May02
Taking Down Your Profile
I‘ve been seeing this girl I met online for about two months. Things are going well and I want to be her boyfriend, but I still notice her logging into the dating site where we met. How can I get her to take her profile down without seeming too pushy?
Jason
Great question, Jason – one that affects everyone who dates online. The thing to realize is that you can’t change anyone else’s behavior. She’s gonna do what she wants to do, same as you are.
The best way to see this clearer is to flip the situation over. If some girl is into you, but you’re not into her, you’re gonna keep browsing online. Doesn’t mean you don’t want to see her, just means you’re looking to trade up. She’s Miss Right Now, not Ms. Right. However, if she refuses to be Miss Right Now and makes it clear that she’ll accept nothing less than a commitment, that’s okay. You’ll wish her the best of luck in her search and you’ll both move on to greener pastures. You have different needs, different goals, different perceptions – no reason for anyone to get hurt.
You’re the girl in this situation. And if you’re unsure of where you stand, the best solution is to bring this to the surface in a confident way. How do you do that?
Take down your profile. Unilaterally.
She’ll notice. She may even say something.
If she does, just let her know that you don’t want to see anyone else. She’ll either think that’s sweet and offer to remove her profile, or she’ll remind you that you’re just “seeing each other” and that she’s not ready to be exclusive. Either way, you have your answer.
I did this three years ago and it worked perfectly. Was dating two women casually. Met a third and was blown away. I dumped the first two and instantly took down my profile for #3. When #3 saw my profile was down, ske asked me why. I told her, matter-of-factly that she was why. What’s the point of me looking for other people when I was into her? Of course, such an admission can be a little intimidating for someone you’ve known for a week.
Which is why I reassured her that she didn’t have to remove her profile. Removing my profile is what I wanted to do. And if she wanted to go out with twenty other JDate guys before taking her profile down, she could. As far as I was concerned, going on a bunch of dates would only reinforce why she should be exclusive with me. Yes, a little ego goes a long way.
Now if you take down your profile and she doesn’t say anything, you might want to step up your efforts to see her more. There are two possible scenarios: 1) she reciprocates in kind, and you become her boyfriend, and 2) she backs away, and you move on. No need to have an uncomfortable “Why is your profile up after two months?” conversation. Actions speak louder than words.
To sum up, the reason her profile is still up is basically one of the below:
1) She’s playing it cool and trying not to act needy. She’s waiting for you to make a commitment to be a boyfriend.
2) She’s just not that into you.
The latter is the more likely scenario. But you never know until you take action.
The good thing is that there’s no downside to pushing things forward. Better to get an answer now than to wait another two months to find out where you stand.
Related Posts:
- I’m Taking My Boyfriend to a Strip Club But I Hate That He Likes It.
- What Am I Supposed To Write to A Girl Who Says Nothing In Her Profile?
- Should You Say In Your Profile That You’re Looking For Marriage?
- Seriously, How Old is Your Primary Photo on Your Dating Profile?
- How Do You Write An Email To Someone With Nothing Interesting in Her Profile?
 |
Finding the One Online is a comprehensive, life-changing program that covers everything I teach my clients about online dating. If you want to get your love life on track and aren't sure where to start, Finding the One Online is the best investment you can make. |
Do You Want to Attract the Partner of Your Dreams?
If so, sign up for my free dating and relationship newsletter and receive my free eBook, The 5 Massive Mistakes You're Making In Your Love Life - And How to Turn Them Around Instantly. Simple and effective advice to jumpstart your love life.
14 Comments »Filed Under Online Dating Tips & Advice
Anonymous May 3rd 2007 at 02:37 am 1
Currently, this female happens to be seeing someone and in the exact same position. And, truth be told, I am not sure if we are both checking on each other and prolonging the chase or not. I am an old-fashioned, of sorts, and believe that any man should take the lead- right or wrong this is where my beliefs lie. And since the gentleman I am dating has not mentioned it, I do not want to limit my options for fear that he is dating many different people. Rest assured, though, in my case as long as I see his active I will continue to be active. My suggestion would be for you to let her know where your head is at. Too, I have many friends who will follow in my same footsteps and wait for the man to take the lead. So, I do happen to have a differing opinion and do not believe that most times “she’s just not that into you”, I actually believe it is just the opposite- I think for many who are new to online dating- and this might be her, as well- she has insecurities about exposing her feelings for fear of anticipating too much too soon in this very complex world of dating. Hope this helps, and best of luck to you!
Loverville May 3rd 2007 at 05:24 am 2
Can’t it be as simple as this: at some point you have “the talk”: Are we dating other people? Do we want to be exclusive, complete with “boyfriend / girlfriend” label?
If you decide to be exclusive, then you later notice that she’s still logging in — it’s worthwhile to address that.
Dating Trooper - Dating is Warfare May 4th 2007 at 10:43 pm 3
I’m with loverville. Maybe I oversimplify but if we haven’t had “the talk,” there is no promise of exclusivity. Of course, many of us can’t handle dating a few people at a time without going crazy, so if you end up exclusive with someone “by default,” it doesn’t mean they’re exclusive with you until it’s discussed. Plus, the girl damn well knows you can see when she’s logging on to the dating site so maybe she’s doing to to PROVOKE the conversation? Just a thought….
J Jan 14th 2008 at 03:54 pm 4
My apologies – good grammar and correct typing has been somewhat lacking in my posts.
Michael Ejercito Feb 16th 2008 at 04:17 pm 5
If he is not yet her boyfriend, then she is still available.
Profiles can be set to “hidden” on most sites like Match.Com.
luv3pugs Jan 6th 2009 at 03:43 pm 6
Okay, so my “boyfriend” and I have been dating for two months and he says he’s exclusive, but still has his profile up?
Joe Jan 7th 2009 at 11:57 am 7
Do you still have yours up?
luv3pugs Jan 8th 2009 at 01:00 pm 8
No. I took my off as soon as we slept together. He says he has the right to look.
luv3pugs Jan 8th 2009 at 01:01 pm 9
Since I posted this question, I went to the web site I found him on and put mine on there. I felt guilty and the next morning I removed it. He found me on there in less than 12 hours!
Joe Jan 8th 2009 at 03:18 pm 10
He has the right to look at what? Have you had the exclusivity discussion, and agreed to be exclusive? If not, he certainly does have the right to look.
luv3pugs Jan 8th 2009 at 04:06 pm 11
Yes, well, we both said that we weren’t going to have relationships with anyone else without telling the other first. That seems to me to be exclusive. Is that not to a man?
Cilla Jan 8th 2009 at 04:28 pm 12
If he wanted to look, he could hide his profile and still peruse the women (assuming you’re on a site that has this feature). Keeping his profile up means not only does he want to look at women, he wants them to look at him. It says, “I’m still available.”
Get rid of him.
LolaLuv Aug 2nd 2009 at 05:53 pm 13
…It seems as if he’s on there browsing girls, seeing if the grass is greener. I don’t know…
BrainyBeauty Dec 21st 2009 at 11:56 pm 14
I totally feel you. I’ve been dating someone for a month now, we have been sleeping together regularly and he’s SUPER affectionate with me in public. He is funny, warm, love and treats me to everything…
However, I took my profile but he did not. Wtf? I’m not really sure what this means. All my guy friends have been telling that I messed up by sleeping with him, but that he clearly likes me. I’m just not sure how much he likes me. I don’t whether I should initiate the what are we talk or wait for him…
The rules of online dating can suck sometimes.