Do “No-Sex” Marriages Work?

We’re constantly on the go, busy from dawn ’til dusk with tasks that fill our entire day, and really, at the end of it, who has time for sex? According to this NY Times interview with Denise A. Donnelly, associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University, married couples don’t have the energy to keep the spark in their sex life:

“Married men and women, on average, have sex with their spouse 58 times a year, a little more than once a week, according to data collected from the General Social Survey, which has tracked the social behaviors of Americans since 1972. But there are wide variations in that number. Married people under 30 have sex about 111 times a year. And it’s estimated that about 15 percent of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year.”

Donnelly cites a number of factors to why marriages become sexless:

Some people become accustomed to their spouse, bored even, and sex slows. For others, it is the demands of raising a family, establishing a career, and mid-adulthood. And there are people who have very low sex drives, and may even be asexual. They may have some sex with their partners to begin with, but it becomes unimportant to them (and usually not so unimportant to their spouses). These folks may also be dealing with guilt, issues with the human body, or feel that sex is “dirty” or only for procreation. A small number of couples showed a mixed pattern, where they would have periods of “feast” and of “famine.”

So, here’s what I want to know. Do you think there is hope to rekindle the passion in a marriage that’s become sexless? Please leave your thoughts and comments below.

And in case you didn’t know, I’m away in Bali for my yearly vacation. While I’m gone, I’m offering a $100 discount on my Finding the One Online CD series – but it’s just until I get back from vacation!

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Comments:

  1. 61
    hunter

    They say one diminishes, without the other.

  2. 62
    steve hubbard

    ..this is my story. Married 13 yrs, total length of relationship 16yrs. NO sex with my wife for last 6 years since our one and only boy was born. We’re on the verge of splitting up, money is a big problem as she’s never looked at our accounts and has had luxuries over years all the time she has been out of work too. Many issues from her side effecting our togetherness and she’s opened her eyes to this, its as though she’s awaknened, never recalls the past and our plans, she has become pursessed or spiritually awakened. It’s screwed my head for years now. The love died many years ago after many good years together and very good sex life (about 10yrs). Now I consider myself happy having had the relationship but I can’t see a sexless, loveless marraige working out for much longer. I read the MJ quote; we come into this world knowing we are loved and we leave this world knowing the same, this means anything inbetween can be dealt with.

  3. 63
    hunter

    Most therapists say, once the money is gone, the sex is gone also.

  4. 64
    Nat

    Wife and I been married 40 + years and sexless approx 28 years.
    I wouldn’t say were married were more like brother sister thing. But in any case were still together. And fairly happy !!! Now getting to old for that sex crap.

  5. 65
    Pamela

    I think there’s hope but a couple would really have to work at saving their marriage. They would have to work on the hidden problems in their marriage and communicate. I think a sexless marriage works for very few people. Most folks would leave after some time

  6. 66
    faded jade

    Sex can be come difficult and painful for a woman post menopause.  Unfortunately, many doctors just dismiss her concerns and say to use artificial lubricant. That doesn’t always do trick.  There are more effective treatment options available.  The husband might interpret her lack of interest in sex (because it has become painful and not to pleasurable) as a lack of interest in HIM. The wife could offer BJ’s & HJ’s, but hubby could still feel neglected.  As a result, he’ll withdraw emotionally, and a vicious cycle begins in the marriage.  Ladies, if you are experiencing post menopausal issues, don’t accept you doctor’s dismissal.  INSIST on a course of treatment, or find a doctor who will listen and respond !

  7. 67
    Angie

    I don’t get people, or mostly women who marry men and then torture them with no sex. If it wasn’t that important, why did they even marry? So maybe some men too start to lose interest, but again..I think some people by nature are more or less sexinterested..the solution is perhaps to spot someone who is similar to how  important sex is to them..from love comes sex..but not vice verca I guess..so the more we love someone the more we want to please them
    I’m still virgin because I haven’t met anyone who deserves to cause the pain of “first sex”, but once I meet him and of course am the type who doesn’t sleep before marriage, then I will not “not have sex” with him. I’m very curious to know how it is to have it, it sounds cool and hot! hahah So why not do it more, why not take some of the time we go to the gym and have more sex instead? Sex is great exercise lol..I think at least 3 times a week should be as natural as eating everyday..
     
    @Selena
    Hey I actually found a site that tells about after the marriage
    http://www.andtheylivedhappilyeverafter.com/index.html

  8. 68
    hunter

    @angie#68
     
    ….studies have shown women cannot keep up with the male sexual appetite…

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