Why Are Women Louder Than Men During Sex?

I saw this video on Andrew Sullivan’s blog on The Daily Beast and thought it was worth a share. The speaker is Christopher Ryan, author of “Sex at Dawn”, the seminal work, which explains the biological basis for human sexuality. The main finding of “Sex at Dawn” – and the most simplified take on it – is that humans are not, by nature, monogamous creatures.

I don’t know why that’s a big surprise, but, to some people, any information that doesn’t support what they want to believe is controversial.

In this video, Ryan talks about why women are louder during sex than men. Like in his book, he uses a lot of primate talk to explain this phenomenon as well. My logical take on it is simpler:

If a woman makes noise during sex, it signifies that a man is doing something right and should therefore keep doing it.

Women are louder during sex because they HAVE to be.

a) If a woman makes noise during sex, it signifies that a man is doing something right and should therefore keep doing it. Her moans and screams are therefore an act to maximize her own pleasure during sex.

b) If a woman doesn’t make ANY noise during sex, it signifies that a man is doing everything WRONG. In other words, a woman’s silence is the ultimate confidence killer in the bedroom. By letting your partner know he’s pleasing you, it provides him not only a roadmap to continue, but the confidence and joy of knowing that he’s a good lover. Refusal to make noise makes him feel all but impotent.

But then again, I’m just a dating coach, not a scientist. What are your thoughts? Do you feel pressure to make noise when it doesn’t come naturally? Is it odd when a man makes too much noise?


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  1. 1
    Karmic Equation

    I’m not sure I agree with Mr Ryan nor you Evan. LOL. When I first started having sex, I was very quiet. 20+ years later, I’m quite vocal. For me personally, the more comfortable I was with having sex, the more vocal I got, so my loudness has less to do with the man than with myself.

    That said, again, my male friends tell me that they love women making noise because the noise “turns them on” or make them feel like they’re starring in their own porn movie…Knowing that, I no longer hold back and am noisy, dirty talk, sweet talk, demand, plead, etc., whatever comes to mind…to indulge my man in his fantasies…and in so doing I find the sex is ever that much better for me, too.

    I would say the women’s vocalizations enhance the whole sexual experience for both parties.

    Until my current BF, the men in my life were practically quiet as mice during sex. My current BF makes sexy manly noises and verbalizes his thoughts, sometimes sweet sometimes not, but always hot! I have to say that his level of vocalization is a total turn on. I think if he screamed or was otherwise louder than me, it would be a total turn off for me.

  2. 2

    I’ve been wondering about this topic myself. My experience has been a lot like Karmic Equation’s: the older and more confident I got, the louder I got.

    But it bothers me when men are too quiet ’cause it makes me think they aren’t as engaged as me. I asked my bf about it the other night actually and he said he doesn’t make noises much ’cause he’s so focused on me. Sweet, huh?! lol  

  3. 3

    For me personally, I’ve never had to try and make noise and really don’t understand women who are completely quiet.  And yes, I do find it a turn off when a man makes too much noise.  Just doesn’t seem natural.  Maybe because he’s suppose to be strong and we the delicate flower?   

  4. 4

    Yeah second Ellen… why do women make more noise than men in bed? I personally love to make noise in the bedroom because I can’t help myself and it feels so good. My bf does not make half as much noise as I do or even as loud. I’m going to ask him tonight why, makes for good discussion.

  5. 5

    Most of my lovers have always been very quiet. Guys say it is a turn-on for them when we woman make noise. Well, it works the other way around too. Those few times when I’ve been with a guy who is noisy, it is a huge turn on. For all you male readers, this is a BIG FAT HINT.

  6. 6

    I am in awe of people who can talk during sex. Like, complete monologues. It is actually a turn-on when a man does it. Personally, though, I can only do one thing at a time. Screaming and stuff is one thing, but giving a speech, eh, not something I’m capable of.
    To your questions, I only do or say whatever comes naturally, make a decent amount of noise, and am okay with whatever the man wants to be verbally. Well if he screamed on top of his lungs, that would probably freak me out, but I haven’t had that happen.

  7. 7

    Interesting… I also started expressing myself more loudly as I became progressively more aware, confident, and pleased in my sexuality. The turning point (aka closing the windows : ) was in my mid-twenties.
    The number of decibels I produce increases proportionally with the intensity of pleasure received and to the extent my man makes me lose control. I do not feel pressured to make more noises than what the situation “calls for”, as it indeed serves as a valuable feedback tool on top of being highly arousing to him : ) I wish my quiet guy would be a bit more “expressive”, but I’d also choose too quiet over too loud. Respect to the neighbors!

  8. 8

    I agree as Ive got older and Im at my most confident Im louder and more vocal  It has nothing to do with age related hearing loss!  With my last guy I know the feedback was a turn on for  him. He also liked me to talk nasty sometimes as he would do for me at the right time and that was a turn on.

    One guy I knew was a screamer He would yell so loud I thought my neighbors would hear That was weird and seemed theatrical. 

  9. 9

    I definitely got louder as I got more experienced with sex and with my own body. Making noise is very liberating for me. I suspect women are naturally noise-makers, but the culture muffled that for a long time because women weren’t supposed to enjoy sex. Men have always been very appreciative and aroused by my noise during sex, and I’ve never had a man ask me to be quiet. Men are less likely to be as vocal as I am, and when they do vocalize, they’re more likely to use words, as opposed to sounds. Different men prefer different “utterances” from me, and it’s usually pretty easy to pick up on what’s working for them. I did have one partner who was very loud with a big, booming voice. At first it startled me, and eventually it became distracting and seemed totally forced. I would find myself bracing for it. NOT sexy.

  10. 10

    …blood rushes to the mid section in a man’s body(under 50 yrs old), while having sex, leaving a minimal amount of blood flow above the neckline, making it difficult to process thoughts…..

  11. 11

    Goood topic!
    I heard that guys also know if women are faking it…..yet they still want to hear it?

  12. 12
    Anne Brunner

    I’ve always been loud and I’m 24. I can’t help it! I prefer it when a man is not totally quiet. I think men tend to worry moaning is too feminine or wimpy or something, but manly moans are hot. And I like when we’re both make noise & breathing hard :) But it’s not like he’s the one getting pounded so it’s not a surprise to me that men don’t typically scream or moan too loudly during sex. Still, moans of enjoyment would be expected and I love sweet/dirty talk.

  13. 13

    “I’m loud and I can’t help it!”
    Yes, you can.
    “He’s not the one getting pounded”
    Never? You’re doing it wrong.

    1. 13.1

      I second that

  14. 14

    Hunter 10 – ha ha! Women maybe scream louder to help the men process better (or maybe they’re hard of hearing???)

  15. 15

    I am a 36 yr old female. I am naturally a noise maker and a dirty talker in the sack. But recently I have been dating a 30 yr old and he does not make a peep. Ugggg he sd it’s cheesy and woman that make noises are faking it. that it can’t possibly Feel that good. I sd bull Shit!!! Hell even when I masturbate I gotta let it go… If I don’t I’m only cheating myself out of a mind blowing orgssm. But he does not get it. Soooooo my question is what the hell???

  16. 16

    My guy makes quite a noise during love making, but not to anywhere nr the level I do…….its something I do my best not to cause….but I am very loud.
    Neighbours have complained….I do get louder as I carry on too.

  17. 17

    I’m surprised at the “yes you can” in response to someone saying she’s loud and she can’t help it.  I supposed I could help it if instead of relaxing into the experience I concentrated on keeping my mouth shut.  In college, where the walls were thin, I did this out of concern about who was hearing me.  But from the beginning of my sex life, there were things my body just did that kinda surprised me but seemed to work and the moaning and crying out was part of that.  That it communicates to my lover just how intense the sensation is so that he keeps doing what feels good, that seems like icing on the cake.

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