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Evan, I’m really enjoying your advice. I have what I think is an unusual situation. I’ve been dating a very religious Catholic man for more than a year; I am not Catholic. I am divorced, and he says that for him to consider marrying me, I need an annulment through the Catholic Church – a long (up to two-year), arduous process.
I love him, but the thought of waiting two more years to find out what will happen with us seems really stressful. We’re both in our 40s and frankly, I don’t feel like I have a lot of time to waste. He’s made it clear that if my annulment is denied, he’s breaking up with me. In addition, he hasn’t PROMISED me that we’ll get married if I get my annulment, but only says it’s probable. What to do?
We spend almost all our free time together, tell each other we love each other, attend each other’s family functions — everything is great. But the thought of binding myself to someone a little more and a little more each day only to face the possibility of being told “Sorry, we have to break up” is almost unfathomable. Help. –Lee
I completely agree with you, Lee.
And without going on an anti-religious screed, all I can say is that this is where religious dogmatists lose me – putting centuries-old Church edicts over the practicalities of modern life.
Are you willing to marry a man who puts the needs of his church ahead of the needs of his wife?
Essentially, your boyfriend is telling you that the Catholic Church’s opinion and approval of your marriage is more important than your own individual needs.
That is completely in line with the teachings of the church and he is being completely consistent with his faith. You can’t fault him in that regard.
But you do have a very serious choice to make, at this point in time.
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