Comments on: Should Men Buy Flowers or Gifts for Women on First Dates?

By: Lucy

Lucy — Sat, 25 Aug 2012 05:26:43 +0000

I really think it's time to throw out the rulebook and return to simple common courtesy, Whatever I do on a first date is down to my reading of Debrett's mainly. I make effort in my conversation and interest in that person, which counts for much more than a gift. Personally I prefer men not to buy me a gift for a date because I do not think it's necessary (what about women buying men gifts?). At the same time, I wouldn't begrudge a man who did if his heart was in the right place. Whatever your views on this, it is best to assume good faith until proven otherwise. People have different ways of receiving and expressing love and it is really important that we recognise this difference in each other. If a man buys a woman flowers, it doesn't mean that he's clingy. It means it is his way of expressing affection. I'll always appreciate that gesture for what it is, because there are plenty of men who make less of an effort. Still, as others have suggested, it's best not to pass it off as a huge deal (otherwise it wouldn't really come from the heart).

By: Kathleen

Kathleen — Sat, 25 Aug 2012 01:40:11 +0000

Id be a little freaked out and embarrassed if a guy brought flowers to the first date. Id be wondering where the closest exit was. It would seem too needy
All I need is his Sexy (hopefully) Self to show up on time and look good.

By: Fusee

Fusee — Fri, 24 Aug 2012 22:36:37 +0000

If the guy has already:

1. Showed interest upon meeting me for the first time
2. Evaluated my interest properly
3. Asked me out respectfully
4. Showed up on time on Date #1
5. Offered to pay for Date #1,

then this is plenty generosity, manliness, and chivalry for me at this point. No need for extra gifts and sweet touches. Keep them for later!

My boyfriend gave me a red rose on Date #4 just before taking me to a nice dance venue. That was the perfect timing in our budding relationship. I now receive a monthly bouquet of fresh flowers. This is also much appreciated.

On Date #1 this would have been too much too soon. I actually had that happen to me once in the past – although it was a simple bunch of Jasmine flowers taken from a bush and a fresh orange – and I felt uncomfortable. It was somewhat sweet but coming from a virtual stranger, a bit too much for my taste. Do not overdo it.

By: elli

elli — Fri, 24 Aug 2012 20:45:22 +0000

Hi everybdy! I am European and I can´t believe my eyes when I read some of the posts like if a guy brings me sth. on a first date I will think he will want sex, etc. What about looking at it from a brighter side, like he wants to show me that he is a caring man, or he wants to make me feel feminine, or he wants me to feel like a princess? I agree with much what is written in this and other threads but IMHO you guys overcomplicate human relationships!

By: inertia

inertia — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 22:19:33 +0000

Getting flowers for a woman is NEVER a bad idea. It’s a sweet, thoughtful, charming gesture and I hope that you’d have the manners and grace to show thanks, not disdain, when some one gives or does anything for you. I’m in my early 40′s, so I’m dating men in their mid-40′s to early 50′s … and I would say almost half of them have showed up on a first date (always dinner – by THEIR request, not mine) with something, beautiful bouquets, exotic flowers, sometimes chocolates, one guy made a basket of vegetables from his garden, threw in something for my pet as well. I certainly don’t expect anything on these dates, nor do I expect to be taken to dinner on a first date, … but when they show up with something, I really appreciate the thoughtfulness – the fact that they actually had to pre-plan it, and go out and do something? Sweet. That is not the deal breakers with me. What is the deal breaker is being invited for dinner, expensive restaurant of their choice, and accepting me to pay half (which I always offer and am prepared to do so). I had just been restructured so was unemployed and he, well let’s just had two estates and a barn full of race and polo horses. He also tipped very cheaply (which I privately made up for to our excellent waiter). Rudeness, getting drunk on your first dates, vulgarity, … those are the kind of things that should creep you out. Not someone who gives you flowers. (And boys, if you ARE bringing flowers … or anything else, doing it because YOU want to (and you can afford it), because that’s a reflection of who you are … NOT because you’re expecting something in return).

By: Nicola

Nicola — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 13:26:50 +0000

I’ve had bigger and better things bought for me on a first date (including beautiful flowers) and I think it’s a lovely thing to do on a man’s part.
What ever happened to love and romance?
And just remember, guys:
Fair heart never won fair maiden!
Buy her nice things.. they don’t have to be expensive.. and she’ll love you for it. I wouldn’t want to go out with an unappreciative woman just like I would not go out with a mean man.
Just don’t be too nice all the time or else!

By: Todd Suriano

Todd Suriano — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 06:08:00 +0000

Hi im 19 and dating someone and just stumbled upon this site. Ive noticed there are not to many younger people commenting, so i wanted to put my two cents in. I think its actually quite sad that women have become so afraid, of something like getting a rose or a bunch of flowers. Last time i checked flowers show that a man is interested in you. Im talking to all the ladies out there when i say this. Stop being such ungreatful pansies…. if a man gets you some flowers on date thank him and get on with the date.

By: Greg

Greg — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 16:44:41 +0000

Since there’s a chance that women will be creeped out by flowers or a gift on a first date then its better not to buy them. I’ve also come to realize that many people cannot accept unconditional gifts and generosity. If I give a girl something, its unconditional. I do it just to be nice and put a smile on her face, and I don’t expect her to like me. Its like donating to charity, you don’t expect the poor people to pay you back, you just did it to be nice. If you always assume that other people have ulterior motives when giving, it could be that you may be the kind of person tat is only nice when you want something from someone.

By: Donna

Donna — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 15:58:15 +0000

Flowers on a first date is not wrong, nor outdated. The problem is that Evan is too young to understand chivalry and is trying to change society so he doesn’t have to buy people gifts any more. It’s ludicrous.

Evan — Sorry, but flowers don’t weird out a woman.

(I posted this because it was the most ridiculous thing ever. First of all, I’m 39. And my thoughts aren’t about my being cheap – they come from having WOMEN tell me that it’s over-the-top when a guy gives ‘em flowers. Maybe you should contact the OP, Donna. Sounds like a match made in cheesy-hell.)

By: Jack

Jack — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 17:35:37 +0000

In the internet age, most people do take some time to get to know each other before they meet, usually exchanging quite a few emails and usually they spend quite a bit of time on the phone. So bringing a gift on a first date is sometimes just a nice thing to do, especially if you seem to hit it off. I am a woodworker so I don’t spend any money on her just my time and make something out of scraps leftover from other projects. I wouldn’t do this for everyone I meet. I could care less if it doesn’t go beyond the first date because there are many more fish in the sea…