we didn’t like and wished we were attracted to people we did.
I’ve learned that if I’m not attracted to a guy I can’t date him even if compatibility is strong. It’s not right nor fair to either one of us, and attraction is necessary for sex. If I’m dating a guy that I have fun with, and get along well with and find compatible but I don’t want to be physical with him, I tend to date him until I convince myself to let this one go. I often hope that the attraction will suddenly appear or reappear but it rarely works that way and even then it’s not really “sudden”, but the sudden revelation of something gradual.
I’m friends with some guys that I’ve dated. If the chemistry’s not there and it feels platonic, there’s little difference between “dating” and “hanging out”.
I’ve decided that sometimes “sparks” (“stars”?) are the reaction to something new, masquerading as feelings of attraction, and then in time the feeling peels away.
And yes, how you meet is an important part of the formula.
I hope I’m making sense in my sleepy state. Forgive the rambling.
Roger Jul 7th 2007 at 06:28 am 4
Thank you Evan and everyone else for your insights. I continue to learn new things every day!
Sahaja Jul 28th 2008 at 09:43 am 5
I think redhead hit the nail on the head – There is a decided difference between good looking and attractive. There are extremely in shape men that have great bodies, but we don’t find them attractive. In contrast, there are men that not models by any means that women flock around. Women pay attention to the details – very true. And when we have a gut feeling,its usually on point. So if she doent want to meet up, call it a good thing – if it was going to happen, it would have. This is time you saved, and now you can be meeting someone else – that you can connect with.