Comments on: I Think Sex Is Wrong Outside Marriage. Why Won’t Anyone Date Me?

By: Rae

Rae — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 00:37:59 +0000

It’s not always what you say, but how you say it. If you announce judgmentally on the first date or so that premarital sex is morally wrong, you will probably freak people out. On the other hand, if you mention (not on the first date) that because of your own personal/religious values, you are waiting til marriage – and even though you are very attracted to her you still feel waiting is important – well that comes across much differently. Some people still won’t be up for it, and that’s fine, they’re not the woman for you.

And yes just like you there are women who want to wait til marriage and would be delighted to find you. You just need to find those women. Christian singles dot com or something. Good luck.

By: Abera

Abera — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 06:16:08 +0000

I agree with most of what’s on this blog generally but I am personally really offended by this article. Why should this man have to ditch a value that is obviously important to him so that he can get a date? Surely, you would want your potential partner to be someone who shares similar values to yours. Granted that it means not so many people believe in such values anymore, it doesn’t make him a stick in the mud or any less of a man for it.

I’m disappointed. From what I have read, it seems to me that he is not putting what he feels about this in a very accepting way, which is more the problem I feel than the actual pre-marital sex issue.

I mean if he has to ditch this to find a partner, then what else should he have to give up to fit in with everyone’s criteria of what is ‘ok’?

By: Redneck

Redneck — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 12:46:36 +0000

I am 48 years old and and a widower for the last 2 years and 4 months now . I Fully agree about not having sex before Marriage. I am in a relation ship with a 36 Year old Young woman that has the same belief as I and Also she has never been married either, I Support any one that believes in waiting for Marriage before the have sexual relation with on another , It leaves something more to be desired in Your marriage by the Both of you when that day does come! I know to the the itimency will be much greater!! Also would some one explain to me what sexual compatability,sexual chemistry Is exactlly?? And why it is so much needed before you get married??, . The example of using having sexual relations before a serious and long term relationship, such as Marriage comitment is like buy a new car, you want to test drive it first before you buy it, The in My opinon degrades those that are even using that for an example , I’m Sorry, !! But think about it foir just a moment what your saying when you say that???

By: Shepherdess

Shepherdess — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 06:55:22 +0000

Jon, it is how you present your desire for premarital celibacy that will be the deal maker or deal breaker. I have been in a loving relationship with a man for 2 years and it is “moving forward”, hopefully to marriage. For religious reasons, we haven’t had sex or extensive foreplay. He is a pastor of a church in a small town where everybody talks. I am a widow with a strong sex drive, yet I accept this. But to stay interested, I needed to hear my man tell me I was attractive, hear “I love you”, and be held close. I needed to feel desirable in how he approached me physically, mentally, and emotionally. And yes, we have talked extensively about sex, as no topic should be ‘off limits’ if you are considering marriage. When we first met, he wasn’t looking to date, just be ‘helpful’, and I was only six months a widow, so i needed some distance and ‘companionship’ was my only interest. But we now spend most of our time together, have met several of each other’s families (all out of area), and work well together to help our community. Our friendship has deepened because of not having sex ‘first’. Most people in town saw us as a couple before we realized it. Now we are comfortable with this too. If we get married, I expect that the sex will be very satisfying. If we do not get married, our relationship is still very rich and fulfilling. The thought of never having sex again… is hard for me, but I can’t imagine not having this man in my life. At times I tease him, I’m tempted to pressure him, but then I back off, out of respect for him. And I feel his respect. He is the proud father of several children who still call him and seek his advice. Not a prude. But wise.

By: Clarina

Clarina — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 03:00:36 +0000

She needs to date only geeks that are virgins or old men that don’t have any more feeling down there. You can date hundreds of men, but who said you need to sleep with them? If they want sex , that’s what they are about from the start, so keep dating and make it fun but don’t sleep with them.

By: Aplus

Aplus — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 09:14:08 +0000

I agree there, stick to your morals and don’t compromise who you are.

By: Dana

Dana — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 20:44:23 +0000

Jon, stick with your morals. Where are you meeting this women? I am a 28 yr old virgin female who has been in your boat before-its where you meet these people at that could be the problem. Are you trying church or online dating sites made for people who are religious? If you go to the “normal” world then yes it will be difficult to meet females who share these values but there are women who have these values.
Also, how and when do you tell females about this? I agree with some of the earlier posters-watch how you phrase it but be willing to let a relationship go.
This isn’t an issue for me of compromising or settling-this is about my faith, values, and morals. If you feel the same way, then stay strong.

By: Ana

Ana — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 00:46:27 +0000

Stick to your morals. You´ll find someone who shares them if you´re patient and look in the right places. You can go and have premarital sex as Evan says, and get the girls, but maybe you won´t get the girls you were looking for. You should think first of all what´s more important to you, if compromising your morals to get a girl is, go ahead. I do tell you from experience, though, that you may compromise your morals for a girl and then if things don´t work out with this girl, and you find an abstinece practicing girl afterwards who you love, you´re going to deeply regret it and she might resent you for it. Wait and be patient, those girls you´re looking for still exist and aren´t as hard to find as you think.

By: Karen

Karen — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 15:05:16 +0000

To all of you who think it’s important to “test drive” the car before buying it:
You should consider the fact that the majority of Americans have premarital sex. Therefore, most people who get married have had sex with each other before marriage. Since they got married after having sex, this means they must have believed they were sexually compatible. Yet, half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. What does this tell you??
Clearly, placing such an important emphasis on sexual compatibility is absurd since it does not help you in picking a truly compatible spouse. I stayed a virgin until I was 28 when I married my husband. When we had sex for the first time, it was not amazing….just awkward. However, as we explored each other’s bodies, we learned how to turn on each other. Some people who have sex together intuitively understand their partner’s turn-ons and turn-offs. But just because you don’t have this natural intuition with your spouse doesn’t mean they are incompatible for you. It just means that this is one part of your marriage where you’ll have to put more effort into communicating your needs directly. Yep, I said it: you may actually need to put forth some effort. But after a few times, the sex becomes fantastic!
The problem with having sex before marriage is that it becomes too easy to confuse sex with love. I’m not saying premarital sex is guaranteed to doom a marriage or that being virginal is guaranteed to make a marriage successful. I’m saying that people put too much emphasis on passion that they neglect to place emphasis on more day-to-day concerns like finances, whether you want children, when you want children, etc. Beyond the honeymoon period, you will not be spending every waking moment having sex. At some point, you will both have to deal with the drudgery of everyday life which involves dealing with chores and other tasks that do not elicit any passionate feelings. All too often, I have noticed my friends rushing off to get married because the sex with that person was just too “amazing.” While they had similar interests, they did not discuss their views on money (major fights can occur over this) and what they expected of each other. Then during the marriage, they still had awesome sex, but they fought so often over all of these everyday issues, that they divorced.
The key to a lasting marriage is to be HONEST and DIRECTLY communicate your needs to your spouse. Sex can be improved over time. It’s okay if it isn’t perfect from the start. However, it is not likely that a person who is frugal will change into a gambler over time and vice versa. Make sure that your values are in line with the other person’s.
Now, back to the man’s problem about keeping a woman after telling her he wants to be abstinent. I completely agree that the WAY you are phrasing your words is the problem. I don’t support premarital sex either, but I was even offended over your phrasing. You need to say something like “There is something that I want to be upfront with you about. I am abstaining from sex until marriage. I do not condemn those who choose to have premarital sex, but I feel that being abstinent is right for me and I will not budge from this position.”
I wish you the best of luck and believe me, I understand your pain at trying to find someone who shares your values, but there is a woman out there who will share those same values. Remember, you don’t need to have a 100 women falling at your feet (unless your goal is to get as many notches on your bedpost as possible). You just need to find ONE woman who loves you. Keep looking and do not compromise your values because that will only lead you to finding someone you are not compatible with.

By: mandy

mandy — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 19:04:49 +0000

hey i think its great you want to wait till marriage its the right thing god wants it to be that way and i have good morals also