Are Women More Likely Than Men to Require Chemistry to Go On A Second Date?
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And the reason that the quiet person at work has a crush on you is specifically because you’re being YOURSELF around him/her. Since you don’t feel that chemistry, you don’t start trying too hard, or attempting to impress, or any of the other things we do under the affects of “chemistry”. This doesn’t mean you should be with someone you’re NOT attracted to, but instead, you might want to dial it back a bit. Especially if your relationship is unbalanced, dramatic or unhealthy.
Better to be with a mate who’s a 7 on the chemistry scale but a 10 on the compatibility scale than to be with someone who’s a 10 on the chemistry scale and a 4 on the compatibility scale.
Should women be less judgmental of men? Sure.
Should men be less judgmental of women? Sure.
Should we all act normal when we’re infatuated with someone? Sure.
But as long as we’re human, we’re going to be judgmental, and lusty, and myopic.
The first step is in admitting it.
It’s one thing to understand the role of chemistry in dating. It’s quite another to learn to make different decisions than you’ve made in the past.
After years of being a dating coach, I’ve realized that effective advice always sounds so simple when you read it. You find yourself nodding your head and saying “yes, that makes complete sense…” And then you go about your business and don’t change a thing. As a result, you consistently find yourself stuck in the same place, not really moving forward. This is why I created my Inner Circle – as a means to provide life-changing information, in a small-group setting, surrounded by other like-minded women.
So, if you want the support, guidance, and insight that can turn your love life around, click below to learn more about my exclusive (and inexpensive) Inner Circle coaching program.
www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching/group-coaching/inner-circle.html
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6 Comments »Filed Under Dating Tips & Advice, Favorites
JimmyE 1
Some thoughts-
1) men are more visual and are therefore more likely to rule women out BEFORE the first date.
2) Men are expected to pursue women. Consequently there’s not much time to analyse the first few dates. If we’re having a good time, we start planning the next call and plans for the second date.
3) If a man likes a woman and finds her attractive, he’s probably going to hang about till he gets to have sex. After that, he might start to ask himself if the relationship has long term potential.
4) Women have more options in the early stages of dating, and are therefore more likely to exercise them.
5) ‘No Sparks’ is often a euphemism for more concrete factors which people are too polite to admit to (even to themselves)
feelingflirty 2
You have some wacky comments but I like it!
redheadfromtdot 3
I think that Jimmy nails it.
Furthermore:
“No chemistry” is a way of saying “lack of physical attraction”. People seem to take offense to the latter because they hear “not attracted to you” as “you’re not attractive”.
Attraction is a funny thing. It’s there or it’s not. One person can feel it while the other doesn’t. It’s hard to control.
Many of us have been physically attracted to people we didn’t like and wished we were attracted to people we did.
I’ve learned that if I’m not attracted to a guy I can’t date him even if compatibility is strong. It’s not right nor fair to either one of us, and attraction is necessary for sex. If I’m dating a guy that I have fun with, and get along well with and find compatible but I don’t want to be physical with him, I tend to date him until I convince myself to let this one go. I often hope that the attraction will suddenly appear or reappear but it rarely works that way and even then it’s not really “sudden”, but the sudden revelation of something gradual.
I’m friends with some guys that I’ve dated. If the chemistry’s not there and it feels platonic, there’s little difference between “dating” and “hanging out”.
I’ve decided that sometimes “sparks” (“stars”?) are the reaction to something new, masquerading as feelings of attraction, and then in time the feeling peels away.
And yes, how you meet is an important part of the formula.
I hope I’m making sense in my sleepy state. Forgive the rambling.
Roger 4
Thank you Evan and everyone else for your insights. I continue to learn new things every day!
Sahaja 5
I think redhead hit the nail on the head – There is a decided difference between good looking and attractive. There are extremely in shape men that have great bodies, but we don’t find them attractive. In contrast, there are men that not models by any means that women flock around. Women pay attention to the details – very true. And when we have a gut feeling,its usually on point. So if she doent want to meet up, call it a good thing – if it was going to happen, it would have. This is time you saved, and now you can be meeting someone else – that you can connect with.
sheetal 6
well, i had a guy who wanted to marry me since the last 5 years, n to be honest i only kept him as an option for so long coz our compatibility was great, almost 9 out of 10. i kept in touch with him simply bcoz i thot maybe one day i mite fall in love with him and i can marry him…but till today i just cant seem to do it…coz the only thing that has stopped me so far is lack of chemistry…i just find him much more unattractive now than it was 5 yrs back.to the point that now i have begun to hate him…but still i know if i marry him our marriage cud turn out to be long lasting in every way…but heck i just don want to…dats the last thing i wud do on earth…i wud rather go for a guy with chemistry 5 out of 10 and compatibility 5 out of 10, as they see in vedic astrology, the overall compatibility includes chemistry as well..chemistry is just one of the many ingredients of compatibility….