Comments on: Should I Marry A Man Who Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With Me?

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 06:14:25 +0000

If you’re wanting children, this might make it difficult. Not that there aren’t alternatives, but this would be the easiest way to make babies. Also not saying that marriage is strictly about making babies. You might also want to know if there is some sort of anger toward you that is an underlying issue, maybe a passive-agressive thing. If you truly love and want to marry this guy, then do so, but be sure you do so with your eyes wide open.

By: mary

mary — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 23:31:02 +0000

I mariied a man who doesn’t want to have sex with me because he says I don’t know what i’m doing. I had only been with two other men prior to him and one was my ex. When I try to initiate sex with him he pushes me away. I say please try to talk to your boyfreind about this issue prior to marrying him. I love my husband and intend to do everything I can to get him to have sex with me, but I don’t intend to be in a sexless marriage for much longer.

By: Andres

Andres — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 00:39:19 +0000

Desperate

You shouldn’t settle with this guy – it’s obvious he has some deep dark issues with sex. Due to his inexperience he’s afraid he won’t be able to satisfy you correctly.

He needs the help not you!

I hope you don’t marry him because it sounds like you are still young and you don’t want to spend the rest of your days with a man who doesn’t want sex with you.

By: Peter

Peter — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 10:39:05 +0000

Since everyone seems to bash the man not having sex, suggesting he is gay or plain out doesn’t understand I would like to state my reasons.

I am a man who does not have sex with his wife. She is attractive and I love her so much. I would rather die then see her get hurt. But I have a problem that I have asked therapists for help with and doctors without either being much help.

When I love someone I can’t have sex with them. I don’t know if it is because I hooked up a lot in my college years or because when I was young I was molested for a short period of time..maybe both. But when I am in love I can no longer have sex. The thought of having sex with the person I love grosses me out and sometimes even seems disrespectful.

My wife and I fight about this from time to time. I am so scared she will leave me because she is my life. There is no other woman I want. It also leaves me with the fear she will cheat on me. I have never cheated on her and I am not having sex either.

The strange thing is I could have sex with a stranger the desire is not gone. But with her I just can’t and I feel awful about that.

By: Angela

Angela — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 21:00:23 +0000

I married my best friend (our sex life had disappeared long before the wedding day), and for two years, we only had sex SIX TIMES. That includes our honeymoon. By the time I asked him for a divorce, I was miserable. Turns out, he was, too. Even though we are both attractive and healthy, we just didn’t really click that way. Five years after our divorce, we’re still perfectly happy being best friends, counseling each other on dating and relationships, and NOT having sex. It’s great to marry your best friend, but he should also be the best friend you want to jump all the time!

By: patty

patty — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 22:20:05 +0000

I just got out of a relationship of 2 years with the same issue. My guy was all over me for the first 3 months, then wham, no sex. This went on for over a year and a half. We lived together for the last year. He treated me great in other ways EXCEPT, he’s a workaholic!!! I made him see a Dr. twice and both times he said the Dr told him to quit smoking. If my boyfriend had made an effort to quit or lose a few pounds or even try, I would’nt have left. Also, he wouldn’t talk about these issues and wouldn’t even compromise on things in our relationship. I was pretty unhappy for the past year and wanted to leave several times. One day I found out that he had put a profile on a dating website and that was it. I was devastated by what he did. Why couldn’t he have just been man enough to end it? To top that off, when I broke up with him, he changed his phone number and cut me out of his life completely. This from a man who swore to the end that he loved me. I say, leave him now. Don’t walk, run, do it for you…..

By: Karl R

Karl R — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:21:29 +0000

Carly (#23),

Stress, exhaustion and pain would all lower your boyfriend’s sex drive. And by fighting about it with him, you raise his stress level, which lowers his sex drive further.

Is your boyfriend seeing a doctor about the tiredness and pain? If not, encourage him to do so.

By: carly

carly — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 02:18:25 +0000

I have the same issue and i dont know what to do My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. at first when we were dateing he was all over me. but after we moved in together he basicly stoped touching me. we have not had sex in over a year. and i fight with him all the time about it. but he says it not me. I ask if he wants to leave and he says no. I ask if he still finds me sexy he says yes. but he refuses to have sex. Also he has been having lonts of stress and physicall problems. tirerdness pain in feet and hands. so could that be the reason.

By: Glenda

Glenda — Fri, 23 May 2008 04:27:45 +0000

In his reply, Evan had likened Desperate’s enabling to that of a partner of an abuser enabling the abuser. On behalf of all women and men in abusive relationships, I feel that I really need to post, even if it doesn’t speak directly to Desperate’s question.

If it was truly that easy for someone to leave an abusive relationship, the majority would be long gone. However, many statistics show, at least for women, the most dangerous time for them is when they leave or when their abuser thinks they are getting ready to leave–that is when they are most likely to be killed, EVEN when there has NEVER been any physical violence in the relationship before. Add to the fact that most women will not only have to endure the same abuse they face during the relationship but may also have contend with stalking, loss of a place to live, poverty and loss of their children, it’s no wonder that they decide it’s a better option to stay in the relationship than face worse possible options outside.

So, rather than judging these women and men, let’s have some empathy for them. Multiples studies have shown that 40% of all relationships are abusive, with 60% of those then progressing to physical violence. With that high of a percentage, we all know someone who has been in an abusive relationship–whether we know it or not.

By: Identical Hand Twin

Identical Hand Twin — Sat, 03 May 2008 08:58:20 +0000

Good god. I’m right there with you. I have had sex with my boyfriend 3 times in the last year. But we get along perfectly other than that. I tell him we are roommates. I know it’s not healthy. I know I will never be completely happy with him. But be the strong one (I mean the strong one between you and I) and leave him. Go find some hot piece of a55 that will give you everything you need…in bed. And for gods sake, pray that I will gain the strength to do the same. Did I mention that he found my “toys” and threw them away? Talk about adding insult to injury.