You’re not wrong to feel that these guys are being unfair, Heather. By the same token, there’s no value in trying to convince them to give you a chance. As long as they feel they have other options, they’re going to exercise them. If a guy can approach hundreds of never-married women online, he doesn’t need to write to you, a divorced woman.
You need to accept the fact that just because YOU find someone desirable doesn’t mean that they have any interest in you. And you can bang your head against the wall and complain that it’s just not fair, but people have choices. You can’t twist someone’s arm into giving you a chance – anymore than anyone can do that to you. Seriously. If a 62-year-old man from Des Moines wrote to you, you’d brush him off without a second thought. But what if he saw something special in you? What if he were positive that if you only gave him a shot, you’d fall for him? What if he kept trying to convince you that you were making a huge mistake by not considering him? That’s pretty much what you’re doing when you say, “So and so should give me a shot”. You’re expecting someone to break his own rules, the same rules you wouldn’t break for someone else.
Which brings me to perhaps my favorite online dating story of 2007.
54-year-old male client tells me recently about the most electric date he’d ever had. The chemistry was palpable; they talked all night, laughed a bunch, and made out in the car afterwards. As he brought her home, she decided she had to confess something.
MOST people lie…because others discriminate against us.
“I’m not really 54,” she says.
“That’s okay,” he says. “How old are you?”
A brief pause.
“It’s okay, you can tell me,” he reiterates.
“Let’s just say I’m in my sixties,” she says.
Let’s face it: those two crazy kids NEVER would have met if she had been honest. Which is why she lied. Which is why MOST people lie. Because others discriminate against us. And that’s why the average woman in her 40’s is twenty pounds heavier than she claims online, and the average man is one inch shorter.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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