I guess those who fail or are haven’t tried to have a committed relationship may know best what doesn’t work.

A friend of mine was once explaining the game of Bridge to me. He said, <i?”In order to win a hand of bridge, you have to play like you have a winning hand. If you play any other way, you will lose the hand.”

The same is true for dating. You have to play like you have a winning hand … even when you’re not sure you do.

If you think the odds are stacked in favor of the women, you really need to step back and get a new perspective on the situation.

Last Sunday I went to a Handel’s Messiah sing-along at a local church. I ended up sitting next to a redhead who was an excellent singer, and around my age. I got the distinct impression that she was interested in me. So I had to decide, did I want to ask her for her number or did I want to let the moment pass (after some casual flirting). The decision was mine. She couldn’t make me ask her for her number, and it’s difficult for women to make the first move. (Societal expectations say they shouldn’t, and they lack practice at making the first move.)

If a woman is an 8, 9 or 10, then the game is stacked in her favor. But that’s because she’s an 8+, not because she’s a woman. The same is true for men who are 8+.

As someone who is a little closer to average (at least in the looks department), I’d rather be a man. If I’m not getting enough favorable responses from women, I can just ask more women out. Problem solved.

I can also stack the deck in my favor. (Women can do this as well.) I socialize in three social circles (which have minimal overlap): church, yoga classes, and social dancing. In all three circles women outnumber men, I’m younger and better looking than the average man, and I stand out from the crowd in some other way (more involved, more outgoing, better dancer, etc).

To use Pick-Up Artist terminology: this means that I’m treated as a high-value male in all three circles … even by people who have no interest in dating me. When a new lady joins one of those circles, her immediate perception is that I’m a high-value individual. This stacks the deck in my favor. And since I’m being treated like a high-value male by the people around me, it’s easier for me to believe it and act on that belief.

If the odds are stacked against you, do something to change the odds.

1) The dating game isn’t set up for girls to win if you’re a guy who gets it and knows his power. That’s the same defeatist attitude of women who think the world is just arranged for men to win, and it doesn’t get anyone anywhere.

2) If it’s not clear from the way I’m writing to you right now, this is as straight as talk can get. Nothing fluffy here, except that there are a lot of women who are trying to understand men, and I treat them all with respect.

3) The secret to dating is men understanding women and women understanding men. PUA’s are often so focused on what “works” in the short term that they lose sight of what’s effective in the long term. Sure you can get her number, but can you get what makes her tick? If not, you’re not gonna stick around very long. Guys who want to understand women should be reading this blog.

4) Finally, there are some big blind spots in the PUA world that are not addressed by anyone else. For example, lowering a woman’s value via email on Match.com is a TERRIBLE strategy – and I’ve had to teach some Neil Strauss disciples to do it completely differently.

I highly encourage any men who want more than a phone number and a hook up to stick around. What better source of information than a guy who picked up a woman at a party and married her two years later?