Comments on: The Fade Away

By: Amy

Amy — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 15:30:51 +0000

Hilarious! I WISH I could pull a fade-away. I am as blunt as I wish men would be.

By: Tom

Tom — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 21:56:20 +0000

Thanks Michelle, your original post seems much softer in light of that additional information. Yes all those things you mention that some people do (begging, chasing, buying stuff etc.) smacks of desperation and neediness and is a real turn-off.

Your point is actually applicable to both genders; believe in your own qualities rather than trying to pander to someone else.

I’ve always found that having enough confidence to appear like you don’t give a damn (even if you do) is so attractive!

By: Michelle

Michelle — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 15:45:04 +0000

#76, it’s not about entitlement, and this comment is geared towards women…the comment is about a woman’s belief system. Too many women believe they must prove to the man that they are worthy, to convince him that she’s the best woman for him. She does this by overfunctioning, calling and texting him, doing things for him all the time, buying him stuff, invading his boundaries, chasing him, begging him to come back when he leaves. She then becomes the victim. All it takes is a shift in thinking, and all that changes.

I’m a huge believer in male/female romantic dynamics.

And actully, I am ‘that special’ and want a man who believes that as well. I wouldn’t date a man who isn’t interested in stepping up and showing me he’s a great man for me (and I’m a 48 year old woman on the 6-7 scale for looks, and have NO problem dating and retaining high quality men). I don’t want him to bow at my feet and be a convincer, I want him to be a confident man who knows he is worthy of me and chooses me to prove that to.

By: Tom

Tom — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 00:02:33 +0000

@ Michelle 75

“Remember, we as women are the prize. As such, we expect the men who are ‘worthy’ of us to step up and be the men we expect and desire them to be.”

I find this sense of entitlement causes many people a lot of problems dating. Surely men are just as much the prize as women?

If I sense that a woman thinks she’s some sort of amazing prize and that I must step up and prove myself I’ll walk straightaway.

None of us are that special!

By: Michelle

Michelle — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 16:24:52 +0000

Grrrr, sorry to hear that ladies. In the end, they did you a favor as they are not the kind of men you would want to be with for the long term. Keep reminding yourself of that…I’ve always loved the phrase: Rejection is God’s Protection.

Remember, we as women are the prize. As such, we expect the men who are ‘worthy’ of us to step up and be the men we expect and desire them to be. They don’t need to be perfect in any way, they just need to be mature, responsible men who take responsibility. My most recent mantra has been, “I’m looking for someone who is available, ready and chooses ME as his partner”. He showed up.

I also have read that a relationship starts to form (dating and otherwise) after three times of spending time together. So after 3 months, there are bound to be even stronger feelings.

#73, if removing him helps you to get the process, do it. Who cares what others think? It’s all about you and how you feel.

By: Maria

Maria — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 11:26:46 +0000

Thank you for sharing Mia. I keep myself busy, but things are still raw, so when I stop its there again. I know it will pass. So glad you’re enjoying a good thing after such a crap thing and thanks again for sharing. enjoy!

By: Mia

Mia — Tue, 24 Jul 2012 18:19:18 +0000

Maria, I recently had something similar happen. I’m mostly but not quite over it, but what helped me considerably was just knowing that he wasn’t giving me a second thought. Knowing that he was not missing me one bit. That got me off my butt on dates, out socializing, and kept me so active that I never missed a beat. I’m now having an anazing, fun out of town fling with a friend’s friend while on vacation in his city, and could hardly care less. This guy wasn’t the last man on earth, and neither was yours.

By: Maria

Maria — Mon, 23 Jul 2012 17:41:03 +0000

in my case we were dating for 3 months. not once did he give me an indication he was not into me or that he was a flake, then he just faded out on me. the worst part was that he sent me a message saying that he was busy with work and promised me he wasn’t trying to be a D**k despite appearances. With that I gave him the benefit of the doubt and I just took a step back to give him the space he seemed to need. If he hadn’t of text me after that I would have gotten the hint but he text me a couple of times after saying that he hoped I was well/ok/asking how I was etc…. and then he just stopped.

The added problem for me was that, when I felt this happening, whether or not the guy’s reasons were genuine, I retreated massively, because for me it was a red flag. It hurt like crazy because by this point we had been intimate and I was head over heels.
Also you convince yourself the guy cares, and so you question whether he’d really do a fade out on you. It is the most confusing thing to do to a person. I’d much rather a phonecall/email telling me it was over than the fade out, because when you have so much faith in a person, it becomes really mind twisiting that they could do such a thing to you.

Im still ‘recovering’ not sure how long it will take. In fact whole I am here, does anyone have any advice on whether I should remove him from the various contact lists I have him on, i don’t want to appear childish, but at the same time, I’m certain that even if he did try to get in contact, i would not want that in the slightest…. sick of seeing his name/profile everywhere I go.

I think some people dont realise that if the person you’re fading out on has formed feelings for you, then the fade out hurts worse than a straight up phonecall…so much worse. anyway who I am to ask another to take responsibility for my feelings as well as theirs (or lack of?) I don’t know any more.

By: Liz

Liz — Thu, 19 Jul 2012 17:08:08 +0000

Update. So glorious 8 days with the boy from Houston has resulted in a call (I’m in LA). I was patient, and didn’t call him. For a week he got back into the grove of things, and was distant (coming off from seeing him all day, everyday for 8 days, and phone calls the whole time-was distant). He finally called and said he was sorry he didn’t call in that week, but was dealing with work after a 3 week vacation, his boy and family stuff (his father had died the first week of the vacation and he had to fly back to bury him for 3 days). He said that he has been dating his boss, who was his best friend for a couple of years. That they were at an impass, no longer intimate and she wants to be married and have a child (he is 50 and doesn’t want more children she is 39). That being with me answered those questions, but he needs to clean up ending that relationship. I want to believe him and trust him. I told him to give me a call when that is resolved (she is his boss). Yikes! But you know what, wouldn’t trade those 8 days in for anything. Completely amazing.

By: JB

JB — Thu, 19 Jul 2012 15:41:24 +0000

@ Dria #68 ….Ummmm that’s not a “fade away”. That’s called a “date” followed by blow off. Obviously a bad one but a “date” never the less. You’re NOT guilty…lol