I LOVE the charts from OkCupid!, which is easily my favorite dating site. My theories about some of the charts:

Thin/skinny women tend to have greater testosterone levels, thus contributing to their higher self-esteem and their lower body fat percentages
Women who are “curvy” likely have higher hormone levels overall, thus contributing to their higher self-esteem over time and higher self-esteem as their body type is presumably the most sought after by the opposite sex
What is with all of the rough sex grandads?!?  I have to agree with InsertPseudonymHere that perhaps they are seeking more stimulation to spice things up.  I also have to wonder if people who are busy in their careers tend to look to sex as an outlet for physical activity, too.  It could also be a generational thing.  Anyone remember The Dieter’s GUIDE to Weight Loss During Sex?

@starthrower68

For what it’s worth, I have never thought that you are bitter or have an inflated opinion of yourself.  You sound really grounded and I always enjoy reading your posts.  Even though I am not overweight, I definitely agree with you that people harshly judge those who are.  It’s unfair, but I think you are wise to have your standards and keep them in mind.  If you lose weight for a man and then gain it back later on (easy to do), you run the risk of losing his love.  It sounds like you are looking for a man who can love you through thick and thin (and we women go through those stages more often than men), which seems like a smart strategy to me.

@JerseyGirl

While I can totally sympathize with your frustrations, it sounds like you are stereotyping men.  Girl, I’ve got “ex” stories that would make your toes curl — and not in a fun way!  ;-)    However, as a member of the human race I have to trudge on and give each new man, woman or child that I encounter the benefit of the doubt.  If I don’t, I end up perpetuating hatred and unhappiness in the world.  While I despise “The Law of Attraction” nonsense, there are scientific studies that provide evidence that emotional states can be transferred quickly through populations.  In other words, if you act in a sour manner, others are more likely to pick up on that and mirror that emotion.  Evidence like this has provided me with motivation to keep on trying with other fellow human beings (men!), even when I’ve had a string of really bad relationships/interactions.  Food for thought.  Hopefully things will get better for you in the future.

And am I complaining or just being honest? I need to be realistic about how men are or otherwise I have unrealistic hope. And I was like that too much when I was younger. I always gave men the benefit of the doubt, I thought the best of them. I thought they wanted the same things I do. It’s harder to hold on that the more experience you have.

I like to read the blog because the topics are sometimes interesting. I don’t always agree with your personal methology in dating or advice. But there are times when I do agree. 

But it’s not as simple as a woman being all those things you expressed men desire. I think a lot of women feel like they *are* those things, but they still get rejected and it’s not always by some rich handsome 10.

Why do you bother to read this blog, which is entirely about telling women how to make better decisions to attract quality men? Everything I write is met with a retort about what’s wrong with men.

Seriously. What do you get out of this?

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I’ve dated all kinds of guys Evan. I’ve dated guys that were inshape and guys that were over-weight. I’ve dated guys that had high paying jobs and guys that didn’t. Guys that don’t have high paying jobs oggle just as much as guys that do. Guys with low paying jobs and who are over weight ironically sometimes have just as much as an over inflated sense of self as guys with high paying jobs and are in shape. So what am I going to do about it? I can’t do anything about it. Guys are going to do what they are going to do and not many men today even try to make themselves better men for women. I especially love the guys who list their dating ages 20 years younger and their limit 5 years younger then themselves.

But when you say things like, ” Men simply want you to be fun, happy, optimistic, easygoing, patient, accepting, nurturing, fun and sexy. ” It’s not completely all that true. And they certainly aren’t attempting to give these things they seek in return.

We all have our preferences but what percent of men who “prefer” 5′ 10″, size 2, 34-D, blond hair, blue-eyed women actually date/marry their “ideal” woman?  In addition to the men who will “settle” there are also many who prefer women who are not slim/athletic.

Hang in there…. love is right around the corner!

As has been pointed out in articles such as “Why don’t men like smart, strong, successful women?” men, in general, give very little weight to these traits.

In the last two weeks, for example, I met a 40 year old professional working on her PhD and also a 51 year old semi-retired lady with very little formal education.  On paper the 40 year old appears much more attractive overall and yet I had a better time with the other lady because she was more fun.  Care to guess which one I’m interested in seeing again?

Now to throw a little curve ball – When I was younger I probably would have preferred the career woman who is still raising kids because our interests (career, family, etc) would have been better aligned.  Now that I’m older and my kids are out of the house, the objective traits are almost irrelevant.  Each trait is still a pro/con but except for a deal-breaker like young children, these traits are inconsequential.

Don’t take yourself out of the dating market because you feel you don’t meet the archetype.  You are the perfect match for someone, just remember you are not marketing yourself to a prospective employer, rather you are marketing yourself to guys who are going to focus primarily on the traits that Evan listed.

Best of luck!

@ Twilight Princess, really? Do you know for a fact that I hold myself up as better than anyone?  Have you spent any time with me?  You don’t know who I’ve chatted with online and what they were about.  So, it would probably be best not to cast aspersions the character of a person if you have not walked in their shoes.

*wishes there was an edit button somewhere…..