Should I Disclose the Number of Sexual Partners I’ve Had In the Past?

Should I Disclose the Number of Sexual Parthners I've Had In the Past?

I’ve been reading for a while, and I find myself hopping on your blog whenever I meet a new guy or am faced with a new situation. But have yet to find something to address my question, given all the differences in the way men and women view sex and relationships and communication: What are the rules about disclosing your number of sexual partners and should it matter?

Now of course I think about this more so in a safety sense, not that I need to know how many girls a guy has slept with but more so I want to know that he is safe for me to sleep with. Inevitably though, this question of numbers comes up and I always hate when my number is higher than his or significantly lower. I know it sounds silly but it’s hard to know what a man is thinking when you share this type of thing. Is it better to just keep it to yourself? Do numbers really matter?

Megan

Dear Megan,

LOVE YOU for asking this question. As always, my opinion is just my opinion. Feel free to disagree. (And I know you will!)

So, like the whole “Who Pays” thing, there are different rules for men and women. Mainly because the sexual double standard is alive and well. I don’t endorse this. I report this.

The average number of partners a man purports to have in a lifetime is around 11. The average number of partners a woman purports to have is closer to 6. Of course, this is not true.

Says Dr. Norman Brown of the University of Alberta:

“Every time a man has sex with a woman, a woman has to have sex with a man. So either there are some very lucky joes out there or someone is not getting their numbers right,” Brown said.

I know I haven’t answered your question, Megan, but I thought I would puncture a hole in the “men are promiscuous/women are chaste” thing. If a man’s sleeping with a woman, a woman’s sleeping with a man and everybody’s numbers are going up. So there.

And as far as I’m concerned it is NOBODY’S BUSINESS HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU’VE SLEPT WITH.

And as far as I’m concerned it is NOBODY’S BUSINESS HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU’VE SLEPT WITH.

Similarly, it’s none of your business how many people he’s slept with. This is a classic “don’t ask, don’t tell” situation, on par with “Are you dating anyone else right now?” and “Have you ever had a drug fueled orgy with six Polynesian dwarves?” If you say yes, you’ve got a lot of explaining to do, and frankly, you shouldn’t have to explain….

Before you jump all over me, this is not the same as “Do you have any STDs?” That is a pointed and specific health-related question, where full disclosure is essential. But some guy can sleep with 100 women and not get herpes and some woman can go down on one guy and get herpes. And although one’s odds certainly do go up with multiple sexual partners, a number doesn’t necessarily reveal any greater truths.

Take me. I’ve had a pretty decent single run (more than 10, less than Wilt Chamberlain), but have NEVER had unprotected sex with a non-girlfriend. Is that better or worse than a guy who has slept with eight women but never used a condom?

I recall one well-meaning woman who asked me on our first date what my “number” was. I laughed and told her it was none of her business. She playfully said that she could handle it. I playfully told her that it was irrelevant: I was with her at this moment, and my past history bore little relevance. The more I refused to answer, the more she dug in. Finally, she said, “Whatever you say, it won’t bother me. As long as the number is less than X.” And when I gave her a look that revealed that her guesstimate was low, her jaw dropped. Way to not judge me!

Years ago, my best friend went out with a woman in her mid-30’s who confessed that she’d been with over 30 men in her life. My friend FREAKED out, because his number was lower than hers, and because he couldn’t bear to picture her being pounded by 30 different guys. I told him he was being ridiculous. If this woman was never married, never dated a guy for more than a year, and was exclusive with a new boyfriend every six months, she will easily top 30 men at that age. Sleeping with fifteen people in the year after your divorce is a lot more promiscuous than sleeping with thirty people in your whole life.

Thus, a man has no right to know your number, lest he judge you by a different standard than he judges himself. If he insists, give him a little white lie. It’s none of his business and he doesn’t deserve the truth. Seriously. As long as you’re not sleeping with anyone while you’re dating him, whatever you did in your past is between you and your conscience.

As long as you’re not sleeping with anyone while you’re dating him, whatever you did in your past is between you and your conscience.

So Megan, it’s not that numbers don’t matter. It’s that they can be deceiving. Questions about numbers only beget more questions and create more insecurity. The only thing you need to know about his sexual past is whether he’s disease free. If he is, judge him for his merits, his efforts towards you, and how he treats you.

But certainly don’t get on his case because he had a successful sex life for the fifteen adult years before he met you.

21
10

Join 7 Million Readers

And the thousands of women I've helped find true love. Sign up for weekly updates for help understanding men.

I hate spam as much as you do, therefore I will never sell, rent, or give away your email address.

Join our conversation (220 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.

Comments:

  1. 151
    Ray

    stephan@135

    It is disingenuine for anyone here to claim they don’t draw the line somewhere when it comes to ‘values’.  What I’m arguing is that it isn’t as simple as ‘numbers’.

    Me… for instance… I’d be more concerned about a man’s insistance on watching porn and their belief in it’s intangible benefits to a relationship than the number of women he slept with.  

    Even if his numbers were ‘low’, I’d be skeptical about the quality of the sex I’d have with a man who insisted on watching porn or going to strip clubs.  I’d be concerned about how he viewed women.. The hypocrisy of men who claim it is ok for them to be promiscuous (and expect that a woman will overlook that) while not extending the same to a woman is not an attractive quality.

    It isn’t the guy’s numbers I’m concerned with.  I’m concerned about how a man I”m interested in views women and if we can forge a partnership… one where we can discover what really matters and what doesn’t matter.  One where we can learn from our past embarrassements, mistakes, and bad choices and make a better future together… or not. 

    I have no interest in men who need to feel ‘one up’ so that they can feel in control in a relationship… and have dirt to hang over a woman’s head.  That is my impression of men who need to know numbers and who hold double standards.  It’s all about power and control and meanness.  Or at least, that is how it feels to me… and what I’ve observed from men who feel the need to ask those questions.

  2. 152
    The_Soothsayer

    Listen Guys, sex is just two pieces of meat rubbing together, which results in a pleasant sensation. I remember a film called, ‘Search for fire’, that depicted the life of cave men and women. In one scene a cave man came across three women bending over on the water’s edge. He didn’t worry about attraction etc. He lifted his nose in the air and selected the one by smell. Dogs do it, cats do it and every other kind of animal does it. They don’t give a hoot as to what the relationship ties may result, nature compels them to do it, and they don’t question it. Only human beings have attached more relevance to it. My point is, sex has nothing to do with relationships, they are created on a far higher plane than the animal instinct. Young males have no control over their sexual behavior because of the high levels of testosterone in their systems. Be comforted by the fact that I believe most people past 70 do not have the problem and live a happy and contented life without the demands of sex. :-)   

  3. 153
    Nige

    My wife and I told each other our previous “conquests” after a boozy night of loving and, to be honest, we both found it funny and sexy. It’s nice to know my wife is attractive to other men. I don’t care how many previous lovers she had. She’s with me and that’s all that matters. We still tease each other about our pasts but we both have fun with it. Why should it matter? What happened before can’t be changed and I believe women should have had some experience before settling down. There’s nothing worse as you move towards old age thinking “What if?”

    Someone mentioned “researching” their partners? I understand that some people are jealous (been there) but let’s all grow up a little. Sexual relations within a loving relationship are just that – loving. Sex is, however, a need. It has been reduced to a battleground between religious zealots who fail to realise the fundamental thing here – we are all created to reproduce. Without the NEED there would be no population to argue overt here things. A recent study showed that the monogamous woman will lead to the loss of men all together due to a genetic trait which can be carried and wipes out the Y chromosome. The article in the Scotsman made me think. Why are we all uptight about the number of partners we have? Clean and safe fun is just that – FUN. It doesn’t mean anything and shouldn’t. It is different from loving sexual relationships. Please, please chill out. Let people be free to be themselves and just get on with living your own. Good luck!

  4. 154
    Jeff

    I absolutely think that you should disclose this information to your partner in a long term relationship. I wouldn’t bring it up in any casual one month fling, but if you willfully had sex with many partners, or you haven’t had sex with anybody, then you should not be ashamed of it. The number of partners that you have had does have some reflection on your character, as Ileana kindly pointed out, so having this sort of straight discussion gives you a chance to explain yourself, whether you have a high number or a low number. I think any candidate for a life-long relationship has the right to know, so they can take this information and make their own judgements.

  5. 155
    Mary T

    I agree with Evan -the relevant question is whether you’re an exclusive couple, and whether they’ve had an STI check and had the all-clear. From general chit chat you can get an idea of a persons views on promiscuity. no need to know the details!

  6. 156
    NonExist

    I agree with Evan totally on this one.
    Unless you are comfrotable sharing and can deal with it.
    Personally all I care about is whether or not she can be monogamous with me if we agree to do so.
    And I believe in giving everyone a fair chance so I could not care less about how many partners she has had.
    It does increase the chance of infection but I and she should be responsible enough about those matters.

    And if she wants to share her number, nothing she says will faze me.
    I myself cannot give a number or even a round figure because I did not keep count.  Now I can remeber the number of women who asked me out, or who beat me at bowling or something like that, but sex to me is not about measurement. It is about enjoying it with who I am with at the time and trying my best to make sure she enjoys it as well.

  7. 157
    GotaBorderlineWife

    What makes the question relevant is that past behavior is a window into what someone is really about.

    Promiscuous Behavior can be an indicator of a personality disorder, lying about the past is no way to enter into a serious relationship. Skeletons always have a habit of finding their way out of the closet, usually at the worst possible time.

    Sure lie about it at first or refuse to answer but if your getting serious come clean and face the music, no matter which way it’s going to go or end the relationship.

     
     

  8. 158
    Kaitlin

    I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year, and he knows how many people I have been with, yet refuses to tell me his number, or even a rough estimate, as he says its none of my business.but when he asked i told him, even though we had just started dating . But I think it is important to know this about someone you are serious with, regarding probability of STIs (i dont think herpes can be checked) and its not fair that the information is asymettrical.

  9. 159
    nonplused

    The answer given here is technically correct and totally wrong.  it should be thought of in ranges and it is important.

    5 or less:  Young and dating

    10 – 20:  You better have a few long term relationships in there to redeme yourself.

    30 or more:  Narrcissist

    100 +:  phsycopath, he or she is using you, and everyone else.

    Remember, sex is a relationship building experience.  If a person has has lots of sex but no relationships, stay clear.  Don’t even be friends with them.  

  10. 160
    Gail Kale

    Excellent read, I just passed this onto a colleague that was doing a little research on that. And he actually bought me lunch because I found it for him smile So let me rephrase that.

  11. 161
    Richard

    Agree with ‘Nonplused.” I ALWAYS make sure I ask how many guys a girl has been with when I’m interested in pursuing a girl. Many of you who think this number is no big deal I just shake my head. Excuse me but I don’t want a female who’s been banged by just about every dude at the local bar she frequents. You people say “the past is the past” but when you’ve been dating a person for awhile and find out she’s had a drunken orgy and has had threesomes see how you feel. I bet you it won’t feel too good. Is it so wrong to look for a person who has morals and values these days? I don’t think it is. I also don’t think it’s wrong that I’ve stopped talking to females who’s numbers are high. I don’t like it nor will I ever like it. I feel if I only have sex in relationships then I DESERVE a female who thinks the same. Bitch and complain all you want but that’s how it is. Excuse me for having standards that I look for in a female and abiding by them. 

  12. 162
    Emma

    Richard: Sure you´ll find someone who thinks just like you and live happily ever after; but why so angry with the ones who don´t fit your scheme? I´m in my thirties and havee slept with a total of five guys; four of which were serious relationships; two of which lasted for more than five years each – but I would never consider dating someone with your attitude. It reeks of a total lack of generosity and humour. And those are qualities I deserve.

     

  13. 163
    James

    You people are all delusional saying “it does not mater” lol! have any of you stepped in the real world?

    the reality is in any healthy relationship you tell the truth ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!! Your partner HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW IF THEY ASK. You should not LIE EVER you LYING IS RIDICULOUS and shows lack of CONCERN.

    IF YOU LIE YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP ON EVER GETTING MARRIED OR A TRUE LONG LASTING LOVE. LYING AND HIDING THINGS ABOUT YOUR LIFE/PAST IS STUPID AND WILL COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU.

    ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH DO NOT HIDE THINGS OR LIE. To many people marry to fast and or just settle or marry someone they do not truly love. THe world is not a happy place and if you go into relationships lying and being ashamed of your past you are already failing by not telling the truth.

    I agree with richard. also “good girls” marry “Good guys” so many of you will find in the future that “just living” gets you know where and that those who planned more may have better quality of life.

    Your # will always matter and telling the truth should always be your main priority.

    1. 163.1
      Tina

      One can always choose singledom you know, so life will be simpler.  All men should run at the first sign of “trouble “. A virgin will cheat on her man if he is overly insecure and monitors her phone, her everyday activities. In short if he watches her like a hawk lest she strays.  To all the insecure men out there please do women a favor including the good girls and stay single because ” there are no guarantees ” .  If you treat a good woman like she is bad, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. The real issue is not about slutty women because trust me they are easy to weed out. No one is that good at lying. Unless you have zero instincts.  An alcoholic trying to hide his behavior can hide it so long before he reaches for the bottle. So again it’s not that hard unless the man wants a 100% confirmation and that you won’t get’ sorry dude. A decent woman is not that hard to find!
      There are a lot of good women out there who are nowhere near the ” slut” status. Have some faith or be alone; that’s fine too.  Also it’s not that hard to figure out a promiscuous personality. Serial daters hello, saying “next ” quickly. People are creatures of habits.
       I also agree with richard. also “good girls” marry “Good guys” so many of you will find in the future that “just living” gets you know where and that those who planned more may have better quality of life. if you lived your life responsibly, there’s a higher likelihood that you have your shit together by a certain age. It’s that simple .

  14. 164
    Nischt

    Just like to say, that I find it hilarious that women, (who are always self conscious about being sluts), are the main people posting on this thread. And like 100% of them are totally into being complete whores. Not hating per say.. I’m totally for women being 100% whores. I feel that women are meant to be sluts, like dudes.

  15. 165
    Joe

    Uh, women are posting because the majority of Evan’s readership is female…

  16. 166
    The_Soothsayer

    I realise I am from a prehistoric age, but I would still like to comment. I am now 71, I have been married for 47 years. I have a wonderful wife whom I love very much. Unfortunately, in my prehistoric age, a woman who was not a virgin was a slut. I was so stupid that when my wife said her hymen was broken by horse riding, I believed her. Unfortunately, to this day I have never forgiven her. What could have been the perfect match, turned out to be only a wonderful friendship. Not that I am complaining, but it could have been so much more if she had been a virgin. On the other hand, if I had known she was not a virgin when I met her, I would not have married her, so I would have missed out on a great friendship.

  17. 167
    The_Soothsayer

    PS:
    All the previous comments only indicate to me that people who don’t openly admit the number of sexual encounters are ashamed of themselves. If they were proud, as for instance they had many medals for a sport. They would be delighted to brag about them and quote the number. If you have had many sexual encounters, be proud about it, you must be attractive to the opposite sex. Just be truthful and let your partner decide the future of your relationship!

  18. 168
    Antigone

    Some people mentioned that men tend to be more worried about the one night stands the women had than the long relationships.  I understand the logic behind that, but at the same time, suppose a woman had many one night stands and never had anything more serious, there is a chance that her sexual experience is superficial and thus if some day she enters a serious relationship there are plenty of things she can experience for the first time with her partner and that would be a very special experience.

    I feel long relationships have the upside of demonstrating capacity for bonding but the downside of the woman having shared more profound and intimate experiences that will no longer be novel to their new partner.  just a thought.

  19. 169
    just me

    Katz, you shouldn’t be dispensing advice to anyone.  How you can advocate dishonesty of any kind in a relationship is baffling.  If someone ass about someone else’s sexual past it’s because they feel they need to know.  Lying is self-serving, disrespectful to your partner and will poison any future relationship you might hope to have.

    If people would rather not answer this type of question, simply say so.  That gives their partnr a FAIR chance to reassess the relationship and their commitment to it.  But lying to portray yourself in a better light and then blaming your partner for what is a natural reaction is reprehensible.

    1. 169.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      @Just Me – I could give a crap if you don’t think I should be dispensing advice to anyone. If you don’t like my advice, don’t read it. Problem solved.

      Here’s one piece of advice before you go:

      You should totally keep asking women how many people they’ve slept with. On behalf of all of them, they REALLY love it when you do that.

  20. 170
    just me

    I took issue with your advice for one simple reason.  You’re stating that dishonesty has a valid place in relationships.  This in ridiculous and I can’t belive any professional (?) would sanction that in  an otherwise healthy relationship.

    You’re also presumptous and off-base, here.  I’ve never asked any women how many people they’ve slept with, and I can see why that is an unwelcome question to most women.  “Slutty” behavior is subjective, but a liar is a liar and you’re saying that it’s okay to lie with no regard for your partner’s feelings, if it suits your agenda.  That advice will not help  anyone.

      1. 170.1.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        Oh, and just me… I got your next insulting comment. You don’t deserve to have it see the light of day, although I’m not particularly bothered by anything you wrote. Why did I screen this one out, too? Basically, it’s because you fail reading comprehension. You suggested I stifle debate because I can’t handle dissent and tell women only what they need to hear. Really? Have you actually READ this blog and the 35,000 comments? The difference between their comments and yours is simple: they made an argument as to why my advice didn’t work for them. You insulted me, point blank. That’s why they get to stay and you get to go back to your man cave to whine about how nobody appreciates your mode of debating. I’m all for a debate. I just don’t waste my time on people who start with insulting me. Sign up again under another fake name, be respectful, and maybe I’ll explain myself. If not, really, I’ll be fine.

  21. 171
    Clare

    My personal opinion is that it doesn’t matter how many people you’ve slept with.  When you meet the right person all bets are off, and the past becomes somewhat irrelevant. Every person deserves to start a new relationship on a clean slate, and what matters is how they treat *you*.

    Having had sex with many different people is not a crime, as long as it was safe, and should not be a black mark against anyone’s character.

    Hence, I think you either should not ask your partner how many people they’ve slept with, or be prepared to accept the answer completely if you do.

  22. 172
    The_Soothsayer

    The whole crux of the matter is the personality types involved. Unfortunately, I was damned with an obsessive, perfectionist personality. That is, if things are not perfect I become obsessive about the imperfection. In my day, virginity in a women was expected in what everyone termed ‘Nice girls’. I know things have changed dramatically, but even now, if a partner with my personality marries a girl that has lied and has slept around, it affects the relationship forever.

  23. 173
    Lia

    I had a boy friend when I was a eighteen who had had a girlfriend before me.  (They had both been each other’s first.)  I was still a virgin and had only kissed two other guys before nothing else.  My boyfriend always said he would only marry a virgin, and he had dumped his first girlfriend sometime after they started having sex.  I will say that though I was curious about sex, I “did the math” and knew he would dump me.  So I would never let him take my virginity. 
     
    If I knew then what I know now I would have dumped him when I found out he had sex with then dumped his last girlfriend.  Not because he wasn’t a virgin but because he is a hypocrite.  
     
    There have been so many horrid judgements against women on this post.  There are several men who have made their opinions crude and clear.  I don’t think there is anything to say to them.
     
    I do want to address The_Soothsayer #168
     
    47 years of marriage and you are still hanging onto “she was not a virgin”?  That one actually made me sad and sick to my stomach.  What a tragic commentary on a marriage.  I am so sad for her my heart aches.  She has been married to a man for 47 years who was not able to let that go and still thinks less of her.  I can hardly bear to think of what it is like for her to be shamed like that by the man who is suppose to love her.    
     
    The_Soothsayer #169
     
    “PS:
    All the previous comments only indicate to me that people who don’t openly admit the number of sexual encounters are ashamed of themselves.” … 
    Or maybe it is because we will be judged and spend the next 5, 10, 20, or 47 years paying for it.

    1. 173.1
      SparklingEmerald

      Lia – Very good response to The Soothsayer.  The main reason his post doesn’t completely sicken me, is my parents are from his era, and I’ve had some discussions with my mom & my aunts and they can vouch for the whole “a woman who was not a virgin was a slut.” mentality.  So I think Soothsayers obsessive perfectionist personality and being born into a time when society was OBSESSED with women’s so called “purity” (while men could sleep around with impunity) helped forge his unreasonable stance. 
      My mom even told me that a woman in the boarding home where she lived when she was single, was pregnant and managed to hide her pregnancy.  She ended up giving birth in the boarding home.  A doctor was called, he delivered the baby, took her baby away, and took all the money out of her purse as payment.  The next day, the woman who had just given birth and had her baby stolen by the “good doctor” was thrown out of the boarding home.  So stealing a woman’s baby, money and throwing her out on the streets for having a baby out of wedlock was considered “morality” in the golden era.  It that attitude is considered “moral”, then I’d rather be considered a slut. 
      Like you, I ache for the woman he married and now considers a “slut”.  I’m not sure what he means that their marriage is a “friendship”.  He says that as if it is a BAD thing, I am wondering if he means his marriage is sexless or near sexless.  Because a marriage that is both a marriage and a friendship is priceless.
      I think perhaps the pendulum has swung to far in the other direction, but that virgin/slut mentality of the 50’s was worse and more damaging in my opinion.  I hope some day the pendulum comes somewhere in the center, and that someday we have a more balanced view of sex and more equity between the genders in our judgement.

  24. 174
    Karl R

    The Soothsayer said: (#177)
    “even now, if a partner with my personality marries a girl that has lied and has slept around, it affects the relationship forever.”
     
    Then the obvious solution is for women to avoid marrying people like you.
     
    The Soothsayer said: (#177)
    “if things are not perfect I become obsessive about the imperfection.”
    You’re never going to find a woman who is perfect enough to satisfy you. There will always be imperfections for you to obsess over.
     
    If a woman was like you, obsessed over every imperfection of mine, she would be worse than the girlfriend who cheated on me. I can do better than a partner like that. Every man and woman can do better than a partner like that.
     
    You think women should be open about their number of sexual partners so you can avoid dating them. If that’s the way you feel, you should have been similarly open about your personality flaw so your wife (and every sane woman) can decide in advance whether they want to spend the entire relationship being judged by you.
     
    If you’re interested in full disclosure, then it should go both ways. And your flaw sounds much harder to live with than your wife’s.

  25. 175
    anothershadow

    For some it matters and for others it doesn’t. Some people are fine with fucking around a lot and others don’t want any part of it. Just hope like hell you find a person that works for you, which in this day and age is a most fucking difficult feat.

  26. 176
    The_Soothsayer

    Lia #178
    Hi Lia,
    I realise an appreciate you are obviously a very caring and considerate young lady. As I mentioned, my teenage years were spent in a totally different era to yourself. Life was so much simpler in my day, more black and white. Sex was saved for married couples, to proclaim there love for each other. Today, it has replaced a handshake. I really grieve for the young people today. I feel they have lost the quality of life my generation experienced, and it is only getting worse daily. All moral values appear to have been thrown out the window. Let us face the fact, sex is merely two pieces of meat rubbing together. The actual experience is in the mind, enjoying the delight of sharing yourself with someone you love. Not someone picked up in a Hotel for a one night stand. Fortunately, I am approaching the end of my life, and I will always be there for my wife. Which I think is more that can be said for the relationships today.
    Again Lia, thank you for your comments. I do hope you find a wonderful life partner as I have, and enjoy the ultimate friendship it brings.
    Lotsaluv,
    The Soothsayer

  27. 177
    The_Soothsayer

    Karl R #179
    Hi Karl,
    Thank you for your comments. I totally agree, women should avoid marrying someone like me. I once read a book called, ‘Personality Plus’. It diagnosed one’s personality. I think everyone should answer a questionnaire truthfully, so their future partner can make a rational decision based on factual information. I am sure there would be far less breakups and divorces.  
    Karl, you have to believe there are women with exactly the same personality as I. Wouldn’t it be enlightening to know before you commit yourself for life.
    I agree, there should be a total disclosure both ways. If my wife had asked me what was my personality, I would have been more than happy to tell her. But I am sure she would have worked it out for herself. Unfortunately, when you are young and in love, you don’t realise you have a destructive personality.
    May Peace and Happiness go with you Karl.
    The Very Old Soothsayer! :-)

  28. 178
    The_Soothsayer

    anothershadow #180
    Hi anothershadow,
    I don’t really understand your userid, but then again I am from the prehistoric age. I don’t keep up with Faceache, Twitter and all the other social media. In my day, we just wrote letters and sent them by snail mail. Sometimes it was so slow, the slime from the snail was still on the envelopes. Your comment, ‘which in this day and age is a most fucking difficult feat’. It sort of highlights my opinion. Not that I know really what happens in this day and age. Also, the ‘F–k word was never used, and still today, no one is welcome in our house if they swear. We are just trying to hang onto some values.
    I did meet a delightful young lady the other day. Who stated that she was born in the wrong era, she would have loved to have been in my generation. With the Fonz ‘Happy Days’, Bill Hayley and the Comets, ‘Rock around the Clock’. Life was just simple and outdoor.
    Sorry to lay this on you.
    Have a really great day anothershadow (Still don’t know what it means!) :-)
    The Soothsayer

  29. 179
    Cat

    The “number” question was never an issue for my relationship with my husband, though we’ve had a few others. Very early in our relationship, I’d say within 6 months we had the number discussion. He said 20, I said 10. Now as someone mentioned earlier, I think men generally tend to inflate their true number & women deflate their true number. Truth be told, I believe his to be more like 14/15 & mine is actually 13, so we’re pretty even steven. Although it means nothing to either of us. We are both in our 40’s & were by the time we met. So we both had “lived” a lot before meeting. And although some readers may think 13 is A LOT, I don’t regret a single one.

  30. 180
    The_Soothsayer

    Cat #184
    ‘The “number” question was never an issue for my relationship with my husband, though we’ve had a few others.’ How can you be sure that the number issue doesn’t sit in your husband’s mind, as it does in mine. And rears it’s ugly head  as a catalyst for the other issues? I was disappointed to hear you lied to your husband and you believed he lied to you. Would it not have been better to just state the 13 in the first place. A good relationship cannot be built on lies.  ‘And although some readers may think 13 is A LOT, I don’t regret a single one.’ You appear to regret at least 3 of them, because you won’t own up to them. I wish you a long and happy marriage. Please, just tell the truth to each other when a question is asked.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>