I’m Pregnant and My Husband Is No Longer Interested in Sex With Me.

I’m Pregnant and My Husband Is No Longer Interested in Sex With Me.

My husband and I haven’t had intercourse lately because I am pregnant and he’s afraid it will hurt the baby. He didn’t have a problem with it from the beginning to the 6th month. I continuously give him hints and touch him playfully everyday, but he still refuses to have sex. I like to sleep alone so I make him sleep on the couch and he understands that, but he likes to sneak back in later when I am asleep and cuddle up with me. Okay, I admit, not having sex for a while is getting to me cause I am still young and virile. So last night I went to bed naked thinking he would cuddle up again and perhaps have sex, but no, he didn’t. Anyway, I caught him masturbating to Girls Gone Wild and it hurt me. I don’t know if I should be angry or forget about it. I know it hurts my feelings though that he chose to masturbate to other girls instead of having the real thing with me… Right now, I just don’t know how to get over it. Because of his actions, I feel that i am not attractive to him anymore. Any advice? -Hannah

Oh, Hannah. You sound very young.

And because you’re very young, it seems that there a number of things that you need to be taught about men that older women have already figured out themselves.

So let’s start from the beginning.

1. Your husband is afraid that having sex will hurt the baby.

The fear is normal, if a bit overstated. The reaction to this fear is ridiculous. Have you heard of Google? I just Googled “does sex hurt the baby?”

Here’s what the Mayo Clinic had to say:

“Your developing baby is protected by the amniotic fluid in your uterus, as well as the strong muscles of the uterus itself. Sexual activity won’t affect your baby.”

Until you start communicating like an adult couple, your sexual problems are likely to continue.

Now that we’ve quickly dispelled that myth, your husband doesn’t have any excuse.

Of course, it’s not as simple as that. Because your husband’s lack of desire to have sex is not really about hurting the baby. In fact, it may start with:

2. “I like to sleep alone so I make him sleep on the couch.”

Huh?

You expect your husband to feel warm, amorous and affectionate towards you when you treat him like a slacker houseguest in his own home?

You say “he understands that”, but I certainly don’t.

Tell your husband how you feel, ask him how he feels and get on the same page about your sex life.

And until you start communicating like an adult couple, your sexual problems are likely to continue. Ask him how he feels sleeping on the couch. Does it make him feel closer to you? Does it make him resentful? Does it impede the spontaneity of sex, given that he’s in a different room? I think the answers will be revealing.

3. “I caught him masturbating to Girls Gone Wild and it hurt me.”

More magic from Google: “how often do married men masturbate?”

Says one study, “Of the 647 who replied, 84% said they had masturbated in the three last months. While this may seem high, it is in line with other sources.”

So, given that the vast majority of married men still masturbate, given that you make him sleep on the couch, given that he’s worried he’s going to stab the baby in the head with his monster penis, and given that you’re six months pregnant, it doesn’t seem to be much of a surprise that he’s taking matters into his own hands.

The real surprise? “Girls Gone Wild”. Seriously? A cheesy, late-90’s VHS with college girls drunkenly flashing the camera? THIS turns him on? All I can conclude is that you guys don’t have a high-speed internet connection, otherwise this is the most disturbing development of all.

Finally, Hannah, a non-snarky paragraph from the aforementioned Mayo Clinic. I think it will lend some perspective to how normal your predicament is:

“You can have sex as often as you like — but you might not always want to. At first, hormonal fluctuations, fatigue and nausea might sap your sexual desire. As your pregnancy progresses, weight gain, back pain and other symptoms might further dampen your enthusiasm for sex. Your emotions might take a toll on your sex drive, too.

Concerns about how pregnancy or the baby will change your relationship with your partner might weigh heavily on your mind — even while you’re eagerly anticipating the addition to your family. Fears about sexual activity harming the baby or anxiety about childbirth might team up to sap your sex drive. Changes in your self-image might play a role as well, especially as your pregnancy progresses.”

In other words, this is normal, normal, normal.

Tell your husband how you feel, ask him how he feels and get on the same page about your sex life.

Once you know his thoughts on sleeping on the couch, pregnancy sex, and Girls Gone Wild, you’ll be able to move past them together.

And really, try using Google. It’s pretty incredible.

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Comments:

  1. 91
    Renee

    I 100% completely agree with Anne’s response. And in accordance with my current situation, I am 4 months pregnant and my husband wont touch me, he wont go near me! Ive tried looking sexy and beautiful as much possible for a pregnant woman, but its clearly not good enough for him. He followed us from one town in his car to a friends sons 1st birthday today in another town and as we arrived I get a text msg from him saying he quickly ducked home to have quick shower, ha, low and behold he left the lube out and I saw it when I got home , so not only did he lie, he left me with our 4 year old son, at the party who is currently going through a terrible four stage, all to masturbate! Wtf! Not only am I deprived at the moment and have been for two months, he makes excuses to not have sex yet expects head, and doesn’t give anything in return!

  2. 92
    Bart

    Would everyone who is pregnant just give in to the doggie?  What I’m saying is this: my girl is now 28 weeks.  She’s not the sexy, thin hottie that I devoured every hour on the hour, before sperm and egg fused.   Now she’s a matronly, dowdy, middle aged woman who quit wearing makeup regularly but still desires to be treated like a sexy, young centerfold.

    As a man who’s physically fit, I have masturbated regularly forever.  Then I realized in fumbling for a better position with a growing baby nearby, how different doggie style feels for us both.  We’re addicted to it now, she doesn’t care if she ever gets kissed because that ‘O’ she’s about to get washes away all cares.  Try it.

    And no, I don’t give half a fuck if my girlfriend watches big dick porn, I don’t care if she’s into black man porn….I’ll compromise.  I am under no delusions about my own middle aged sex symbol deterioration either.  I will have 1) privacy on my computer and 2) the right to please my own penis whenever and however I would like 3) whatever thoughts I can conjure in the meantime.

    I will also from time to time pay to get wacked off.  Wasn’t it some feudal lord who invented the idea of monogamy to keep the population under control?  When and where has it ever worked in real life?

  3. 93
    Ashley

    I personally think that if a man is married, sex is an integral part of that marriage and not having sex with their wife when pregnant is logically one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard. You think your baby is in the room? Do you remember your mother carrying you in the womb? Do you remember your dad jamming you in the head with his penis? No! Are you stupid and illogical? Yeah probably. Marriages need sex and if you’re too self-centered and won’t even try because you’re obviously not smart enough to figure out the real truth, then you’re pretty much an idiot that doesn’t deserve the amazing woman carrying your child.

  4. 94
    Dena Simmons

    8 months pregnant and my husband doesn’t and won’t touch me. It really really hurts he would rather masturbate than be with me. My heart is broken. We got pregnant for us and our marriage and family. I thought I was helping us not hurting us.

  5. 95
    Frustrating wife

    I’m 7 months pregnant and I still want sex at least 3 times a week. I didn’t sleep with a lot of guys before marriage and I love sex. My husband spoiled me with lots of sex when we first met but now it has been slowing down. I recently caught him masturbating in the shower while I was home. I asked for sex earlier that morning but he said no. He still finds me attractive, and I haven’t gain  a lot of weight, but he said because of stress from work. It hurts me when I am always available for sex but he doesn’t want sex with me.  We went away on the weekend and we had a lot of sex but things go back to normal when we came back home.  I don’t know what to do or how to ask for sex anymore.  I have been getting rejected many times that I just stop initiating. I ask for sex but it’s not sexy, isn’t it?

  6. 96
    Marissa Chaseau

    Nothing can describe how bad a woman feels when the man she married denies her of the right to have sex. Watching porn while married is horrible of him I dont and won’t tolerate my husband doing so

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