Comments on: This Guy Loves Talking to Me, But Does Not Want to Be My Boyfriend

By: prototype jay

prototype jay — Sat, 09 Feb 2013 12:59:35 +0000

I have been in the shoes of both you and your friend and I wished someone had explained it to me when I was at your side of the court and saved me some confusion! I think its possible he had begun seeing his “dreamgirl” just weeks before meeting and becoming intrigued by you. He could be genuinely interested in you but it took him a couple of weeks to realise he had invested more in HER (it could be old-fashioned loyalty, emotions, money, etc), to risk bringing YOU on board and making it a 3 person boat / exchanging her for you. Its also possible his existing relationship was not-yet exclusive / stable when you first met, but became exclusive during that 2 weeks. So he was “confused” for a couple of weeks before making his decision. Not excellent behaviour if you ask me, but he’s also not a total jerk – it could have been much worse if he had slept with you!
Dont take it personally – see it as him being loyal to the girl he met first and look elsewhere. You can accept him as a platonic friend, as long as doesn’t make you suffer and he does not try to lead you on again.

By: Catherine

Catherine — Sat, 28 Jul 2012 10:27:43 +0000

God, it is the story of my life, “” I like you as a friend, you’re good fun ”

By: Katarina Phang

Katarina Phang — Mon, 04 Jun 2012 00:55:47 +0000

Ooops…I meant he got weird and pulled away.

By: Katarina Phang

Katarina Phang — Mon, 04 Jun 2012 00:55:13 +0000

I have a hunky neighbor who obviously was attracted to me when we first met last year. But then he got weird and pulled out, finally he admitted he was seeing someone else. That was also my suspicion from the start.

So it was timing. Recently he broke up with her and out of the blue started to text and call me again. We began to hang out and play tennis the past month.

He’s back. And he affirmed his attraction for me in more ways than once.

So, sometimes it is really about timing and it’s not you. I’ve learnt to figure out that a man who is hot and cold with you, very likely, isn’t really single. Move on. If you still like him when his relationship is over, you can always start over.

I’ve learnt also guys who find you attractive will always bounce back in the picture one way or another.

Another reason is he might not be available for relationship because he’s not financially secure. It’s a big issue for a guy. You would want someone whose ducks are somewhat in a row anyway.

By: susan

susan — Sun, 03 Jun 2012 10:01:16 +0000

boy oh boy been there done that and got a wardrobe of t-shirts.
but there’s one thing i just don’t get…why does this KEEP HAPPENING to me!!!

By: Abc

Abc — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 13:23:12 +0000

Great thread. I’ve been there a few times – Im smart, hawt, etc I’m also happily married (20 years) in an open/swinging marriage and I STILL get the “friends” routine from men! They are frustrating creatures!!! Bottom line is, men need a lot more than a pulse for repeated sex. The OP is on the back burner, because he likes knowing that she likes him. She’s like a security blanket, and he doesn’t care about her as a person. If you are romantically interested in this guy, dump him and move on – he just isn’t into you. If you really value his friendship (really – do you need more friends?) then be friends. But most likely, your self esteem will suffer from accepting a back burner position. If you value yourself, then you deserve to be on the front burner, on high. YOU choose the relationship – don’t accept what someone else gives you, or you will be nothing more than a doormat. YOU decide what YOU want from each man (friendship, sex, money, etc) and if you aren’t getting it, move on! There are 3 components to a relationship between two people: you, the other person, and the relationship itself. Own and MANAGE your relationships. Maybe your barista is The One, but you’ll never know if you only ever expect lattes from him. Don’t take the crumbs of life, take charge of the stove.

By: kitty

kitty — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 18:28:48 +0000

This seems like common theme that all men do, regardless of them having some sort of emotional or deep connection to you, the bottom line is if they’re still not coming forward then you just have to let it go and cut ties with them.

By: Janet Vakis

Janet Vakis — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 21:58:20 +0000

Ohmygod, thank you to all of you who wrote repiies to this woman’s dilemma. This is almost identical to my situation, except my man spent 3 yrs pursuing me, we are massively different in ages. He did all the talking all the running, then the games started, won’t bore you with it all. The chemistry between us is just electric. I told him 3 times to f….off…….leave me alone because I couldn’t stand the games, they took over my life. Then after a year of polite distance, he stops his car and me in the middle of the road as I was walking along. He says he can’t forget me, wants me every time he sees me… says he has come back to me again…… I didn’t say anything but walked on. Though secretly I was thrilled waiting for this moment, thinking aha my patience and coolness paid off, this is it, I’ve got him. Since then, I left a message for him to call, he said I was doing his head in, that I should just go with the flow! What the f…. does that mean. Since then, that was a week ago no calls, nothing. I saw him once, he was nervous, so I just played it cool. So I am back to square one, if I let this happen. BUT I READ ALL YOUR COMMON SENSE REPLIES, AND PEOPLE, I’M GONNA GET ON WITH MY LIFE AND NOT LOOK BACK! YAY

By: Daisy

Daisy — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 17:52:59 +0000

Err..I’m a girl but I have to say that right now I am in the position of the guy. I have a stable, secure, loving & caring boyfriend whom I love so much and who I believe will make a compatible long-term partner (and yes we’ve talked of marriage).

But on the other hand i have this male friend of mine who I used to hav a major crush on a few years ago, and only 5 months ago he revealed to me that he has been attracted to me & wished that i was his girlfriend but that now it’s all too late. Nevertheless, we still occasionally contact each other via email or text, and everytime we do, sometimes it gets too personal/deep/emotional, and other times it gets too sexual. I have to admit that sometimes i would reciprocate too. He has been single for 2 or 3 years now. He said he wants me to keep my options open if things dont work out between me and my current boyfriend. To be honest, i am very much attracted to him too, and i can see that he has a lot of the qualities that i want in a longterm partner. I just dont know him as well as i know my boyfriend. So yes, although i am fully committed with my man right now, i am keeping this guy on the side ‘just in case’. He fully knows this and I dont think he minds (otherwise he would stop contacting me). Plus, he’s casually seeing other girls too so it’s not like im hindering him from getting the happiness he deserves. So right now I consider him a friend with a “potential”.

By: Gabriella

Gabriella — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 10:28:03 +0000

I know of a case where the man is head over heels in love but he sends out the wrong signal because he is not financially ready for a serious relationship leading to marriage. He is an actor, by profession, and struggles to make ends meet financially. He met the woman he was waiting for all his life but cannot make afford to date or support a wife at this point.
Does that make sense? It blew my mind. Do not know what to make of that situation. Wonder what Evan to respond in this case.