Do Men Owe Women An Apology II

In an April blog post called Do Men Owe Women An Apology?, I shared the “Dear Woman” video that was produced by a group called Conscious Men. It featured sensitive, spiritual, new age guys expressing heartwarming, earnest apologetic sentiments about how men have wronged women.

I liked the message and agreed that men can become a whole lot better at relating to women. Many of you also agreed that while you liked the message, you weren’t crazy about the fact that the men delivering the message sounded more like women than men.

Enjoy this parody by Funny or Die and share your comments below. Please ignore the commercial that plays before the video.

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Comments:

  1. 31
    Sayanta

    EMK

    Oh, but I have to answer lol- I guess I’m guilty for starting the whole Afghan/Africa thing- but Jack’s post irked me, I had to say something

  2. 32
    Bettina

    We on the east coast are into the middle of the day already and have had the humor squeezed out of us for the time being. It will return.

  3. 33
    Annie

    @28

    I completely agree with you on that one. Giving fathers more rights to take care of their children and have some paternety leave is a great idea.

    Lol@ Evan. Sorry :)

  4. 34
    Annie

    @27

    Do you see the sacrifices that others make as well.?

    My father spent 7 years working overseas by himself and almost 5 years interstate, so he could gain tax free$$ so I could go to private schools and have every privalege under the sun.

    While my mother talks about her sacrifice of giving up a career, there is never any mention of how lonely my father was, when even his children didn’t bother writing him a letter because we were never made to appreciate what he was doing.

    He just sent the money home and we spent it.

    Everyone is making sacrifices. The woman may forgo a career, and the man may forgo family time to provide.

    I have no doubt if the situation was reversed and women were working and men staying home, you would see a whole different story. Imagine working in a country where you didn’t even speak the language and saw your children 1 time a year and had nothing financially to show for it, except a few spoilt children who thought money grew on trees? Hopefully with equality maybe women and men can finally respect the roles they choose(no matter what they are) and the other’s sacrifice in equal measure.

    One can only hope.

  5. 35
    Gem

    Jack #31,

    Any of the women here want to express gratitude for the men who risk their lives every day to ensure a stable supply of food, gasoline, safe buildings and working sewers?

    I do, I do!!

    Life IS unfair all around. We all just need to do the best we can in our little part of the world everyday with the people we come into contact with. Live with honor, integrity, and gratitude. The change starts and continues with one. Holding onto anger, and grudges for what happened in the past accomplishes nothing.

    Oh, and laugh a lot! Starting with this video. LOL

  6. 36
    Bettina

    Not buying it. Men definitely still have more priveleges in every sphere. Ask any man if he’d swap his standing in the world for that of a woman. I bet the answer would be no.  

    @31 and 37: Curious that you don’t notice that women’s labor is also part of the supply chain for food, gas, safe buildings, and working sewers.

    See what I mean? Only the male contribution in those industries is mentioned in that post. (shaking of the head)

  7. 37
    nathan

    I agree with Bettina on this one. True gender equality just isn’t here yet. Are we closer than in the past? Yes. Are some men discriminated against solely based on gender? Sure. But even here in the U.S., where you have entire swaths of men complaining of being oppressed by feminists and the like, in every power arena, be it political, corporate leadership, religious leadership, etc., men still outnumber women in leadership positions by a large margin.
    As far as the video goes, it’s kind of silly. Which was Evan’s point in posting it I guess. I’m not inclined to offer apologies for all the misdeeds of men throughout time and currently, mostly because it really doesn’t help much.
     

  8. 38
    Shelagh

    That kinda ticks me off that women were saying the men sounded more like women than men. Really? After all the crap women bitch about? About how men aren’t sensitive enough for us, and they go and do this as an act of expressional regret so to speak and they mock them? Well to those same women, I don’t want or care to hear or read about their complaining anymore. You ruin men. Here’s why you’re single. Period. A man can be a man and occasionally lose face from time to time. Man, woman, we’re all human.

  9. 39
    Andrew

    “True gender equality just isn’t here yet.”
    That would actually be a terrible thing for women. Google “workplace fatalities”. Do women really want equality with death jobs?

  10. 40
    Jadafisk

    “That kinda ticks me off that women were saying the men sounded more like women than men. Really? After all the crap women bitch about? About how men aren’t sensitive enough for us, and they go and do this as an act of expressional regret so to speak and they mock them? Well to those same women, I don’t want or care to hear or read about their complaining anymore. You ruin men. Here’s why you’re single. Period. A man can be a man and occasionally lose face from time to time. Man, woman, we’re all human.”
     
    You realize all women aren’t the same, right? Some think men should be more sensitive, and some don’t. They also usually have corresponding ideas about women and acceptable levels of gender role adherence. There are women who think men shouldn’t cry and women should stay in the kitchen. They want… (shocker) different men than the women who believe different things.
     
    “That would actually be a terrible thing for women. Google “workplace fatalities”. Do women really want equality with death jobs?”
     
    Doesn’t matter. Societal burdens should be shared. Also, the availability of jobs like those are a significant reason for the disparity in poverty levels between H.S. educated men and women. All in all, equality is a sweet deal for everyone.

  11. 41
    Annie

    @41

    See here’s one of those male arguments I don’t agree with(usually an argument showing women don’t want equality).

    If men choose to go into dangerous occupations then that is the risk they take and can’t really complain that things aren’t equal. Just like if women choose to go into lower paying occupations then they can’t really complain when we hear about women earning less money, and saying things are still not equal. Women could go into higher earning occupations and men could go into safer occupations.

    It’s all about choice and they are mostly equal except in rare circumstances(Like special military forces) where we are dealing with a biological difference we may not be able to do anything about(though we can try).

  12. 42
    Bettina

    Andrew@41: I doubt very much that any man on this board is in a “death job.” This is as much a class issue as a gender issue. I don’t hear any guy expressing “gratitude” for the men and women who do dangerous or crummy lower-class work so that we above them can live in comfort. The pharaoh did not build the pyramids.

    Women also do crummy physical labor and are paid less than the men who do crummy physical labor. After these women spend all day doing that crummy physical labor they have more hours of work at home–taking care of the higher-paid men and the children and the home. Some deal.

    My dad worked for many years in a job with a high rate of fatalities. Women were not allowed to do that work, but not because they couldn’t. He pushed my older brother into that profession, and now that brother is sitting pretty financially and he gets to command a dynasty from his perch. This industry was forced to allow women in, and those women perform admirably well–if they can get beyond the intense harrassment and abuse they have to suffer in the early years of their careers. With the technological advancements of the last few decades the mortality rate of this industry has dropped dramatically.

    But you’ve missed one profession that has historically had an extremely high rate of mortality and which is 100% a female occupation: Motherhood. Until the last century the rates of death due to childbirth were extremely high–1% of all pregnancies ended in a woman dying. Google “maternal death” or “death in childbirth.”  

  13. 43
    Elizabeth

    Y’all are too heavy for me.  You’ve got to laugh at life and how the two beings – male and female – are so completely different in SO MANY ways and yet, we’re to be mates?  The ultimate challenge!  I was loaned a book written by Dr. Kevin Leman entitled 7 things he’ll never tell you (but you need to know).   #5 is “I’ve thought about sex 33 times today, and it’s not even noon.”  I laughed out loud at reading just the title!  Is that not the truth?  But the book is a great insight into a man’s view of men.  Even my 19 year old daughter read it and agreed there will be some things you just can’t change and said “you’d been learn to deal”.  Therein lies the crux of life: you cannot change everyone – but you can change yourself to “learn to deal”.  Learn to laugh, to get along.  One last thought: the other day, the Dali Lama said essentially that anger only destroys yourself and NEVER the person who created your anger.  Cool off. 

  14. 44
    nathan

    Elizabeth, I don’t see much anger in these comments. Just people sharing and disagreeing with each other at times. There’s nothing wrong with disagreeing or debating. It’s a good way to learn in fact.
     
    I get along just fine with most people, and I also can disagree and debate without resorting to nastiness when that’s called for. I’m also a practicing Buddhist, and one thing about the Dalai Lama is that the guy comes off soft and always smiling, but he’s also got a great mind that he uses to dig into and debate issues with others. The guy gets along with nearly everyone, and at the same time shares his views, sometimes quite strongly. 
     
    Part of getting along with each other is getting to know each other more deeply. Can’t do that with discussions like this in my view.
     

  15. 45
    Annie

    @45

    Lol yeah we probably have gotten a little heavy especially since the video was quite funny once you got through the first part.

    But I guess we all have our “topics” of conversation that we feel strongly about. A good ole debate, even if feisty is better than no discussion.

    Perhaps this thread wasn’t the best time for that fiesty debate however :P

  16. 46
    jack

    Bettina-
     
    Interesting to note that it took technological advancements in order to enable women to compete in that job market.
     
    As far as the intense harassment, well that happens. But harassment often is dished out to all newcomers, it is only the women that attribute it to gender. In some occupations, it is a test to see if you have the mental fortitude to handle the position. Emotionally delicate people probably need not apply.
     
    I work in a very male-dominated field, and the women who can give and take like one of the guys are accepted immediately. The ones who are all upset over terms like “manhole cover”  (Person-hole cover, you insensitive twit!!!) usually continue to endure subtle jibes and slights for a long time.
     
    I don’t see any reason why an employee group should have to completely change their culture just so the new princess can feel like she is getting to control the workplace. And let’s face it, wailing about terms like “manhole cover” is allllll about control. Such women are not actually offended. The feigned offense is merely a pretext for a display of control-freak behavior.

  17. 47
    Ruby

    Jack #48

    You conveniently left out the word “sexual” in your discussion of “harassment”. Sexual harassment of women is not a “test of metal fortitude”, or an objection to the use of words like “manhole cover”, nor is at about a woman expecting to be treated like a “princess”. It’s the harassment itself that is an attempt to control, not any objection to the harassment.

  18. 48
    Jadafisk

    #49. I was wondering if men regularly subjected other men to quid pro quo and groping…
    Also, the infusion of women into such an environment that don’t accept the status quo as god would probably improve the lives of the men who *don’t* like those aspects of male homosocial environments, but feel unable to speak up about it for fear of being further targeted/threatening their careers, let alone the men who don’t consider those occupations at all *because* of that environment.
    The new guy may not actually appreciate having his number scrawled on the bathroom wall… the slim, 5’4” guy may not enjoy being “playfully” pushed into things/people and being randomly lifted and carried like a sack of potatoes, the guy who reads a book on lunch break instead of talking about who he banged during the weekend in explicit detail may be less tied to protecting the jocular nickname “faggot” than people think.

  19. 49
    jack

    Jadafisk-
     
    You missed my larger point. My point was that such rough individuals probably need someplace to work, and perhaps some pockets of the workplace should and will always remain a bastion of such people.
     
    To suggest otherwise is to imply that you are willing to bring HR interpersonal meddling into every last nook and cranny of the workplace. Some people will never respond to correction. What then? Fire them? Imprison them?
     
    It is characteristic of social engineers to think that they are so smart that they can change everyone’s behavior and “correct” people that they deem flawed.
     
    Good luck on that one.
     
    I don’t go into violent parts of town. Do I have a right to do so? Yes. Is it my fault if a criminal mugs me? No.
     
    But-
    The wise person understands that some problems are not corrected so easily. It is easier and wiser for me to avoid those parts of town that are known to have high crime. Police and laws can only do so much. My desire to walk through that neighborhood unaffected is subordinate to my knowledge that I can’t always get what I want.

  20. 50
    starthrower68

    @ Jack #51,

    You missed my larger point. My point was that such rough individuals probably need someplace to work, and perhaps some pockets of the workplace should and will always remain a bastion of such people.
     
    To suggest otherwise is to imply that you are willing to bring HR interpersonal meddling into every last nook and cranny of the workplace. Some people will never respond to correction. What then? Fire them? Imprison them?
     
    It is characteristic of social engineers to think that they are so smart that they can change everyone’s behavior and “correct” people that they deem flawed. 

    We seem to have deviated off the original topic, but a workplace setting certain standards of behavior has nothing to do with “social engineering”.  While I’m not going to get into all the laws and acts I studied while I earned my BA and working on my MPA the nuts and bolts is, if you want to collect a paycheck from the company that you work for then you’d darn well better follow their rules.  Just a thought. 

  21. 51
    Kurt

    Is that Will Ferrel’s real hair?  Man, does he look old now!

  22. 52
    Jadafisk

    #51. Well, I imagine they can do what virulently racist people have had to do for a while now – pretend not to be horrible at work. We all do it to a certain degree, and I don’t see why those people would be thoroughly incapable.

  23. 53
    Juliette

    Hi Nathan, It helped me a lot to hear ‘Dear Woman’.

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