How Does a 30-Year-Old Man with No Sexual Experience Get Some?

How does a man, age 30, gain sexual experience when they have not had any?

We have a large group of brain tumor survivors who went through puberty belatedly on artificial hormones. They missed the important Jr. High / High School dating scene, and now find themselves as young adults with absolutely zero dating experience as well as the more obvious sexual experience.

Several members of our group have actually “started” dating, but the guys are finding it especially awkward after several dates when the women are expecting more “activity.” The guys don’t know how to explain that they haven’t really ever even kissed a woman before. The desire is there, but the girls the guys are dating seem to have at least some, if not a lot, of sexual experience already. They appear to be a little put off by a guy who hasn’t even kissed a girl by age 30.

How can the guys “get” some experience at this late date in the game?

 

-Suzanne

Dear Suzanne,

Is it cool for an “expert” to say something like, “I don’t know” in an advice column?

Because I can make up an answer, but I don’t think I have any unique insight that will help your survivors. The fact that they had brain tumors provides a weighty reason as to why they haven’t acquired experience, but, at the end of the day, they’re no different than legions of men (and women) who are at the back end of the sexual bell curve.

…at the end of the day, they’re no different than legions of men (and women) who are at the back end of the sexual bell curve.

I ain’t gonna lie – it’s tough to make up for that lost time – especially when you’re dealing with peers. Innocently charming though it might be, most 30 year old women probably don’t have the patience for a guy who has never removed a bra. So I took to asking women I know what they think your guys should do.

“Don’t tell the truth,” is what my wife said. Like a woman who is a virgin until her 20’s, sometimes it’s best to keep these big secrets to yourself, unless it’s absolutely necessary. People are more likely to give the benefit of the doubt to someone whom they’ve invested in emotionally, instead of being patient with the random socially awkward guy who declares on Date 1 that he had a brain tumor and is therefore behind in Foreplay 101.

“Have you suggested prostitution,” said another friend, who didn’t want to be named. I don’t blame her, but the thought most definitely crossed my mind. Where else can you find someone who is experienced, non-judgmental, and won’t break your heart for being disappointing in bed? By the same token, apart from its inherent illegality, I’m not sure how to ensure for a safe and positive experience. Hookers definitely seem like a roll of the dice.

Hookers definitely seem like a roll of the dice.

Finally, if there are a group of male brain tumor survivors, there are probably female ones as well. Wouldn’t it stand to reason that you could put together a support group mixer of some sort, and let the delayed adolescents sort through their awkwardness together? I know that’s a small pool in which to fish, but there’ll be a lot more understanding and compassion from fellow survivors than there will be on Nerve.com.

As I said, I’m spitballing here. Any readers know how an inexperienced thirtysomething male can get experience without judgment (and without paying for it)?

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Comments:

  1. 31
    FH

    You people are totally lost as human species.

  2. 32
    D

    Steven, I’d be careful what you say! I’m over 22years old (26) and still a virgin by choice and I’m definitely NOT ugly or fat! Far from it, I’ve done some modelling and get attention from guys wherever I go (not arrogant, it’s just a fact to demonstrate a ridiculous stereotype). In fact, I’ve got some friends similar ages who are still virgins and are stunning amazing women, plus a couple of great guys I know. Just because people have self respect and don’t want to go around giving their body away to anyone doesn’t conclude they are ugly at all! I am attracted to the most attractive guys physically but if I know they’ve slept around at all I’m immediately put off them as shows they don’t have good morals or self respect. A guy who is a virgin is MUCH more attractive to me as long as you have the chemistry there and they’re a good kisser etc. I’ve no idea why you would presume a girl would be unattractive if they were an older virgin ana ironically most the less attractive and bigger people I know have slept around the most! (Just from who I know, not generalising). I think society today is too sexually orientated, hence more cheating , divorces etc. It’s sad that instead of love and intimacy going hand in hand and being special for the one person you want to spend your life with , guys constantly say ‘I love you’ just to have sex!

  3. 33
    Arctos

    >Any readers know how an inexperienced thirtysomething male can get >experience without judgment (and without paying for it)?
    Mmm…err… maybe by meeting an emotionally mature woman and falling in love with her? Isn’t this the easiest option for a homo sapiens?
     

  4. 34
    Rose

    Arctos, that felt a refreshing change reading that.

  5. 35
    CogitoVeritas

    I find great solidarity in fact that SOOO many men have been ignored in their youth as I have. I suppose the statistic that 80% of men go ignored is correct. It at least makes me feel better that I am not alone. Gotta go … new engine installation on my float-plane.

  6. 36
    Jacob

    I can relate to this article. I missed all the middle school and highschool experience because I was an awkward kid. Started to get attention from girls when I was about 20. I didn’t really know how to react. Finally had sex at 24. Wasn’t that awkward. Confidence was up. Felt like “the man”. Well fast forward 2 years and i achieved no other sexual experience. Went on a couple of dates with an older woman *she was 31* and when I got into the bedroom I didn’t know what to do. We just wound up kissing for a long time. I was waiting on cues from her to do something but it never came. She stopped talking to me after that. Now I’m about to be 27. I’m attractive enough that guys think I get all the girls. Girls think I get all the girls. It’s very frustrating experience. I want to have sex but I’m afraid my inexperience will scare women off.

  7. 37
    b-dog

    Jacob, I know exactly how you feel, I’ve had a very similar experience, I think the better looking your are the harder it is. I get a lot of looks from the hottest girls, ones I think are way out of my league, couple that with being really smart, but awkward. your pretty much just screwed, because there like WTF is wrong with you. Even though your a nice, fairly normal person.  I’m 34 and haven’t had sex since I was 20. :(

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