Comments on: Should You Ever Call a Guy? Why “The Rules” Aren’t Meant to Be Followed.

By: adrienne

adrienne — Sun, 23 Dec 2012 02:31:21 +0000

I dont know if I I should because I don’t wanna be naggy

By: Denise

Denise — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 22:09:28 +0000

#34, Right on Isabelle! I agree wholeheartedly with your complete post and Evan’s orignal response. There is a tempo and timing to relationships.

There’s male energy which is DOING, learning forward, then there’s female energy which is FEELING. If the woman is doing by calling, she’s being the boy energy by doing.

Then there’s the whole ‘chase’ thing men seem to love . If a woman has her own life, her own interests and her own friends, she’s off doing her thing and he needs to make her interested enough to spend time with him. If she’s calling him right up front, takes away that aspect as well.

Not to mention that I like when a man calls me, it boosts my femininity. I live by “His job is to pursue, my job it to be receptive to that pursuit”.

I know others will disagree, but after life experience where I initiated the relationship with my ex husband, and I look back and see why that wasn’t to my benefit in multiple ways.

By: Kendra

Kendra — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 19:59:56 +0000

It’s a miracle anyone gets involved at this rate. How depressing.

By: Mary

Mary — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 07:33:42 +0000

I don’t ever call my boyfriend. He calls me (every night, when we’re doing LDR), and i don’t think he’d have it any other way. It makes him feel like a man, I suspect. It’s interesting because I pursued him more than he pursued me early on. Now he’s doing his thing.

The Rules has to be modified to the type of guy you’re dealing with. I think they are the least effective with shy, less emotionally mature guys, who are lacking a bit in the confidence department. Being super sweet and attentive without acting desperate or needy towards the kind of guy has worked well for me.

By: Anne

Anne — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 09:30:50 +0000

I agree with Nick #5. Are there really guys sitting around saying that they met a great woman, and they had or have a wonderful time with her, and she is smart, attractive, etc., but then she CALLED him, and now he doesn’t want to see her anymore? I highly doubt it. I think you need to be yourself and follow your instincts.

By: downtowngal

downtowngal — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 11:33:39 +0000

Selena,

You’re right, better 3 weeks. I like your attitude.

Feeback is helpful (like finding out that 3 gys you dated didn’t like how you spoke to the waiter while you special-ordered your food), but at some point you can’t go around trying to please everyone (he’s looking for a foodie and you only enjoy salads).

By: Isabelle Archer

Isabelle Archer — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 19:54:39 +0000

I agree with Evan’s advice that after initially getting things rolling “it’s ALL up to him. Your best move is to sit back and let him win you over. If he doesn’t try hard enough or consistently enough, it’s pretty obvious what you should do next.” But the “let him win you over” phase cannot last that long — at some point, a girl has to have some confidence and security that the relationship is underway and now it’s a game of equals, with equal effort being made. In all my relationships, it hasn’t taken more than a few weeks to get to that point. You just *know* when he’s into you — and then you can call whenever you want.

By: Selena

Selena — Sat, 23 May 2009 17:20:20 +0000

downtowngal,

I dated this guy I met through his best friend – who called him “Flake”. After 3 weeks of things seemingly going well, he disappeared without a trace. Can’t say I wasn’t warned. LOL. Oh well, – better 3 weeks than 3 months I suppose.

By: downtowngal

downtowngal — Sat, 23 May 2009 02:54:16 +0000

My point was that women tend to overly blame ourselves for things, I think more than men do, and we’re more open to working on ourselves. While it might be the women’s fault in some cases, it probably has more to do with the guy’s perspective and what he’s looking for. And it works the other way around as well.

I dated this guy once who pulled the disappearing act, only to find out afterwards through mutual friends that this was a pattern with HIM.

the bottom line is that if someone goes MIA, move on.

By: Evan Marc Katz

Evan Marc Katz — Sat, 23 May 2009 00:59:38 +0000

It’s not a matter of “flawed”. Fact is, if you’re doing something that 90% of other people find irritating, it’s probably wise to learn about it.