Is His Low Sex Drive A Dealbreaker?

Is His Low Sex Drive A Dealbreaker?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now. He is sweet, patient, loving, and all the things you can ask for in a BF/Husband. One issue is that my sex drive is higher than his. I’d say I’m at an 8-9 and he would be at a 4. On an average, we probably have sex 5-9 times a month. We’ve fought about it plenty of times starting during our first year together. At this point, I never ask for it or try to start it because I know it may not go anywhere and I don’t want to argue or be reminded of how sexually neglected I feel. It’s THAT BAD. Now I feel that we have just become best friends who live together and once in awhile sleep together. When we do have sex, sometimes I feel my mind thinking elsewhere. I believe I have programmed my brain to not want to have sex just so that I don’t feel lonely and rejected when he says he’s not in the mood. I think I lost that spark and special connection with my boyfriend who I love VERY, VERY much. Sometimes I ask myself if I’m happy almost every day because of it. What do I do? Is sex something worth breaking up over??? –Sexually Deprived Female

While I’ve tackled another version of this question before, I think it’s a subject worth revisiting since there are three times more people reading this blog now than a few years ago…

And although I’ll weigh in with my normal blend of facts, reason and personal anecdotes, I’d really like to hear from you in the comments below.

Is sex something worth breaking up over?

You’re not wrong or shallow to ask the question. After all, if you’re only going to have sex with one person for the rest of your life, you’d better be content.

Which is why I would never advocate that anyone marry a man where there’s ZERO attraction “just because he’s nice”. A guy’s gotta be able to turn you on and be a good, game and giving lover – otherwise, you will be perpetually dissatisfied.

The question YOU’RE posing, SDF, is a slight twist on that.

It’s a lot easier to find a guy with a high libido than it is to find a guy who is marriage material.

See, you have the perfect boyfriend. He’s sweet, patient, loving and he’s continually demonstrated his worth over the course of three years.

His only flaw is that he’s got an average sex drive while you have a high sex drive.

It seems to me that the only person who can really answer the question as to whether you should break up with this man is YOU.

People impose arbitrary dealbreakers all the time. We can quibble about which ones are reasonable and which ones aren’t, but ultimately, it’s subjective. And my subjective judgment probably doesn’t mean all that much to you if you feel sexually deprived if you’re not having sex 5 times a week.

Listen, you’re not alone. In the past month, I’ve had two clients tell me, point-blank, that nightly sex was important to them and has been a dealbreaker for them before. That’s their right. It’s also my right to point out that it’s a lot easier to find a guy with a high libido than it is to find a guy who is marriage material. If you have to choose one to marry, I’d choose the guy who is marriage material. But that’s just me.

Alas, the invariable blowback from the gallery is “Why should I have to choose? Why can’t I get BOTH? Why do I have to compromise on something so important to me?”

And that’s where sex is really no different than any other dealbreaker: height, weight, age, education, income, sense of humor, geography, kids, blahblahbah. People who are looking to get married must realize that you don’t get EVERY SINGLE quality you’re looking for in a partner, but if you get most of them, you’re a very lucky person. My wife and I have similar libidos – closer to your boyfriend, for what it’s worth – so this is one thing that we didn’t have to compromise on. But we did compromise on religion, politics, geography, education, and a host of other things. This is what adults do – assess realistic expectations and either adjust or stay true to your list of demands.

This is what adults do – assess realistic expectations and either adjust or stay true to your list of demands.

If you are insistent upon your partner having any quality that may be somewhat extreme – a man with a PhD (3%), a man who is a millionaire (4%), a man who runs marathons (.1%), etc – you are CHOOSING to limit your dating pool. There’s no judgment on you; but it will, by definition, take you a lot longer to find love.

One final point that you seem to have missed is this: you feeling lonely and rejected when he doesn’t want to have sex is YOUR decision. He’s still your boyfriend. He’s still attracted to you. He still sleeps with you. He just has a different biological makeup. It’s like being a chef who gets angry that his patrons don’t want to eat at 1pm after he just fed them a big lunch at 12pm. You can’t take this personally.

So once that’s off your head – and you stop judging him and judging yourself because you’re different, ask yourself: can I find happiness with this man or is sex important enough that I will continue searching for the man who a) can give it to me every night and b) also has all of the wonderful qualities of your current boyfriend.

You’re not wrong whichever way you choose, but it’s clear that the path of accepting your normal boyfriend is a surer route to a healthy relationship than blowing things up for a random guy with an equally high sex drive and keeping your fingers crossed that you’ll also love him VERY, VERY much.

Unless YOU don’t think so, in which case, I wish you the best of luck.

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Comments:

  1. 91
    Cinnamon Girl

    @katie 86 if your BF is struggling with addiction and recovery he may be very depressed.  I would encourage him to see a psychiatrist who specializes in addiction since you say he has a good job.  There may be some medication that can help him with his depression and that might be what is causing the low sex drive.
    Good luck.

  2. 92
    Mate Larson

    “Realising that your partner simply does not care as long as he can stay in his comfort zone erodes a relationship to the point where it becomes unsustainable.”
    Wow, Helene just nailed what I feel is the bottom line in this issue!! What’s important here, as Evan pointed out, is that this is like any other issue that could be deemed a dealbreaker. And the key to overcoming differences in needs/expectations is to communicate clearly and find a balance…compromise.
    And it does sound like there hasn’t been a whole lot of compromise here. Given Helene’s excellent verbalisation of the core issue, I wonder in how many other ways the OP’s man has failed to rise to the occasion…

  3. 93
    Tasha

    I was with a man who is beautiful, 6’5, dark, handsome, and funny! He was very smart, but his sex drive was 2 month maybe 3 times a month if that! 
     
    I broke up with him over lack of intimacy! He is depressed and not working! To be honest I could handle the unemployed situation, but no sex drive made me upset! If hurt my feelings! I am a 1 time a day gal, if he wasn’t then I could be an 8 time a month girl!! He wasn’t any of that! I felt rejected! I finally imploded and let him go! I miss him! I love him, but I need passion, and sex! 

  4. 94
    Sparkling Emerald

    I would like to know how this mis-matched sex drives turns into arguments.  Is her tone demanding when she initiates the discussion, or does she bring it up gently and he gets defensive ?  His drive doesn’t seem abnormally low, just lower than hers.  But the fact that they ARGUE about something that should be the most joyful part of a relationship is what I think the main problem is.  Intimacy doesn’t always have to include intercourse.  I can achieve the big O without intercourse.  And in my younger days when those monthly visits from the infamous Aunt Flo hindered my sex drive, I could find other ways to please my man. 
    She said ” I’d say I’m at an 8-9 and he would be at a 4. On an average, we probably have sex 5-9″.  Since he only seems to want 4, but they seem to hit 5-9, is seems that he is already stepping up and trying to meet her needs by having more sex than he would naturally want.  I think they have more of an issue with their conflict resolution styles, than with sex.  In this case the conflict just happens to be sex.  Perhaps that she work on their conflict and communiciation styles and see if that helps.  Not just for the variable sex drives, but for future issues that could arise, money, kids, recreational time, etc.

  5. 95
    lisa

    i LOVE this post, because i went through the same thing!
    i was with my ex for 7 yrs, got engaged for a year, then 4 months before the wedding, called it off. why? among other things, our sex life sunk to 3x’s a MONTH (we were in our 30’s and i had an enthusiastic sex drive). btw, during the ‘good years’ we had sex maybe a 2-3x’s a week. i preferred a little more but didn’t complain because i thought this was just an area of compromise.
    so, was my ex marriage material? maybe. but did i feel rejected, ugly, crazy and pathetic that my ex preferred to go to porn than me? ABSOLUTELY. 
    i did A LOT of research to confirm my deal breaker path–was he depressed? un-diagnosed low libido? stressed out? pissed off at me? is he gay? i suggested couples counseling to work out our issues, but he refused. i HATED listening to my gf’s complain that their bf’s/husbands were always horny while i was dying on the inside when my bf gave me the cold shoulder. i even read an enlightening book called “the sex-starved wife” and i TOTALLY fit the profile. damn, we were fulfilling the couples w/ kids stats at the supposed ‘honeymoon highlight’ time of our relationship, right before the wedding! it was ridiculous.
    so, while libido ranges won’t always be in sync, i realized that i NEEDED to be with a man who DESIRED me to make me feel like a WOMAN. i am fine with compromise, but realized that with my past relationship, i compromised TOO MUCH and thank god i got, even thought it was VERY painful. of course there were other factors that lead to the breakup, but this issue in particular cut me to my core.
    i dated around after some healing to regain the blow to my sexual self-esteem/confidence and discovered, wow! men find me sexy! ok, so i need to decipher between the good guys and the booty calls, but you get my drift ;)
    afterwards i realized that i am neither the ugliest person on earth nor a complete failure as a potential gf/wife. maybe my ex had issues with me he couldn’t deal with (FWIW his personality is VERY indecisive in MANY areas of his life), but whatever, it is what it is.
    i am now with a wonderful (and younger, heh heh) man who desires me and accepts me for who i am–good, bad and ugly. we support each other in our endeavors, love each other in different ways and grow as individuals. he is a part of my life, but i refuse to be sucked into the relationship vortex and lose myself.
    however, did i have to compromise in other areas? ABSOLUTELY. but compared to what could have been my life a year ago, i wouldn’t change it for the world…i am MUCH more confident, assured, relaxed, happy and decisive than i ever was before. at my core, i am not afraid to walk away and have a better idea of what i NEED vs. WANT in a relationship…and myself.
    all of us can rise as a phoenix from the ashes of a fire, whatever it may be :)
    thanks for letting me share my story, this topic is close to my heart!
     
     
     
     

  6. 96
    lisa

    ps: i was in my prime physically (ideal weight range, knew how to look feminine/make the most of my figure/wardrobe, people always told me i looked pretty–i NEVER fished for compliments and was quite shy receiving them). frankly, i LOOKED the best of my ex’s SIL’s (both struggled with being overweight). of course that doesn’t mean much, but what i’m trying to say is that i made sure i wasn’t letting myself go and be undesirable, both inside AND out. so, he couldn’t complain that i was getting dumpy or anything. 
    now i look EVEN BETTER (ah, the best revenge is doing great) and still make the most with what i’ve got :) 
    sorry, just want to clarify…

  7. 97
    Katie

    Katie 86 Here!! Little update. NOTHINGS CHANGED! I am soooooo depressed. I started seeing a therapist. I feel like I am losing touch with myself. I am no longer happy. I find myself constantly thinking about my relationship. Stressing myself out. Worrying if my boyfriend will relapse. I want to feel loved and wanted. For some reason I am stuck in this rut and am terribly scared to leave my relationship. The sex sucks when it does happen. We both aren’t happy obviously. But neither of us are willing to end this relationship. We’re stuck. I’m sad. I’m now 28 and our relationship is pushing 4 years. I was at one point on cloud nine with this man and am holding on to the memories. I DO love him, tho. We’ve been through so much together. But now it seems he’s unpleased with everything that I do. Sometimes I think that if I didn’t have this relationship to bring me down all the time I could have a brand new, happy life all together. Like I would flourish. He never says I’m pretty. Or makes me feel sexy. (and believe me, other guys hit on me all the time) I always here from other people that your boyfriend’s such a lucky guy to have you and I think to myself. Wow.. if he only felt this way.. I’m sad. I’m tired. I’m afraid. I’m HORNY as hell. And I’m stuck. :(

    You’re not stuck, Katie. Dump him and start over. Problem solved. EMK

  8. 98
    David T

    Katy97

    I am with Evan.  You are unhappier now than 6 months ago.  You have had a talk with him. Don’t know if you went for therapy or not *as a couple* but if you haven’t after this time it ain’t going to happen.  If it helps you feel any better think about it as dumping the relationship, not him. The breakup might hurt and be scary but you are unhappy already. You will get over the breakup unhappiness. The one you are living now will get no better.

  9. 99
    Katie

     
    You’re not stuck, Katie. Dump him and start over. Problem solved. EMK

    Oh my, Evan. I just saw ur lil add in and it gives me so much more confidence to do what I already know is necessary. 

  10. 100
    Katie

    Thank you everybody for your advice. This page has really helped me deal with this issue.

  11. 101
    Kim

    I’m sort of in the same boat.  But for me it’s really had me take a deeper look at what I’m desiring.  You say 5-9 times a month, which is the same as my bf and I… but that’s about 2x a week.  For me the guy I dated prior to my bf was on the edge of sex addict so that put my thinking in a space of sex happens all the time.  Now I’m with this new bf, who I’ve been with for about 7 months and living with for about 3 (I know, I know… we moved in REALLY FAST- but it’s been amazing).. this new bf that only wants it on average 2 times a week. Yet, after thinking about it I realized I”m getting everything I need.  We have tons of itimacy, he is happy to see me every morning, he adores me, holds me, makes out with me before he leaves for work, let’s me see him vulnerable and when we do have sex it’s amazing.  So I realized the issue wasn’t only having sex 2x a week.  For me the issue was me and my insecurity.  I could see myself marrying this guy (that’s a first for me)…  My point is, consistency, love, care, being about to have a best friend in a love can’t be replaced by more sex or less.  It’s the connection.  More sex doesn’t mean a better relationship.  Try masturbating more- I do.  And I fantasize about my bf.  And focus on how much he loves you, how good the sex is when you have it, try seeing your connection as intimacy.  And as for the spark of course it fades… But that’s normal.  It’s up to you to keep lighting it not him.  He is just a bonus in your life. It’s you who gets to say how things go for you.  Get how lucky you are that you have a man who only wants you.  I’m saying all this becuse the man I’m with now is the first person ever to love me so easily and freely with no strings attached.  I’m projecting a bit.  But I’m saying in a long winded way.  Many people would love to be in your shoes.  Trust me on that one. :)

  12. 102
    lisa

    katie and kim, great posts. i concur: connection and intimacy are so important! being with a man that is in tune with you (and wants to make you happy) is a wonderful gift. katie, if you bf doesn’t hear your pain and want to do anything to make the relationship better (express his attraction to you, figure out stuff at couples counseling, etc), maybe you should consider walking away. we only have one life to live and if you feel you could flourish better as a result, maybe your heart is telling you something…even though you love him and have invested time/energy. 
    since you aren’t married and have no kids, walking away will be more reasonable (not easy i know, but less complicated). 
    it sounds like you’ve tried to rectify the situation but he isn’t receptive to working on it for the health of the relationship. NOT GOOD. be brave, do what you know you need to do :) 
     
     

  13. 103
    michelle

    love this post!  i’m in the opposite situation.  If he doesn’t get sex after a 2 day stretch, he turns into an ass.  I’ve been with my boyfriend for 13 yrs, we have a 6yr old son.  Just since May of this year it’s become an issue because that’s when I decided I wasn’t going to give it up all the time anymore when i didn’t want too.  It was to the point that I felt raped when we had sex (not that I ever told him no and he went on – more like he knows I don’t want to based on my attitude but does it anyway cause he ‘needs’ it).  I also feel stuck.  I own the house we live in.  When we had our blowup in May he said he wanted to work things out.  I don’t have a balls yet to kick him out.  UGH.  I’m just waiting for him to get fed up and leave. 

  14. 104
    Breakingbad7732

    I’m horny every day and need sex or porn every day. I’m 39…male. Just dumped the gf of a year because it went from 7 times a month to 3 and she won’t see a doctor about it. All myprior girlfriends (9 of them) used to want sex 6 days a week or more. I suppose I had Horton lucky. I can’t imagine being married to a hot wife who only wants sex once or twice a month. 

  15. 105
    Lady Z

    My opinion is that the OP should get her sexual needs met elsewhere. Most women need two men in thier lives. The husband and the sexual male.

  16. 106
    judy

    Katie99 – take a deep breath and do it. 
    Telling yourself the truth is vitally important.  (No-one else can tell you YOUR truth but you).
    If you’re feeling stuck, move on and you won’t be stuck any more.

  17. 107
    C

    The answer to this is easy- break up.  Men’s libido DECREASES with age beginning in their mid-30’s so this situation will only get worse hate to tell you.  If you are NOT already married to him and have NO children yhar you are raising together an will hurt by a split up, it’s time to shake his hand and tell him that “just friends” is “just fine”.  In the other hand IF you are over age 45, have raised children, are married and have a lifetume if propertt and investments together AND the sex was really good over the many decades then STAY And accept his low drive.  In  Either situation a man’s libudo takes a DIVE after age 35.  It’s not fair if you toward yourself to deny yourself great sex with a person who won’t participate – heck you can choose NOT to have sex with lots if people… If your significant other is ine if these then get OUT befit to have children, pets, bank accounts, property and investments and will depend in him for returement because these things are wayyy more difficult to get out if than a relationship.  He is your “friend” and “room mate”… Admit this to yourself and move back hime to mom where it’s “ok” to date and seek a mate.  Love to you from a mom who has a very long and happy marriage  (I wouldn’t want my kids to miss out in the best part if marriage so I’m speaking to you as if you were ine if my kids…dump him and make it fast! you will en up committing adultery and e will dump you, humiliating you further this is not a good beginning at all and besides, there are plenty of women with a very LOW libudo thr would he much better for him as well… If you are mismatched here in the aez department, resentment will build and depression will loom over you… Get out now.)

  18. 108
    Just Saying

    I got to say…I am stunned. Outdone.

    You’d break up a relationship for sex? Really? Is your ability to define happiness really that underdeveloped? I am a man of high libido, but I would never, I repeat, never leave a girl because she doesn’t have ‘same interest for bed’.

    I could still hug her, i could still cuddle her, i could still kiss her. I could find a way to express my love to her outside lovemaking itself. But here is the problem: here, its all about “me me me me”. “I am not satisfied enough!”, “I am not deriving enough pleasure of him!”.

    Really? You serious? With that attitude you’ll find plenty of sex, but love will remain unattainable.

    And its amazing how many in the comments agree like its nothing. What am I missing here…

    1. 108.1
      Terri

      I’m with you on this subject!!!!

      I’m in the same situation, as many of these people.
      I would never end my relationship, with my wonderful boyfriend, because his libido is less than mine. Instead  we have talked about it. Not argued over it and found that at this time, at least, he doesn’t have the desire that I do. 
      So I’m the one who initiates sex.

  19. 109
    Nattyk

    Interesting that this has come up now, as it is an issue that I have thought about lately. In response to a couple of commentators:

    Hadley: There may be some personal responsibility that the OP can take, I would say that she has high expectations. 5 – 9 times a month is a good amount! The insinuation that she’s let herself go sounds like projection from you I’m afraid. We do not all the information about the relationship and we do not know if she has tried some tips from cosmo or similar to increase his sex drive. In fact I do not gather from the letter that the BF’s sex drive has dropped, it seems to show that it has always been like that, but again we do not know. Your agenda seems to be to point out the men blaming that sadly happens often. I agree with you that when there are issues in the relationship that women tend to get more of a pass and the blame is placed on the man. But I do not think that this case has presented that dynamic and I do not gather that from the commentators either. Do you visit PUA/game theory sites a lot? or anything related to ‘manosphere’? In my opinion they have some valid points about how feminism has affected the marriages of today, but remember the ancient wisdom of ring and yang etc..? We need each other – masculine and feminine – so divide and conquer mentality with us Vs them attitude serves only to make things worse….. but of course I could be completely wrong and you could just be a troll or a guy whose frustrated with his own situation and projecting. So yes, women DO need to take responsibility in the situation but in this case it does not sound like the OP has contributed to the lowering of his sex drive. It sounds like the issues has dragged on because she didn’t accept him how was from the beginning – we can’t change people…..we can only change ourselves….

    Brett: You sound like a devoted husband – awesome! Im going to go out a limb here and suggest something for you just from a ‘hinch’ I could be SO wrong but here goes, the internet provides limited communication of course. But please, go and swallow that red pill. Do a quicks search on Red pill theories and blogs….Athol Kays blog is a good course. The theory is ultimately women want a leader and when guys loose that masculinity the sexual attraction dies…..so worth a read right?

  20. 110
    Sisa

    I think one important thing is missing from the discrepancy in sex drives discussion and it’s the thing that makes this so difficult for the higher sex drive partner. How much of this is truly about biological sex frequency preference and how much of this is caused by lower desire towards a particular partner? What I mean is my sex drive varies greatly depending on who I am with. I’ve had relationships in which I wasn’t wildly attracted to my partners and my sex drive was not very high during those but I’ve had relationships in which I was extremely attracted to my partners and I wanted to have sex daily or even more often that that.

    Many times especially in a long term relationship we make compromises, and very often one of those compromises is attraction. We are often even encouraged to choose a long term partner on factors other than attraction, sure having crazy attraction would be great but it’s not the most important thing. So inevitably there will be many people in long term relationships not insanely attracted to their partner. Would this guy want just as much sex after few years with let’s say Angelina Jolie (or whomever he finds the most attractive) as he does with his current partner? I think that might sometimes be a core of this issue and why this issue is so hurtful to the partner with the higher sex drive and also why this issue cannot be solved by a vibrator.

    I would bet that this issue is largely caused by disparity in attraction levels to partners, not always by his natural sex drive. I think Evan got lucky that both he and his wife have similar attraction levels to each other but if one partner is much more sexually attracted to the other partner than vice versa (happens all the time in LTRs) you will have this issue and of course that is extremely hurtful to the person who is not desired as much.

    The other thing here is can everyone find someone who will be wildly attracted to them or do only very attractive people experience that? I would imagine that very attractive people would be able to experience that much easier but I am sure there are some very average looking people whose partners are still extremely into them sexually.

    Of course desire wanes for everyone after a while with the same partner but there is definite evidence that for some people it doesn’t wane all that much. I think those are the people who are really attracted to their partners, who didn’t get married based more on other qualities. That’s not to say that a person might not be really attracted to someone at first and this attraction goes away, that happens also, people do fall in and out of lust and love all the time.

    So I guess this woman has a choice. If she wants to experience feeling desired again, she may need to leave. She has to decide what the pros and cons of leaving are and go from there. She can try tricks such as dressing up differently, wearing her hair differently, getting a wig, watching porn during sex and see if that gets the guy more turned on. If he cares about her they can maybe compromise and decide there will be some nights he will give her oral sex or a hand job but then she might have to accept it’s happening out of obligation not desire so at that point it’s probably not much different than a vibrator.

  21. 111
    Kristin

    Reading her question made me feel as if I could have written that post word for word. Your reply made some good points. There is no way I would trade who I’m with now for someone who could have sex with me every night. I hadn’t looked at it that way before. I wish I could have both, but that’s life I guess. 

  22. 112
    sally

    I have been suffering from the same problem for the last 2 years. And I feel EXACTLY the same way as you do. I am not a high high libido person but my bf has an erectile dysfunction problem and he is also using antidepressants which kill his libido more. I have tried everything including couple therapy and sex therapy with him. It didn’t work. During all this painful time, I have come to understand that sex is an odd thing, when you are getting enough of it, lack of it doesn’t seem to be a big problem and it feels like you can deal with sexual deprivation. But when you are deprived, you come to understand that it IS important and healthy. if it is important for you, that is what it is. And as long as this is the case, you will be furstrated and unhappy no matter how amazing your boyfriend is. me and my partner have also become friends who sleep occasionally, and I can’t help but I get sexually attracted to other men, with one of who, I suppose (hope?!?), I will fall in love one day.  My suggestion is that women with the same problem should do whatever they can including therapy sessions, sex games, reverse psychology or whatever… one day you will feel like you have done all your best; and if you are still unhappy that day, answering the question YES or NO will be just simple. 

  23. 113
    jane

    Hi,
    My boyfriend and I are in the same situation. When he knows he is gonna have a really tiring day he just tells me to bring BOB (battery operated boyfriend) over. It works well for us. Takes the pressure of my boyfriend but we still both have a great time.  Turns out BOB just stays at his house now.

  24. 114
    j

    Try talking it out before doing anything. Theres not a lot of good guys out there.

  25. 115
    J.D.

    I am in mid 30’s. For men in this “era” we are hustling to make ends meet,building a stable future for the “team”, take care of the family, and the love of our lives. Yes stress does play a major part in ever day life.
    Then there are the guys who have that high requirement regardless of the stress. Either way, I don’t think it makes the guy a crappy hubby or boyfriend. But then again no one forces anyone to be in a relationship. If you made the conscience decision to be in one,then make a conscience decision to “work through things”. If that middle ground cant be found then walk away.
    Relationships are about “your” fulfillment. Shocker, huh?

  26. 116
    amanda

    6 – 9 times a month would be more than good for me. I never considered myself to have a high sex drive until I found myself incredibly sexually frustrated with my partner of nearly 3 years. We probably have sex once in 2 – 3 months. We are both 23. It makes me sad because I feel like I’m not attractive. And we have no children, aren’t married and are still young. Surely this will only get worse with age ad the changing of circumstances?

    I just don’t know what to do. I feel like we no longer have a connection and like the lady above, I just feel like I am living with my best friend who occasionally wants some action from me when he feels like it. It is totally rubbish :(

  27. 117
    Yovina

    I totally understand how you are feeling. I am on the same boat. I’m with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we only have sex once a week or once every two weeks. It makes me feel lonely because for me this is so important. I realized it is not me. Not to be conceited but I am very pretty and have a great body. It is him because of his low libido. Sometimes I get so angry because we have talked about it but he gets on the defensive side. It makes me want tocheat on him because that is how mad I get. I don’t have the heart to do it. 

  28. 118
    Woman23

    Consider urself lucky. I’m 23 and my bf , 25, of 4 years have sex  about 2, 3 times a year. A year! i know tht he is the one because as much as I tried I can never get over him. Even when I was with someone else I never culd stop thinking about him every single day. And plz don’t give me that ur young crap, I grew up very fast I have a 9 yr old child. Anyway, I am beyond attracted to him on top of being deeply in love with him. But he has no interest In sex. I’m starting to think he’s an asexual, whatever tht is. I’m sure he’s not gay. Talking to his brothers girlfriends, I found out tht his brothers are the same way so it’s a genetic. Thing. This sucks so bad for me because I am highly sexual. I want it multiple times a day everyday. But he is truly a perfect bf material and I love him so much so I have just come to terms tht sex mite b off the table soon and i will try to b ok with it as long as I can. I kno it’s not a purely sexual thing becuz if it was then I wuld just play with myself or cheat. But I just want to have sex with him, not just sex. I wish he understood tht becuz he thinks I’m just really horny. youd think someone wuld b glad their gf doesn’t cheat wen they don’t get laid for 6 months . But idk wat to do. I love him amd hopefully can b with him forever . If I can’t take it anymore, well I’ll cross tht bridge if I get there. Sigh.. The stupid shit we do as women for love. U can bet a guy wuld never do tht for love.                         

  29. 119
    Katie

    UPDATE: deal = broke …Thank you EMK! And everyone else who lent me their advice :)

  30. 120
    Vik

    I would be utterly happy if my boyfriend and I had sex 5-9 times a month. I do not know why someone would complain of just having sex 5-9 times a month. Thats averaging twice a week!!! Seriously is this person for real lol

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