Comments on: Should I Dump My Parents So I Can Get Married?

By: Joe

Joe — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 17:44:59 +0000

I’m sorry to confuse you, I meant marriage/monogamy because as men we all know that there are married men who are cheaters, and then there are married men who have not yet been caught. As we have seen in this Dating blog, its primarily women who want the Dream of a LTR/Marriage/Loyalty and are obsessed with finding the one perfect Man. Does a Man want One Woman to be married to, yes, does a Man want to sleep with more than one woman, yes eventually. The financial devastation of divorce is destructive, so if a man can get consistent booty without a legally binding contract, he should, and then when he gets bored after 5 years, he can dump her and find a hotter younger woman. Sure its pessimistic, but it happens more often than you think.

As for singles over 60 needing marriage, because they can’t survive alone, without someone to physically help take care of their needs or obtain social security/medicare benefits. Its out of necessity, not choice.

A single woman wants to get married between the ages of 25-30 because that is her prime birthgiving ages. After age 35, single women may not be able to have children. A woman’s “perfect age to get married is 27″ but a man can get married whenever he wants.

By: Karl R

Karl R — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 16:12:50 +0000

Joe said: (#67) "the reason those Men are married is because they have children. In 2011, most Men realize that marriage is primarily for having children," Your view toward marriage is about 900 years out of date. That attitude hasn't existed since before medieval times. Joe said: (#65) "I think most Men are anti-marriage" If most men are anti-marriage, and men primarily get married for children, how do you explain all the couples who get married/re-married later in life when they're too old to have children? And if a man gets remarried when kids are not a possibility, that strongly implies that he had resons (besides children) for his previous marriage as well, even if he had children in a prior marriage. How do you explain every couple who gets married and chooses not to have kids? Even if a couple has children, that may not have gotten married for that reason. One of my brothers-in-law got married 10-15 years before he decided that he wanted to be a father. Joe said: (#67) "a man is just using you for quickie sex without the hassles of a relationship." Your assertions (men not wanting to get married, men only getting married to have children, men using women for quickie sex) may be true for you and your friends. They aren't true for most of the men I know. Since you're making assertions about what most men want, I'm curious as to the source of your information. I'm sure you haven't spoken to most men in this country (or even your city). And I haven't seen any studies or surveys that back up your claims. Joe said: (#67) "There seems to be a greater fear of Divorce in society than the happiness of marriage." If the marriage ends in divorce, then it's almost certain that the marriage wasn't happy. Furthermore, if people were afraid of divorce, but indifferent to the unhappiness of the marriage, they would remain in unhappy marriages instead of getting divorced. Joe said: (#67) "even if someone is married at the 'right age of 27' doesn’t mean that the marriage will last. The Marriage Years may be the best Years of her life. [...] Get married, and give marriage your best shot, because you never know if you’ll have another chance at marriage." If the marriage is a bad or abusive one, those years may also be the worst years of the woman's life. What makes 27 the "right age" to get married (other than your claim that it is)? I've never heard anyone make that claim before. In the last month, two of my dance partners (women in their 50s) got married. I know lots of couples getting married in their 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s. There's always a chance to get married again ... even if you don't know when it will occur.

By: Joe

Joe — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 03:53:29 +0000

Hey Evan, you might not agree, but the reason those Men are married is because they have children. In 2011, most Men realize that marriage is primarily for having children, otherwise there won’t be any incentive to put your financial life in peril. If a woman really wants an LTR or marriage, I would say get off the pill, and stay celibate until a man knows you well enough to want to spend his entire life with you in holy marriage. Otherwise, a man is just using you for quickie sex without the hassles of a relationship. There seems to be a greater fear of Divorce in society than the happiness of marriage. If a 27 year old man is ready to be a husband and father, then he should be able to get married, because good husbands and good fathers don’t come around very often. Even if the bride is only 21, the man may be the best catch of her life. In society, women are pressured to “get married” because “the wedding is the best day of her life” and become a “perfect wife” but society doesn’t place much emphasis on being good husbands (other than having a high paying job) or fatherhood.

By: Evan Marc Katz

Evan Marc Katz — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 01:05:39 +0000

Hey Joe, if most men were anti-marriage, there wouldn’t be 50 million married men and 85% of all men married by the time they’re 40…

By: Joe

Joe — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 23:23:05 +0000

I think most Men are anti-marriage, so to actually find a Man who wants to get married is a miracle because when she’s 30 and single, she will be desperate to get married, only she won’t be able to find any willing men. These days both Marriage and Divorce are acceptable. “Its better to have been Married once than to be 40 and Never Married at all” – because its okay to be married and its okay to be divorced. Its accepted that most marriages, even if someone is married at the “right age of 27″ doesn’t mean that the marriage will last. The Marriage Years may be the best Years of her life. If she wants kids now, then that should be okay, if she can financially support them. Get married, and give marriage your best shot, because you never know if you’ll have another chance at marriage.

By: A-L

A-L — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 04:06:39 +0000

I agree with Jane #9 & Lily 15. I think this couple is waiting on marriage to have sex. The rapid pace, the asking of the father’s blessing for the marriage, etc. It also rings a lot of bells in terms of other relationships I’ve observed where people did not want to have premarital sex.

As Maggie (#62) just said, waiting a full year before getting engaged is important. Sometimes people have seasonal depression or other issues that develop. At one point I had been seriously dating someone and had started talking about marriage 6-7 months into the relationship. 9 months in a serious issue arose that was a complete shocker and not in line with the previous time period. We ended up working through that issue and are now married, but it would have been a very scary thing for that issue to have arisen after we were already married, or even engaged.

So regardless of one’s age, there is a purpose in waiting, even if you don’t want to wait 5 years as many of the other posters have recommended. But waiting long enough to find out what issues you are likely to face in your marriage and see if those are issues you’re willing to work on together, or if they’re dealbreakers. And I’d recommend waiting on telling people you’re engaged, or at least wait to start actually planning your wedding. Just as many people have a difficulty initiating a divorce because of cost issues, many people have a difficulty initiating a breakup when a lot of money has been shelled out for a wedding or when they’re afraid of not meeting others’ expectations.

By: Selena

Selena — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 21:45:35 +0000

I’m with you Maggie16.

By: Maggie16

Maggie16 — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 19:37:04 +0000

If these were my children I would advise them to wait until they’ve dated for at least 2 years before marriage. But I think it would be okay for them to get engaged after the first year.

But my one caveat would be that they should not get married until after they’ve both graduated from college and found jobs.

By: Ruby

Ruby — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 06:42:41 +0000

Joe #47
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I’m not a statistician, just copied this directly from the study. I did preface my comments with the old chestnut about statistics!

Also from the same study: “the risk of divorce is far below fifty percent for educated people going into their first marriage, and lower still for people who wait to marry at least until their mid-twenties, haven’t lived with many different partners prior to marriage, or are strongly religious and marry someone of the same faith”.

Selena #51

Perhaps divorced people who re-marry are carrying the same unresolved issues into their new relationships?

By: Denise

Denise — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 16:48:00 +0000

#59 Shalini

Good point, I would also clarify that having a family is a wonderful experience, with our without children. In my opinion, there is not one stage of life that is ‘better’ than another, they are just dramatically different.

Someone is 21, just out of college. Why not experience the early 20s being single and carefree, not worrying about anyone but yourself (not considering any kind of sick relative or elderly parents). Then perhaps marrying at 25, 26. There is NOTHING like just being concerned about yourself and no one else. Once marriage and/or kids come, that time is over, and really, that time is over forever–there will always be another human to consider (unless there are no children and a divorce).