Comments on: The Girl Is Great. The Sex, Not So Much.

By: NonExist

NonExist — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 12:36:11 +0000

Seems like they both just benefit from trying to open up more and communitcate to each other as well as try different things to arouse both of their interests and enjoyment.
And if those do not work and they stay together they can see a sexual counselor to see if the problem is more psychological.

As far as young men being ignorant that is true.

By: ad

ad — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 21:10:24 +0000

one of the best books i’ve ever read on sex is John Gray’s “men are from mars” in the bedroom.
He explains how to approach these problems and how to fix them, how to really please a woman.
another good one — more technical, but still good, believe it or not comes in the four hour diet book.
you would be surprised how many men, even 40 year olds, have no idea what to do. after a lifetime of sleeping with men who have no clue what to do or how to bring a woman to orgasm, we women sometimes give up and say it’s not important, and it’s only important to please you.
i bet if you read these books and applied some of their knowledge on how to please a woman, things would change.

By: Dot LeSage

Dot LeSage — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 16:48:35 +0000

It’s definitely too soon to be giving up! Have you really tried everything to please your partner? Given the wide variety of options I doubt you’ve had time in 5 weeks! I think it’s easy for guys to get caught up in the idea that sex means one thing: your penis in her vagina. But shouldn’t it really be about the two of you enjoying yourselves and each other? Have you tried toys? Manually stimulating her? Mutual masturbation? Is it possible for her to give herself an orgasm? If it is, then it’s possible for you to give her one too. It will just take patience and practice. And what a fun thing to practice!
It sounds like the two of you get along great in every other way. Don’t you think it’s worth the effort to fix this one issue?

By: hunter

hunter — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 09:45:02 +0000

I have with a number of, not so good partners in bed, and none were my own private discovery. I remember, one even had two previous engthy marriages, before I met her.

I agree, that some women need professional help, ’cause, I remember trying to teach/talk to them about bedtime techniques, to no avail……….they just felt judged, or hurt by what I said…..

By: hunter

hunter — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 09:35:23 +0000

Janet, #11, a womans side to side movement will keep a man going, longer than seven minutes.

By: wanderlust

wanderlust — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 08:40:06 +0000

One other quick thought – When you discuss sex you have to remember many people have unrealistic or unhealthy views of sex due to, porn, pop culture, the media, movies, television, magazines, the whole nine yards. Our society ruined sex in a way.

By: wanderlust76

wanderlust76 — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 07:57:12 +0000

I’m so bookmarking this just for the comments alone…I’ve seen this same subject discussed a hundred times where it was the man that was awful in bed and the advice from women always amounts to…”welp, he’s gotta go, sex is too important!!” Come now ladies let’s have some consistency.

By: Kat

Kat — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 03:54:13 +0000

In my experience, a lot of women have hang-ups that prevent them from enjoying sex. Like? They think they’re fat, or they’re conflicted about the Madonna/whore thing or they fear pregnancy or they feel like it’s “dirty” or they say they’re OK with NSA sex but really aren’t OK …. And, a lot of women haven’t taken the time to explore what feels good for them and what doesn’t. So, how can they share that with a partner if they don’t even know that for themselves?
And, maybe guys aren’t selfish; maybe they’re ignorant, too ( I think a lot are).
I do agree that it’s troubling if a guy calls the sex terrible if the woman can’t orgasm; there are lots of ways to have fun and intimacy without an orgasm. Still, that may get old after a while and obviously there’s some ego involved.
But five weeks is an awfully short time to abandon someone who, in all other respects, is a good partner (although how can anyone even know that so soon?) If you’re both open to talking and exploring, then that’s a great start.
I once dated a guy who didn’t like to go down on women. I love oral sex, giving and receiving. I wondered how long I’d be OK with it. We were together about 10 months; whatever he lacked orally he made up in other ways. We ultimately split, but it wasn’t because of that. However, I think in the long run it would have become an issue.
Maybe you need to reevaluate what “great”sex is. Sometimes, it really isn’t the hanging off the chandelier kind of sex …

By: anette

anette — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 09:40:42 +0000

After 5 weeks, the sex is horrible and you are going to give up? You honestly don’t sound like you care about her very much at all. You like her, but you dont’ “care” about her yet.

FIVE WEEKS? Good God. That’s nothing. I’d be concerned after maybe months and months of trying to please each other, not weeks.

For a lot of women that I’ve spoken to, the biggest issue is trust. If she doesn’t trust you, and sex is an emotional and intimate experience for her, she may not orgasm(let go around you) until she trusts you. And if she’s got a history of men, where they basically haven’t waited UNTIL the trust has occured, before they begin to become physical, she may end up with a mental block that basically stops her from ever trusting in that way.

I know, because that’s what’s happened to me. Too much sex, too soon and guys just expecting it all to happen quickly. They never want us to become emotional dependant on them, or share too much personal information, but boy do they expect physical intimacy immediately. It just doesn’t work that way for some women. It was horrible for me, because I ended up feeling like I’m “irritating” them, by not being able to orgasm. Even an attempt to talk about it, was met with “it’s your problem, no other girl I’ve known had this issue”.

Now I wait. I do not persue the physical side, until the emotional side has caught up and I trust the individual enough to talk, have fun, goof off, make mistakes and general enjoy sharing the experience together. And no I still haven’t had an orgasm “during” sex, but I have had them with a guy now, so it’s much better.

Guys pushing for an orgasm and pushing for sex before some-one is truly ready, can be the biggest turn-off of all in my experience and just because a lot of women have sex very quickly in a relationship these day’s, doesn’t mean those women are actually ready for it. I thought I was, but I realize now, I wasn’t.

For any woman struggling to orgasm or enjoy sex the way they are ‘supposed” to(according to the male standard anyway), don’t get physical too soon. Find out if, he’s really going to be some-one you can trust and who will make the effort with you, even if it takes time because it’s YOU he cares about, not just the sex. If he wont’ do this, he’s the wrong guy.

By: JB

JB — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 16:25:13 +0000

@Janet #11 “Men get aroused and come quickly in about 7 minutes”
While this may be the text book statistical analysis of how the average male performs sexually. I can assure you and I sure hope some of the guys back me up on this. At 49 yrs old I can’t remember the last time I got it up and over with in 7 minutes…lol
Especially if I’m wearing a condom. Sure there’s the rare “quickie” but even then…. I know for a fact there are a lot of variables in everything in this thread but all men or women are not the same.Believe it or not some men can last a long time and assuming their women CAN have an orgasm we try to keep everything on an even keel as far as fulfilling needs etc. The problem I’ve run into recently is these women that can’t have an orgasm without a vibrator. So I tell them ..no problem bring it along next time and we’ll work together on it. Weeeeee !!!!!!!!!!!