Comments on: Taking Down Your Profile

By: David T

David T — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 00:38:55 +0000

I disagree. A profile can be forgotten and left up even if the owner is totally committed to a relationship. Someone can take it down to try to 'send a message' but it only takes seconds to unhide and if deleted only a few hours to recreate from scratch! Deleting a profile only says "I am not so lazy that I am reluctant to reinvest 3 hours of my time if we don't work out." Taking down a profile is no more profound in meaning than spending a few hours planning a nice date. Taking it down or hiding it is a very weak positive indicator of anything. Actively visiting and using their profile is an indicator that they do not want to be exclusive. If you ask them to take it down and they refuse that also means something. Those two circumstances are the only time a dating profile is gives you any strong indicator into understanding a relationship and only as a negative indicator. You have to look at the whole of the relationship to know where you stand.

By: Candy

Candy — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 22:14:23 +0000

@starthrower68
,
“Just a Friend#21″ took down his profile. It tells me he wants a committed relationship. Not too hard to figure it out. It has a very clear message. He doesn’t have to read her mind, she should know that the reason why he took his profile down it’s because he wants to be exclusive.

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Fri, 28 Dec 2012 06:05:38 +0000

@ Just A Friend #21,
Have you told her you would like to be exclusive? Why are you trying to ready her mind? Maybe she is waiting on you to take the lead to a committed relationship. Don’t just assume she isn’t that serious. Communication is a beautiful thing when it’s actually used.

By: Just a Friend

Just a Friend — Thu, 27 Dec 2012 23:13:30 +0000

If they keep their profile up even after dating, sex, etc than you do not have their full interest unfortunately. I met this woman off of OKCupid and we have been talking for months, and been seeing each other and having a great time, and seems really interested, yet she still has both her POF and OKC profiles active. I’m not sure how often she goes on them, but I deleted both of my profiles about a month ago yet hers still lingers. This leads me to believe she isn’t serious.
So I will probably reactivate mine and see if she says anything, if not than I guess it is what it is.

By: Nancy

Nancy — Tue, 23 Oct 2012 16:41:06 +0000

If everything in this world was only this simple. I also met a amazing guy online and depending on how busy i was, i liked to log in an read his profile or see his pictures, of course i made sure that he could not see that im checking out his profile. So to answer Jason’s question, it could just be that she is login in to look at your photos, or to read your profile once again, because she is enjoying getting to know you so much. Dont be surprised if she also noticed you login in, and also wonders. The same thing happened to me, but i was so confident in what was going on between myself and this amazing man such great chemistry and connection that i didnt question it. I sort of encouranged, why? I was challenging what we had so far if after meeting me if he could meet other women and still kept coming back to me, we were really onto something really special here, the begin of a great relationship. I personaltely can only date one person at the time. As the cool chick that i am i felt secure enough that he could search the universe and would never find someone like me.

Like the pina colada song where they answer eachother personal ads. Jason If you like the woman, take the next step ask her to take it down and allow for the two of you to get to know eachother better and take it one step at a time, if you are on the same page you won’t have any resistance.

By: Lucy

Lucy — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 10:26:52 +0000

Yep you’re right – I think you do need to have the conversation. I have been seeing Darren for two months. He brought it up early – earlier than I was expecting – hence me agreeing – then getting freaked out by it and asking for help! I think 2 months is fine to bring it up. That way you’ll know if you’re on the same page or not.

By: Ben Ther

Ben Ther — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 03:27:48 +0000

I’ve had the same question. Dated one girl for nine months. I took down my profile after several months yet she did not. She later confirmed she did not consider herself my girlfriend, rather I was just a “very good friend.” Of course I should have raised the issue sooner. The next relationship, the girl asked after the first (really good) date if I was seeing anyone else. She didn’t say I couldn’t. She was just curious. Now I’ve been in a new relationship for two months that’s seemingly going well. I again have the same concern. I stopped logging in to my account weeks ago to show I was not looking, while she logs in two or three times a week. I need to have a conversation.

By: DatingForDopes

DatingForDopes — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 01:00:22 +0000

The statement I made: “If you like someone enough to see someone several times each week and have sex with them” requires some qualification.

Let’s assume one is seeing someone several times each week for a couple of months. Both talk on the phone/text daily and having a having a sexual relationship with each other. They introduce you to their young child/children, and talk about how excited/happy they are being involved with you. You spend time with them and their kids. Add to it that you specifically asked them if they are dating others or are having sex with others and their reply is “no.”
They may mean no as in NOT AT THIS MOMENT. And tomorrow is another day so the answer may be different without warning. But for those who do not wish to take the hard line of interrogation, this would be enough to establish trust that they are working on knowing YOU and not everyone else on the dating site. It should be a relief.
If a person has no issue dating and having sex with more than one person while sublimating the cold reality of “it’s none of your business what I do” than their true self is in the limelight. That same person is willing to subjugate their own kids to partners coming and going at an exponential rate. It does not whisper quality. It screams selfish. If they are still online while doing all this but say it’s YOUR fault for not asking earlier, than find someone who has your best interests at heart. This person is NOT IT.
The same courtship rules in real life should apply to online dating. Convenient truths of the moment are not genuine and border on deceptive.

A person who wants YOU and only YOU will make it happen and let you know without veiled deceptive wordsmithing. Every day they are hecking out the goods online time he or she is NOT checking out you and what you have to offer.

The basic considerations of traditional methods of dating have not changed with the advent of online dating. A person claiming to be online for FRIENDS while stringing you along is not on a dating site for friends. it’s for romantic investigation of a partner. Friends can be found on meetup dot com or other avenues. Dating sites mean DATING. Finding a partner. Hook up sites are for hooking up. The profile should reflect their intent and you should call bullshit if the two do not align. Look out for yourself and be careful. You may not only be screwing the village idiot but all the others he or she is lying to.

By: DatingForDopes

DatingForDopes — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 22:22:29 +0000

If you like someone enough to see someone several times each week and have sex with them, there would be no need to continue looking and having your profile active. Unless you are not serious about the person or are using them to pass the time until someone more interesting arrives on the scene.
Consider:
Your reasons for joining online site.
The truth you reveal about what it is you are seeking in your profile.
The honesty between you and the person you are seeing regularly.
The conviction behind your reasons for joining and your honesty with those you date.

Remember that your actions and words should align. The other person will catch on and know something is not right if you contradict or omit your intent.
Being vague about your intent and checking the site while having giving the impression you are developing a relationship with one person is shady behavior. Eventually you will become one of the “regulars” on these sites and the opposite sex will avoid you. Word travels fast and unless you care about how you treat people, consider reexamining your disclosures and intent. Be clear. Be fair and above all else, have a conscience and empathy for the other person.

By: RR

RR — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 15:49:50 +0000

I have the same problem, BB… BF of 4.5 months, I never checked on because I trusted him, just went today and he has an “available” profile seeking LTR and just logged in this morning. I asked him about it (tried to avoid being confrontational) and he said that he just likes ‘people watching’ and that he had changed it to available when i broke up with him a couple weeks ago but forgot to change it back. We got back together after less than a day though (I broke up with him out of haste and anger of something else he did). So he said that he would take it down since it bothered me.
Seriously, WTF???
So he doesn’t want to take it down due to wanting to be with only me. I told him I didn’t care if he kept it up but I’m going to re-activate mine and he didn’t like that (I get very high response rates, which he knows) Should I care about his reasoning for taking it down or just be happy that he agreed to? He also agreed to let me log into his account to see what he’s been doing, but obviously there’s nothing from stopping him from logging in right now and deleting stuff.
We’re in a pretty serious relationship, going on vacations together and call each other boyfriend/girlfriend. I’m confused.