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We interrupt our regular programming for this gem of a letter from a reader. Jeanne embodies the spirit of Advice From a Single Dating Expert and I’m thrilled to give her the floor today.
Like many of you, Jeanne’s a self-described “catch” who was really struggling in love. Seems there were no quality guys for her and she felt woefully unappreciated by the emotionally unavailable men she was meeting. She articulately confessed her frustration, and I wrote her a reply with my typical, “look in the mirror”, “take responsibility”, “see the male side of things” response. I would encourage you to read it before you move forward, because it sets the table for what comes next.
And boy, do I love what comes next:
I was reading your response to 3/24/08 Paula and I realize that I have been remiss! Evan, you and I had a special “anniversary” last week.:-)
A year ago, I wrote you in desperation with my dating life. And it seems that I quickly graduated to “Where are all the emotionally available mentally healthy men?” Little did I realize what staying power my issue had .
So I would like to give you and your readers an update on my situation – especially since I think it is very, very relevant to Paula.
You were quite harsh with me in your response on 3/21/07 – ouch!!!!:-)
But desperate times require desperate measures, so I held up the mirror and painstakingly went through your commentary for applicability:
1) Men think women over 40 are “hard”. That was an easy one. You will find no one on the planet more laid back and fun loving than me – and I have a zillion people to verify that .
2) Do I have an over-inflated sense of self and exaggerate in my online dating profile? My pictures were 4 months old. And while I talked about my work “saving the world” so to speak, I also noted that I rode my bicycle into my neighbor’s car because I am a hopeless spaz. So I was honest in my profile.
3) Your conclusion? If I was who I said I was, then some single dad would find me irresistible someday.
You were right. I met him 2 days later.
It took 5 months to make me realize that there was this extraordinary man who was in love with me and who would wait as long as it took for me to get my $h!t together.
Did I know that I had met him? Like Paula, I had an image of what would be the “right” man for me. Did the gentleman I meet on that date fit? He soooooooooooooooo didn’t – he was bald, gray and wore glasses!
It took 5 months – and a whole lot of dates with other men, and a really bad experience with a man whom I felt explosive ‘chemistry’ with – to make me realize that there was this extraordinary man who was in love with me and who would wait as long as it took for me to get my $h!t together. …
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