Why Women Should Make Men Wait For Sex

If you’ve ever wondered why it seems that men are okay with no-strings-attached sex while women tend to suffer with this arrangement, watch this video closely.

It affirms everything that I’ve ever written about sex and gender in a very logical, concrete manner. In short, women teach men how to treat them. And if, due to equality, birth-control, libido, societal acceptance, and insecurity, many women are willing to have sex with men who don’t call, pay, commit, or make an effort, then those women are essentially teaching men that they do not have to behave well to procure sex.

You want to find out if a man is serious about you? Wait to have sex with him.

My advice is not to tell men that they shouldn’t sleep with women; it’s to tell women that you must have men make a greater investment in you as individuals before having sex.

This is why I created the 2/2/2 rule to screen men through the online dating process.
This is why I say you should wait 5-6 weeks before he’s your boyfriend.
This is why I tell you not to have sex outside of commitment.

You want to find out if a man is serious about you? Wait to have sex with him. If you don’t – because you’re a liberated woman who can have sex whenever you damn well please – don’t be too surprised if a decent percentage of those men never call again. Again, I’m not remotely judgmental of those who have sex without commitment; I will only point out as a dating coach that it tends to lead to sub-optimal results from men because they didn’t have to do anything special to get into bed with you.

Note: there will be no comments about slut-shaming, since no one is shaming anyone, nor calling anyone a slut. Nor will there be comments about how you slept with your boyfriend on the first date and he became your husband. The many exceptions don’t disprove the rule that giving men sex without demanding better treatment is not the best idea.

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Comments:

  1. 121
    Sue

    True, true…great articles…both part one and part two.

    Too bad women don’t stop putting it all out there driving down the value.

     

  2. 122
    Four Sophomores Stuck in the Hookup Culture

    We are four sophomore girls attending college. We just finished watching the video and reading some of the comments here after doing a search on the hookup culture. We are living in the midst of the hook up culture and have been doing so since around our junior year of high school. From our perspective, we feel like it is almost impossible to get a real relationship because so many girls are willing to hook up with any reasonably hot guy. It’s like the economic concept in the video–why should the guys invest any time into getting to know a girl when they can hook up for free? And the best guys have a lot of options so we don’t have much power.

    Most hook ups amount to nothing, some turn into f**k buddies, and even fewer turn into relationships. A lot of guys we know will text the girl and hang out after for a while if the hook up was especially fun (mostly booty calls at first), saying that they might want a relationship but don’t know yet. Sometimes they do end up dating but usually not  and a lot of times the girls get hurt. We agree that casual hookups are fine if both people understand that they are casual. If two people are drunk or at a party and randomly hookup then it is pretty obvious it is causal unless the guy initiates contact after. But often the guy  will meet you and then text or snap and ask to casually hang out so the situation is unclear and if you like the guy and he uses you you get hurt. So here is our problem and then later our question….

    Since so many girls will engage in hookups at parties or after getting coffee or otherwise hanging out casually, if you don’t hook up it seems like you are at a disadvantage. It seems like the guys screen the girls and those who don’t hook up don’t make it past Round 1. There is no time to make much of an emotional connection so if a physical connection isn’t established it is “game over” before there is even a chance for much to develop. We have observed this for our generation: Most hookups do not turn into relationships, but most relationships start with hookups. This happens because relationships are pretty rare. Most people just hook up unless the guy wants more. None of us want  uber serious relationships right now since we are unlikely to get married for years. But we do want something official that is fun and stable where there is loyalty, trust, and real friendship along with the chemistry. Problem is that to get there we probably have to go through a series of hookups and drama. Otherwise we cannot compete with the girls who have casual sex and there are a lot of them!  And they are getting more and more experienced and good at luring the boys in while we are not! All of us have hooked up with guys before but have been selective about it. A couple of us have been really hurt in hookups that seemed like they could be more but ended up flings or less. One of us in particular is hit up by A LOT of guys all the time but all they ever seem to want is to hookup. This makes the rest of us think that if she can’t get more than a hookup how the heck can we. (She is blushing as we type this but she is a major hottie lol.)

    The best thing to happen would be for girls to band together and get choosier about who to hookup  with and wait longer to do it (like the video said), but that’s not happening anytime soon and it is frustrating because the boys seem to have so much more power than we do. So if anyone has any advice we’d love to hear it… Maybe hookup once but don’t go as far as sex and then don’t do it again unless the guy puts some real effort in? Problem is that the effort is usually just texting or snapping and maybe asking you to hang out with them at their place or get some quick food, and that does not seem like much effort. Plus real effort is reserved for girlfriends so they don’t do that until later. It is hard to tell if it is a booty call or the possible beginning of something more. It is all really confusing. (Sorry so long but with four of us working on this we had a lot to say lol.)

  3. 123
    Junie

    omen The funny thing is that some men swear that they know everything about women. And I mean every single thing. How can a man teach me how to be a woman? Lol. I find the attempts quite amusing though. Women can have sex with who they want whenever they want. Everything doesn’t have to be about making a man commit to you unless tthat’s what YOURE looking for. If you WANT the man to commit then of course take proper moves. But there’s a lot more things that should be discussed before you come to sex. To me sex is not the complicated part. And to hell with the man who thinks I owe him sex. LMAO. The hilarity. 

  4. 124
    Russell jones

    This video makes out women are prostitutes or should become prostitutes so they can get what they want.

    My girlfriend does not use sex to get me to behave how she wants or to get what she wants. Why doesn’t she do that? Because she is not a prostitute. She a woman with too much self respect to become a prostitute just because that way she will get what she wants.

    She treats me with the respect I deserve and I treat her with the respect she deserves. We do the things we should in our relationship and we both want each other to be happy.

    You should not be teaching women to use sex as a weapon to manipulate men in to getting what they want. You should be teaching them that if the man they are with doesn’t treat them as they should that this man does not truly care for her and she should take that in to consideration.

    Let’s not manipulate each other to get what we want. Let’s be the person our other half deserves and they will gladly follow suit. And if they don’t then they clearly don’t deserve you.

    It works for me.

    Don’t try to change others. Change yourself.

    Love and respect yourself and others and life starts falling in to place.

  5. 125
    Kt

    Waiting can also be used by a man, or woman, who want to use you as their beard, or front person who is actually homosexual but want to stay secret and in the closet.

    So waiting must have this in your thoughts…. if that person doesn’t  feel right, or it’s just off with this person, walk away. No, run away quickly.

  6. 126
    (Chai~tea) "Charley"

    I’m a you man in my mid 20’s and I agree with experience that the woman who who have made me work for it in the past have been the woman who I teand to have stronger feelings for and the woman who give it up in the first night/date I automatically don’t call back the next day or ever in that matter.. great read I love learning more about  chemistry and I appreciate whom ever it is who cared enough about others to create this Blog.

    Ps.. women are the real MVP’s❤️️

     

  7. 127
    Bryon Smith

    What about women w use sex as a manipulation wepon, and never show interest or desire, no matter how much you love or do for them, they act like sex is optional in a relationship, and degrade the man for even thinking about sex, they have the attitude when I am damn good and ready but till then suffer endlessly and keep serving me like a goddess,  maybe if you’re good and you might get a treat like a dog,  instead of degrading the man, make fucken love to the man, if women did that men would never get so depressed that they want to leave, to feel loved by someone else

  8. 128
    Lone Rose

    Dear Evan,

    I have been through the mill with ‘bad guys’ that just want to try and use me for sex. Im 36 years old, and because i have never really had a serious boyfriend who has proposed, etc my self esteem has been lowered and now im starting to think is it because of how i look that a guy has never proposed to me and gotten engaged to me? For example, im staring to think that the guys who tell me that im beautiful on online dating websites, are lying so that they can try and use me for sex. And i mean, these guys are really disgusting and creepy, they will initiate conversations with sexual banter straight away, and then they wonder why i dont want anything to do with them?

    Good enough for them to have sex with but not good enough to marry? I mean, even if they were lying and i am just an average looking women and not beautiful, how come i see average looking women all the time who are married to good men? My situation is extremely confusing and frustrating.

    Looks like i am single because i am wiser now, and know that just because you have sex with a guy  who you call your boyfriend it doesnt mean he loves you or will want to marry you. If i wanted to, i could go around sleeping with men who only want to use me for sex, but i am very certain that they will break up with me after about 6 months at the most, or i will just be used for longer then that but he wont love me at all.

    Thats why, i completely agree with your article that you should wait before you have sex with a guy, but unfortunately for me, at 36 years old i am single because of this, and the only good thing about my situation is, that at least its better then being with a bad man. Where do these good guys exist though that are different from the rest of the bad men i have encountered?, I wish i knew!

    1. 128.1
      Karl R

      Lone Rose,

      Some of your confusion seems strange, since it seems blatantly obvious to most men.

       

      In order for me to want to marry a woman, we need to share values and goals (which includes family and finances).  We need to be good friends.  It’s really nice to share a few interests.  We need to be able to live together (for years) without wanting to strangle each other.  The sex needs to be good, and I have to find her reasonably attractive.  Most importantly, I had to want to get married.

      In order for me to want to have sex with a woman, I have to be able to get along for at least a few hours at a time, the sex needs to be good, and I have to find her reasonably attractive.

      Yes, the requirements for my wife were a lot higher than my sex partners.  (The attractiveness requirements were the same.)  Hopefully your requirements for your husband are higher than your requirements for your sex partners.

       

      Regardless of how good of a man you date, he may break up with you in 6 months (or sooner).  I broke up with several great women (and more women broke up with me), because we weren’t right for each other.

      Even for the women who weren’t right for me, if the relationships lasted long enough (and her religious beliefs did not preclude it), sex was part of the relationship.  Good guys like sex too.  Good guys are willing to have sex before they decide whether they want to marry a woman.

      Based on what you’ve written, I’m not sure that you’re distinguishing between good men who are right for you, good men who are not right for you, and bad men (who aren’t right for anyone).  Your job (as a dater) is to attract men, weed out the bad men, and then to figure out whether the good men are right for you, or wrong for you.

  9. 129
    Andy

    After posts like this, absolute MGTOW.

  10. 130
    Fran

    I’m a woman and I feel this advice applies to men as well (at least for me). I lose interest in a man that wants to be intimate immediately or early enough that we haven’t had time to get to know each other. It feels odd, without connection and forced.

    Of great concern for me is the desperation and self esteem issues this implies (again – for me). The men who show discernment in sexual partners seem stronger and definitely more confident. While I’m not above these behaviors (far from it – my body is often rather interested 🙂  I see the lack of depth as mildly repulsive.

    Take a few weeks (or more of course) to get to know someone. You might be surprised at what dors (or doesn’t) develop.  Plus the sex is amaze balls!

  11. 131
    Woman

    So much drama over ‘when to put out’ and ‘to wait untill he..’

    I am a woman and I date and sleep with whomever i want. It may sound selfish but I do it for ‘ME’.

    I DO NOT care what society thinks, how I come across or what others ‘might’ say. Again, I do it for ME and ME only.

    I also leave them when I feel like it. If they are rude, not nice, are disrespectful etc – sex or no sex – I ‘ll leave. Sleeping together is just a little piece of an entire package. I test them on many different levels that is why I DO no get attached after sex. They have to meet many of my requirements and being a good lover is only one of them.

    p.s. I once used someone for sex until i got tired of them. I broke it off in one day and never looked back….maybe i am strange

  12. 132
    Paul

    I’m a 37 year old guy who has never had a date or sex (paid for or not).  No woman has ever been interested in me and I never ask women out because rejection is always guaranteed.  I will never pay for sex because I don’t want to diminish any other human being.  That said, for guys like me who are unable to attract any woman no matter what – and therefore can’t get sex any other way than by paying for it – there are only two options, pay for sex or remain virgins forever.

    1. 132.1
      Marika

      Paul

      After my divorce I was bad at dating. This was a result of my upbringing, serial monogamist ways and coming from a country without a strong dating culture. I had a lot of interest from men online, but it rarely went beyond 1 or 2 dates. My friends told me that couldn’t understand it, I’m very attractive, fun, a good conversationalist & educated, it must be men. They’re the problem. But that for me is a cop out. As I said to them, I’m the common denominator in all my dating issues. Also, if I blame others that makes me powerless. So I read and did courses and followed the work of Evan and other dating coaches and got better at dating. Now my success rate is much better and I’ve been steadily dating one guy for just over a month.

      No judgement, but it’s not typical for a 37 year old to have never had a date or sex. You said you never ask women out. That seems to be the problem. Women aren’t socialised to ask men out, so if you never ask a woman out, it’s unlikely women will generally approach you (depending on where you live). You will face rejection and I understand rejection is not fun, but you are the only one who can change your situation. Do whatever you can to learn to bounce back from rejection and start asking women out. Eventually one will say yes.

  13. 133
    Real

    I disagree that men can play til their really old.  A large percentage of men lose the ability to have an erection (even with medication) when they hit their late 40’s.  And the numbers keep growing.  So perhaps men should realize that when this happens, it changes the demand for them depending on the %market for intercourse.  Maybe the greed train needs to stop.  Just because other creatures have urges doesn’t mean it’s ok for men to use that excuse.  Animals do a lot of horrific things that I am 100% sure, men would not like.  Just think black widow.  In a world where it either all rules apply or none, women need to stand together.

    1. 133.1
      Sum Guy

      Get Real, Real

      i assume you have some study to back this up?   It’s kind of BS as I could trot out similar stuff about women over 40…I mean really %market value

      and from everything I’ve read the blue pills and their ilk work wonders

      i hear that can’t replace arousal though so if he ain’t interested it’s not going to help

      its really about what kind of shape your in, not your age

      1. 133.1.1
        kenley

        Sum Guy,

        I don’t know if there are studies, but my personal experience is consistent with what Real has said.  Many of the guys I met in their 40’s had ED problems and it was shock to me because I thought that didn’t happen until much later in life.  As for the blue pill, the thing that they don’t tell you is that it helps a man get hard and stay hard for a really, really, really, really long time without having an orgasm.  And what does that mean for the woman — sadness for the man and soreness.

        Please note that my point is sharing this information is not to rant against men.  It is just to point out that because we are such a youth obsessed culture, we aren’t really told the truth about aging for both genders.  As you said, women over 40 have their problems too.  Both men and women are impacted by aging, and being in good shape does not prevent someof those things from happening.  And to me that means that we all should be a bit kinder and nicer to each other rather than always pointing the finger.

        1. Sum Guy

          Hi Kenley

          I didn’t know that about the blue pill, from my limited experience on these things most guys I hear about over 40 that have problems have underlying health issues, overweight and high blood pressure.  Personally overall I think the equipment is working better with age, (i’m over 50) or my knowledge of it.  Granted I’m in very good shape and have always eaten a whole food / paleo diet.  Never did buy into the high carb dietary ideas of the 80s.

          Yet I’m not alone in this unless the guys and their girlfriends wives are lying.  Caveat we don’t get into details but on such conversations assurances are made that sex does not tank after 40, or 50, one guy is near 60.

          If you see my posts elsewhere, I am all about women my own age.

           

        2. Yet Another Guy

          @Sum Guy

          You would be surprised by the number of men who start to suffer sexual performance problems after age 40.  Roughly 50% of men start to experience some difficulty when it comes to getting and maintaining an erection for a myriad of reasons.  We are not talking about full-blown erectile dysfunction (ED), which is due to arterial plaque.  However, the drop off in sexual performance is real.  Being part of the lucky 50% does not make it less so.  Most of the time it is due to declining testosterone, which starts to occur in earnest after age 40.   If you do not believe me, google “late-onset hypogonadism.”  The terrifying thing is that testosterone levels are falling across all ages.  Men in their thirties are starting to experience sexual performance problems.

  14. 134
    Kenley

    Sum Guy,

    It is nice to hear that you like women your own age.  Although I have no issues with people liking and loving whoever feels right for them.

     

    I am 53 and as much as I want it to, my equipment is not the same as when I was younger.  But, the big difference is that I like my equipment so much better because I like and understand myself so much better.  I know what I like and don’t like and I am not ashamed of it.  So, even though my body is not better, I enjoy it and sex and men much more than I did when I was younger. And it was failed relationships and the search for help that got me to this place.

    1. 134.1
      Sum Guy

      Keneley,

      you’re statements are exactly why I prefer fit women my own age over a 25 or 30 year old, but more especially as I’m about a relationship, not just sex (which is what all my comments have an eye towards as I believe that is also the focus of this site).

      Conversation, where are in life, shared cultural and historical experience, all make for a great friend as well as a fantastic lover.

  15. 135
    Real

    Thank you Kenley and Yet Another Guy for reiterating the point.  I find it a challenge for some people to appreciate that not everyone else in the world is just like them.  I had a male friend who claimed that all people cheat.  Well I don’t cheat so that ruins that theory.  But what he was really saying is that he assumes everyone does what he does.  So, just because a reader doesn’t experience an issue being discussed, doesn’t make the issue any less real.

    1. 135.1
      Sum Guy

      Hi Real,

      I’d say don’t wash a guy out just because of his age and the stats that YAG mentioned.     He may be one of the ones still fully functioning so to speak, it is also likely something you can suss out in two dates.

      I don’t wash older women out based on statistics.

  16. 136
    Real

    Sum Guy, The comment is not an attempt to rule some potential man out.  Taken ‘In Context’ the point, in relation to the article, is that while more men are not committing and women either respond by waiting or being casually sexual, the reasons taken from the article that men have a seemingly longer sexual potential of time regardeless of their age is untrue.  Therefore, that particular piece of the analysis needs to be re-evaluated.

     

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