Julie H.

"Thank you, Evan, for enlightening me, having faith in women, and being honest with what 'is'!!"

Evan, I’ve been searching for a loving partner since the end of my third marriage in 2006 and have experienced 5 years of repeating the exact same thing: attracting the wrong men (the same type I married three times), disappointed in my choices (emotionally unavailable men), and the continual wondering what am I doing wrong (why me?).  Why wouldn’t any man want a vibrant, successful, loving woman, such as myself.  I’m in shape.  I’m cute, like a girl-next-door.  Yet, I kept putting myself in the wrong position, which wasn’t doing me any favors.

I felt I needed a better understanding of how men think.  After listening to “Why He Disappeared” I also realize, I didn’t know what they think.

The one most important lesson I learned is STOP asking the “Why”!!!  Like a woman, I needed to know why.  I asked my friends.  I discussed with myself, over and over and over again.  I was so focused on the why, I couldn’t get past it.  I was obsessed with it.  Come to find out, the “why” only proves someone wrong.  Besides, as you so humorously pointed out, the answer really doesn’t matter.  I loved the examples given to answer the question why he disappeared.  The few you made up made me laugh.  Ultimately, the answer to my worrying about why men left me was so simple. If I focused so much energy on the previous man, I would never be open to the next man…never.

The result of learning about giving up the search for “why” is losing the worry, the wringing of the hands, the wondering if he will call, and all the stress and sadness that goes with the worry.  Although you pointed out the obvious to someone who thought themselves connected, I realize this is just the first step in my transformation to becoming a woman that men will want to meet and stay with. Rather than focus all my energies on changing them, I will need to move that focus to me, stop controlling, and learn to enjoy the moment.

After listening to your audio, I felt so relieved.  There wasn’t anything wrong with me.  I was doing what appeared to come naturally.  My motto of ‘just make it work’ was making me wrong.  When that happened, I felt helpless in my relationships.

I, now have, a renewed interest in finding the partner for me and am giving the ‘giving up the control’ a sincere effort.  It is difficult after 55 years of life to look at relationships differently, but I am willing to put in the work, trust my instincts, and forget the ‘why’!!!

Thank you, Evan, for enlightening me, having faith in women, and being honest with what ‘is’!!

Your forever follower,

Julie H.