I Want To Stop Having Sex With My Boyfriend Until We Get Married.

Hi. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. I waited until I was officially his girlfriend (2 months) before we had sex. It’s been amazing, but this New Year I want to get closer to God and stop having sex until we get married. It seems like he can’t sacrifice sex for the man above or for me, and when I talk to him about it he tries to ignore the subject.He agreed to not have sex, but I feel like he’s just saying it to say it. Should this be a big concern? Or am I taking it too far since we’ve already been sexual for the past 10 months?

Thanks! Yasmin

Dear Yasmin, I’m sorry, sweetie, but you really wrote to the wrong guy. I’m pro-sex, pro-logic, and pro-consistency, and your letter fails all three tests. I can understand a woman who sleeps with a man too quickly, like, date 1 or 2 – pulling back to say, “Hey, we should get to know each other a little better first before we embark on a sexual relationship.” The guy may grumble a bit at moving “backwards,” but, if he likes her, he’ll be pleased to wait a few weeks until she trusts him enough to resume the physical part of their relationship. You, on the other hand, were patient enough to wait two months to sleep with your guy. Good for you, really! – for showing restraint and seeing what he was made of as a man. As a result of your patience, you’ve been rewarded with an amazing boyfriend, and, not incidentally, 10 months of good sex.

And, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t God all-forgiving? I’m sorry. I really tuned out during Hebrew school.

Then, suddenly, you had a New Years Revelation (stronger than resolutions, I hear), which told you that in order to “get closer to God,” you should stop having sex. Got it. Now, forgive my ignorance of religion, but I’ve got a handful of questions: What does “closer to God” mean? What happens to all the unfortunate God-fearing women who have been having pre-marital sex without changing their minds? Are they screwed? Are they all going to hell? Or will they just not be as “close” with God as you are? And, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t God all-forgiving? I’m sorry. I really tuned out during Hebrew school.Oh, there’s one more thing that begs a question: what about your boyfriend’s feelings? It would be like you driving your parents’ car for a year when you were 16, and then, when you turned 17, hearing from Dad that you were losing your driving privileges. Why? Because Dad read a statistic that girls under 18 get into a higher percentage of car accidents. Does he have a point? Maybe. But that wouldn’t make you feel any better. In fact, having your privileges taken away will probably make you feel much worse than if you hadn’t been driving that whole year at all. You’d understandably be resentful of your Dad, even though you know he was doing it for the right reasons.

And if you cut off your boyfriend from having sex after 10 months, don’t be too surprised if he cuts you off in return.

No matter how I slice it, I see your predicament as an arbitrary, self-imposed one, based on a lack of understanding of both religion and human nature. And if you cut off your boyfriend from having sex after 10 months, don’t be too surprised if he cuts you off in return. Not because he’s a selfish jerk. But because he has a girlfriend whose actions and needs are not properly aligned with his own. Finally, I’m sincerely sorry if I misinterpreted the doctrine of your religion. If you, or anyone reading this, wants a more religious take on the Church’s position on pre-marital sex, consult your clergy. But since you asked a dating coach a sex question, you got my irreverant take on it. Hope it gives you some clarity.

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Amelia

    Evan, sorry, but this is like the world’s worst answer. First of all, you compare stopping sex to cutting off car privileges??? Did I miss something here? There is no comparison.
    Second of all, this woman does not owe this guy sex. You talk like, this guy is totally entitled to have sex with this woman, well guess what Evan – they’re not married!! I direct you to this line again – they’re not married!! If they were, I would say, yes, he is totally entitled to have sex from her. Maybe there is no real commitment on his part and that is what is also why she is making this decision. I think you should rethink this answer. You make it sound like she is a prostitute and he’s her pimp. Seriously! Again, they are not married – she does not owe him a thing.

    1. 1.1
      pala

      Thank you

    2. 1.2
      Jess

      Yes I agree with the above too

    3. 1.3
      Jean

         Thanks Amelia, finally another woman brave enough to speak the truth and give some common sense and balance to these  sex topics. I say this all the time, but people, mostly guys get so offended and jump all over me and say I am a troll, just because I have my own opinion as a woman.
           Many of the men on relationship sites, and some women site owners,  are always telling women what we should do to keep a man. I say if it is that much work, then it is not worth it. They always threaten that the boyfriend will cheat on us or leave us, because of this or that . I say “Who cares,  let him cheat,  let leave.”    Women have got to stop allowing men to argue their guy code doctrine, about how they need sex and we shouln’t deny them.  One thing I know is that women can cheat as well. 3-22-14

  2. 2
    Honey

    Yeah, I don’t get this at all. But then again, I’m an atheist who’s happily been having pre-marital sex for 12 or 13 years…

  3. 3
    Jennifer

    Evan,
    Were you in a bad mood when you wrote this? You seem to be laying on the sarcasm thicker than normal with someone who came to you for advice.

    FWIW, I have no problem with pre-marital sex and agree that changing the rules of the game in the middle is unfair to her boyfriend. This issue may be a sign that they are going on different paths and may no longer be right for each other.

    On the other hand, the girlfriend is not wrong if she has a sudden desire to follow more ‘rules’ (as some people interpret them) from the Bible, whether that be not engaging in sex outside of the confines of marriage, not getting drunk or not doing any work on the Sabbath. To each their own.
    She is wrong though, imo, for being surpised that her boyfriend is not anxious to jump on this bandwagon with her and for just assuming he would. Once her life choices start to effect him, as this one does, he gets a say in the matter.

    So I don’t really disagree with you Evan, I just think you were pretty mean about it. In case you cared :-)

    1. 3.1
      Jean

      You cannot say that she is wrong. That is your opinion. You cannot decide what is wrong in their relationship.. She did what was good for her, just as when he does something that is good for him. . She may have made him uncomfortable in the change of habit, but she is not wrong for wanting what she wants. She  decided that sex is no longer needed for her.
       
           Why do we constantly  make everything in a relationship about sex. Emotional connection is just as  important for women, but I don’t see any articles that scold, criticze, then threaten men that their  women will cheat if they are not satisfied emotionally. when we do not stress to men that they should satisfy us with foreplay and cuddling, and touch.
      . We beat the “men need sex” horse to death. We need to stop with the push for sex, unless we are going to push for emotional connection too. Women get sick and tired of being scolded, criticized,  and blamed, for not being wired like men. 3-22-13
       
      The people in the world who want and love sex so much, jhave got to respect those whon hate it. Okay?? 

  4. 4
    david

    Evan’s answer does make sense — esp. when he’s trying to see the situation and (lack of) logic through a guy’s — more specifically — her guy’s eyes.
    Like that Chris Rock bit, “A man cannot go back sexually, a woman cannot go back in lifestyle.” (Kill The Messenger)

  5. 5
    Sharia

    First off, Yasmin never said anywhere in what was posted that she was a Christian (you said someting about the New Testament, which is Christian). She may be, but you cannot assume that. Many non-Christian religions/spiritual practices advise celebacy. And Yasmin is an Arabic name, so she could be Muslim. Also, the “Church” refers specifically to the Catholic Church–besides not saying she was Christian, she certainly never indicated that she was Catholic. Neither did she say that she was doing this for religious reasons–she said that she is doing it to get closer to God. And even further–she never said anywhere in what was posted that the sex was good.

    So, given your misunderstanding of where she is coming from, your advice is way off, in my book.

    I applaud Yasmin’s decision to follow the dictates of her heart and listen to her spiritual calling. I also urge her to ignore your uninformed advice. One misstep on her part–besides writing to this site, which I doubt will be sympathetic to her situation–she cannot make others follow the dictates of her heart, and a spiritual calling is usually a private matter between oneself and however one defines “God.” True, others might join us in our callings, but generally speaking, they are subjective experiences. So she cannot impose her beliefs on her boyfriend. He may be just fine with premarital sex, and he may be fine with her reversal on the matter, even if he’s finding it difficult in practice. He may have issues himself with premarital relations (if he has a religious/spiritual practice similar to hers, let’s say) and he may be happy that she is setting the boundary. Or her reversal might be a deal-breaker for him.

    If hers is a true calling, she can accept any of those scenarios. If he is not in agreement with her and decides to leave the relationship, perhaps it is because there is someone more appropriate for her waiting in the wings.

    And here’s another news flash: Having sex with someone for a few months does not give them ongoing access to your body–not even in a marriage, and certainly not outside of it. Each person decides for herself what are the appropriate conditions under which she will have sex, and things can change. And yes, when things change, the partner may leave. You accept that, and this is what being true to oneself is all about. Other people have the right to be true to themselves. (Which brings us back to the discussion with Lorianne–if she doesn’t want to be married to a guy who has online affairs, she gets to leave. Who is going to stop her? Karl?)

    Men leave women all the time because they just “have to have” some kind of sexual experience–that is their right, and we all know this based on the scores of men who do it everyday. Let’s not suggest that a woman has to keep putting out and give up her spiritual pursuits just to keep her guy. Really. Such backwards thinking.

    1. 5.1
      rene

      Thnk u sharie…. I second yasmin

    2. 5.2
      Nissa

      I also had the thought that her boyfriend might be on the same page with her in terms of making their relationship more serious, partly because the LW says “until we get married” which implies they are already planning a wedding. If they aren’t and the LW is planning one in her head, then this issue is a hidden blessing that tells the guy that they have totally different expectations. While I understand (and agree with) Evan’s point about this feeling like the LW  is “switching the rules”, it makes sense that as the relationship deepened and got more serious, that the LW began to feel differently about her choices.
      For example, if a guy met a girl in a time when he was open to love but his circumstances did not really support it (just started a business, just out of a bad breakup), he might act similarly. By this I mean the guy might start out being more casual, less consistent and attentive; but become more consistent, serious and attentive over time. The guy would probably be willing to have sex during this initial time, but once the girl became “the one” in his own mind, he would be more open to switching to “serious relationship rules” vs “GF/BF” rules, not because either of them is a jerk, but because they are both reacting to a shift in the relationship that has already occurred. However, it is likely that both of them will miss the intimacy of sex, having already gone down that path.
      However, I don’t think that is what is happening here. The LW says “he just tries to ignore the subject” or “he agrees but I think he’s just saying it“. I think this is an example of ignore the positive, believe the negative. I think the boyfriend is hoping that the girlfriend will change her mind or agree to continue sex to keep him. If she doesn’t, get ready for the disappearing act. That’s what his behavior is saying. I hope the LW will realize that her boyfriend is being consistent here; she has changed. If her desires have changed, it makes sense that a new partner would be a better match for her new convictions. Frankly, I think he’s doing her a favor by dumping her so she can find someone who shares her values. I doubt the LW will see it that way, though.

  6. 6
    Marc

    Yasmin,
    I think you’re about to become single. Do the next dude a favor and tell him exactly where you stand on sex, so he knows what he’s getting himself into.

  7. 7
    Evan Marc Katz

    Thanks for echoing my point, Sharia. She can absolutely follow her true calling… she can also potentially lose her boyfriend in the process. That’s why she was writing me the email; because she was afraid of doing so.

    I don’t blame Yasmin for putting religion first. I point out the inconsistency of her stance from a lay person’s (and maybe her boyfriend’s) point of view. Now that she sees another side to the story, she will be fully informed about making the right decision for her.

    You don’t have to agree with my point of view to agree that it’s a valid point of view.

    1. 7.1
      Jean

      Evan Marc,
      Neither do you need to agree with  women’s point of view, about her right to stop sex,  because …..  ”It is still a valid point.”   3-22-13
       

      1. 7.1.1
        Abu Bakar Hasnath

        We boys at first look for LOVE
        When we fall in love and try to impress a girl, other girls become jelous

  8. 8
    Sharia

    @6: What makes me see your view as not valid is your apparent ignorance about religion/spiritual matters and, by extension of that, your mocking tone toward her beliefs. Who is invalidating whom here?

    Also, the phrase “lay person” refers to 1) someone who is not a member of the clergy or 2) someone who does not have specialized knowledge. It does not refer to someone who has no general knowledge and, coincidentally, a bias against something.

  9. 10
    JuJu

    No sympathy from me either. This is bait and switch! You can’t change the rules of the game in the middle of the game.

    If a man I was with suddenly discovered god… well, I personally am not a good example – any kind of religious adherence is a deal-breaker for me, but sex-wise, if we suddenly stopped having it, that would be the end of the relationship. After all, what do I even need a man for??

    The folks who are defending the letter writer seem to be forgetting that we are talking about the type of relationship that’s based on sex. If you just want someone to spend time with, hang out with your friends.

  10. 11
    Korovi

    I think Evan is right on the money here (religious affiliation assumptions aside). Sounds like the girlfriend wants to dangle the sex carrot in front of the guy so he proposes. Nowhere in her letter does she say that they decided to get married, so her boyfriend can see it as a desperate ploy to “push him over the edge.” Believe me, any hot-blooded male will see through it and is likely to walk away. In his mind he’ll wonder, “What if I get married to her and one day she decides that we will no longer have sex until [insert the desired result to be achieved before renewing sex here].” That’s a scary thought for a guy. Believe me “bait and swithch” technique never works long-term. Those of us who are realists (Evan included), sex for a guy is like talking is for a girl – very important in a relationship. Yasmin, imagine if your boyfriend decided in January that he no longer wants to talk to you until you get married?

    1. 11.1
      Jean

           Not a fair comparison. That has no logic.  Talking and sex, are not on the same plane, whatsoever. Sex is a strong desire. Talking is not just a strong desire,  but it is a strong need and is one of the best means of commuication needed to inform people and give valuable information.
             Imagine that you are trapped on  a bus with one way out, and with  people who are asleep. What will you do first,  have sex with them, or yell at them and shake them to get out?  What will sex do, will it  save anyone’s life? When a man gets locked in prison for 10 years, what does he do about sex? Does he die, or keep living?
      @HR Goddess, I wish you and others with like minds,  would stop insinuating that women offer sex for marriage proposals. That is sooo left field. She may have given him sex, to satisfy his needs. It may have been tearing her up inside. Wow, the people here are so crippled by this  sex thing. I really feel sorry for some of you. Sex has some of you in a stronghold.  Some men are so blinded by getting some sex, that they do not put any work into the other part of the relationship.
          Often women deny  themselves being  satisfied by their men in bed, all throughout the marriage. This is a true fact. Give a survey and allow the women participants to complete it anonomously. You will find out some startling facts. I know, I hear women talk all the time about this. Sex becomes a chore for a woman, when a man just thrusts.  Thrusting is satisfied for him, but null and void for the woman.
           A man’s ego can cause his wife to hold back on telling him that he is a lousy lover and that she has not been satisfied since she was dating,  all while he is getting satisfied through the thrusting in one of her body cavities. These women do not look forward to sex with their husbands, because the men are either too selfish, too lazy, or just simply, do not know how to satisfy them. 3-21-14
      Boyfriends like the one mentioned in the article, may never find success in a relationship, if he is going to bail out simple because someone does not to do things his way. If she is worth him having sex with, why not go ahead and marry her? Good point.  You see, evidently, he just want to get the milk, with ot buying the cow. Typica males, often, just want to play.
       
      We must stop criticizing women for wanting to be married and having babies.
       
       
       

  11. 12
    Korovi

    BTW, I am a woman.

  12. 13
    Sally

    I agree with Evan’s take on this. She may have asked for guidance from her clergy, but I don’t recall seeing it in her letter. She asked for advice from a dating coach how her boyfriend might react. She got an honest straight forward answer. Just because it didn’t sound considerate of her new found religious convictions is beside the point. What did you want Evan to say? Good for you Yasmin. Go ahead and confuse the heck out of your boyfriend. No, she doesn’t owe him sex like one poster wrote. But 10 months into a relationship I assume there is love and some commitment. She does owe him some consideration for HIS feelings and wants and needs too.

  13. 14
    Sally

    Oops I forgot to write this at the end…. 10 months into a relationship, sex isn’t just sex. It’s intimacy, sharing, some might even say a spiritual connection with the person you are committed to. If her boyfriend feels that way, he has every right to balk at her unilateral decision to remove that aspect of their relationship.

  14. 15
    Katherine

    I agree with Evan 100% as well – this is about consistency. Re-read her post – She didn’t say she confessed her sins and swore herself to celibacy, but even if she did rethink her faith – then that alone is something that can drive a wedge in a marriage bound relationship. This has nothing to do with sex, but with her possible tendency to change like the wind, and change the rules mid-game. Not someone I would call stable or self-aware, and in fact might even be manipulative. (sex-carrot dangling) BTW -marriage doesn’t guarantee sex, either! That carrot can keep on moving. This guy just might run, and have good reason that has nothing to do with sex specifically.

  15. 16
    Diana

    Yasmin, do I feel that you have taken it too far? No, because the best one can ever do is follow what feels right to them. But it’s also not fair to your boyfriend to introduce such a change in your relationship and expect him to freely get on board with you. This life heart decision that you are making will give him pause to do the same, and that is to be respected, too.

    Are you willing to accept the risk that you may lose your boyfriend for waiting until marriage to be intimate again, in order to support your new belief? Are you willing to accept the risk that if you decide to continue to behave in a way that does not feel right to you that your relationship may wither on the vine regardless, due to tension, resentment, guilt, unhappiness, betraying your values, losing respect for yourself?

    My personal belief is that if your boyfriend truly loves you, and believes you are the one, true woman he wants to marry, and depending on how you have presented and discussed this issue with him, he will be willing to wait until marriage.

    Only you can determine what you are willing to sacrifice, should it come down to that. Nothing in life is free. Listen to your heart, and very carefully, I might add. An amazing relationship is not something to lightly toss aside, as you know.

  16. 17
    Honey

    Whoever said she never said the sex was good clearly missed the part where she explicitly states it’s AMAZING.

    And while obviously each partner always gets to determine under what circumstances s/he will/will not have sex, most people reasonably expect that the circumstances under which they’ve been operating over the majority of the relationship will continue. So if you’ve been having sex for a year and then suddenly don’t want to have it any more until you’re married (which is how long in the future…?) that’s a pretty radical change. Similarly, if you used to be really lean and jog 3-5 times a week and suddenly stop and gain 30 lbs., it’s not necessarily shallow or “because you’re fat” that he loses interest, it’s because you stopped being the person he fell in love with.

    So just as the boyfriend shouldn’t hold it against her that she wants to be closer to her idea of god, she shouldn’t hold it against him if he wants to leave her because that’s incompatible with his value system and his understanding of their relationship. Question, though – if he leaves her over this, and she starts dating someone else, is she not going to have sex until she gets married, or would she do the same thing all over again? Her answer to that question would tell us a LOT…

  17. 18
    Sophie

    I agree with Evan wholeheartedly and actually really enjoyed the ‘car privileges’ analogy.
    If the poster has been having sex with her boyfriend for 10 months, I do think it’s a lot to ask of him to just turn to celibacy until they get married. Like someone else said, she hasn’t even mentioned if they’ve talked about marriage yet or if a proposal is even close. Who knows how long it will be before a marriage even takes place?
    It’s great that she’s decided to be more religious and closer to God, but that’s a choice she made and now she’s asking her boyfriend to support her choice for reasons he may or may not agree with. If he’s not religious, I can still see how he may respect her choice, but even then, if he doesn’t agree with it then the lack of sex might be a deal breaker.

  18. 19
    Sharia

    I know several men who would respect Yasmin for her decision and would see her as a better partner for it. Perhaps her boyfriend is one of them. We don’t know anything about him, so let’s not assume that he’s only with her for sex–if they have enough intimacy to have sex, then perhaps they have enough intimacy to not have sex if the circumstances are not appropriate for one of them at this time. Being able to abstain and remain faithful is a sign of true intimacy and commitment.

  19. 20
    Jennifer

    @Sally #13
    fwiw, I can’t see myself staying in a sexless relationship until marriage and if I were the boyfriend I’d be royally pissed.

    But it’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it. Evan made some good points, but she may not get it because he came off as so dismissive.

    She may focus on the ‘you’re stupid for the revelation you had’ part rather than the ‘you are being unfair to your boyfriend by assuming he should go along with a change in the rules of engagement at this stage’ part. To help the letter writer, she’s got to be able to hear the advice, and a lot of sarcasm can get in the way of that.

  20. 21
    Paul

    Evan see’s it the way he does because he is not a man of God. The fact of the matter is God is extremely clear on this sunject…no sex before marriage. Weather you want to follow it is your own business, but it is very clear, and for some very sound reasons. Yasmin has every right to stop having sex with her partner, and yes it will lead her getting closer to God and I applaud her for that very mature decision. But Yasmin, don’t expect much agreement from this crowd – made up of mostly liberals – but rest assured that if you decide on this for your life, you will not only be closer to God, but your obedience WILL be rewarded…it always is. You will be blessed, and your marriage will be blessed, and if your boyfriend isn’t on board with it, dump him like a hot rock (no pun intended). He is obviously not a man of God and if you marry him, you will be unequally yoked and that is trouble. And oh, by the way, if you don’t sleep with the man you are going to marry (and who can’t wait a year or so for a whole lifetime of God sanctioned sex – after all, he’s the one who invented it!), then don’t buy into the argument that you have to test drive the other person in bed to see if you two work well together in the bedroom…if you follow Gods plan and don’t ever have sex, your sex life will be blessed after marriage. Have faith. He know’s how difficult it is and you will be blessed and highly favored if you follow His grand design.

  21. 22
    InaccessibleRail

    @ Paul, 21:
    I hate the way that people assume liberals are Godless and immoral. There IS a religious left in this country. We may be small in number, but we DO exist. Being a conservative does not make you a good person–I could fill a book with examples illustrating this. If Jesus came back today, I think he would be just as displeased with the conservatives as the liberals.

    Romans 3:23 makes no mention of politics.

  22. 23
    Sally

    Judgemental much, Paul?

  23. 24
    Sally

    Oh, I am a conservative, by the way.

  24. 25
    Jared Meyer

    I believe it’s difficult to give specific advice about things related to religion when both parties don’t share identical values and beliefs. Evan, what would you have written had she mentioned that her God TOLD her that she should refrain from physical intimacy in 2010? Would you have answered her questions in the same tone? Would you have used logic?
    Sure, your response could have been more diplomatic, compassionate and generalized like, “Whatever personal preferences/activities/contributions you withhold in your relationship (cause), are you prepared and willing to accept the possible consequences (effect)?” Not much controversy there, huh. You certainly spiced things up!
    I know little about the multiple religions and over 30,000 gods that have been documented, but I bet those who believe in the God of their choice do so based on emotions (love, fear, etc.) and not logic.
    Offering logical advice to someone who has a emotional relationship with their God is like offering a vegan a turkey sandwich. Love can’t be logical, can it?

    1. 25.1
      Tori

      Thank you, Jared Meyer, for your point: “over 30,000 gods that have been documented, those who believe in the God of their choice do so based on emotions, not logic.” Evan is contained in his own little American world with such constricted perspective. I’m sorry. But here in Asia, God takes different forms. I’m Catholic, but have worked with grassroots indigenous communities who call God in names different from mine. And they do have their own beliefs, own rituals, many of which involve butchering animals for abundant harvest. They say it is also part of being closer to God. And who am I to say or ask, “What does ‘closer to God’ mean?”… I have no right to question their love for their God, which motivates their actions.  But it seems Evan only thinks that there is one type of personal relationship with God, and that is a logical negotiable one. Sorry but the world and relationships, is more than what you think or have experienced.

  25. 26
    Selena

    Perhaps Yasmin would best be able to focus on exploring her relationship with God without the distraction of a relationship with a man – sexual or otherwise. Time spent without the boyfriend on any terms would likely bring clarity as to what is really important to her.

  26. 27
    JuJu

    Uh, InaccessibleRail, you had me until the second sentence. :-

    Godless != immoral or somehow unethical. And vice versa.

  27. 28
    InaccessibleRail

    @27
    Never said the two things were equivalent, equal or in any way the same. That’s why I mentioned both–I wanted to make explicit the understanding that the two CAN be separate. (It’s kind of like saying “I’m tired of everyone thinking oranges are tasty and sour.” Some people see both attributes as positive, and some see one as very good and one as very bad. But one certainly does not imply the other!)

    I know plenty of atheists who are upstanding human beings, and plenty of people who use the banner of God to advance an agenda based on hate. A lot of Christians like to think that they have the market cornered on being “good people,” but in the end, none of us are perfect, and in many cases the relationship between religiousity and morality (not to even get into the subjectiveness of both) seems spurious at best.

  28. 29
    HRGoddess

    If she is that committed to getting “closer to god” by cutting of sex with her boyfriend then she needs to be ready to accept the consequences… good or bad. Whatever will be will be and no advice is going to change that… unless she is just not that committed and using it as a dangling carrot for a marriage proposal.

  29. 30
    Adrienne

    Yasmin, I am not sure exactly what kind of a believer you are so I am just going to assume “born again”. You have already committed yourself to a relationship with (I am assuming here again) a non-believer. Sex aside…..does he understand how committed you are to what you believe? Does he believe as you do? If you have children, what faith will you raise them in? Do you want a partner that prays with you? A partner that applies what you believe in in their life too? Looking ahead….you might think about the relationship in the future…..even if he is “ok” with you not having sex with him. Lots of questions to answer and possible problems ahead. Honestly you committed to having sex with him and now backing out….I can understand him questioning it all. If you really want this man, then just go marry the guy and you can have all the sex you want, anytime – anywhere, guilt free.
    You gave it a good try in the beginning holding out but you should have kept it up. You confused him and now torturing yourself. Even though I really like Evan and think he has great advice and a good motivator….this really isn’t his bag, like he said. Talk to your pastor or spiritual leader which ever the case may be. Think it over before you make a committment that is meant for life. Wishing you well…I hope God speaks to your heart….you need to listen. :)

    1. 30.1
      Jess

      We don’t know Yasmin’s reasons for going ahead with having a sexual relationship for 10 months and just now remembering that she should be more religious. A friend of mine was in a similar situation, the guy proposed to her after only 4 months from meeting her and he promised her marriage within a year. so since she was religious but he wasn’t, he decided to convert to her religion and she still went ahead with sleeping with the guy for months. Now after a  year the guy keeps postponing the wedding and he kept his change of religion secret from everyone. The friend of mine decided to stop having sex with him till he makes up his mind on a wedding date.
      I totally understand yasmin’s situation and her wish, but we all need to know her boyfriend’s side of the story too.

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