What Should I Do If I’m Pregnant and He’s Pulling Away?

What Should I Do If I’m Pregnant and He’s Pulling Away?g out results of a pregnancy test

I recently started dating a guy a couple of months ago; we met on a dating site back in January and were talking for about four months before we actually met. The first 3 weeks were magical! Well, we had gotten into a fight because of his trust issues. His ex wife screwed with his head and cheated on him a lot so, he brought those trust issues into our relationship. We made up and got back together and things were good for a few more weeks and he became upset that I had checked my email on a couple of dating site that I used before I met him. He still has his profile up and I didn’t make a big deal about it but he didn’t want mine up. Well, hence another fight. The day we got into the fight I learned I was pregnant. We both took a couple of days to evaluate where we are and where we want to be. We finally spoke and made up a few days later.

When we first started dating he called me babe or sweetie all of the time, texted me, and initiated conversations via text. When we are together it is great! I love being together with him but, he doesn’t want to spend the night and now when I text him they are short answers and I feel like I’m bothering him. He works a lot of hours and has 2 kids so I understand that he can’t always talk, but he just seems so cold and distant when we aren’t together. I am scared to have this baby and him not want to build a life with me. All I want to know is where he stands. I am so confused and I am starting to fall in love with him. I don’t want to put all this work and energy and love into this relationship if he is just not longer interested and is just going to walk away. I’m so scared and confused. If I wasn’t pregnant with his baby I wouldn’t worry, but now that I am I just want to know that he will be there for me and with me. Please help!


Dear Jules,

I’m answering your question in spite of (because of?) the fact that I just did a post about whether men should be forced to pay for children they didn’t want. I want to shelve that discussion for now, because my feelings about that are irrelevant to my feelings towards your own dilemma.

I’m not sure how to say this diplomatically, so I won’t: your relationship is doomed.

And let’s be clear: this is one helluva dilemma.

I’m not sure how to say this diplomatically, so I won’t: your relationship is doomed.

Why am I so pessimistic? Let me count the ways:

“We talked for four months before we actually met.”

That means you fell in love with a stranger. Fell in love before you met him. Before you kissed. Before you ate a meal. Before you had your first fight.

Your cart is way before your horse.

“The first three weeks were magical!”

So are the first three weeks of every relationship. That’s how relationships get started! You do know that three weeks isn’t a really significant amount of time, right? You do know that you don’t get to see all sides of a person for a few years, right? You do know that you can’t build a lifetime on three magical weeks, right?

Oh, dear…you didn’t know that, did you?

Well, we had gotten into a fight because of his trust issues…We made up and got back together.”

Your beloved boyfriend of three weeks has trust issues. This is a big red flag, which you probably could have seen coming if you didn’t make him your boyfriend so fast. So now, you’re in love with a man you’ve barely met, and you have your first fight! And he quickly breaks up with you! And then you quickly make up with him!

The only decision you have is whether you’re going to keep the baby.

And now everything’s supposed to be okay? Forgive me if I’m not sold.

The day we got into the fight I learned I was pregnant. We both took a couple of days to evaluate where we are and where we want to be. We finally spoke and made up a few days later.

This is where it starts getting sad and I can’t maintain any level of snark. I just want to give you a hug. Listen, Jules, I’m really sorry you’re hurting right now. You’re experiencing what everyone has experienced before you – the feeling of getting your heart broken by an unrequited love whom you overestimated due to chemistry.

The difference is that you’re pregnant.

It may or may not matter why you got pregnant. Did you forget your pill? Did he use a condom? Did it break? Did you have a spontaneous moment of passion without any protection? No matter what happened, you’re in the same place: you’re pregnant and you’ve got a man who doesn’t want to have any part in your life.

There. I said it.

You’re asking me “where he stands”. That’s where he stands.

He knocked you up, he completely regrets it, and he wants to run.

I don’t know this for a fact, of course. But the short-term nature of your relationship, the personality conflicts, the making up and breaking up, the trust issues, and the post-pregnancy pull-away give me all the signs I need to conclude that this is NOT your future husband and that you should NOT be wasting one more second on him.

I hope you can see in retrospect that he was never really your boyfriend. He was a stranger. A stranger that you feel you loved, but a stranger, nonetheless. You slept with that stranger, he knocked you up, he’s distancing himself and you’re still intent on ignoring his colossal flaws and trying to forge a relationship with him.

Babies deserve fathers who WANT to be fathers, men who are fully committed to their wives and families. Unfortunately, you can’t MAKE a man want to be this way.

Please, stop.

The only decision you have is whether you’re going to keep the baby.

If you’re not, then you can terminate your pregnancy and your man simultaneously.

However, if you ARE keeping the baby, please be aware that, by making this decision, your child will probably not have much of a father. I’m not saying whether this is right or fair. I’m saying what is patently obvious to a third-party observer. This guy does not want a future with you, nor does he want to support a baby for the rest of his life. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong. But I’d be surprised if he stepped up.

I also believe that babies deserve fathers who WANT to be fathers, men who are fully committed to their wives and families. Unfortunately, you can’t MAKE a man want to be this way. He either feels it or he doesn’t.

So understand, Jules, if you choose to bring this baby into the world, you are also choosing to give yourself and your baby a great hardship: a tempestuous, mistrustful, busy absentee father who has no interest in being a part of either of your lives.

If it sounds like I’m weighing heavily in one direction, that’s because I am.

You have the right to do whatever you want. All I wanted to make clear was the consequences of your decisions.

I’m sorry you’re in this position, my friend. I hope you make the right call for you and your family. Please come back and let me know what you chose.

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  1. 31

    Eva that is not what evan is advising. He is asking her to think about her options and to understand she will have to raise this baby alone if she chooses to keep it. The father by his actions is showing he is not interesting in raising this baby with her or trying to work on the relationship. This is important to consider … if she chooses to keep the baby she will have to build a support network of friends/ family. 

  2. 32

    Eva, if someone wants impartial advice, rather than a dating coaches opinion why ask a dating coaches opinion on a public forum
    She asked his opinion, he gave it.
    And as it is a public forum, she will get the publics opinion too. If someone doesn’t want an opionion then don’t share your problems or ask.
    Is up to her if she chooses to act on any of these opinions.
    . Or choses to connect deeply to herself, get a clear picture of what is going on with the man who is pulling away which Evan appears to have pretty shrewd idea about altough admits he doesn’t know for sure. Whislt ignoring opinions on what Evan and  what others think is best for her and her life circumstancies and making her own mind up.

  3. 33

    There are obviously more than one top of discussion here…..abortion, casual sex, being a single mother.  However, I’m in total agreement with Jenna #14 & 22.  If you can’t be responsible with your actions during and after, you have no business going down that road to begin with.  Chew on that!

  4. 34

    such phrases like “chew on it” make me think that pro-lifers are actually happy if someone suffers in accordance to their poor-choices in regards to safety of sex…
    You talk about responsibility-well you know what – the OP is responsible either way, whether she keeps the baby or not. 
    Its not time to  start saying “you should have done this or that”. She has the right to decide what is best for her (yes, most convenient as well) and she should not be shamed about that, whatever is the choice.

  5. 35

    Jules, I have a somewhat different perspective.  As a divorced single parent in California, I can tell you that fathers have a lot of rights to their children, for good and bad. However, they have far fewer rights if they were never married to you.  I have many friends who are single parents and overwhelmingly, if the guy is a jerk, it is far better for you and your child if you never married.
    If  you read this blog, you’re aware of many women who have wanted children, but never got the chance.  Depending on your perspective and age, this child might be a blessing.  You may never have another.  It’s very much your choice, but I can tell you as a single parent that I’m very grateful for my children and wouldn’t want to change my status.  Also, I’m sure there are a lot of very involved fathers in the world, but, from my perspective, I did the majority of the work of child rearing so it wasn’t a huge difference from going from raising my children married to raising them single. 
    Food for thought.  Take care of yourself and good luck.

  6. 36

    I am pro-choice, and yet I wonder why it’s so easy for people to evaluate their options when it comes to aborting or keeping a child, and yet so difficult to evaluate their beliefs about raising a child. It doesn’t have to be such a hardship to have a child. Just one child. 
    When evaluating “options” a woman can also, at the same time, evaluate beliefs, judgements, and the way they could raise their child. 
    I have a family member right now about to become a single mom. And she is going about it in the right way, if you ask me. Refusing to shell out 1000’s on expensive “toys” and disposables: cribs, strollers, swings, diapers. Instead opting for more frugal options: baby slings, a bassinette, a baby carrier, hand me down clothing, cloth diapers etc. She is planning ahead and saving up for the things the child will need as he grows, instead of perpetually breaking her bank and never being quite stable.
    A woman can evaluate HOW to raise her child, at the same time as she evaluates WHETHER to raise her child. 
    Abort, or hardship, are not the ONLY options. 

  7. 37

    A wonderful gift in a bad situation?  Doesn’t that wonderful gift deserve wonderful parents?
    I feel bad for Jules, and I wish her the best.  I can see she is trying to make the best out of a not-so-good situation for the sake of this child.  An unhappy relationship would not be best for the child and nor would a lack of a father figure.  She has options, and they are hers to choose from.
    If you don’t like abortion, don’t have one.  It’s not your place to judge the people that have them.  You can’t act like everyone who aborts just makes a split-second decision to terminate a child.  That’s a highly ignorant and simplistic view of the process.  She has the right to think it through and determine what she feels is right even if you don’t think it’s right.  Everyone has a view on what they feel is proper parenting, and it’s not one singular, universal view.

    I see her primary concern is providing a healthy and loving environment for this child.  Evan was simply stating that such an environment would not be provided by this man.  He did not encourage termination; he merely said it was an option.  He did also mention keeping the baby lest you all forget.

  8. 38

    My heart goes out to the LW, and it makes me sad to see people bluntly advising her to “just get an abortion.”  I’m 110% pro-choice, but I can only imagine what an emotional decision it must be.  I hope whatever decision you make, you do it knowing that this guy is probably not going to be there for you, unfortunately.

  9. 39

    New flash Lau_ra, I’m pro-choice!

    We live in a society of “it’s never good enough.” Who cares what other people do and have. It’s about acceptance and finding peace within yourself.

  10. 40

    Aisling – I used to be like you all ‘judging’ about how pregnancy accidentally happens. I used fofm of birth control for years but when I split with my long term ex I removed it as I hated not knowing when my period was going to come it was vital to the depression I began to experience later on. My doctor agreed with me that  hormone based contraception was not helpin my moods. that’s all hormones btw. Anyway I stated dating a guy and we used condoms and I managed to get pregnant not entirely sure must of broke but at the time I did not realise it. I had an abortion. He had already dumped me. Then 6 months later I had a one night stand and the guy was a real dick – use were both drunk and he took out his condom, put it on and pulled it off during. When I realised I was horrified. I got the morning after pill and guess what? It did not work. I got an iud/ coil after my second abortion and I hate it but it was the next best thing as its non hormonal. Be careful of you get an abortion because your body can pregnant any real easy in the year afterwards for some reason you are more fertile according to what I’ve heard – anyway people forget that Mistakes genuinely happen and others judge real easy to. Not everyone agrees with hormonal bitry control so lo

  11. 41

    Jules, if you have decided to keep the baby, maybe your parents will help out.  Abortion is painful and leaves emotional scars (some of my friends have had abortions and still can’t live with their own choices).
    Adopting is tough when you’ve gone through the actual pregnancy.
    Please make the right choice for you and your baby.  I hope that you find a good man, who will be a father to your baby and husband for you.
    Hugs from here,

  12. 42

    Evan is right on the money with this one.  He’s already out the door.  She just needs to decide whether she wants the baby or not.  However, the option Evan fails to mention is keeping the baby and still nixing him.  She can simply commit to being a single parent and neither solicit nor expect any contribution from him at all.  If she wants a child and is in a financial position to do this, it’s an option. I wish her the best whatever she decides! 

  13. 43

    Wow. Looked up this topic because I am in a similar situation. Not exactly but similar aka getting pregnant early on in what seemingly felt like a comfortable and fun relationship.  I do not agree with the majority of the responses here. I feel they are offensive and selfishly out of line. Truth is the situation is hard. But, I am a believer that everything happens for a reason and for me this baby without or without her father has been a tremendous gift to me and my life. I am confident in my ablitity to be a single mother if that’s how the cookie crumbles.
    Let’s be honest on though, it is a trait of a coward to not take any sort of responsibility not only for knocking someone up as its been said here but to not take responsibility for the actions that caused it.  Life happens. We meet people that inspire us to fall in love for our own personal reasons and it is not to be judged by those around us or those reading or sitting on the sidelines of our story to place shame or negativity on our actions or desires.
    What the world needs is kinder, more understanding people that engage in their relationship in a more authentic way.  Regardless of how long they’ve known each other, where they met or how long it took to finally meet. Life happens. Embrace it and feel no shame for what was REAL AND HONEST FOR YOU.

    1. 43.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      You’re choosing to carry a child to term that he doesn’t want. He doesn’t have the right to make you have an abortion. It’s your body.

      So why do you have the right to make him pay for this child for the next 18 years? How are you being kind and understanding to him?

      To be very clear, life doesn’t “happen”. You’re CHOOSING to bring your child to term. He has no choice. That’s not fair – and if you were a more sympathetic person, you’d try to understand things from his perspective instead of your selfish perspective. He’s not a coward. He just doesn’t want to pay half of his income to a woman he doesn’t love for a child he doesn’t want. Put yourself in his shoes and it makes perfect sense.

      1. 43.1.1

        Hi Evan, I’m a big fan of yours and I love your advice. However, I don’t quite agree on this one. If someone (whether male or female) has unprotected sex, they know they face the possibility of being parents. It’s a shared responsibility. So, if an untended pregnancy happens, they should both face the consequences, I mean, raising the child.

        Abortion is another issue. It’s too complex to just say a priori if it’s right or not. I may be biased against it because I’m Catholic though.

        1. Evan Marc Katz

          That’s your prerogative, Gatica. My point is that it’s a shared responsibility where only ONE person has a say in whether that child comes to term. That seems to be patently unfair and if the roles were reversed and you had to pay for a mistake for 18 years against your will, you might be a little more sympathetic.

      2. 43.1.2

        You are overreacting you don’t pay half your income. Just support you’re own flesh and blood, simple. If a man doesn’t want a child, use a condom and then I agree he has an opinion, he knows the consequences of sex. And yes he did had a choice to F*ck or not to F*ck. Evan. (3 weeks and having unprotected seks with a stranger ??)  don’t put him as a victim nobody forced him, he is a grown man, and life isn’t supposed to be more fair to a man than to a woman. It has nothing to do with sympathy or perspective. Roles will never be reversed things are like they are. They both are stupid the child shoul not be the one who has to suffer ‘this is not fair” BS.

  14. 44

    If you want to have an abortion then that is your choice (thankfully we get to have that choice these days) however if you want to have the baby then do so! I had 2 children to a man I did it all socially correct with, dated for 2 years, engaged for a year and then we married, had 2 children and then 6 years later, he left me! Then I met a man I quickly fell for and I hadn’t dated more then 4 months before I became pregnant. Now I’m 5 months pregnant and he has decided its all too hard and expensive so here I sit divorced, mum of two and pregnant with a ‘looser’ stamp constantly being threatened to be stamped on my head. BUT I have my children, I will have this one (not anymore though) and I will be happy. Sometimes it doesnt matter if you do it the ‘right way’ or the ‘wrong way’ because it may or may not work out the way you hope. All you can do is your best and put your child first. If not having the child is what you believe is best then I won’t judge but rest assured he will be a giant jerk either way so make your decision for yourself and the bub.

  15. 45

    Abort…abort…abort…you can see the train wreck coming with this man in your life…

  16. 46

    no don’t kill your baby. U don’t need him to complete your happiness. 
    A baby is your choice not if the farther stays then yes keep it. I am a single mother N I am doing happily fine with the jerk who left.  My kid happy n that’s what’s makes me even happy. Abortion is sad n who carries a baby for 9 months n then gives it up. U don’t need him. Unless your basing your life on a stranger u barley knew then that itself show’s the less confident you’re. Be strong n have your baby. It will be the happiest day of your life

  17. 47

    I understand Evans point however men fail to understand that having an abortion is not an easy thing to do.  Even if the mother does not want the child it can be a devastating ordeal…having something ripped out of your body is not as easy as buying a bag of potato chips at a store.  And this is not about religion because I am an agnostic.   Almost all of the  woman I have known who has had an abortion (about 3) has regretted it and wished they had the baby.

  18. 48

    I read your story and I think these people gave you some sage advice my brother works for a child support firm called support kids, let me tell you how many times a parent, boy friend has fallen short in their duties owing years of child support and the parent has to turn to public asst. just to get by people should take sex more seriously because the outcome can screw up your life for years to come hard to find work baby sitter than you have to come home to a baby after a long day of work now imagine that for years to come.

  19. 49

    You guys are all wrong, talking about abortion! Whats wrong with you people. I can tell none of you are christians. Jules, sweet heart, I am currently a single mother, and am pregnant right now. My son is 2 years old. Yes it terribly difficult to raise a child on your own. But it has nothing to do with the father, if you love your child you would do the right thing. Sweet heart dont go to hell listening to these people. Its sin to murder anyone, and an abortion os a form of murder. The best choice is just to have the baby and just leave it at the hospital. Then they can give it to a family that truly wants a baby. Please dont listen to these nuckleheads. God says, he chidlren Parrish due to the lack of knowledge. Im informing you that its a sin to murder so now you know. God bless you

  20. 50

    Hi, I think a lot of thinking should be done by this lady at which point she is in her life and if she can provide and want and love and cherish a child, the guy should be taken out of the equation.

    I had an abortion fairly recently, and I just can’t seem to get over it… I’m struggling with life a bit now and feeling really depressed and can’t stop thinking about it. I am not quite sure what to do. It’s had a huge impact on my life and I don’t know which steps to take to move forwards from this. I wish I had given it more thought.

  21. 51

    You guys are stupid. She should keep the child no matter what her stupid immature little boyfriend thinks. Obviously she’s OLDER and not a teenager if her little “boyfriend” has two kids of his own already. Abortion is a terrible idea, for ANYONE. If you even think about it, you’re a terrible person. That’s taking away someone’s life. Someone who might not ever be born again. You don’t know. So stop saying it. It’s a cruel punishment for an unwanted child.

  22. 52

    I m  in similar situation wit Jules  my man  of 3 yrs inpregnated me and suggested. abortion  i told him t Hell  im 34 weeks preggy now  i v put everythn dwn and edy 4my baby  im patiently waitn 4 his arrival. Jules  u r d person dt cn tke dcision 4urself

  23. 53

    Jules congratz on your baby. I’m unaware if this is a new or old post. my intent is that assist whomever in need. we all have our factors and circumstances. There are many single mothers who did it. there are many single mothers who were not sucessful in raising their child. i assure you whatever YOU decide for yourself the Lord will not place more on you than you can bear. I am a single mother. I was married for 13yrs. divorced now seven years. everyone has their own thoughts AND experience on/toward marriage. my husband treated me as a princess. i am a mother of SEVEN. i’m currently pregnant-our situations aren’t identical similar- we met in day to day passing. later he introduce me to his family, we learned quickly we have neutral friends, i currently live near his family. **the father does not know i’m pregnant** for about a month he’s BECOME distant……i have been down this road{pregnant without the father} more than once. i was never abandoned but once{my last child with my husband}. he was bitter about the divorce. the current father of this baby WE ACTUALLY DISCUSSED becoming pregnant. since a lot has changed DRASTICALLY WITHIN OUR CONNECTION. i do not know the typa person you are. I will share with you on any path in life and on my path as a single parent-there was good, bad, hard AND rough. my children range 18, 14, 10, 9, 8, 6, 3 . you can do anything THAT YOU WANT TO DO, it is always how bad do you want it. PREGNANT n’ a single mom: i started a business, went through nursing school, got my wound care license, admin. license and now currently finishing my case mgmt license. i worked 12,13,15 hr shifts. **NO WELFARE, MEDICAL OR WIC** we all have a story. i have girlfriends that have TWO and they look at me in aaawww asking how do i do it. keep your head up-easier said then done. i’ve had abortion{S} and miscarriages. no matter what you decide i promise you it will impact YOUR life. no that no one has to live with that choice BUT YOU. also know no matter what YOU decide for yourself all will have something to say BUT it is only YOU that must “and will” live with it. seek the understanding of the Lord n’ not your own. i do not look like what i been through. i look 18-19 years and as if i do not even look like i even have children. the Lord’s grace and mercy. PRAY JULES, PRAY!

  24. 54

    There are two sides to this and what it comes down to preference on what she has decided to do.  I was deeply touched my Carrie’s comment (43) and shook my head at Evan’s response to her.  You can also say its selfish for the man to ask for her abort, just the same as it would be considered selfish for a woman to decide to bring up a child.

    The truth is that both parties decided to have sex and there is a risk of pregnancy when it comes to sex.  A man doesn’t have a right to decide what a woman should with her body. Just as a woman doesn’t have a right to decide whether a man should pay or not. I know plenty of woman who have had abortions and are now at an age where they cannot conceive or they have had difficulties in conceiving.

    Evan, unless you are a woman who now has many hormones running through her and a child growing inside of her. You have NO IDEA on what this woman is going through. You solely see this woman as a selfish person because she is deciding on what to do. She can adopt, she can receive assistance from others, she can decide to raise this child WITHOUT the father in her life and without his income! Her life is not dependent on this man’s ability to provide for her and her child.

    Whatever she decides to choose is her choice and her choice to make.  Next time, try thinking outside of yourself to see the other possibilities that exist.

  25. 55

    I totally disagree with the abortion thing, ryt nw as im speaking nw im in the situation as she is, im 9 weeks pregnant, bt the baby dad broke up with me.and when I told him abt the baby, he said he doesn’t wnt a baby.it ws hard I dnt wnna lie to u, I ws even considering to abort, bt then sumthng came into my mind, dt wt if dis baby is my 1st n last baby on earth, and many woman are struggling to hv babies nw because they had aborted a long tym ago.so my sister tk dis advice from me, dnt abort cause it wnt be worth it. Dts wt im doing ryt nw.and wen my baby is born, im gnna love him/her wholeheartedly no matter wat.

    1. 55.1

      God bless you for choosing to have that child. Please develop a good support system and utilize any help that is available to you. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it.

  26. 56

    I find it quite telling that pretty much all of the pro-lifer’s posts are littered with spelling and grammatical errors, while the pro-choice side is not. The pro-lifer’s are naturally Christian and yet they have been the most judgmental in this thread. This makes me sadder than Jules’ situation.

    1. 56.1

      Im not going to let you get away with a simple-minded pro-life equals stupid, pro-choice is smart, educated and morally superior statement.  A pregnant women has an almost god-like power of life or death over this very young life growing inside her and the answer will not come from reason or logic alone.  Its a very spiritual decision and the women who are most connected to their hearts and souls will make better decisions over the long run than using logic alone.  The best decisions are made when heart, soul and head are all on-board!  I think that intelligent people sometimes have a liability because they spend so much time inside their head that they get disconnected from their heart.  It is easy to rationalize ALL KINDS of bad behavior and bad decisions.  Im saying that very smart people have done some very evil things.  Have some humility!

  27. 57

    I feel your response to saying he shouldn’t have to pay is very selfish!!!
    I was in a similar situation – though the father made me meet his son- talked about marriage w me- even spoke to his son about it and even said he loved me- my relationship was for 3 months and that isn’t long- it was too intense and before I found out I was pregnant – we had a convo to take it slow-
    We both had consensual unprotected sex- he’s was 42- as a 32 yr old woman I took responsibility to keeping it- bc I have never gotten pregnant and in my circumstance I knew it was my responsibility and if this was gods way of bringing a life in then so be it! When I told the father – he freaked- w in time I knew he would bail-
    Where was the I love u now? It was fine before!
    When he decided to not play a role – I said ok- I will raiser it on my own and I expect nuthing from u-
    I was hurt- my relationship to a man who portrayed someone else shattered me and now I’m taking on a huge role- a role I know how so many hardships and triumphs-
    A month before I gave birth I asked to meet him – I revisited his feelings – he said it was innapropriate to how he treated me and wanted to be apart 100%
    I still expected 0 from him!
    I only expected him to be apart of her! Bc we are over doesn’t mean his child shouldn’t have a relationship – and he decided to be apart! The day of delivery he brought his son in- mind u he did not tell him he was having a sister- and pushed the son infront of him and said there’s ur sister! Wich now I know that 8 ur old will have serious issues bc 2 wks later he stopped calling texting and all the things he said he wanted to do like contribute, and he can’t be away from his kids- he did coward out!
    But I still remain determined to not ask for child support! Some tell me I should- and some tell me to move on-
    And I chose to let go! A child deserves love and a stable environment by people who choose to willingly love them unconditionally – and I honestly never had examples of men like that in my life so I will not expose her to it-
    If a man actively prosues a woman and knocks her up no matter how long or short they know each other it is his obligation as hers go care for that child no matter if they r no longer emotionally involved and if a man doesn’t wanna knock up the girl he dates honestly HE SHOULD NOT DATE HER!
    I tried to be civil w him on all aspects to have a healthy communication to his daughter and he didn’t want it- I now feel sorry for his son that was exposed to having a sister he now hasn’t seen and may never see-
    And honestly no one can tell a woman to terminate a pregnancy- iam pro life- pro choice- and my circumstance is unfortunate but I took responsibility-
    My lil girl is so beautiful and so sweet at 3months old- her father is a classic duesche at 42 yrs old! And it’s sad in this day and age that men r no longer men! I went on his ques – I believed him- though during the relationship I was unfolding truths that were not true- when I tried to slow things down it was too late-
    In my circumstance I do hold him accountable for his actions- u say u can’t force a man to pay for a kid he didn’t want- he should of wrapped it he should of taken his own percaution- and he didn’t! I took my responsibility and no abortion wasn’t an answer to my irresponsible feelings!
    He should pay child supprt if he chooses not to be in that child’s life- but I chose to keep it- and I choose to raise it-
    Men should know right from wrong and know how to be men when they act like boys!

    1. 57.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      “I knew it was my responsibility and if this was gods way of bringing a life in then so be it!” Thus, it seems to be up to you and God. My point is that he has no say in what happens and yet he has to pay for it. I’m not saying your guy is a good guy. I’m saying that this was your choice.

  28. 58

    This is not a matter of saying any tin u want to do u do it. Right now u have only one choice here and that is giving that baby an opportunity to live, u never can tel that babies future, you may benefit from it. Most of the celebrities u see today have single parents and they are still great. He may come back beggin for dat child xpecially wen dat child becomes a star. So be strong girl and be hard working too remember u are now a father and a mother. Yes u can do it. I am pregnant too and am keeping my innocent child. I love him

  29. 59

    I am gonna be completely honest with how I felt and what I thought as I was reading your post…you have known this man for less than a year, you said you think you are falling in love with him, and during the short time you have been involved with him, he is pulling away, being distant, and showing a lack of interest and desire…in your mind do you truly believe that you are going to be making the right choice by having a baby with a man who has shown you everything opposite of commitment? There are way too many children being born simply because the woman wants to try and trap and keep the baby daddy for 18 years….you are going to raise a child in a already broken home that, in all reality, clearly has no future and I’m pretty sure you know this but don’t want to come to terms with the facts. If he isn’t interested you should do some serious thinking about whether or not you would feel right about the life you are going to doom your baby too. Sorry, but I am obviously pro-choice, but there are too many neglected children and abused children who were born to women who think that having a baby will make a crumbling relationship sturdy again or think that that baby will insure that man stays with you. He can, and maybe will, run as fast and as far as he can and u will never see him again more than a signature on a child support check and a little face that is a spitting image of your ex that you will have to look at for the rest of your life and is a constant reminder of the fact that you could have chosen a better path for both of you. Think before you decide that having a baby will fix a breaking relationship or an already broken one.

  30. 60

    I’m sorry but I think u are a little harsh on Jules. One it matters of the heart and she has a baby with this guy, that makes for a very hard situation. She said he already has two kids so I think he would support this one too he’s done it before. Let’s. Not forget that guys do change when their girl is pregnant they tend to back off cause they don’t know what to do or how to be or they’re afraid of hurting u or the baby. And full on texting and excitement does wear off a little guys aren’t always big texting people any… I’m not saying Evan is wrong but there are other factors too and other ways of saying it. Yes this girl does sound very young….

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