Why Do Men Who Seem Like Promising Prospects End Up Breaking Up With Me?


I’m really excited to be here today, breaking out my new little FlipCam video just for you. The reason I’m doing this video blog is because after reading through nearly 1500 of your most intimate questions, some common themes became apparent.

And instead of waiting to complete my new book, I wanted to share the most powerful observations I had based on your survey answers.

The first big misunderstanding you have about men is a big one. In fact, if there’s one thing that you can take away from anything I write ever again, it’s this one.

Men Are About Feelings, Not About Looks

If you’ve ever been baffled at how men sometimes pull away from you, believe me, I understand. I’ve been dumped before and I remember the raw confusion, trying to reconcile how something so good could possibly go bad.

Now as a man, I don’t claim to speak for every guy, everywhere. I only speak for good, solid, relationship oriented men – the guys who are over the drama of dating hot, crazy women. Guys who want to date hot, crazy women aren’t really good relationship bets, so you shouldn’t worry too much when they disappear.

Anyway, every normal guy has had the experience of dating someone attractive and then breaking up with her. The physical is what pulls us in, but there’s a high price to pay for this kind of dysfunctional relationship.

You’ve probably done the same thing: been so drawn by attraction that you never looked up and considered that you’re always fighting, you’re always breaking up, and that, in between the great sex, there’s very little peace and contentment.

Are men drawn to smart, strong, successful women? You bet. The same way that you’re drawn to smart, strong, successful men. Really. Those characteristics are universally attractive and are considerable assets to you.

But where women and men often diverge is that we’re looking for different things. You’re looking for a man who is taller, stronger, smarter, funnier, wealthier.

We’re not. We’re looking for what we doesn’t have ourselves, what we can’t get at work, what we can’t get from our male friends: warmth, compassion, kindness, generosity, femininity.

Thus, your brains and beauty will always attract men, but they won’t keep them.

Thus, your brains and beauty will always attract men, but they won’t keep them.

Men may not even be able to articulate this themselves, but we want to feel needed, trusted, important, masculine, sexy, smart, funny, and heroic. In other words, we want you to see us the way we see ourselves. We want you to treat us the way you want to be treated. We want to feel unconditionally loved and accepted, despite our many flaws.

And if we don’t get all of that, we’re going to find a woman who does.

That’s why it doesn’t matter how impressive you are. You could be a Rhodes Scholar/TopChef/Supermodel, but if we constantly feel criticized, micromanaged, unattractive, emasculated, pressured and undermined, we’re gonna move on.

So when you’re trying to assess how to keep a guy around, remember:

Men are about feelings, not about looks.

Make us feel like a million bucks and we’re not going anywhere.

If you’ve struggled to understand and connect with the “right” men, do yourself a favor and put in your email address. That will put you on my priority mailing list so that you’ll get first notification when my new book comes out.

More importantly, it’ll take you to a special report I just created based on YOUR survey questions, called “The 3 Biggest Illusions You Have About Men”. This is some really valuable, challenging and eye opening stuff, and it’s all yours on the next page. Just put in your email, click submit, and stay tuned for more video updates in coming weeks…

Also be sure to offer your thoughts on my video in the comments section below and have an amazing week!

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  1. 61

    At the risk of raining on everyone’s parade, I found this article to be fairly sexist. There are some truths to it and it’s nice to know not all men are about looks but this post implies that if you are attractive and smart and men leave you, it’s most likely your fault because you treated him poorly and if we fall all over a guy and be the best girlfriend we can be, we will snag a guy. What about how WE want to be treated? Shouldn’t both partners strive to make the other feel good? I am a great girlfriend who also happens to be very attractive and successful — but I’m also kind, warm and feminine. I go out of my way to be supportive and show my man I care. But I also stand up for myself and ask for the things I need and want. Time and time again I’ve had guys break up with me, saying they just aren’t in love with me, or they can’t make me happy, they aren’t ready for a relationship (after they’ve aggressively pursued me) or whatever reason of the day — sometimes they just disappear. Then I see them go on to get engaged to someone else. It’s not always something we DO or DON’T DO. I don’t think there’s a magic ticket. I guess when it’s right, it just is. And it will continue to be wrong until it’s right.

    1. 61.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      My whole business is based on telling women how they deserve to be treated, so I’m not sure what you’re talking about.

      But to be clear, telling women that they may be, in part, responsible for why things don’t work out isn’t sexist. It’s the exact same commonsense approach you’d offer to a man who got dumped by his girlfriend and wanted to learn why.

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