Comments on: Should You Send a Follow-up Email to Someone To Hasn’t Written You Back?

By: ADW

ADW — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 08:45:24 +0000

“I remember meeting a woman on Match.com in 2002. We dated for six weeks and I remember asking her about her experience. She told me that she received over 500 emails in her first week. How many guys did she write back to? Five. That’s 495 guys who got silence in return for their emails. This reinforces why women are NOT obliged to write back polite rejection letters…”
They wouldn’t get that many if they would do some of the work, too. Plus there would be few enough that she COULD have actually written back. This is a problem partly created by women, so she WAS obliged to it, in spite of numbers. Several hundred of those 500 guys who sent e-mails probably poured their hearts and souls into it.

By: Ames

Ames — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 19:00:31 +0000

Omg–I thought I was the only one who hid my profile! I’m not the hottest girl–honest guyfriends have said I’m a 7 which seems accurate. I’ve had emails anywhere from artifically affectionate in the first mail to guys wanting a cuckholdry situation to all things in between. Hiding a profile can allow a woman to cherry pick only the men she wants to talk to. Just don’t take it personally when they don’t all respond. Why wouldn’t she want to stop the flood of emails? While it may inflate her ego it can make it really hard to focus on the good eggs. My only warning is to expand your search a bit farther from your ultimate preferences lest you lose out on some super guys who aren’t in perfect packaging.

By: Laverie

Laverie — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 00:41:59 +0000

Karl R is one of the Male Voices of Reason on this blog and the reason I signed in to tell him so. I thank you and truly appreciate reading your words.
Women should move on when a man does not pursue nor chase. I’m online dating after a icky breakup. Took five months off to study myself and bone up on dating. Using all of Evans advice I bought the book Why He Disappeared it’s very wise. Taking my time vetting men it feels good I’m not nervous about dating anymore.
Karl, this quote is the best!
“It’s possible to do everything correctly and still not get the man. But if you do everything correctly, you will manage to get one sooner than if you just fumble around randomly.”

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Thu, 21 Jan 2010 14:33:04 +0000

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By: Karl R

Karl R — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 15:25:26 +0000

Ms. D asked: (#12)
“So what about he e-mails you, you respond, and then radio silence?”

He’s pursuing a more serious relationship with someone else.

To give you a (more transparent) example:
A couple months ago a new lady showed up in my yoga class. Over the course of the next few weeks I made a point of introducing myself to her, making small talk and casually flirting with her. She had every reason to believe I was interested in her. (Because I was.)

During that same period of time, one of my dance partners broke up with her boyfriend. I’ve known this woman for a year, we dance and flirt regularly, and we’ve become good friends. Suddenly we’re both available at the same time. A month after her breakup, I let her know that I was interested in pursuing an exclusive relationship with her.

Under the circumstances, the lady from yoga didn’t stand a chance. She didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t a level playing field. Even if she’s as amazing as this dance partner, I didn’t have enough time to discover that.

The lady from yoga is not completely in the dark. I’ve “just happened” to have a couple conversations with a couple friends in my yoga class where she could easily overhear. She knows that I’m dating someone else.

Your situation is probably identical to the lady in my yoga class. The only difference is that you weren’t informed of what else was going on.

It’s possible to do everything correctly and still not get the man. But if you do everything correctly, you will manage to get one sooner than if you just fumble around randomly.

By: Ms. D

Ms. D — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 00:41:08 +0000

So what about he e-mails you, you respond, and then radio silence? I mean HE expressed interest, so it wasn’t a lack of attractiveness or charm in the profile. And I THOUGHT my e-mail was consistent with my profile? I did realize very quickly after sending the e-mail that I said that my only pic at the time was a “couple” of years old…my bad, it is 1 1/2 years old (I mean, JFC, I’m 27, it can’t be that old or I’d have been an obvious teenager!), but thought I had remedied any potential issues with that by quickly uploading a new pic with the caption “November travels around the world”. WTF?

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 01:39:53 +0000

Ah it is a cursed thing to be less than a perfect woman. Methinks I shall get thee to a nunnery….

By: Sayanta

Sayanta — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 16:14:19 +0000

Elana-

Just curious- did they ever explain why they suddenly ‘dropped off’? I hate it when they do that- but I really can’t complain, since I’ve done it to guys myself.

By: Elana

Elana — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 01:00:16 +0000

I wanted to add my two cents because I’m female and I’ve actually had really good luck sending a follow-up email to an original email that I never got a response to. I’ve done this twice with guys who I was emailing back and forth with, and then it dropped off (so in both cases they did respond to my first email). Both guys I ended up going on several great dates with. I used to never email someone again who didn’t email back, but the more I’ve been doing online dating, the more confidence I’ve gotten with my photos and email/profile-writing skills, and I just figured, what do I have to lose? So both guys I sent a flirty email along the lines of “so you seem like a really cute, great guy, and I’m sure you’re busy sifting through a gazillion emails from lovely ladies, but if it’s not too late, I’d like to throw my hat into the ring.” I got responses from both guys right away, and it turns out they had pretty good excuses for not emailing me back in the first place (being really busy, not being sure I was interested, etc). So in some cases, the follow-up email does work.

By: Darc

Darc — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 04:26:25 +0000

I’ve always wondered why women get more emails than men too… Maybe it’s because men only think with their dicks. LOL!

My question: How do you peek a woman’s interest? I mean, there are probably more attractive men online than there are ugly men, so what are women looking for in terms of looks?