Invasion Of The Sperm Snatchers

Several online articles have appeared recently regarding “sperm snatching,” including this one on Big Think. It cites a column in the Daily Mail by Liz Jones as well as another post on Big Think about sperm for sale. The author tackles the concept of Dynamic (or Time) Inconsistency as it relates to rising number on deceptive pregnancies: it is the economic concept that preferences can change over time. What may seem like the optimal choice in period one (not wanting the father’s money or support during pregnancy, for example) is not necessarily the optimal choice in period two (after the baby is born).

According to the Daily Mail article, a 2001 survey showed that 42% of women would lie about their contraceptive use if they wanted to get pregnant and their partner did not. Author Jones describes how, over the course of two relationships, she snuck into the bathroom in the middle of the night in order to inseminate herself using sperm rescued from condoms, despite the fact that both men had made their unwillingness to become fathers very, very clear to her. She tried to sperm snatch, but was unsuccessful.

In Big Think’s related article E-Sperm For Sale: Man Not Included, writer Pamela Haag discusses the sperm trade, and how children are “the new spouses,” the emotional and romantic anchors of many a modern family, NOT men. She ultimately advocates for effective male contraception since sperm snatching is becoming more rampant.

I’m disgusted by this concept of sperm snatching, but hey, I’m not a woman trying to get pregnant. Would love to hear your reactions below.

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Comments:

  1. 91
    AnnieC

    Yes, they should be responsible for their child if the woman doesn’t have the financial means to do it on her own. I don’t like it but I also don’t like irresponsible attitudes over sex. If some-one could have made a different choice, and didn’t, they deal with the consequences.  Who else is going to? You? me?

    I think you’ll find taxpayers will start getting pretty pissy(as they are starting to in my country) over having to pay taxes to single mother benefits, because men/women won’t pay for their kids and don’t behave responsibly.

    I’m all for the male pill of some kind, but since it doesn’t exist yet, then the men will take care of their offspring or learn to make better choices.

    1. 91.1
      Karmic Equation

      I’m a woman. I disagree with this.

      If a woman can’t afford children, then she can abstain. She doesn’t have to have sex at all.

      If she decides she wants to have sex, and was TRULY responsible, she’s on a contraceptive AND HE was using a condom, then the child is a miracle, and the two adults involved will need to make some adult decisions.

      If she can’t afford a child, she can abort or give it up for adoption. If she wants to keep the baby AND  the father is AGAINST it, she needs to find a way to pay for it on her own. I shouldn’t have to pay for her lack of self control or lack of sense. 

  2. 92
    Joe

    IMO a man who took reasonable precautions regarding not impregnating a woman (e.g. BJ only, condom), and who yet finds himself a father because the woman took the sperm and somehow impregnated herself, has a right to be angry if the woman later puts in a claim against him for chaild support.

  3. 93
    Hadley Paige

    RE: AnnieC @ 97 “Yes, they should be responsible”
     
     
    AnnieC, Thanks for the clarification.
     
    I strive to keep my list of must haves a short as possible. I am flexible on appearance, height, weight, kids, yes even # of cats owned, but bc of this post I have decided to add one more must have. New addition> Any woman who believes that this guy should/could be compelled to be on the hook for child support is a woman I will have nothing to do with.
     
    In my mind, this is a woman who will perceive everything as my fault/my responsibility. Too much work/too much risk. Now, I just have to figure out a way to get this question answered as early into the relationship as possible.
     

  4. 94
    justme

    I’m sorry – I guess I just don’t get it.   If you don’t trust someone to behave ethically, DON’T HAVE ANY TYPE OF SEXUAL INTERACTION WITH THEM.   

  5. 95
    justme

    Hadley Paige

    Just ask straight up, “If we have sex, and you get pregnant despite our best protections, and if you decide to parent that child, are you going to expect me to help financially support my child?”   She will  want to know if you are a douche before getting involved with yout too.

    Women who don’t mean to get pregnant do get pregnant on accident.  It does happen and not because they were trying to trick some guy.    If a women takes reasonable precautions to not get pregnant and gets pregnant anyway – isn’t she going to be have to deal with the consequences?  I guess that is her fault for choosing to have sex.   Can’t really hold the guy who also chose to have sex to the same accountability. 

  6. 96
    Hadley Paige

     
    RE: Justme @ 100: “behave ethically”

    It has been my experience that almost everyone has a rationalization to believe that they are behaving ethically. AnnieC believes it is ethical to compel this guy to pay child support.  I believe it is ethical to not compel him. So I don’t think your suggestion will work very well.
     
    Question to Justme.> How do you know when it is safe to trust someone ethically? time passed? written tests taken?  interviewing passed partners, friends & family under penalty of perjury? You never really know. Especially when it comes to the urge to have children. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard a woman who promised to do or not do something reneg on the agreement with “ Well, that’s the way I felt then. I don’t feel that way now”. End of analysis.
     
    This article has been a wake up call for me. Thankfully (perhaps by luck) I have never been a victim of a woman such as this. I am not going to rely upon luck any further. No, I think AnnieC has it very correct in part.  If the guy don’t want kids, its all on the guy who don’t want kids. And until the law changes with respect to child support payments, Trust no one when it comes to reproduction.
     
    I am playing it a new way effective immediately. Short term solution> I am going to scrub down the post sex environment like a cross between a surgical theater and a crime scene. Long term solution> I am going to get a vasectomy. And I am going to write the check for my 2 sons (with incentives if necessary).
     

    1. 96.1
      Juicy Dirt

      People need to be aware of this. I think your solution is a good one. Protect yourself. There are a lot of desperate women out there who will go to great lengths to get pregnant and ‘trap’ a man. It makes me sick. And I am a female! 

    2. 96.2
      tamara

      ” I am going to scrub down the post sex environment like a cross between a surgical theater and a crime scene”. Lol! It’s a gd idea, but how depressing.
       
      I agree with most of your post, and agree with commenter JuicyDirt too, but when u say “How do you know when it is safe to trust someone ethically?…u never really know”, I kinda disagree. My feelers have generally been on target. Those I’ve trusted have not disappointed me, the pple who turned out to be a–holes, I’ve generally seen little red flags early on. I can get a good feel of a person’s moral essence quite fast, and should be possible for u too.

  7. 97
    Hadley Paige

     
    RE: Justme @ 101 “Women who don’t mean to get pregnant do get pregnant on accident. “
     
    The subject of this post was sperm snatching despite reasonable male precautions which is a deceit and a hijack; not accidents despite reasonable precautions.
     
    Since I don’t know which type of woman I am with, don’t I have to assume the worst (a sperm hijacker) and hence be fully responsible for my actions as per AnnieC?  If I don’t assume the worst and the worst happens (sperm hijack) am I responsible? I sense anger & frustration from you concerning my position but I don’t hear anything constructive suggestions from you in terms of prudent & inoffensive behavior if I want to be a responsible sex partner.
     
    It seems damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I am curious as to what you would suggest for how to proceed assuming I absolutely 100% don’t wish to be responsible for child support payments.
     
    Do I not say anything and (as I think AnnieC suggests) remove all my sperm from the sex scene (including I imagine scrubbing the woman down & making her swish & swallow)? I am sure that behavior would be as well received as your suggested wording for my pre sex question to the woman. Please advise.

    1. 97.1
      Juicy Dirt

      Sperm stealing is definately wrong and the man should not be held accountable for that. You shouldn’t have to pay for the child. There should be a law against it. But the way the law is set up, it protects women more. And if the women wants to take you to court for child support, she’ll get her way. It’s an extremely cruel and wrong thing to do. 

  8. 98
    justme

    SPERM HIJACKING – Definitely wrong. 

    The man I’m currently seeing – I knew he was a man of integrity before we EVER kissed.  No test needed.  It seems to me when someone has integrity, it shows through.  For example, I could be COMPLETELY WRONG but I believe Nathan (from this blog) has integrity.  It comes across in his comments.  I don’t know Nathan except from his comments so I could be thinking he has integrity when in fact he has none.  However, I’m not going to be jumping into bed with him any time soon so I still have time to see if it is all just a facade. 

    If you don’t want to be a victim of this hijacking – do what ever you feel is necessary.  Doesn’t matter to me.  I really don’t think it is common though – this just seems too strange to be happening frequently. 

    What happensi if/when a women gets pregnant accidentally though.  Do you accuse her of sperm hijacking?   Or do you man up and take responsibility? 

  9. 99
    AnnieC

    @102

    It is unethical for a woman to do this, in the same way it is unethical for a man to poke holes in a condom so his partner gets pregnant.

    But Ethics don’t just involve 2 people, they involve an entire society. And people do not live in isolation and we all have to deal with the fallout for this behaviour. This is bigger than just 2 people.

    I do not blame men for anything/everything, I blame them for what they do. Just like I blame women for what they do. There is nothing more rational or ethical than that, imo. 

    If there is NO other choice, then I will not hold some-one accountable. If there is another choice, I will…and that is how I live my life hence the reason I would never do something like this. 

    And to comment on your last statement you said

    “Since I don’t know which type of woman I am with, don’t I have to assume the worst (a sperm hijacker) and hence be fully responsible for my actions as per AnnieC?”

    This statment say’s it ALL and is exactly why I hold the view I do. You don’t even recognize your responsibility in getting to know the “kind” of woman you are about to have sex with.

    What choice could you make differently here? You could get to know the woman. You could stop focusing on what you WANT(Sex) without consequences, and focus responsibly on what could happen. I won’t pay taxes and pay for your child, because you were too busy thinking with your desires and not your mind. You are capable of more and are responsible for that.

     And yes, I’ll say the exact same thing to a woman. I won’t pay for your mistakes, and that child will not live in poverty. So..you pay, or make better choices.

  10. 100
    AnnieC

    @102 again..(lol)

    “No, I think AnnieC has it very correct in part.  If the guy don’t want kids, its all on the guy who don’t want kids. And until the law changes with respect to child support payments, Trust no one when it comes to reproduction. I am playing it a new way effective immediately. Short term solution> I am going to scrub down the post sex environment like a cross between a surgical theater and a crime scene. Long term solution> I am going to get a vasectomy. And I am going to write the check for my 2 sons (with incentives if necessary). ”

    Bingo!! Those children need care, and they are yours biologicaly due to consensual sex. Nothing changes that.

    It doesn’t matter what we want to believe about sex, what matters is what happens. That is what we must deal with as individuals and not expect society to prop up our mistakes. It isn’t anyone elses problem, that you chose to spread your seed with a woman you could not trust. It is your problem.

    I would love to be able to trust everyone Haidly. But I do not. I take a very long time to get to know some-one, and if they are that impatient to have their “needs” fullfilled, without trust, they are out. 

    If you really want to find a partner? Then do what I did. Stop dating and start becoming good friends with members of the opposite sex, whom you truly trust. They will tell you the truth. Men and women can’t alway’s understand each other and we need good friends to help us. I found some amazing male friends, and started to understand the difference between a good man and a bad one. Now I know, with time, who I can trust. It’s something you have to work at not something in todays society you can rely on. So do your homework and be very very careful.

  11. 101
    Helen

    Can’t believe it, but I’m going to defend Hadley on this one.

    I believe, as others say above, that this is just a joke because it’s outrageous. But supposing it were true: If a man took precautions not to inseminate a woman, and she somehow manages to obtain his sperm and inseminate herself, then he should not be responsible for child payments, period. There should be some law about lunacy that would excuse the man from child payments under such extreme circumstances.

    As for those commenting that the man should have gotten to know the woman’s character before he slept with her: in an ideal world, this would be true. But it isn’t reality. Many people today (even in the past, for that matter) don’t know everything about the characters of those with whom they sleep. 

    Have any of you read “The Thorn Birds” by Colleen McCullough? In it, this unbearably passive-aggressive woman does this exact thing to a man (not artificial insemination, but a deliberate attempt to have his child), and years afterward blames him for it, which plays a partial role in his death. Over-the-top drama… and apparently it’s true in real life too.

  12. 102
    justme

    I guess I still come back to this: accidental pregnancies do happen. HOW do we tell which women are pregant due to fishing sperm out of whatever – from the ones who really do get pregnant just accidentally?  No form of birth control is 100% effective so their is always a chance of pregnancy. 

  13. 103
    AnnieC

    @107

    “Many people today (even in the past, for that matter) don’t know everything about the characters of those with whom they sleep.  ”

    That’s why we had rules, that stopped sex prior to marriage, that made divorce very difficult, and why parents(those that are older and wiser) had some say in their young , hormonal , ignorant childrens lives.

    At what point, do we all pay the price, because some-one else didn’t do their homework on a persons character? I understand the view that this behaviour is highly unethical and unfair and I agree, but attutides will begin to change, when more and more reponsible people, start to pay for those that are irresponsible.

    Bleeding hearts stop bleeding once cause and effect becomes apparent.

    Helen, do you want to be paying for this man’s child? Do you want to pay benefits to a woman who can’t take care of her child? Do you want to live in a society where wether or not a woman is capable of taking care of a child, she just pop’s one out anyway? Do you want to live in a society of people that are so damn selfish they only think about what they want, and damn the consequences?

    At what point do we stop treating people like perpetual victims and recognize people are making choices that we are all paying for.

    And as ridiculous as you think it seems, I have no doubt, that there are many, many, many pregnacies that result in duplicity. I can think of about 5 men I’ve known off the top of my head, where I am almost certain their partners went off the pill(In fact one even admitted it). I do not believe it is that uncommon, even if it shocks people with basic human decency.

    We must demand that both men and women where possible take their own personal responsibility in this or we are going to be in a major world of hurt. It’s getting worse. I have no doubt that this article is true.

  14. 104
    Ray

    I don’t think ‘sperm snatching’ is unethical unless the woman tries to then get the father to participate in raising or supporting the child.

    IMHO, what is more ‘unethical’ are men who think they can screw their 20’s-30’s away being Mr. Noncommittal (basically, a woman’s biological window of opportunity) and then decide to finally settle down in his 40’s…   

    I say make noncomittal men just as ‘irrelevant’ as they’ve made women…  Especially the 40+ ones who think they can marry younger once they finally pull their heads out of their backsides. 

  15. 105
    NonExist

    Most women are not like this. But a small few have this deceit in mind.
    My ex wife was but my stupidity factored in so I can only hold her responsible for lying.
    We agreed before marriage neither of us wanted children.
    I used condoms and she used birth control regularly throughout our relationship.
    I was 23 and had a very good job at a tech company when we met. She was 28 and was working on her graduate degree in pediatrics.  We got married about 6 months after meeting.
    We had been married a year (before I knew about the infidelity) and she asked why couldn’t we go natural. I refused at first because double protection was a guarantee.

    But she kept pleading and I gave in. Since I took her to get her shot and she was on my insurance I figured there would be no harm in relaxing myself a couple of times.
    And well the docs kept refusing to give me a vasectomy because of my age.

    Two months passed and I told her I just felt uncomfortable without my condoms.  So we started using them again. About three months later I had just finished full contact sparring on a saturday with some friends.  We decided to hit the local theatre.  My wife had already said she’s be out with friends the whole day so I was free. 

    Got to the theatre and there she was passionately kissing some guy.
    At first I was mad but I decided to play it cool on the advice of a buddy.  Must have been my lucky day. I went up , introduced myself as her friend and found out that they had been seeing each other for about six months.  He probably sensed something because she did not say a word.

    Anyway… to shorten things, I filed for divorce, she told me she was pregnant, we went through court proceedings, had to fight for years to see my kid, and then he dies in a car accident on his birthday when I begged her to let him spend that weekend with me.

    Nobody I know knows the full story except my cousin who is like a brother to me. But this article tocuched a nerve so …..

    After that my libido tanked big time.  And withdrew from dating because very few women I met were willing to accept that.  Still went out with friends though and just enjoyed other things.

    And finally I got comfortable enough to start dating regularly a few years ago again.

  16. 106
    NonExist

    @AnnieC #97
    They are working on a male contraceptive pill that does not screw with hormone levels in a way that does not promote prostate cancer or estrogen overload symptoms like gynecomastia.

    Actually there is a natural compound called Ursolic acid that according to a study in mice caused temporary infertility but I do not have access to my notes on that at the moment.

    It is currently being used in the bodybuilding world to help retain lean mass while losing fat.

  17. 107
    Fiona

    Frankly I do not believe anything I read in the British tabloids. However, I do agree that stealing sperm is no way to behave. it is women who do things like this that give other women in their late thirties that do want children a bad reputation.

  18. 108
    Nick

    Here is a different opinion, and for the record I am not trolling at all, just giving a different viewpoint. I fully support women stealing sperm from condoms to impregnate themselves. Our society is still completely dominated by men– look at Capitol Hill and the laws proposed there to control a woman’s body. Stealing a man’s sperm is one of the few tools women have to assert their power.

  19. 109
    jack

    Fleur #14               
     
    thank I read that I know what to expect
     
    they younger they are the less they want kinds

  20. 110
    Juicy Dirt

    Not only do women do this to their spouses or partners behind their backs, there are predatory women who will go as far as to slip an attractive stranger the date rape drug , wait until he is passed out cold and will use a conjerk and proceed to masturbate them until they ejaculate. Then leave and insiminate themselves. I know because this happened to a close friend of mine. No recollection of anything but a mystery used condom on the floor. Then a strange woman appears on his doorstep a month and a half later , announced with a smile she was pregnant, and he didnt know her name Or recognizE heR. On the night in question this 240 lb seasoned drinker had 3 beers. She proceeded to ruin his life for the next 9 years. I would like to know if this has happened to any other men. this has traumatized him and made him think he was going crazy. Grasping at straws as to how this could have happened to him. 

  21. 111
    tamara

    @Fleur #61: “But if a guy has come inches from a woman’s vagina and she happens to wipe it in a way that moves it toward the vagina, the man is hardly doing a very good job of protecting his sperm.”

    Omg you gotta be freaking kidding me. That is so gross and unethical. And I mean, like Mike #37 said, “Those who steal sperm because they can’t find a willing partner to commit to them and put up with their BS is not the fault of men.” 

    I’m happy that women like Jennifer #63 and #64 have spoken out against this ridiculous tactic, to show that many of us aren’t like this. I initially didn’t trust that 42% statistic, but seeing the very immoral/amoral views expressed by some women (and some men) here makes me wonder if I’m being naive.

    I do have sympathy for women who are great pple and want lasting rships but still struggle to make a rship work–however they are exceptions, the unlucky ones. Generally if a woman is a decent catch and wants to get married, it’s not difficult. If u find it difficult, probably u’re a) spending time with the wrong guys, or b) got some big flaws that are dealbreakers. I consider myself quite a screwup in some ways–make some really bad decisions–and yet I have no shortage of men trying to have committed rships with me and have been proposed to twice–once by a really great catch (by conventional standards). The big flaws I have are clearly not considered dealbreakers by men; however they trouble me to the degree that i can’t be happy even in rships with great guys. 

    The solution for such a woman (who can’t get a proposal or have a man who’s at least willing to have and raise a child with her) should Not be to deviously get herself pregnant, but to work on the big flaws that she has. Or reflect on what kinda men she’s dating. I can guess one big flaw that such women have–really dubious morals. And this stuff can be sensed quite quickly.

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