Is Auctioning A Woman’s Virginity Going Too Far?

Here’s the downside of writing blog posts six weeks in advance.

I heard about this story in which a woman – a 27-year-old US medical student named Elizabeth Raine planned to auction off her virginity to the highest bidder.

But in between the time I discovered this and then blogged about it, the whole thing ended up unraveling.

Turns out her real name is Hanna Kern.

You think sex is going to be life changing and transformative, yet it’s just another fun physical act that can bring you to orgasm.

Turns out she really did want to sell her virginity to pay for medical school.

Turns out that the bidders – who went up to $801,000 – didn’t actually have any money.

Turns out that she pulled the plug on the experiment when it turned out that it wasn’t going to work.

Turns out she’s started a new blog, Musings of a Virgin Whore.

So what do we make of this mess? Well, I think that apart from Ms. Kern’s questionable methodology, it’s a very personal decision about what virginity means and the value we place upon it. There are awkward men who pay for prostitutes to get it over with. There are men and women who are waiting for love before having sex. There are college kids who just want to devirginize themselves but haven’t found any takers (I was one of them until age 19). There are guys like the 22-year-old Santa Barbara murderer who feel their virginity hanging over their heads as prominently as a Scarlet V. And, of course, there are the people whose decision is religious – yet there aren’t as many as you think, since 97% of people have had premarital sex.

It’s a very personal decision about what virginity means and the value we place upon it.

Despite what some Christians have written to me in previous posts about virginity, I don’t judge anyone for not having sex. It’s a personal decision. Just know that if you’re an adult looking for someone who hasn’t had premarital sex, you’ve reduced your dating pool to 3% of the population – and that’s before you’ve considered things like looks, intelligence, money, compatibility, communication, and yes, sexual compatibility. God bless you virgins for your convictions, but you’re making your job a lot harder than it has to be.

As almost everyone else who has had sex has already figured out – sex just isn’t that big a deal. You think it’s going to be life changing and transformative, yet it’s just another fun physical act that can bring you to orgasm. When you create LIFE, sex takes on a greater importance, but recreationally, it’s just one of many things you will end up doing with your spouse when you’re married for 40 years. Might as well get some practice with other people before you lock it in.

But what do I know? I’m just a slut with a blog.

Anyway, what are your thoughts about the value of virginity? Should women value it so much? Should men value it in women? Would you consent to sex with the highest bidder if you were being paid $800,000? I sure would… :)

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Stacy

    I would have to completely disagree that sex is ‘no big deal’. ‘And I would even risk saying that you think this way because you are a man. 

    As far as virginity is concerned, I would bet a finger that most women remember their first and hves an emotional attachment to the experience even after a long time.

    Generally speaking, something happens (and especially to women) when one has sex.  With the risk of sounding religious, it is as if you attach to a man’s soul – almost like a blending if you will…hard to explain but I promise you it is true. In other words, women attach much more to sex way beyond a physical act and while that partly has to do with societal pressure, I strongly believe it is a natural chemical reaction that happens within us. 

    Sex tends to be more of a ‘no big deal’ scenario with the more people you sleep with – and for obvious reasons.   

    As far as the ‘virgin whore’ (her words, not mine), I am not completely sure if she was serious.  I do agree with you that the desire to abstain (or even finding someone who is extremely sexually conservative in this day and age) does narrow your pool but maybe that is a good thing.  

    1. 1.1
      Karl S

      I would have to completely disagree that sex is ‘no big deal’. ‘And I would even risk saying that you think this way because you are a man.

      He actually wrote a blog just previously that supports exactly what you’re saying with regard to women – http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/sex/hooking-up-with-a-one-night-stand/

      I would hazard a guess that what is meant big ‘no big deal’ is that sex isn’t always going to be this massive hallmark moment with “At Last” by Etta James playing in the background. A lot of people, especially virgins, might have this idea of their first time being this amazing transformative experience, when the reality of the first time is somewhat fumbly, a bit awkward, possibly painful. Sex takes practice, and while it’s good to do it with someone you really care about, the idea of virginity being something you only give away to the person you’re sure is “the one” can turn out to be kind of unrealistic.

      1. 1.1.1
        Jenn

        Karl,
        It’s only unrealistic because so many people don’t choose to save sex for marriage. If it were as common a practice today as it used to be, people would consider those who didn’t wait to be the “weird” ones.

        1. Karmic Equation

          Jenn,
          You’re willfully ignoring Karl S’ point. It’s not that being a virgin is “weird”, it’s that first-time sex for a virgin is NOT the transformative experience virgins think it to be. It IS indeed awkward and fumbly…and for some EXTREMELY painful and VERY messy.
           
          It’s great that you want to wait for marriage. Truly. But the reality of the experience is going to be disappointing after all your own hype.

        2. Jenn

          Do you not understand the reasons why people choose to wait? It has next to nothing to do with the actual act of sex itself. It is about saving oneself for one person, for life, because it means far more to waiters to save themselves for marriage. I am very well aware that the first time will NOT be anything spectacular in terms of physical pleasure. I know that it will take a while to get into a groove with sex when I get married. But what do I care if it takes time when I’ve got my whole life with this person to get “good”? It’s not about that for me – for me, waiting has more to do with wanting the emotional experience of giving myself completely in body, mind and soul to my husband after we’ve made the ultimate commitment to each other. And for the record, I’ve been on other blogs in which virgins who waited reported that once they had sex on their wedding night, it did change them: it deepened the intimacy in their relationship and drew them closer to their spouse in a way that premarital sex would not have done. There have also been reports from non-virgins who made the decision to wait (sometimes even after they had already been married once), who said the same thing. They themselves said that the experience of waiting until marriage made the sex better. Not because of the mechanics but because once you say “I do”, the bond between the two of you deepens on your wedding night. It can happen to people who didn’t wait too, but I’m willing to bet that it’s not quite the same when you’ve already begun to indulge yourselves. Many of my coworkers have lived with their spouses prior to marriage. I’d ask each one when they got married, “Hey, how’s it going? How’s married life treating you?”. They all said the same thing, “Eh, no different. Same old, same old, you know?”. Sure, they were content but there was no excitement, none of the happy haze that comes over a newlywed when they choose to wait for marriage to move in and have sex after the wedding. They’d already been living as a married couple for so long that it meant little had changed for them once they actually tied the knot. Call me crazy but I want that feeling of excitement that comes from getting to know my spouse in new ways, ways that aren’t possible if you’re already doing everything a married couple would do.

    2. 1.2
      Belle

      I disagree. I don’t think falling in love can neatly and logically be traced to one event. I fell in love with someone I hadn’t had sex with. I had quite a lot of sex with someone else who I liked, but certainly didn’t love. It was nice, but no one’s soul came out to play. Sometimes, sex is as meaningful as a handshake (although hopefully more fun).

  2. 2
    Isa

    I always had convictions for myself when I was single and reading this blog, but my standards were quite different for the men.  Frankly, as long as they respected me and my decisions, I couldn’t care less about their number of previous partners.  Actually, I would have been a bit creeped out if they *hadn’t* had any as I always dated about 10 years older…
     
    Basically virginity always seemed like a great feature to most of the guys I dated, but of course it only came up 1 to 2 months in. And as long as it was quite, quite clear that sex was very interesting to me, just only with one person.  Also, my demo generally came from cultures and countries with pretty pronounced madona/whore complexes. 
     
    However, talking about your decision to stay pure on a first date is probably one of the most awkward and self-defeating conversations ever!

  3. 3
    starthrower68

    Evan I know you were being glib in your name calling, but I don’t boubt for a moment you adore your wife and children and have good intentions so I would not call you a name.  With regard to auctioning off virginity, it seems like an awfully risky proposal just from a personal safety standpoint.  And yes, we Christians do make it tough on ourselves, no doubt.  But living out our faith comes with a price so it would be silly for me to complain about that. :-)

    1. 3.1
      starthrower68

      Name calling of yourself I meant. :-)

  4. 4
    Sunflower

    Yes, yes and yes!

  5. 5
    Jeremy

    We, as a society, have decided that a person’s body is theirs to do with as they please.  They, and they alone, make the decisions about what they will or will not do.  So if a woman decides to have sex for personal reasons, that is nobody’s business but her own.  If a woman decides to have sex for materialistic reasons (which could include prostitution or could include securing provisioning from a future husband), that is nobody’s business but her own.  For this reason, I (for one) have no problems legalizing prostitution (of adults who freely make the decision).
     
    So if one believes in body autonomy, why is this going too far? (though it certainly is provocative).  It also makes one think…..as a university student, she would likely have given away her virginity for free.  Instead she has chosen to capitalize on it.  I would not date her, but she can do as she pleases with her body.  An interesting social experiment – both in the fact that she offered it, and in the fact that the highest bidder was a liar.

  6. 6
    Julia

    Would I travel back in time to 1999 and allow someone to pay me $800,000 for my virginity? Yes, absolutely yes. Anyone who says no its burdened with student loans.

    Sex is special when you are doing it with someone special. Other times its just fun, or maybe boring. 

    1. 6.1
      NASHWC

      You’re assuming someone would actually agree to that (for you). Back in ’99, some gals might have been able to pull some amount of coin but the today the market is flooded with ‘Virgin Whore’ wanna-be’s (thank you, third-wave feminism!). This woman’s experience is simply another example that these scenarios are far more more hype than reality. Yep, I’ve learned over time that every woman has a price. I don’t like saying this but to deny it is foolish. However, I’ve also learned that all too often the price over-inflated, relative to the numerous alternatives who price themselves much more accurately …

      1. 6.1.1
        Julia

        oh you just had to put me in my place didn’t you? Evan asked the question, I answered. Christ, you can’t just allow women to not hate themselves, can you?

        1. starthrower68

          Julia, haters gonna hate. ;-D

        2. NASHWC

          Easy there, snowflake. There’s no hate here. And I didn’t ‘put’ you anywhere. Your comment did that for you. I am simply sharing my candid observations and opinions (just as you are).  There’s good and bad that has come out of this ‘new order’ of things. Remember: guys didn’t make the ‘new rules’, we (the smart, observant ones anyways) have simply adjusted to the new reality. If you wish to be a part in reverting back to family-focused culture that values men and women for their true/best roles, step up to the plate: go back to the feminist blogs and make a case against their ‘religion’ and point out how it effect on the destruction of the family unit. Of course, you’re likely to be banished for it, but many others before you have paid the price for standing up to idiotic cultural movements. It’s still worth it. Until then, you shouldn’t complain about it because, after all, you bought into it … 

      2. 6.1.2
        starthrower68

        Yah NASH we get it. Women are flawed and so are men. Human beings are flawed.  I hope you never need anyone ever to extend any grace toward you.  I can imagine that feeding schadsenfreude is a very satisfying way to live.  

        1. Michelle

          NASH, it would be cliche of me to point out what a cliche you are and redirect readers to the real reasons you likely snipe at women’s sexual freedom the way you do. Family values haven’t gone anywhere bro. People who want family, make families. Simple. As for every women having a price, that’s only true because every human has a price. Period. 

      3. 6.1.3
        Victoria

        “I’ve learned over time that every woman has a price.”

        Have you personally interacted with every woman in the world?

        No?  Well, then your data set is too limited for you to speak any sort of universal truth.

         

      4. 6.1.4
        Belle

        It’s beyond me why anyone would pay anyone else for sex. But the fact of the matter is, people do. Julia’s comment was tongue in cheek, and I think you took it too seriously. Every person has a price, but it isn’t always money (intelligence, kindness and a great body are the usual “price” for intelligent and successful men and women). 

        How on earth is equality an idiotic cultural movement? And as for your suggestion that not being paid for sex is the terrible price that we must pay for equality – great. That sounds like a bargain. Why on earth would we seek a return to the bad old days? Besides, in those bad old days the bastard probably kept the money and made a run for it. And anyway, this barrister’s student loans are but a nibble out of her salary. OK, maybe a small, polite bite. Nevertheless, my salary is much better than a one-off $800K so thanks for the tip, but the ‘new world order’ suits me. And men and women’s “true/best roles” are whatever it is they are good at. I am, for my sins, good at law, and for me housework, not actual work, is a necessary evil. 

  7. 7
    bb

    Julia, I totally agree with you:)  Yes on the student loans too:) The issue with this is that it is public and you’d be on the internet forever which sucks.  But if it were anonymous:)
    Seriously.  $800,000.   ONCE.

    1. 7.1
      Julia

      Kim K made an empire of sex that was on the internet :P

  8. 8
    Jay

    Virginity is a by-product of following a no-sex lifestyle until a certain point. It has become sensationalized because such a lifestyle is now rare and rarity seems to excite the media. Virginity is as personal as the individual decides so if this young lady wants to shout about it, that is her right. The fact that she wants to sell it, in the most commercially active country in the world is also no surprise. Even the men’s reactions of paying thousands for the privilege (albeit false in the end) do not shock. As a friend once said, ‘Men want to be the woman’s first; women, to be the man’s last.’ There will always be some who take this to extremes.

  9. 9
    Stacy

    I don’t think most men hold virginity as high as they do because they expect the act to be spectacular.  In fact, it is almost a guarantee that really ‘good’ sex will not happen with a virgin.

     I think most men hold virginity highly because it can not only be a huge ego boost for a man, but that the idea of being the first experience and the fact that no one else ever ‘went there’ with the other person is pretty amazing.  I agree with Karl that the fantasy can be (and usually is) so much better than the reality.  I know my first time was totally bleh…I thought after, ‘IS THIS IS’?  And, I lost mine when I was about to turn 22.  I did not even know what an orgasm felt like or understood how it could be good from someone else until much later. 

  10. 10
    Stacy

    And by the way,

    My cousin is 38 and still a virgin and is still waiting for ‘the one’.  My other girlfriend just lost her viriginity at 39 to her now husband. 

  11. 11
    Jenn

    For me, losing my virginity after marriage has little to do with the sex itself. I know that sex becomes routine over time, and that it’s not always going to feel good. I know that my first time especially isn’t going to be earth-shattering fireworks. I realize that it likely will be painful, awkward and will not last very long. It may not even be on my wedding night! We might be so exhausted after 14 hours of festivities that we don’t get to it until the morning after.For me, my virginity is more about fulfilling the promises I’ve made to God, my future husband and myself. As for who I choose to marry, I realize he likely won’t be a virgin and I’m absolutely fine with that. In fact, I don’t even really want to know about his sexual past (as long as he’s not hiding 21 kids or an incurable disease). If I insisted upon only dating other virgins, then yeah, I would be severely limiting myself! But I do realize that people are more than their sexual experiences (or in my case lack thereof) and I also know that things happen for a reason. Who knows? I may wind up in love with a guy who’s had sex with 100 women! I’m not saying that that wouldn’t give me pause, but ultimately as long as he loves me, treats me well and can accept and respect my decision to wait, I can respect the choices he’s made as well. I once read this saying, “There’s a reason why the windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror.” In other words, the past doesn’t matter as much, it’s the future that deserves the focus. I don’t need a guy who’s exactly like me, but I do need him to accept and love me, and consider me worth the wait.

  12. 12
    Claire

    What that woman did is offensive on so many levels, I do not even know what to say.

    1. 12.1
      Jenn

      Well, we all make mistakes. I do wonder what she’ll say if the topic comes up with any future suitors. Something like that won’t go away easily in this day and age. I feel for her.

    2. 12.2
      Belle

      To whom? And why? And how on earth does it affect you?

  13. 13
    starthrower68

    I suspect she felt really pressure with that debt looming over her.  We can argue all day long about the woulda, coulda, shouldas.  I am trying to be much more mindful in understanding why somebody does something than merely criticizing them for it. I’ve not arrived but I know there will be times when I hope that grace is shown to me. :-)

  14. 14
    Karl S

    #Jenn – with regard to your other blog readings. Evan often talks about the “honeymoon period” in love, which generally last between 18-36 months. It could be for your virgin weddings, the effect has been downshifted due to the new sexual element that other couples have introduced well before, so they’ve already settled into the latter phase of their relationships. How long after they’re married do virgin brides/grooms keep from saying “same old, same old”?

    On the other hand, it could just be how people are hardwired. My housemate is a guy who is super monogamous. He spends every day with his partner and is very much on the road to marriage. I see myself more like Evan at 25 (which is my age now). Being an ethical slut is a lot more fun and while I may settle down in future, I’m completely at ease with dating multiple people who are in turn dating multiple people. It’s great that you’re clear and what you want and what you need though, while still keeping the physical side in perspective. Clearly the symbolism of the act is a very important element to you. When people endow something with a quality or a power that others might not, then the effect is far more pronounced for them psychologically. I’m not critiquing you here – I’m agreeing now that yes, in fact losing your virginity will be a transformative experience.

    Which brings it all back to the real issue I suppose – not about whether virginity is/is not something in an absolute sense. But rather how we abide the different experiences or values of it for other people. I don’t judge the girl who chose to sell her virginity at auction, I only hope she was truly at ease with selling it.

    1. 14.1
      Joe

      Karl:

      “Will be” transformative–maybe.  “May be” transformative–yes. 

    2. 14.2
      Red

      Karl, the good thing about saving yourself for marriage is that it makes you pickier. You’re thinking ahead: will I get sick of this person later, etc.?  You’re not reacting based on your honeymoon feelings, and crossing your fingers in hopes that it will work-out.  If you dive into a passionate, sexual relationship, you won’t be able to make rational decisions because it feels sohoho good. If the sexual relationship is boring, to begin with, the sex is probably not going to get better. 

      It’s not like you’re taking any person and going “just add sex” and voila, virgin passion. It’s like you pick your best realistic option, and then have sex, and then it’s great.  Someone chooses monogamy, because they’re able to work with their partner to make the sex better as time goes on. So, on all sides, it’s better sex. But people are impatient nowadays.

      1. 14.2.1
        Jeremy

        I actually think it’s just the opposite, Red. My observations of those who wait is that the courtships are shorter and marriages generally younger – so that they will finally be able to have sex. Instead of being blinded by the honeymoon stage, as you call it, they are blinded by lust and the (very natural) desire to have sex. That’s why I think the logical thing to do is to wait 2 years or so into a monogamous sexual relationship before proposing marriage. What’s the rush? By 2-3 years in, the honeymoon stage is over and the couple can make a rational decision.

        1. Belle

          So true. If I’d had to wait, I would have married my high school boyfriend, and wouldn’t that have been a disaster!

      2. 14.2.2
        Karl S

        Some people take a long time before they find “the right one”. The idea of waiting half my life before having sex would be a living hell to me. I’d rather take the string of passionate, unsuccessful relationships thanks. I look back on them with a kind of whimsical nostalgia and from each one I’ve learned something interesting about what I really want and need, and what I definitely don’t need. Yeah, you get your heart broken. You get scars and skeletons in the closet. You live a little. It’s great.

        And it’s totally fine for those who have the patience and discipline to play it ultra careful and can only feel safe sexually when they absolutely sure they’ve backed a winner and their partner has signed on the dotted line to make it official, but most humans aren’t like that. We have *needs*!

        Evan’s usual recommendation is to strike a balance where you date for a couple of months to screen out the total time wasters, then you allow sex and you keep dating more for a few years. Sure, there’s some risk, but it’s not an unreasonable way to find lasting love.

        Also, this whole discussion is something of a deviation from the original issue, which was not about whether people should have sex before marriage.

        1. Jenn

          Karl S,
                     If one focuses on getting to know their partners without sex involved, there should be relatively little need for a long, drawn-out relationship before marriage. Sex clouds your thinking. And it’s not a “need” – food, sleep, air, those are needs. You can’t survive without those things, but it is possible to survive without sex. Not that it’s not difficult, but the reason it would be more difficult for you as opposed to me is because you’ve already had it (and you’re also a guy – but you’re not a slave to your impulses just because you’re male). I’m aware that my lack of experience makes my choice easier physically. I can’t crave sex because I don’t know what it feels like. I deviated from the general discussion because I wanted to focus on some specific points from the blog posting. I do agree that you can learn things about yourself from making mistakes and from having past relationships, but I disagree with the notion that that’s the best way to live. Getting your heart broken (or even being the breaker of hearts) is not that great in the long run. I’m glad that I haven’t had to suffer any true heartbreaks, although I’ve been hurt plenty by thoughtless young guys in my past. But my being a clean slate and being able to present myself to my future husband without a lot of the issues that many women my age have is part of what makes me a good bet. It means I won’t be able to subconsciously hold the sins of my past lovers against the current one. I’d rather spend the rest of my life making up for lost time with the one person who’s meant for me than have dozens of lesser relationships go up in smoke after we’re done boinking our brains out, but I guess I’m in the minority in that opinion. That kind of does wear a person down over time, though it may seem like a good idea while it’s happening. I may not have personal experience with it, but I’ve seen it happen to a close friend of mine. Without going into details, I’ll just say I’m learning plenty about how not to conduct myself with guys if I want them to stick around, thanks to her.

          But I’m done posting about my virginity and anything sex-related. I’m sorry I ever spoke up about it here on this blog because clearly, there’s no point when so few can see the truth of what I say. I won’t be posting here much anymore, at least not about anything like this. I apologize to anyone whom I may have offended with my views. 

      3. 14.2.3
        Jenn

        Belle,
        You’re not entirely ruled by your impulses. If you had waited, it would have given you more time to get to know your boyfriend as a person and helped you keep a clearer head while dating him.

      4. 14.2.4
        Jenn

        Red,
        My points exactly. Couldn’t have said it any better myself!

  15. 15
    Karl S

    I’m aware that my lack of experience makes my choice easier physically. I can’t crave sex because I don’t know what it feels like.

    This is telling for me. I guarantee you most men crave sex even though they’ve never had it. Women generally require more of an emotional connection, but they still get cravings. It might be that you don’t have the same sex drive as most people. You might even be demisexual – where there is actually zero sexual attraction to others without a deep emotional connection. There’s nothing wrong with that, especially if it’s in alignment with your religious principles.

    However, studies show that for most people the abstinence program doesn’t hold up. Those who take the virginity pledges are just as likely to have premarital sexual experiences as people who don’t. Why? Because even if we aren’t total slaves to our impulses we’re still affected by them and people will compromise their principles if the drive is strong enough. That’s the reality.

    If you’ve ever been on okcupid, there’s a personality tab with bars that show whether you’re more political, more literary and so on. It also shows whether you’re more love driven or sex driven. I’ve noticed that people who are more sex driven have a very different set of relationship values than those who are more love driven and less sex driven. Neither set of values is wrong, but if you’re on the upper end of the sex drive set then an ultra-conservative approach is just not going to be feasible without leaving you deeply, deeply frustrated. It’s only really practical for those who, like you, don’t crave it.

  16. 16
    Jenn

    Men crave sex more because they have more testosterone, and because it is more “okay” for them then it is for women to have casual sex in the eyes of society. It’s a hormonal thing as well as a cultural thing. LOL I can assure you that my sex drive is very normal, and I am perfectly capable of feeling very attracted to men without being in any kind of relationship with them.
    Just to set the record straight, my religious principles only developed so strongly AFTER I made the decision to wait. I was always a Catholic, but never felt a very strong connection to my faith and hated going to church. My mother even felt it necessary to remind me to do the simplest things, such as saying grace before meals. My decision to wait was what connected me to my faith, not the other way around. I finally realized that God had been working on me all these years, and THAT was when I began to explore my faith further. My decision to wait was reinforced by my new connection to my faith, but the decision I made was totally independent of it.
    When the abstinence pledge fails, it is most likely because the people who take the pledge are not doing so for their own reasons. Most of the time, when it fails it is because people took the pledge for the wrong reasons. They likely were not waiting for their own reasons, but to abide by the church’s teachings, or perhaps they felt pressured into it by their friends or family. When someone waits primarily for their own reasons (that would be me), they are much more likely to stand by their convictions even when faced with extreme temptation. And believe me, I am not without temptation – I feel the same urges as everyone else. The only difference is, I choose not to act on them because there’s something more important to me than just fulfilling a momentary urge.  
    As for those OkCupid answers, I wouldn’t put too much stock in some survey from a dating site (it’s hardly scientific! LOL). Keep in mind that those answers are usually heavily biased because people will choose what sounds good more often than the answers that most accurately describe them.

    1. 16.1
      Guessing

      Jenn, I am glad to see that someone has the same values that I have.  I believe in waiting for marriage, however, I felt awkward as a teen about it as well.  The problem was, since my parents were extremely religious, I felt that the idea of waiting until marriage was being forced on us.  We were not allowed to even speak of having a crush or even take a date to the prom.  It was like we were not even supposed to feel any kind of way toward a man.  If it even appeared that we stared at a man too long, we would be questioned.  I was once accused (in my twenties) of staring at a lawyer with “dreamy eyes” by my mother when I had not gotten enough sleep (partially due to her) and that’s why my eyelids were heavy.  I had absolutely no feelings of that type toward that man and I did not even find him attractive.

      Nevertheless, I started to resent some of the teachings.  I always believed in waiting for marriage for my own reasons but my mom practically acted as if she owned my private parts (to put it nicely).  She even wanted to make sure that I did not shave (anywhere), etc. and I was not allowed to use t@mpons or visit a OBGYN because that would be “taking away my virginity” if anyone put anything “down there”.  Naturally, this would cause some resentment about the matter, even though I felt it was right to wait for marriage.

      I went through a small phase in my early thirties where I questioned my decision because some of the nicest men, even Christian church men, would run off after they found out that I was not backing down.  Nonetheless, all of my friends were not waiting and were quickly getting married and having children.

      Finally, I came to my senses and determined that waiting was the right thing to do because I just would not feel right having sex with more than one man unless I was married and he passed away and then I re-married and had sex again.  Otherwise, I want to make that special commitment after I am married and have sex on the wedding night (or the morning or week after). 

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