The Most Important Quality Men Value in Women
Do you remember what it’s like to be in an exciting new relationship?
You’ve got this electric chemistry and everything’s going swimmingly.
He calls you every day.
He introduces you to his friends.
He talks about making vacation plans in the future.
In only a few weeks together, you feel like this was meant to be…and your mind goes wild with the possibilities.
You can’t help yourself.
You think about him at work.
You text him on the way home from work.
You daydream about what life will be like when you’re married.
And then it ends. Abruptly. Without explanation.
The problem is that – in relationships with flawed humans and flawed communication – the truth is often really hard to find.
You’re blindsided. And you want answers. I don’t blame you.
I’ve been in the exact same position and I wanted answers, too.
The problem is, you can never get them from your ex.
That’s why I wrote, “Why He Disappeared.” As a male dating coach who specializes in helping women understand men, I have compiled all the answers for you.
Click here to get clarity and closure on all of those past relationships.
You’ve gone through the pain and confusion that comes with breaking up. Maybe you made peace with the past, maybe you haven’t.
But if you’re anything like me, you’re constantly seeking the truth.
The problem is that – in relationships with flawed humans and flawed communication – the truth is often really hard to find.
The good news is that, in this blog, you’re going to learn one of the main truths that women go their whole life without learning.
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Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared. |
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43 Comments »Filed Under Dating
Deanna McNeil 1
In the most wholesome of ways, I love you Evan. What a great post
Lily 2
Lol at number 1. But yea great post.
I think this concept is understood well in other (mainly non western) cultures where women make sure they have the more ‘homely’ qualities in order for a man to be interested. It is funny that women find this such a revelation.
JoBlo 3
“Always up for anything on the weekend, up for everything in bed?”
My last boyfriend was into painful anal sex. For those of you who have researched this, who are, as sex/love advice columnist Dan Savage says, GGG (good, giving, and game), one key thing for a beginner is to START SLOW. This guy was not into starting slow. Eventually, I lost my willingness to try and he got no more of my butt for the next year (we’ve split up, surprise).
That’s a digression. My point is: who WOULDN’T want to spend time with someone who always says yes to whatever they want? Oh, wait, it’s not enough to just say yes – you have to actually, convincingly, be totally cool with WHATEVER YOUR PARTNER WANTS. Evan, you are saying for women to give up on the stupid, misguided hopes we were raised with that we could ever be an actual equal partner. I’m not saying you’re wrong. I’m just saying that it’s what you’re saying.
Detha 4
Great post! And as usual very enlightening.
Steve 5
I think this concept is understood well in other (mainly non western) cultures where women make sure they have the more ‘homely’ qualities in order for a man to be interested. It is funny that women find this such a revelation.
Not really considering that the book AND movie “He Is Just Not That Into You” did so well.
hunter 6
Emasculate, second guess, browbeat, yes, you tell a room full of husband less women to stop doing that, the room will quiet down to hear a pin drop.
Ruby 7
JoBlo #3
I can’t imagine anyone advising someone to stick it out with a selfish jerk, which is how I’d describe a man who forces his girlfriend to do something sexually without considering her needs first. Good thing you have moved on.
Selena 8
Re: #3
I stopped being one of those girls who was up for anything (almost) in bed when I dated an unfortunate short string of “special needs” men. Each of whom was very selfish when it came to reciprocation. Enough. Escort services provide women who are “up for anything”. I want a mutually satisfying, and loving sexual relationship.
Karl R 9
JoBlo said: (#3)
“My point is: who WOULDN’T want to spend time with someone who always says yes to whatever they want? [...] Evan, you are saying for women to give up on the stupid, misguided hopes we were raised with that we could ever be an actual equal partner.”
You’re focusing on the wrong point.
It’s nice that my girlfriend is willing to try new things in bed. And she’s willing to give things a genuine try before deciding whether or not she likes them. If she decides she doesn’t enjoy something, that’s perfectly fine with me.
But what’s vastly more important is her attitude when I want to spend a couple hours playing online computer games or spend an afternoon at a friend’s house playing tabletop roleplaying games. She happy that I’m taking some time for myself away from work. She’s happy that I’m spending time with friends. She doesn’t believe my geeky hobbies are some embarassing secret.
My girlfriend is a basically happy person. When she’s not happy, she doesn’t vent her frustrations by tearing my head off. When she has felt truly miserable, I have felt bad for her, but I didn’t end up feeling bad because of her.
Evan’s main point is that men want to feel good. It’s possible to feel good even if my girlfriend doesn’t enjoy absolutely every sex act that I enjoy. It’s nearly impossible to feel good if she’s going on a fault-finding tour through my life (as an ex-girlfriend did). That should give you a good idea of the relative importance of those two details.
Selena said: (#8)
“I dated an unfortunate short string of ‘special needs’ men. Each of whom was very selfish when it came to reciprocation.”
It sounds like you were dating rather lousy boyfriends (or completely incompatible ones). You don’t want to keep those.
If a woman is a lousy girlfriend, I make no effort to be a good boyfriend. I’m not going to discuss commitment and future plans. I’m not going to leave my weekends open. I’m not going to call every day.
You don’t need to apply these equally to every man you date. Just the ones you want to keep.
starthrower68 10
Hehe, and the guy who e-mailed me who also wanted a dominant woman was a bit puzzled as to why I wasn’t interested.
Selena 11
@Karl #9
They never made it to being boyfriends because they were lousy (and lazy) in bed.
Selena 12
@Starthrower
A dominant woman with accoutrements? I think I dated him.
Evan Marc Katz 13
I can only imagine what you’d say, Selena, if you read that you “never made it” to being a girlfriend because you were “lousy and lazy in bed”. Perhaps you would feel that the man was being superficial or unrealistically demanding. Perhaps you would feel that he should have been patient with you and given you the chance to become better in bed. Sorry, but I just can’t let such double standards slide on here.
My wife told a story at a party last night of a charity event that she attended, at which a hot young doctor, straight out of Grey’s Anatomy central casting, spoke about donating his time to perform surgery on children in Africa. The room, filled with women and gay men, collectively swooned. Pretty soon, there was an humorous impromptu bidding war from different tables to get the hot doc to sit down with them. Seating rights were sold for $1000 to a particularly aggressive and flirtatious group of fortysomething women, all of whom were certainly clamoring to get close to this doctor for his insights about malaria. Right.
If a bidding war for a beautiful woman doctor had brokeen out at a similar function attended by men, would this not have been a national news story, further enflamed by the likes of Jezebel and other feminist blogs? I find it hard to think otherwise.
Frankly, I don’t have a problem with any of this kind of stuff – not auctions for hot people, or private Powerpoint presentations of sexual conquests.
I have a huge problem with hypocrisy, however.
Didn’t meant to single you out, Selena. This was just a leaping-off point in seeing that we will often judge other people (on looks, sexual prowess, etc) in a way that we would never want to be judged ourselves.
Emma 14
But don’t men feel good when they are with an accomplished woman?
Selena 15
Evan,
Perhaps more detail is needed without getting into somewhat embarrasing specifics. First of all, I don’t consider someone my ‘boyfriend’ until “I love you’s” have been exchanged. Until then it’s “dating”. Having sex does not automatically make someone my boyfriend – it is though a way of getting to know if we are compatible in that area. If we are not, then the relationship will not progress to the bf/gf stage. Sex, for me, is what differentiates a romantic relationship from a platonic friendship.
When I speak of “special needs”, selfish, lousy or lazy what I’m talking about is a few men I dated (and had sex with) who had a definite preference for particular practices that did nothing for me. (And I’m not talking anything mainstream like oral.) It would become clear that these men needed these things to be fullfilled sexually. I was a good sport. I went along. But the novelty wore off pretty quickly. Even so, I can be a generous lover, doing things that don’t turn me on IF my lover is generous in return. In the case with these men they weren’t too interested in reciprocation, in doing the things I needed (which were mainstream). They wanted what they wanted and that was it. Which is why the relationships never became more than casual short term ones.
This is hypocrisy? A double standard? Maybe they did think I was lousy and lazy in bed because I didn’t appreciate their…uh…fetishes? So? We were incompatible in that area that’s all.
When you start to feel the guy should leave money on the dresser, it’s time to move on. Now where did I put that whip?
Steve 16
I hereby pronounce this the thread of nonsequitors. All Evan wrote was that men like the company of women that make them feel good. From there we moved on to anal sex, domination and Grey’s Anatomy ( a truly horrible show, even for a soap opera ).
Andrea 17
Yes, very true. I’ve noticed that a lot of advice given in the blogs is often taken to the level of extreme hyperbole by the commenters.
So being easygoing with your boyfriend is equated with letting your boyfriend force you into orgies, letting a man talk about an ex is disrespectful to you b/c he clearly is not over her and you should dump him, and compromising is equated with dating unemployed losers who treat you like a doormat and cheat on you.
It’s interesting how often the advice is not taken in the spirit in which it is given.
You aren’t being a doormat by at least being open to having a discussion with someone about something that they might like to try-that could be sex, food, travel, etc. You aren’t getting played if you don’t expect someone to check in with you every hour about who he is spending time with and want to read all emails, texts, etc. that a man sends out.
It’s also interesting how anecdotal evidence (“well no one has ever complained to ME”) is often the rebuttal to the advice. Just because you’re fortunate enough to get no complaints doesn’t mean that the approach is right, or that it will work for everyone.
I don’t really see how anyone could argue that being an easy-going, open-minded (not a doormat as is often claimed whenever this advice is given) partner/mate is somehow a bad thing. It takes so much time to follow someone around and poke around in emails and phones. It takes a lot of emotional and mental energy to be angry, jealous, and insecure.
Of course, all of this goes out the window if the person in question is hot enough, which I suspect is why so many people are convinced that their approach is what will work for everyone. Clearly, a lot of people get to be perfectly awful and always have someone willing to put up with their awfulness-but no one ever said that the world of dating, relationships, and marriage was a meritocracy.
Denise 18
#3
The key is to address the anger in a productive way. The best way to do that is to recognize that ulitimately we DID agree to do something. Unless the other person tied us up or did some other extreme act to us, we chose out our own free will to make that decision–and perhaps made that same decision multiple times. The NEXT, and most important step, is to LEARN from what happened. This is what Selena mentions, she strengthened her boundary in regard to what she was willing or not willing to accept in her relationships and life.
Finally, what qualities about this man did not appeal to you? What signs were that that this man was who he was, in and out of the bedroom? Learn from these, and next time this will help to make a better choice of a man to date.
Then move on in life, do not SUFFER over things you have no control over (which is the past in this case).
who WOULDN’T want to spend time with someone who always says yes to whatever they want? Oh, wait, it’s not enough to just say yes – you have to actually, convincingly, be totally cool with WHATEVER YOUR PARTNER WANTS.
PLENTY of people don’t want this and I can also guarantee that a mature man of high character definitely DOESN’T want this either.
Selena 19
LOL Steve #16
It’s just the phrase “be up for everything in bed” leaves ALOT of room for interpretation.
Steve 20
Andrea 17
Yes, very true. I’ve noticed that a lot of advice given in the blogs is often taken to the level of extreme hyperbole by the commenters.
It happens on web boards too. People don’t comment on what the original poster wrote, they use it as a trigger to go off on something they want to talk about.
Steve 21
Emma 14
But don’t men feel good when they are with an accomplished woman?
Not necessarily, at least not this man. I enjoy the company of date when she is physically attractive, is easy to talk to, interesting to talk to and easy to joke with. I couldn’t care less about her resume. Like Evan wrote, what women want in men isn’t necessarily what men want in women. Surprise, the way women view the world isn’t the world, it is their view of the world.
Karl R 22
Emma asked: (#14)
“But don’t men feel good when they are with an accomplished woman?”
Two or three years ago I dated a very accomplished woman. She was in her mid 30s, a MD, a researcher and an instructor at a prestigious medical school. She’s one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met (for example, she entered college at the age of 16).
In addition, she’s fit, attractive, outgoing, and a wonderful person in general. She’s even a very good dancer.
But her life/work balance is completely skewed towards work, and most of her remaining time is tied up with other commitments. If I left her a message, I might hear back from her in a few days. I quickly felt like dating was an afterthought in her life.
So I didn’t feel good. I felt like I was an afterthought to her. I left that relationship with no regrets.
She’s a wonderful woman, but a lousy girlfriend.
If I have to decide between an average relationship with an amazing woman or an amazing relationship with an average woman, I’ll go with the amazing relationship.
Evan Marc Katz 23
Thanks, Karl. It’s like I don’t even have to explain myself, because you’ll do it for me.
jennyana 24
Thanks Evan for putting this post up. I also agree with what Karl just said: I’d rather have an amazing relationship with an average man than an average relationship with an amazing man.
Ms V 25
Karl R…. Thanks for the insight. I’m early 30s and I own a business. I always return calls, texts, emails etc per Evan’s advice to mirror a guy. I try to keep my schedule flexible to make time. But, the reality is being a business owner is a turn off for most guys.
Denise 26
#25 Ms. V
Sounds like we’re coming back to the argument that men don’t like accomplished, successful women, i.e. I own my own business, I’m CEO of a large company, I’m an Olympic athlete. I sincerely do NOT believe that is the case for a mature man of high character.
Sometimes we just haven’t met the man who is a good match for us, sometimes we do things consciously and/or unconsciously to push a man away. It’s a matter of figuring that out for ourselves, to know that we are presenting our best selves–to focus on the things we can control and then have faith that the love vibes (for ourselves and others) that we’re sending out will come right back at us when it’s our time.
It might also be helpful to reread Evan’s Q & A which started this train of posts. He says nothing about a woman’s looks or career or anything like that…he talks about how she makes him feel. That has nothing to do with her being a CEO, athlete or business owner.
Karl R 27
Ms V said: (#25)
“But, the reality is being a business owner is a turn off for most guys.”
You’re completely wrong.
Being a business owner is nearly irrelevant to most men. It’s definitely less relevant than your cup size (and I’ve dated women from A to I).
I remember going on a date with a business onwer. While on that date, I didn’t feel like a guy on a date with an attractive woman. I felt like a job applicant being interviewed for a position at her company. And feeling like an interviewee … that was a turn-off.
It’s like the men who believe that women are turned off by men who are “too nice”. The women are turned off, but “nice” isn’t the problem. And as long as you’re convinced that being a business owner is the problem, you will continue to ignore any genuine turn offs.
Harriet Bond 28
Great to see a blog written by a man for women!!! Will be reading this one lots and directing my friends and female PI clients to it too!
Joe 29
Karl is right (in #27). We don’t care if you own a business, are a CEO, or are an Olympic athlete. We do care how you make us feel when we’re with you.
Damian 30
I will say that I think this post makes great sense. Many of the comments that ensued don’t seem to be, however, from people who actually understood the point.
I will say that I prefer being with a woman who I feel is my “equal” — insomuch as she is on my level of intelligence, career-minded (not a high school dropout working at McDonald’s), common interests, etc. — but then again, total “equality” is a little bit impossible if we’re being technical. Women and men definitely think differently. We can never be “equals” in the sense that we don’t really seem to want the same things… not everything. I will concede that it makes sense that I want someone who will make me feel good about myself and my accomplishments. The opposite will make me go away. If you want to drive your man out the door, make him feel like he’s no longer king of your castle. It’s very easy for women (and men) to do/say things that they interpret differently from the way they are received — purely based on the sexes and how our brains work. If you call me every half hour to “check up” on me (because you miss me that much, for example), I’m likely to interpret that as a) clingy b) jealous or c) distrusting. If you are exhibiting either combination of those three traits in copious amounts (half hour check-ins is rather much), you are not going to come across as the best partner, even if your interpretation is that it’s a display of affection, of just how much you want me. If you are too clingy, it feels like we’re dating a pet that we have to constantly make sure is okay. If you are too jealous, we’re worried you’re going to melt down and accuse of of things we should at least get to do if we’re already guilty of them. And if you’re too distrusting, well… you have issues we can’t overcome because you don’t trust us, despite not having done anything (yet) to lose it. If your last boyfriend, or worse, last five boyfriends all cheated on you, I can feel bad for you, but don’t blame me for their mistakes — and don’t expect/anticipate it from me either. I’m not them.
That being said, we’re actually pretty easy to please, for the most part. We honestly don’t want to be talked down to or berated over the littlest of things. We wouldn’t mind a little freedom now and then to hang out with friends without you thinking we’re cheating on you or that we’re jerks because we don’t want to spend ever minute of every day with you. We don’t want to hear nagging or too much emotional baggage. We’re not women. We’re men. If you can’t give in to our quirky, tech-obsessed, sports-loving, illogical, horny, possibly-perverted, sexist ways, you’re fighting an unwinable battle. Just like we don’t expect to find a woman who won’t be an emotional rollercoaster at least some of the time, also illogical, sometimes jealous, likely less horny. We can’t both be right. The point is that unless you are willing to let us be men, you will probably scare us away at some point, especially because we’re unlikely to talk about it because we don’t talk about stuff like that. If you are willing to let us be men, we’ll adore you for it and probably won’t even be able to verbalize why. You’ll get more of what you want by letting us have what we want. But, unfortunately, it probably has to start with you because — well, we’re men!
Denise 31
Great points Damian…
I’d love to hear about what you do as a man in an ‘equal’ relationship to meet the women’s instinctual feminine needs?
Damian 32
What — me? I’m a man! I don’t do anything… although that could also explain why I’m single! LOL
But, seriously… I don’t know if I can specifically put my finger on things I do or don’t do to meet a woman’s needs. I’m sure there are many ways in which I could improve. I would say that something I consciously do is try to listen without reacting. My normal tendency is to try to fix things or react to what’s being said, but I’ve noticed that women tend to like to just vent more than anything and are just happy that you’re there for them when they need to do it. They often don’t want or need you to react, or to attempt to “solve” anything, which is counter-intuitive, at least for me — because I tend to think that if you’re complaining about something, it’s for the sake of seeking change. I figure, if you’re complaining about it to me, you must want my help fixing it. But that’s not always true. Weird. Illogical. Roll-my-eyes-boring! You mean you’re complaining just for the sake of hearing yourself complain about it — and it makes you happier because you can drag me along for the ride — because misery loves company? There are plenty of times where I don’t want to hear it, but that’s why it’s a compromise. Some of the stuff you’ll hear is just utter nonsense (from a man’s perspective) — but it could be the most important thing in her life right at that point, so I just let her have her moment with it. I’m sure there’s plenty of crap she chooses to put up with that she thinks is equally nonsense or boring. It’s usually well worth it to just shut up and listen, acknowledge the vent from time to time, and seem genuinely interested/affected. Something I’ve realized is that, while men and women both want what matters to them to matter to others… I’ve noticed that women, in general, seem to need validation all the freakin’ time.
Denise 33
I give you a lot of credit and am impressed for recognizing one of a women’s needs (listening) and for wanting to learn more and do better.
If a woman needs validation all the freakin’ time, she has confidence/maturity issues. BTW, this neediness is not only reserved for women, it’s just your view. Plenty of men out there that are super needy as well. THAT is tiresome.
I think if you keep this equation in mind, it might help ‘explain’ women. (We are much more complex then men, this is true. We’re also more ‘capable’ in more ways then men. Men and women each fill an important role.)
Femininity (passion for themselves, their man and life) = Obtaining men’s resources (listening, labor, humor, affection, attention, money) + Purpose greater than self
So you’re listening DOES mean a lot in regard to having us feeling feminine and therefore passionate. Keep in mind though, that none of these things come at the expense of your boundary. So listening endlessly to someone dump their problems and negative energy on you is well beyond the ‘call of duty’.
Gem 34
“If you can’t give in to our quirky, tech-obsessed, sports-loving, illogical, horny, possibly-perverted, sexist ways, you’re fighting an unwinable battle.”
Ah, men…..I love them all!!
So true, Damian.
Men and women ARE, indeed, wired differently. If we can start with *acceptance* of our partner and their unique differences – we’re 2/3 the way to success, right there.
Denise 35
#34 Gem
Well said and couldn’t agree more!
Regina 36
My boyfriend of one year says that I make him feel loved, cherished, adored, protected, and accepted for who he is. that I’m the best girlfriend that he’s ever had. He also stated that he loves me, is in love with me, I’m a wonderful girlfriend, we have a high degree of compatibility, and that he doesn’t want to date anyone else.
However, when I asked him – after one year of dating – if he felt that marriage was in our future (in the past, he would tell me that although we are not ready for marriage yet, we are dating with that goal sometime in the future), he said he was not sure if he wanted to marry me. When I asked him why this was his response:
“I know that it’s wrong to compare, but I don’t feel the same degree of intensity for you that I felt for my last girlfriend. I know that was an unhealthy realtionship but I do not feel the level of intensity that I felt for my ex-girlfriend. Now, I don’t need to feel that same level of intensity because that was unhealthy, and I do feel a certain amount of intensity and passion for you, but I am not sure that I feel a high enough degree of it in order to want to marry you.”
You see, he feel head over heals in love with a woman who did not love him, but would criticize him and tell him that he was too weak, too short, etc. When she dumped him after 8 months of dating, idealizing her, he continued to pursue her. trying to change himself in order to please her and get her to love him back. When he started to back off, she would encourage him by acting as though she wanted him back, and the cycle would begin again. As a result, there was a level of intensity that he felt from that experience and he now uses that -to a certain degree – to determine the degree of his love for me.
He said that intuitively, he felt that our relationship would be sustainable over the long haul, and that even if he would have ended up with the ex-girlfriend, there were red flags that he overlooked, and in the long run it would not have lasted.
The lesson that I’ve learned is that it doesn’t matter how wonderful you make the man feel, or if you have a high degree of compatibility – what matters is how passionate/intense their feelings are towards you.
P.S. I downgraded the relationship to friendship status, in order to make the transition from lovers to friends, we are taking some time apart. AND he is going to counseling to try and figure out and resolve his issues.
Helen 37
Regina 36, thank God for your last paragraph. All the while I was reading what you wrote, I kept thinking: “Break up with this fool! He doesn’t deserve you!” And it sounds as though that is what you have done. Smart woman. If he doesn’t have the ability to learn from past mistakes, and if you are as kind and easygoing as he says you are, then you deserve a better relationship.
Don’t just sit there waiting for him to finish counseling. Go out and have great times with other men.
Denise 38
#36 Regina
WOW, I can’t believe this man was intuitive and thoughtful enough to express all of this to you! I’m impressed…
Things didn’t work out the way you wanted; it sounds like things he need to work through. It sounds like he’s a bit immature not understanding the difference between negative energy/drama and a relationship where that doesn’t exist. Good for him for getting professional help to work through that.
It also reminds me of Evan talking about the experience with his wife, wondering if she was the one he wanted to marry given the differences they had and that she may not have been his ‘ideal’. Ultimately, she made him feel good, was mature, grounded and centered, and eventually won his heart–he knew he would not be able to find someone who treated him better or made him feel better (hope I paraphrased my understanding correctly!). It took Evan some time, perhaps some maturing, but he got there.
Not saying that will happen here, but that’s what I thought of when I was reading your post.
Denise 39
#37 Helen
I think it’s better to be sympathetic to other humans as they travel their path in life. Most times, someone else’s path is not our path. It’s so easy to dismiss people. I give this man a lot of credit.
Chivon 40
Thanks for this post, Evan. I’ve always wondered why i couldn’t attract a guy and could never pinpoint the difference between me and my happily attached girlfriends. Your post really cleared this up for me…’cause I now realise my girlfriends are fully capable of being supportive to their man and also following a man’s lead. Thus far, I’ve been pretty negative towards men, and I am guilty harbouring this hurtful and ultimately self-defeating belief that all men who are less than perfect are ‘losers’..not working out for me so far.
But now that my eyes are open to what men really want from a woman, I’m ready to give it a shot and see where this paradigm shift takes me. Thank you so much Evan! (I’m 25 and have never been in love before)
Jenn 41
I don’t disagree with a lot of the article, but it seems to me that the author has little understanding of what women might want from men. Women want alpha males who pick up the tab all the time…etc…all stereotypes.
Maybe very young women (up to age 25) fit the stereotype- when they’re learning about what life is all about.. but really? We all want alpha men with strong jaws and high testosterone levels? lol…
IMO men and women want a lot of the same things- we ALL want to be with someone who makes us feel good. Maybe I’m an anomaly amongst women, but …how I feel around the guy is paramount to me. No, I don’t either want to be criticized, judged, second guessed, etc… I want to be around someone I feel okay with. That I feel good around.
That’s pretty much it. It’s hard for me to imagine feeling good around an alpha male that I dont’connect with.. one whose company I don’t feel comfortable in.. etc. I don’t like passiivity particularly but nor do I like alpha dominant behaviour- it disconcerts me. I have a lot of male friends who I have a little or a lot in common with- and sure that’s more of a non-issue with platonic friends. But with a partner.. bottom line is I want to feel good in their company. Not poked, prodded, or whatever.. just okay to be.
Retro Man 42
Evan you have done a great job in explaining something that is unexplainable in the world we now live in. It is no secret that men and women are very different but even so their personalities, qualities and charectaristics are a perfect fit. Women are the perfect compliment to a man meaning they naturally possess many of the qualities and abilities that a man lacks.
So in this perfect almost symbiotic relationship we have why do we get it so wrong? It’s because the female has been forced to take on the role of the male in our society. Some of it is the fault of men, some is the fault of woman and some is simply the need to survive in the crazy society that we have made for ourselves.
Men had started taking advantage of their dominant role by treating women as if their only value was in cooking, cleaning and sex. Acting like masters of the universe and treating women as second class citizens. Women on the other hand started to realize that they had power too. They were extremely intelligent and they also had something men really wanted and desired so they began exploiting men on both fronts. Then society kicked in making things worse through both media and economic conditions. Women’s lib turned into women’s equality turned into women are the same as men.
So where are we now? We find ourselves stuck in a society where there is NO distinction between women and men. The qualities that men lack are no longer filled in and the qualities women lack are no longer cared for.
As far as this article goes here is how I see things. Ladies, Evan is 100% correct when he says it is about how you make a man “FEEL”. I know some woman might be insulted by this because they think why should it be about him, what about my needs. However, the fact is that if you make a man feel great about you and his relationship with you then he will be the best man he can possibly be. The best husband or boyfriend he can possibly be. It’s like a racehorse that has been fed well, trained well and completely taken care of. Those are the horses that rise to the occasion and win. Men are the same way.
With that being said, in order to make someone feel good you have to have deep respect for that person first. If you are in a marriage or a relationship with a man that you do not have deep love and respect for then you need to fix it or move on. Why do I say this so strongly? Because you need to be in the position to WANT to make your mate feel good. if you do not have the ability to make your man “feel” good about himself and about his relationship with you then he will never love you in the proper way. He will never give you what you need in return as a woman.
Even though personally I’m not very old my parents grew up in the 50′s. In those days though things were far from perfect, men were men and women were women. Ladies got treated like ladies. If some tragedy were to strike men literally gave up their lives to save a woman. They protected them, they opened doors for them, they ran to their defense if they needed help. Men viewed women as beautiful and precious. On the other hand women took care of their men and kept them happy and made them “feel” wonderful. They stood by their mans side making him feel like he had their wife’s deep respect.
Some women and some men will tell you its better now, but I for one don’t believe them.
jay 43
WOW! those were some simply extraordinary comments! i actually didnt want them to end and way to go Evan! its so worth it being online when i come across simple master pieces that make it all worth while the read. Karl R and Retro man, were such interesting reads!