Comments on: The Most Important Dating Advice You’ll Ever Hear – Don’t Do Anything

By: FlowerChild

FlowerChild — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 21:58:26 +0000

Evan, I have to say those two words “do nothing” were so profound. It was as though the heavens opened up and God himself gave this advice and it has resonated in my soul ever since. I’m not sure if it was minutes or hours (o.k. maybe a couple of days) after this insight before everything came together.

I had been hyper-focused on a man I was attracted to who took me out once, didn’t kiss me good-night and I never heard from him again. Yeah, initially the realization that he just wasn’t interested kind of stung . . . but what a relief to just let go of the wondering and frustration. I “did nothing.” And then (again was it minutes, hours, a day or two?) I suddenly saw what was right in front of me all along. A man I’ve known at work for a couple of years asked me to lunch. I must have looked like a deer in headlights I was so caught off guard.

Once again, Evan, your advice totally hit the nail on the head. I have just watched and observed (and yes mirrored) and this man has shown me exactly who he is and has guided me into a really solid, happy, relationship. He stepped up, set the pacing (a little slower than I’m used to but it’s so nice because I have gotten to know him and enjoy him and feel very safe when I’m with him) and has shown himself to be one stellar guy – a much higher caliber of man on every level than the one I was obsessing about – but it never even crossed my mind that he was even in “my realm.” (Again, your advice of looking outside of usual “type” at play here). It’s been easy and natural with no drama or frustration.

Thank you for the best advice I’ve ever gotten. I sent a copy of your blog to my daughter because I am so amazed at how effective it is. Next I’m sending her your book.

Do nothing. It works quickly, simply and perfectly – with no effort at all. You’re awesome. Of course I am a huge fan of yours now and I highly recommend your materials. Best advice ever! Just warn your readers they can expect miracles (in minutes, hours, or maybe a couple of days).

By: jmee

jmee — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 16:21:59 +0000

very helpful. of course, if i had known this before i accepted his proposal of marriage, was engaged for five years (and no, i did’t ask, and no, i didn’t push…in fact one of his complaints is that i didn’t! wtf?) and then spent too many years trying to figure out why he pulled the plug but still cycles around every so often to tell me he has feelings for me, i wouldn’t really appreciate these words like i do now… red flags everywhere and i just kept thinking i wasn’t trying hard enough, wasn’t giving enough. i was doing all the heavy lifting and he was getting a free ride emotionally and physically for too long. after 2 1/2 years he shows up on my porch again wanting to get caught up…and then wanting to have sex…because he likes to talk to me, and he isn’t getting any younger and he’s lonely. pitiful. this time, before i saw this discussion on line, i saw him clearly. he said we knew each other better than anyone else. he said he still had feelings for me or he wouldn’t be back. he also said he just didn’t know where he would be in the next year and he didn’t think we got along well enough to be permanent (you can see why) and he asked to be intimate inspite of all this. which allowed me to see he doesn’t really know me at all because i have never done the friends with benefits thing and never will and have been very clear about that. it has been a painful lesson. but at least there isn’t anything left to DO! : )

By: Jaye

Jaye — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 16:23:29 +0000

I enjoyed this blog post. I think Evan’s advice is golden. It took me years to figure this all out, and I just kind of figured this out with my current significant other. Most women never do.

Men will do what they want to do, and it’s not that hard to figure out what they’re about. You see what they will do on their own volition…whether it’s asking you out, calling you, intimacy, meeting parents and friends, engagement, etc. For the most part, there is no need for complaining or “define the relationship” talks. There is nothing worse than having a man comply because you “pushed” him, because you never know where you truly stand with him.

By: Dating Tips Guy

Dating Tips Guy — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 22:22:43 +0000

Also, the less desperate you seem, the more likely he'll want to stay with you. Just sayin... Dating Tips Guy´s last blog post...Jan 8, Worst First Date Ever!

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 20:32:08 +0000

What I get from what Evan says about “do nothing” is that we let the guy pursue, if he will, and we can be open and gracious. I think it takes a little practice to learn to be open and gracious while maintaining our objectivity. I went on a blind date the other night, and while I wasn’t dazzled, I was pleasantly suprised. I’m open to giving the guy a chance to grow on me because he appears to be of good character. I’m please to report that I’m at a point where I’m content with my life currently while positively anticipating what is to come. I have a great relationship with my children, I’m busy with my church which is a 2nd family, and I’m finally pursuing the college education that I’ve always wanted for myself. So if things with this guy don’t go anwhere, I’ve lost nothing because I’ve created a full and rich life for myself. I’ve gotten some real revelations from Evan. I believe that I’m in a place where I can take that knowledge and apply to dating situations, and it will be interesting to see what pans out.

By: Honey

Honey — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 17:00:40 +0000

aud, I think 4 months is PLENTY of time to wait before defining things, and the counseling is just an excuse. I would say "I'm sorry you're not ready for more because I am, I care about you and hope you get what you need out of counseling but I have to do what's best for me and end this relationship so I can find what I need," and have done with it. Best of luck! Honey´s last blog post...Snowboarding, Sickness, and a Breakdown at the Grocery Store

By: aud

aud — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 01:37:30 +0000

I’ve just ventured onto this site and have to say it’s the most informative one I’ve every come across. I’ve just re-entered the dating world after six long years in the wilderness. I found someone via internet dating and now realise why I haven’t dated in so long . . it’s hard work I wish I had the ‘don’t do anything’ advice long ago, simple but brilliant. Anyway my question is not new but I have been dating for four months now and got my man a card for christmas stating ‘to my boyfriend’ well he freaked out a little and to cut a long story short said he didn’t want to put tags on current situation, we had a long talk and he wants to take things slowly as he is currently in counselling to deal with some issues and needs some space, but is happy to keep thing as they are. I however have just finished counselling so I’m ready for something more pernament, but really do enjoy his company. I’m more of a ‘all in’ type of girl, I’m 37 and he’s 31 so maybe i’m just in more of a rush than he is. What to do? Do I stay and wait for an upgrade in relationship status or bail out now, either way I’m going to get hurt.

By: Sara Reed

Sara Reed — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 00:26:26 +0000

Wow – I love the simplicity of it, reminds me of the viewpoints in “He’s just not that into you”….if he likes you he’ll ask you out, if he doesn’t ask you out he’s just not that into you. For the most part that’s how I try to live my single life, saves a lot of wasted time on analysing men. If he’s not asking me out he’s not interested – period. I don’t think all women are good at sitting around just ‘doing nothing’ (I’m guilty at times)…we wonder and people tell us – but he might be nervous around women, he may be afraid of rejection, he might not know you are interested so he doesn’t want to risk rejection, blah blah blah. I’v even had guys tell me this. So confusing…anyway, I think it’s just a fine line. The woman let’s a man know she would like to get to know him and he then has the confidence to ask her out, she let’s him know she enjoyed the date and his company and he has the confidence to ask her out again. I think we sometimes jump the gun thinking ‘oh shit, maybe I wasn’t flirtaceous enough and he thinks I’m not interested, maybe if he just knew he’d call’. Yeah, that’s how it seems a woman’s mind can work and if hers doesn’t work that way you can bet she has five female friends whose minds work like that convince her to ‘do something’.

Sara Reed´s last blog post…Romantic Marriage Proposal Ideas

By: Work and Play « Nameless in Taipei

Work and Play « Nameless in Taipei — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 16:30:34 +0000

[...] So basically, am taking the laissez faire view and listening to dating expert, Marc Evan Katz when he gives this most important advice, “Don’t do anything.” [...]

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:37:27 +0000

@Kenley and downtowngal- I see what you both are saying and I agree. I just disagree with the InBetweener’s comment and feel that it is not the direction Evan was going with with his post.

I agree that we shouldn’t expect people to read minds, and that people shouldn’t be dropped for causing the slightest offense- especially if they didn’t know they were being offensive. But the whole ‘hey, where is this relationship going?’ line of questions that women end up asking men is pretty unnecessary.