Why Does He Text Me Photos of His Penis?

Why Does He Text Me Photos of His Penis?

Evan,
I meet a man via an online dating site, we email back and forth, get to know each other, then he will ask for my phone number. If I like him I will give it to him. Then he will text me. I may even give him my email. This usually leads to him asking me out on a date. So far, so good, right? Well… here is the wrinkle!

About 85% of the men who get my telephone number and/or email do something very bizarre. They randomly and with no warning whatsoever send me a picture of their penis!! Erect!!! Also, they seem to prefer texting and emailing prior to a date, instead of actually calling me up and asking me for a date. But back to the penis issue… is this normal? How is a woman supposed to react? Why are they doing this? I mean, you’re just going through your emails or texts. It’s early in the morning and you’re drinking your coffee… and suddenly BAM! There is a fully erect phallus in your face! Coffee snorted up the nose, all over the keyboard!

I don’t want to hurt their feelings, but this is crazy to me! And these are actually nice guys! Normal jobs, normal-to-great-looking, very polite. I have no problem with sexual banter or even sexting in the build-up to a date or for building anticipation in a new relationship, but normally when that happens there’s some kind of finesse – they don’t just whip out their johnson! Do they??

Evan, is this normal now? Is this what guys do? What should I do or say when this happens? I know it’s not just me, because my friends are having the same experience with the random penis pictures. Any clarification or advice, or just explaining this odd male behavior would be appreciated. Thank you!
–Darcy

Darcy,

On behalf of all men, I’m sorry.

I wouldn’t text a cock shot to a stranger in 1000 years, so I may not be the best person to explain this, but I’m going to do my best, like the amateur sociologist that I am.

Once again, I will reiterate that, although I was a self-proclaimed male slut from 25-35, my work was done before texting and camera phones became ubiquitous. So this stuff was never an option.

What I’m guessing, however, is that, like I wrote in “Why He Disappeared”, good qualities come with bad qualities.

If you tell him that you’re turning off your phone unless he presses the little green dial button on his, you may incentivize him to step up.

I meant that in relation to men – brilliant men are often difficult, handsome men are often entitled, etc. But it also applies to technology.

For example, the Internet is great, but it’s also caused the polarization of our politics, tons of misinformation, and an endless time suck.

Same with cellphones. It’s very convenient to have everyone you’ve ever met accessible through the Facebook app on your iPhone. But that means that you’re highly accessible, never unplugged, constantly distracted, and a lot more likely to crash your car.

When we look specifically at the use of cellphones during dating, I’ve frequently stated that texts largely signify one thing: “I don’t want to talk to you; if I did, I would be calling you right now.”

I might have to revise that statement.

There are many people who use texts the way I use emails – to send frequent communication throughout the day that suffices as a conversation. I never talk to my own assistant on the phone. It’s all email. And it works for us.

The difference is that it’s highly impersonal as well. Quite conceivably, a man can be texting with five different women at the same time and none of them will know the difference. There’s no time investment, emotional investment, or true information exchange that comes with a series of back and forth one-liners. Which is why, even if texting is ubiquitous, it’s still an objectively SHITTY way of building a relationship. Keeping in touch with a boyfriend? Great. Getting to know someone new? Terrible.

Men look for sex and find love. They’re leading with the sex part.

What does this have to do with you and your many penises, Darcy? Not all that much, admittedly. I think I just wanted the opportunity to state in public that we’re not going to be able to put the genie back in the bottle. Texting is here to stay. And if you’re a woman who values herself and wants a man to make a more personal investment in you, it’s your job to show him how. Otherwise, he’s gonna keep you as one of a half-dozen women on his low-investment texting roster.

You deserve more than that, and you can get it – with the right guy.

If you tell him that you’re turning off your phone unless he presses the little green dial button on his, you may incentivize him to step up. But don’t keep rewarding men who think that this type of behavior is okay. They’ll exploit it for selfish reasons – not evil – just selfish – and you’ll never get what you want.

As for why men send their penis to you? Two reasons:

1) Men look for sex and find love. They’re leading with the sex part. Somewhere in their primitive reptilian brains, they think this is a good idea. Objectively, it’s not. I’ve never met a woman who was turned on as much as she was creeped out.

2) Men assume falsely that because they would like to see a naked picture of YOU, that you MUST equally crave seeing a naked photo of them. This is probably the soundest psychological premise I could put forth to explain something so patently stupid. “I showed you mine, you show me yours!” or some such nonsense.

What they don’t know is that while most women appreciate a good body – and quite possibly a hard cock – you are really turned on by his wit, his intellect, his drive, his warmth, and his strength. These are the qualities that make you want to be with him sexually, not vice versa.

And so, Darcy, any man who leads with his penis – as you pointed out – isn’t necessarily a bad human being, but he is definitely someone who doesn’t understand what makes women tick.

I allow for many mistakes in the early phases of dating, but think that a penis text is a perfectly reasonable reason to dismiss a guy.

I wouldn’t even want to know what he thinks is appropriate to send to you after he finally meets you.

18
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Comments:

  1. 91
    rachel

    This was great!  I accientally came upon an email my boyfriend sent to an online chat friend.  It was of his penis and the email subject was Horsey.  I must be a complete idiot, but I am more curious than anything else. Really odd.

  2. 92
    anon

    Seems like a symptom of men addicted to internet pornography.

  3. 93
    Mar

    Hahaha! I’ve also received a few penis pics.   I’m definitely shocked at first.  Then I think about how sometimes when you’re at  the stage in a relationship where it’s time for sex and it’s a little disappointing.  So, i go along with it.  The penis pic shows up shortly after I’ve given my cell number, I blow that baby up and take a good look at it.  After the inspection I think, well, at least I won’t be disappointed if I ever get in bed with this guy.  But I was wrong.  I received one that did turn into a sexual encounter and you know how sometimes you can take a selfie that makes you look smaller?  Well, I don’t know how he did it but he made his unit look a lot bigger than it was.  If that’s all the relationship is about, so be it.  Hopefully it’s an honest penis picture.  Happy online dating ladies! :) 

    1. 93.1
      Erica

      Nah, unfortunately the penis pic is not at all a reliable indicator of what it will turn out to be like in reality. The man with probably the smallest penis I’ve ever seen (we are talking about the size of a Chapstick) sent me such a pic already after we had been intimate, and all I could do was marvel at how on the pic his, ahem, instrument actually looked to be a decent size.
       
      It’s not a useful piece of information when you can’t see the scale.
       
      As for texting it before meeting: no, I don’t think I’d ever want to meet that man after that. He is just a completely different class of person, if he thinks it’s perfectly all right to send that to a woman he doesn’t know; and I am not in it for charity.

  4. 94
    Chelle

    I think the article is true. Women lower their standards and accept “second-class” status just to keep a guy interested. It’s the equivalent of a “BOOTY-CALL”…he can only do it if the woman is receptive. The world is a big place and with all the males who live in it, surely that one complete stranger online is not the only guy who will ever respond to your dating post. Women need to learn to be more discerning and have higher standards. Also, I am a true believer in letting someone know that an unrequested dick pic is inappropriate and unacceptable. 
    TELL HIM YOU THINK IT’S GROSS AND GIVE HIM A GOOD, HEALTHY DOSE OF SHAME AND GUILT. Likely he will appologize, and he will know you are a quality woman, if he doesn’t, then you drop him immediately.

    1. 94.1
      Erica

      Chelle said (94): TELL HIM YOU THINK IT’S GROSS AND GIVE HIM A GOOD, HEALTHY DOSE OF SHAME AND GUILT
       
      I disagree with this completely. What exactly would motivate me to do this? It’s not my job to teach anyone basic etiquette or reform anyone. I also couldn’t possibly care less whether such a man knows I am a quality woman, nor would his apology mean anything as to our potential.
       
      I say, just laugh it off and move on.

  5. 95
    Karen

    I am so happy to see that I am not the only victim of the 1900 jack off guys.. seriously it does get really old. I have tried several sites for the past ten years off/on.. and this is what I found.. Men that already had gf or wives, Men that were looking for one night stands, or Men that were looking for a home, money, or obviously sex. Most were never serious, Most had so much baggage they would never make it across the borderlands.. lol  Even on FB a man gets a chance to chat at you and he is instantly sending you sexual inuendos and pics of models with no clothes or boob n butt shots.. or he will ask to send pics of him and send u a lil at a time til we get past the hips to the dick of him.. and then he wants to get your number and drive you nuts with begging you to send him porn pics of yourself or to skype so he can see you play with yourself. It is so frusterating for us single women to get on here being sincere honest good people looking for a good honest man and none I repeat none of them are sincere, honest or not into stupid sexting, porn or video porn with you and they are very manipulative with it. For those whom ya actually go to meet they will treat you like garbage.. you wind up paying for your own trip or theres to see each other and there dinners ect. If you go to stay with him in a guest room  you will find he is texting, online dating and talking to several other women and hiding in the bathroom or barn or his vehicle talking on his ph for hours while you sit and wait to go on your dinner date with him.. I wish dating would go back to the old fashioned morals, respectable ways.. cuz along the way we have lost the courtship dating phases and everyone just hops in the sack gets a lil and rushes into and out of relationships like there ordering a big mac daddy at mickey D’s.. so frusterating online dateing sucks. My most recent experience was I was on a dating website and this texan dude contacts me .. we start to talk and text .. and with in the first few days my membership expired and so I text him to contact me on fb and what do ya know walah .. His gf was posting I love you and so was he to her and proceeds to lie to me when I confront him about it.. and I chewed him out for it. We are friends only now and he is still with her but he had been sexting me , and porn talking me and begging me to send him porn pics and talk dirty to him so he could whack off his junk in his trunk.. no respect no honesty, I was so hurt and flustered about it all I still am. He apologized and a finally admitted it was wrong. He still carryin on with innocent gf who lives 7 hrs from him and he works in the Oilfield and she dont know how dishonest he is to her. I aint about to cause fb drama.. so one day she will figure it out as I had to.  Online dating and sexting doesnt lead to a real functional relationship.. It leads to alot.. I repeat alot of frusteration, heartache and tears.  thanks for readin >> Karen and good luck to the onliners.. it never never works.

  6. 96
    carol

    Yes!! I met an amazing guy on a dating site. We texted every day for 2 wks. He sent me lovely ‘good mornings’  and the conversation flowed easily. Then he sent me almosttttt pics of his penis. Then a full pic late one nite. Yes!!! I was impressed!!! But when I said we should meet he made excuses…like the distance would be a problem for a relationship but a friendship would ve okay. So who does that….send nude pics then say just friends!!?? Someone wanting to boost his ego and pkay ganes is my guess. Wgo agrees??

  7. 97
    ELLE

    I’ve received more than my “wanted” fair share of penis pics. Ignoring them didn’t seem to work so I began with replies such as “ewww what is that” or “sorry about your luck, please loose my number”..The men I date now I make a point to bring up how ridiculous it is when someone sends a pecker shot (Hopping to never get one from them), and it works!

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