Why Do Men Pull Away From Relationships?

I’m still sifting through the hundreds of responses that you gave me on yesterday’s survey:

In case you didn’t know, all I asked was this: What is the most important question you have about relationships that you’d like me to address in my new eBook? Next thing I knew, I was flooded with questions like this:

Why can dating be so difficult for educated, career oriented women in their 40’s?

What makes a man want to commit and stay committed to a relationship?

Why do men act like they like you and then when you express how you feel about them, they disappear?

What makes men run away from a relationship when you start asking where things are going??

Why do YOU think men pull away from women and committed relationships?

I don’t understand the guys that come on super strong over the course of a couple weeks, and then, all of a sudden, say that they are “not ready for a relationship.” If my behavior hasn’t changed (e.g. they are the one pursuing me), what has changed in their heads?

Why is it that men have follow-through issues? The first date goes well and then there is nothing.

Why do they pull away when things get serious?

I would like to know what to do to get a man really interested and how to continue to hold his interest so he doesn’t pull a disappearing act.

Why don’t men seem as interested in long term relationships as women are?

I’m not kidding when I tell you that I’ve got SCORES of these questions – slight variations on the same exact theme. So, my brilliant readers, since you have strong opinions on all things pertaining to dating and relationships, I’d love to hear from you:

Why do YOU think men pull away from women and committed relationships?

I know it’s a broad question, but I really want to hear what you have to say! Both women AND men, please…

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Comments:

  1. 121
    Michelle

    Huh? 

    “There then followed a number of get togethers at his apartment and I was keen for him to know it was a relaxed relationship (FWB type approach) which he said he needed as he was still married (10mths separated and very messy situation).”

    “I believe I went into the relationship thinking it was a growing one and clearly I was totally wrong.  ”

     

  2. 122
    Amy

    @ Jem
    “I am left hurt and confused and unable to articulate to him how I feel as there is now no contact other than if we bump into each other whilst commuting. It may feel perfectly OK for him, but I am the one feeling like he just did the squatting dog on my feelings!” rung so true with me. It’s horrible when you know that for them they have the ‘power’ and therefore don’t seem to care. Whilst on the other hand we are so desperate for just some type of contact.
    As a follow up to my no contact, my book which he still had showed up in my letterbox yesterday. No follow up text message to say it was there either, just silence. I have not responded to say thank-you which feels quite nice as he would be expecting it. Men just need to stop being such cowards and use their words!

  3. 123
    Jem

    @Michelle he said he wanted relaxed relationship, and I was totally ok with that as he made all the noises / gave all the signs that although we were relaxed and not expecting to see each other all the time he wanted to spend time with me and actually enjoyed my company beyond the sex.  He suggested dinner at his, he suggested a weekend away with the theatre.  That’s why I thought it would be a growing relationship – not marriage or living together obviously given his situation  – but One that was easy, relaxed and mutually beneficial.  But the absolute withdrawal and silence does not say “relaxed” it says “dumped” but without him having the cajones to actually say the words. What frustrates and upsets is he possibly felt this way before our weekend in town but still went ahead with it then told me afterwards he was going to be too busy for me.  I have no objection to irregular contact, but what I cannot take is the total absence of ANY contact given his persistence and pursual

  4. 124
    Jem

    @Michelle he said he wanted relaxed relationship, and I was totally ok with that as he made all the noises / gave all the signs that although we were relaxed and not expecting to see each other all the time he wanted to spend time with me and actually enjoyed my company beyond the sex.  He suggested dinner at his, he suggested a weekend away with the theatre.  That’s why I thought it would be a growing relationship – not marriage or living together obviously given his situation  – but One that was easy, relaxed and mutually beneficial.  But the absolute withdrawal and silence does not say “relaxed” it says “dumped” but without him having the cajones to actually say the words. What frustrates and upsets is he possibly felt this way before our weekend in town but still went ahead with it then told me afterwards he was going to be too busy for me.  I have no objection to irregular contact, but what I cannot take is the total absence of ANY contact given his persistence and pursual at the start. Perhaps he is just a user getting as much action post-rubbish marriage and I happened toacross his path. Time for me to move on and not think its me who is defective and lacking in the value of honesty.

  5. 125
    Michelle

    This can be really confusing with men.  That’s why, in my opinion, it’s crucial for a woman know exactly what she wants, to clearly communicate it, which can be very difficult at the beginning of a relationship.  We think we’re okay with casual, he relaxes, then we get caught up on oxytocin and emotion, and bond.  Bang, too late.  That’s why I’m saying to be very clear on what you want and communicate that VERY CLEARLY.  A good man will walk away early if he knows he can’t deliver what you want. 

    Yes, it is crappy that men just walk away and don’t have what we would consider courage to be frank and honest with us.    For the most part, it’s just the way they are.  They don’t want to deal with women’s emotions, so they opt not to.  Another thing is men are not women–they don’t think like women, they don’t talk like women, they don’t interact like women.  We as women cannot change any of this, all we can do is do our best to understand and accept it, and more importantly, recognize we only have control over ourselves. 

    This stuff is painful, but part of the life’s learning experiences.    

  6. 126
    laura

    they are afraid to commit and if things get serious they will just leave since to them it is the best answer and the only thing to do.

  7. 127
    Katarina

    The same reason women pull away from men. The people who come on too strong too soon would freak anyone out. We don’t always know what we want. We may think we want someone early on but then we get to know them we can see that we don’t actually click.

    I am a woman and I INSTANTLY freak out when I feel pressured in anyway when I am not ready. My feelings go like that!
     

  8. 128
    Bubbles12

    I have recently found that men pull away when they think you are not totally into them straight away. I am a very attractive woman. Some say, beautiful. There are a lot of men ‘after me’ at any given time. They are not, really, after me. They are on an ego trip, but regardless. They just pursue me for the heck of it, but it is confusing and painful at times. I really think sometimes that a guy visualises having to fight off too many men and they get scared of that. OR you have to come on SO strong for them to GET that you like them. At the risk of seeming needy. I’m not needy. After one or two dates, how am I to know I actually like them or want a relationship? I don’t know so I don’t promise. I bide my time but they don’t want that. Sheesh….give me some time, will you!

  9. 129
    vee

    i figured from experience, men when it comes to dating, usually they use their feeling after the  first time sex with the women they go out with if they would want to pursue a potential relationship with her or not. It maybe the quality of the sex but most of the time i think it’s the inside feeling of a man kinda like intuition. 

  10. 130
    Anonymous

    I suggest the women to read “Why men marry bitches”

    The book says men don’t like to be pushed into commitment.  This includes women announcing that they want a serious relationship or asking “Where is thing going?’

    Men naturally pull away when they’re faced with these questions. They want to feel as if they’ve had a part in making a decision.  Let’s face it. You can’t decide that you want to commit to someone within the first few weeks or even months!   I’ve had the most success by simply not asking of these questions when dating. I show up on dates, and let the man initiate exclusivity.  It has worked. The beginning stages are all about just having fun and getting to know each other.      

    I also don’t have sex right away, which helps the man fall in love with me over time. 

  11. 131
    hespeler

    Bubbles 129
    How do you know that EVERY man who is after you is on an ego trip?  Surely if there are a lot of men after you at any given time, the law of averages says at least one of them will be genuine.
    You seem to be suffering the curse of the beautiful girl in that you have too much choice which actually serves to weigh you down. 
    Also, put yourself in the guy’s shoes.  If you come across as aloof (which it sounds like you might) then some, not all men will just back off rather than risk getting their hopes up and being disappointed.
    This is why I think women, especially highly attractive ones wind up with the edgy, volatile guys.  These guys seem to be able to stand out from the pack because let’s face it, nice and normal is boring at the initial dating phase when trying to create chemistry.

  12. 132
    enlightened

    I think it’s a  combination of timing, not being ready ,being scared and sometimes not being interested but being  to cowardly to say it. They may really like the person but they think it’s unfair to string them along until they are. Men can freak out and withdraw when they realise there is someone else in the picture. I have had this happen to me recently as combination of factors in his life not being right and him not being ready. As woman you need to draw the line and walk away yes he may have something going on his life which maybe stopping him or just his own feelings but it’s not worth over analysing it. Like Evan said believe the negatives ignore the positives. He may have had good intensions but when faced with the question “Am I ready” he knew he wasn’t so he let her go so like Evan said she can find someone available.  He may come back ready to man up or he may not you have to draw the line and life your life instead of wondering why cause if he really wants you he will do anything to get you back…sometimes it a chase of them finally growing up and realising that they can’t have it all and really wanting that certain girl back so I have heard. So life your life, if he pulls back, freaks out about it for whatever reason say you will be here as friend whenever his ready to talk this doesn’t mean wait do the exact opposite live your life cause it’s not your loss it’s his the longer he takes the time to figure out what he wants the easier it becomes for you to find someone else. If he doesn’t come back at least you know you gave him a shot and he blew it NEXT but if he does don’t make it easy for him but apparently when he does come he is more committed. This way you knew you gave him a chance and the ball is in his court and he doesn’t want to throw it back you have your closure. During this time do not contact him let him contact you…if he doesn’t want to lose you he will do whatever it takes because people don’t know what they got until its gone and I have experienced this myself guys who I ended things like years ago coming back and vice versa..but it’s better not to pin your hopes on it and move on and if they do see how you feel about it at the time but just BECAREFUL.

  13. 133
    Elron

    You girls ever seen Bridges of Madison Country?
    We all feel like you’re gonna pull a Francesca on us the second we go Robert Kincaid on you.

  14. 134
    Donna

    I am amazed at how many women think that a man has pulled away because of the woman’s doing. As if the men can do no wrong in the beginnings of a relationship? Puhleese! Come on, women! Get a clue! If men are pulling away from you it’s not because of you but THEM! They are not worth your time. Be thankful that Life saved your ass from being with the wrong person. It’s only making room for the right one to come along.

  15. 135
    Ellen

    Donna is RIGHT. Many times the woman has done nothing wrong per se.
    Carol Allen, vedic astrologer has a nifty saying for these situations: Rejection is God’s protection. Think about it.

  16. 136
    Summer

    I think men pull away from a relationship is because they are afraid to fall in love with anyone. they are scared that, that person will hurt their heart and once his heart is broken its hard for them to come back into the dating thing…

  17. 137
    chris

    Many people want intimacy but lack the skills or maturity to have a healthy relationship. Intimacy involves sharing your life and doing shared activities. Men and women pull away when their intimacy level or preferences do not match the partner’s. If someone likes you and wants to share their life with you they continue seeing you. Maybe it is sometimes good that you are not told why a person pulled away unless you are strong enough to face the truth that they found you unattractive, boring in bed, disliked your children’s behaviour, found you weird or intellectually challenged, disliked fat women, disliked women who drank or smoke or ate with their mouths open… Pulling away can actually be a kinder gesture than hitting you with their blatant honesty or trying to chip away at your denial. Maybe they’re scared of your reaction if you are verbally abusive or volatile. When a relationship dissolves both people want to cast blame on the other partner for what went wrong. Maybe it was just timing, but do try to be honest about yourself and reflect on whether something you did may have caused the other person to retreat. Were you rude to the waitress, aggressive, moody, demanding, precious, embarrassing, rough, uncouth?? Be a bit introspective instead of readily blaming them for doing a Houdini. Improve your habits, skills, appearance and behaviour to attract an equally rounded partner. 

  18. 138
    dave

    Its a very very simple answer: SEX

    Women share their bodies with us without commitment. Feminism actually encourages women to “have sex like a man”…I never understood how that could be empowering. By blessing desirable men with cheap easy access to sex it completely changed the dynamic between men and women. The thing that puzzles me about feminism is that it fails to acknowledge even the slightest differences between mena nd women. So, women are taught to believe that men think like women. Its really weird. So now me still have their careers, hobbies, etc…only difference these days is we get to sleep with multiple women that put out and then settle down with young a family orientated women when we are ready. I’ll never understand this aspect offeminism and how its empowering to women

  19. 139
    dave

    Michelle….good points. Exactly! Men do not think like women. Women genrally don’t care about a mans sexual history and actuallly seem to be intrigued by a man that has conquered many women. Its the opposite for men. Its hard to feel like a man when a women has given her body to dozens of men before him. its posinous, and we try not to develop feelings for women like that. So, if you sleep with a guy after a couple dates….well…your just another notch and its boosts out confiidence and women loooooove “confidence”. Not confidence in the courtroom or the boardroom or the emergency room….NO…women want “confidence”” i.e. He’s charmed so many women into bed he has the confidence to charm me too….

  20. 140
    Marie

    The reason why some men can’t or won’t commit is because they get bored or scared of the word commitment. Some men have a high level of testosterone making them have raging hormones and a high sex drive. It could be the reason why youll see them coming on strong and quickly start pulling away because of boredom. I think men with high levels of testosterone are always looking for adventure. I guess if you want a man to stick around look for men who look less masculine. There are some decent respectful men out there and there probably not hanging out at bars. When you go into a relationship looking for more then just casual dating youll end up hurt unless you’ve met someone who wants the same. The temptation we see everywhere we go can make it difficult for some men and it doesn’t help when they have friends who cheat. Some women dont have the same sex drive men do but they can also be to blame when it’s so easy for men to have sex with woman who are willing and able. Whether its low self esteem or loneliness women fall victim and become easy prey. That’s why woman shouldn’t focus so much on there relationships. If a man did not have a positive role model as a child then there attachment to others will reflect that. That’s why we need to focus on ourselves first. Get a hobby, hang out with friends. Find happiness with yourself first and everything will fall into place. 

  21. 141
    Karina

    Well, I think Dave two comments above is absolutely spot on. Men really do have it easy these days, because women were fooled into thinking casual sex is good for them. I would not blame feminism though, I would blame the media – the big (MALE!) media bosses who figured selling sex is quick and easy. We, as women, should really stop trying to understand or even embrace this culture but stand up against it and speak up. The ability to withdraw emotions from sex is being portrayed as a strength, hence many women go round saying sleeping around is fun. The better strength to promote would be the strength of our opinion, our confidence in the fact that we are not inherently week or damaged just because we more into mind rather than physical aspect of relationships. We should feel empowered to stand up and say it. Collectively, as a whole gender. I, as an individual, do not sleep with men I fancy immediately but it doesn’t solve the problem. They just quit as they can get sex easier somewhere else, so why would they put in the effort? I’m personally not offended much by this behaviour, as I don’t see these people as worthy of my (or in fact anyone’s) time but it does annoy me that they get their way. Honestly, we should stop feeling like victims and just say how our feelings are actually more mature and also perfectly valid. Having said that, men should also mature up a bit and stop expecting women to play games with them. If I really feel a physical desire towards someone why should I make him wait? Are all men kids that constantly want to play treasure hunt? Therefore I think the fault is on both sides. Women should be confident in being different (and in fact more human – animals go by solely on their physical needs!) and men should grow up and stop only seeing women as board games/treasure hunt/ sex objects. We are all human.

  22. 142
    BARB

    After reading through this entire thread (yeah, time on my hands, after a disappearing act) and reading “Why He Disappeared” I come away with one thought. Dating, Relationships and Human Nature is ambiquous.  Seems, Damned if you do, Damned if you don’t.  This applies to both genders.

  23. 143
    pachelbel

    Men disappear because they are men.

    Forget about them. Get a parrot and devote to it the attention and care you devote to a man. You’ll find a better companion than any man–easier to housebreak, more dedicated to your contentment, and largely more intelligent.

    But don’t do that if you’re still secretly in your heart trolling for a man. If you fool yourself into finding a “perfect” man, or just a 5 out of 10 you’ll put up with in order not to be lonely, you’ll break the parrot’s heart. Parrots are far more loyal, intelligent, sensitive, and loving than men. 

  24. 144
    Brooke

    Men and women, it’s like oil and water, they don’t mix. Why should women have to play games and not give into their own sexual desires?  Honestly I feel so much better getting sex out of the way especially when its really great.  The big difference although we try very hard to fight it is that sex and emotion go hand in hand for us, not for men.  Anyway, my little story goes met a guy slept with him, major sexual attraction to each other, he tells me second time we get together he wants to be honest cause he really likes me and wants to continue seeing me, that he has a women roomate whom is strictly platonic, found her on Craig’s list only to share living expenses.  I honestly didn’t know how to react.  All I could say was okay.  He continued texting and calling regularly, being very sweet and verbal being very reassuring and telling me he misses me, but once 6 p.m. comes around he disappears.  His actions do not coincide with his words. Met him about a month ago and not seeing him more than once a week though communiate every day.  In my heart I know something isn’t right, has to be in a long term relationship.  Men stink.  The only defense mechanisim we can learn is to harden our hearts and act as they do.  We can’t beat em so join em.  It’s a never-ending game.  It’s human nature to keep fighting but after every loss, it takes a little more out of you.

    1. 144.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Men don’t stink, Brooke. Your man stinks. If you break up with him, you won’t be around his stink. Find a man who doesn’t stink and you can be happy. There are millions of couples who don’t think than men and women are like oil and water. Become one of those.

  25. 145
    Holly

    I’ve disconnected myself from men for a long time due to the fact I can never figure out the lies in the beginning, and then I end up feeling worse about myself. Met someone. Guard up. And it was like he was calling me, texting me…all the time. I would text, Busy? and I would get, Not to busy to talk to you. Men show they are interested by doing things that are not so convenient for them. So I thought I would give it another shot because this guy seemed different. It was an onslaught of attention. My guard would go down until I felt “comfortable.”

    This is what he would say:
    “We are lucky to have found each other.”
    “Wouldn’t it be great if we could just be in each other’s arms for days and just get to know each other?”
    “I own my own company, so money and my schedule is no problem. I can make my schedule any way I want it so whenever you want to get together.”
    “You like to gamble? I can come up there and we can gamble together and get a room there…it would be fun.”
    And the list goes on……….

    So after 3 weeks of that, I began to believe it. Why wouldn’t I? and then within a week, it was weird. And here is the events the led up to it: Tuesday: He text me, something provocative. Okay. I responded. Then nothing. So I said, “nothing?” He text back, “I’m just really busy, but just wanted to tell you I was thinking about you.” Sweet, right?

    Wednesday: I text randomly at like 7pm. And I get some remark that he is busy. I text back, Sorry, okay.

    Thursday: Haven’t heard from him at all, so I just text once. He responded. and only like 4 texts and he said he was going to bed…..okay.

    So between Monday-Thursday, total of 6 texts?

    Friday morning: I get from him, “so what do you want me to do to you when I see you next week?” I respond, “what to you want to do?” He said,”I guess we have dinner and then play it by ear.” I’m sitting there baffled. So I said, “play be ear?” And nothing. So an hour later, I text “no response?” and I get “Call me.”

    That conversation was so degrading, I cannot even tell you. I get, “I am attracted to you, I like you, but don’t push me away. I don’t want a relationship, but if you want to get together once a month, okay.” I am basically speechless. Felt like I was punched in the stomach. This is what I get for guard down.

    So we do end up meeting up….not without his comment, “maybe that will work” when 2 weeks before that it was like I gave him an early birthday present when we set this up. The closer that day came, it was, “can’t wait to see you.”, “looking forward to seeing you,”…..on my drive down, “are you here yet?” “be careful”, etc. Baffled. Honestly.

    So we met up. And it was good. Have to say. And his daughter text him that his granddaughter was sick, her husband not home, and if he could come watch the 2 year old while she took the baby to the doctor. This is what he said. Asked me if it was okay to go (we were going to go out to dinner). Of course, I will be fine. He basically handed me $25 to pay for my dinner, “because he really wanted to take me to dinner.” A couple of days later, I got to thinking, that maybe he lied about the whole granddaughter thing? Because the communication has been little since that day. And based on his reaction and mine that day, it was pretty good. But again, we are back to nothing. Again, guard down and I completely fee stupid.

    Thing was, not completely looking for a relationship either, but something more than this. And he was good at getting my guard down, only to humiliate me basically? I don’t get it. I know why now I keep up my guard. He was so adamant about the things he said in the beginning and so believable, that I thought he was different. Nope.

    When I become only when it’s convenient for him, then I know I’ve been taken. In the beginning it was incredible because there was attention even when not so convenient. And now, it’s only when convenient for him. And I can’t be myself because now I don’t know what to say, how to say it, and when to say it.

    I thought I would put out there one more time, about coming to his neck of the woods the next couple of weeks…….if he had time, we could get together. Based on the reaction of being together, I expected, a little more excitement then what I got, “Will let you know.”……..so my response was, “Ok :) If you can’t or something, it’s okay, I understand. Just thought I would let you know. Hope you have a good day. :)” I got, “ok”.

    Got it. Although if I say nothing else, in a couple of days, I suspect I will get a, “Hey you…..” and maybe some flirtatious texts…..feels awful. Honestly.

  26. 146
    Holly

    Just wanted to say. Yep, I was right. But always his terms. Never mine. Do not understand.

  27. 147
    Rochelle

    I think it’s because 1. men are driven by their desire to have sex (even the ones who end up being our boyfriends) so they seem to come on strong with both their words and actions (mainly their words) often in the beginning and it’s the emotional connection that keeps that going and hooked. If he isn’t feeling that connection after a certain time, he begins to pull away 2. Most men are into the chase..like feeling they are more interested in us than we are in them and wondering if they can get us. Sometimes a woman start to come off too much more interested in him than he is and it pushes them away…sometimes I feel like they just sense it somehow. It seems like everytime a guy pulled away that it was right at the time when I was starting to feel more strongly and began doing things that made it seem like I was “chasing” him.

  28. 148
    Holly

    That makes sense Rochelle. And maybe that is why he didn’t want to go to dinner with me? The more I thought about that excuse with his daughter and granddaughter being sick and she wanted him to meet her at the emergency room, I just can’t imagine that even being true. Because if I wanted my dad to meet me at an emergency room, I wouldn’t text, I would call. That is too important to send in a text…she definitely would have called.

    I’m thinking about sending him a money order for $25.00. I think that would put an end to it, which it should be. Just got a text two days ago, that he needs me (physically), and texts were exchanged. I sent the last text. We had talked about meeting the next day but he had a work meeting. I was like “ok”……And then about 6 hours later, I get a text, “Tomorrow definitely won’t work…we will meet up soon, and I am unavailable for communication tomorrow.” Um, I already knew tomorrow wouldn’t work and it was weird he basically banned me from even a text—so if I sent a quick text that day, I mean, it takes 30 sec to read?

    It’s hard to acknowledge some one is using you and they really have no interest in you personally. I have a hard time acknowledging that because it feels so horrible.

  29. 149
    LR

    I have read many comments and here is my confusion… I had a guy just bail… shut down and shut me out, stopped talking to me when we used to talk all the time. We were friends for many years before we ventured into something more. And when we did, he was the one driving the relationship, and I was telling him we need to go slow. He told me that one of us had to be the “adult” and was glad it was me. He was the one to tell me he was in love with me, that he knew I loved him (I had not said it first and it took me awhile to confirm my feelings) and told me a few times that he had never had the kind of intimacy with anyone else that he had with me. How can someone confess that I fulfilled a void no one else had, and then just run away?

    Shortly after things started with us I had some life events that I had no control over, at first he was supportive.. and a couple of weeks before bailing, he told me he did not want to give up on us. Since, not a word of explanation and I had asked him several times if we could talk so I could understand what was going on and put things into perspective. I told him that I was a pragmatic person, I just wanted to understand “why”. He was not willing to do that, then eventually dumped me by e-mail and I have been completely shut out without any explanation.

    I have read the description for your book “Why He Disappeared” and how you claim to help women… but from the bit I read and the comments / reviews of your book, it seems to come across as making excuses for men and that women have to play a game of sorts in order to get them. Maybe I am wrong about that… in any case, I don’t see you addressing this anywhere: What about just teaching men to be honest and to not be cowards? Especially for women who have stressed honesty like myself. Especially if we had honesty during our friendship…. why should that have changed?

    I am curious about your book, but have no interest in the audio files (severely hearing impaired), so I am uncertain about purchasing it to give it more evaluation…. and I am curious about your coaching as well, but still undecided about that.

    In any case, my little bit of input. Obviously there is more to my story and that added to the hurt and confusion.

    1. 149.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      @LR – Respectfully, since you haven’t actually read Why He Disappeared, it would be really hard for you to judge the contents of it. I can assure you that it’s not about making excuses or playing games. I can also assure you that as a dating coach for women, my job isn’t to teach men. Just like a math teacher’s job is not to teach history. If I were you, I’d buy the book, take notes, read it up until the last page, and come back here to report. There’s a money back guarantee.

  30. 150
    Rochelle

    @Holly 150, maybe there really was something going on with his granddaughter. But either way, I think what I said re: why men pull away may have played a role in the other areas of your situation. However, I wouldn’t take it as he had an agenda to intentionally hurt you. I read “Why He Disappeared”, and also “Have the Relationship You Want” by Rori Raye. Both helped me understand the whole male/female dynamics of dating and relationships so much. After that I felt like “oh I was doing a lot backwards and overfunctioning; that’s why everything always seemed so difficult with men”. Understanding how to date more effectively made me feel less like I’m walking on eggshells with men and enjoy dating. You may want to give these books a try too.

    PS: If I were you, I would keep his $25.00; it was his decision to give it to you for dinner. I also would not contact him unless he contacts you. And if he does yet you no longer wish to hear from him, tell him so. My 2 cents :-)

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