Women Are Racist

No, not really. But in John Tierney’s continued analysis of dating behavior, he cites some interesting studies that suggest that women are far less open to dating men of other races than vice versa.

African-American women said yes about 30 percent less often to Hispanic men; about 45 percent less often to white men; about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

Black women were the most averse to interracial dating, Asian women were the most open to it, and Asian men didn’t fare all that well.

I’m not going to hypothesize why – after all, I’m a dating coach, not a social scientist – but this very much corresponds with what I’ve heard from clients.

White women said yes about 30 percent less often to black or Hispanic men, and about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

With one exception. I’m a bit surprised at men’s openness to interracial dating. While I’ve personally dated women across the racial spectrum, I’ve only had a handful of clients who ever expressed preferences for women of other races. Then again, the demographics of my clients are probably a bit skewed towards upper-middle class white people.

Any readers with interracial dating experience care to weigh in?

Hispanic women said yes about 20 percent less often to black or white men, and 50 percent less often to Asian men.

Money quote:The researchers found that most women speed daters said yes (meaning they’d like to see a man again after the four-minute speed date) less often to men of another race than they did to men of their own race. Here’s how much less interested they were in the other races, as compared with their enthusiasm for men of their own race:

Asian women didn’t discriminate much by race (except for showing a very slight preference for Asian men over black or Hispanic men).

Click here to read the whole article:

Update:

But wait, there’s some “good news” from those same researchers.

A few days later, after looking at 300 reader comments, researchers sent some surprising news back.

Daters who discriminate by race… also temper these biases once they get to know one another.

“The researchers realize that their results can be depressing, but they also agree with the many readers who caution against reading too much into the preferences of online daters and speed daters. Yes, these daters clearly discriminate by race and height and looks and other superficial qualities, but they also temper these biases once they get to know one another.”

People who are terribly picky in choosing partners online will relax their standards if they spend just three or four minutes talking to someone at a speed dating session.

Click here to read the whole article.

What’s your view? To quote one researcher, Paul W. Eastwick, “do those stated ‘turn-offs’ come back to haunt you later in the relationship, or are they permanently forgotten?”

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Comments:

  1. 61
    Samis

    As a male of Indian descent I’d say Sayanta’s view is mostly true when it comes to “traditional” Indian men – meaning those who’re either first generation, and especially recently emigrated. But I think that’s mainly true for most first generation men from any culture that isn’t Western European based (i.e. you can say that about Russian, East Asian, Middle East, etc to varying degrees.)

    For the second generation it’s a bit tricky because their attitudes are a lot more “American” when it comes to gender. Plus many earlier immigrants went into professions like medicine and engineering, and lived in upper middle class neighborhoods. So their dating preferences tended to reflect the majority population of men and women depending on which way you go. Why that is is something for the anthropologists to discuss.

    Of course to say that American men are the least sexist males on Earth is probably an overstatement. It really depends on the individual.

  2. 62
    A-L

    Re: JerseyGirl’s #59

    I don’t like to put the “racist” label on anyone, and in terms of someone’s dating habits, it’s a very touchy, personal issue. But there’s a part of me that thinks it is racist if you categorically refuse to date (or even consider dating) every single individual of a particular race or ethnic group, simply because of their race. I understand that we all have preferences about what our mate looks like. And stereotypes exist because many people within a group (be it gender, race, geographic location, etc) have those similarities. But I don’t like those blanket statements being made and ruling everyone out.

    For instance, my dad emmigrated from a Caribbean nation in the 60s and he has a very patriarchal, traditional, and somewhat chauvinistic view of how male/female relationships should work. Most people from that part of the world are the same way. However, one of his good friends is totally different in terms of helping with housework and having a much more egalitarian perspective. If I ruled out all immigrants (or immigrants from more traditional societies) then I would miss out on someone totally great who does have what I’m looking for. (By the way, I have no interest in hooking up with my dad’s friend, just using this as an example.)

    The same thing goes for purely racial (appearance) issues. I might have a preference for Middle Eastern/Hispanic/Indian looking men, but there are individuals of every race who just make your mouth water, and you’d be happy to go out and marry any of them.

    Basically, I think it’s okay to have preferences, but don’t make it an unbreakabe rule.

  3. 63
    Chen

    Women who refused to date their own race are driven by the hatred they have for the things they can not change about themselves. Such as ethnic appearance, education background, family wealth etc. By reaching a “higher” race, it make them fulfill more self-worth. It’s a intricate and complex subject, but strip it down far enough, this is what it is, low self esteem combined with false ideology mix with some media brain washing.
    I heard a lot of Asian women complain there is no good Asian men because most of them are shy, introverted, nerdy, unfit. etc but yet most of the time when I spot a AW/WM couple, the man is always nerdy, bald average looking. I have never seen a Asian woman out with a Brad Pitt or Keanu Reeves look like. I think Asian woman simply WANT to believe these stereotypes are true and use them to convince themselves that there is no need to give an given Asian men a second look.

  4. 64
    starthrower68

    A white woman is only a trophy if she’s not a plus-sized white woman; at least that is what I have observed. A woman could be successful, smart, accomplished, and have a heart of gold, but if she is seen as not being a valuable person. Of course I’m not making a blanket statement about every man, but it’s true of the majority.

    And women of all races are beautiful. All women are beautiful in their own way. Just because it doesn’t fit some ideal or standard doesn’t mean it’s not true.

  5. 65
    Michael

    I heard a lot of Asian women complain there is no good Asian men because most of them are shy, introverted, nerdy, unfit. etc
    Most likely because good Asian men do not want women (of any race) who are shy, introverted, nerdy, unfit, etc.

    Maybe if those women ought to stop being shy, introverted, nerdy, unfit, etc. they will find many more good Asian men.

  6. 66
    trackfield

    This Milenia is not Eastern European. You sound like a fat whale American woman since you want tall men.

  7. 67
    CaramelExec

    As I read all the comments, #62 (A-L) wrote how I have thought in my years of dating. A man who falls in love with a woman, and vice versa, whether inside or outside their race, is a natural thing. Attractions are very common, and love does make things happen.

    I am a 32-yo black male account executive. I travel all over the US. I have dated all races of women through the internet other than Asian and Indian, and I think its because I have not met one interested in dating me (due to race? who knows!). I ask ladies the same question What do you like about me?, they gave me a lot of inner qualities, though almost all said they did rate/judge me on my appearance AT FIRST.

    I see many different IR matches, and geography does play a part, except when people are in college. My take is: people who have either traveled abroad or have a biracial background/heritage/legacy are more open to IR dating, because they adapt to their surroundings (travel) or their racial chain is not just one (heritage).

    I personally think it is irrational for women and men alike to say, I will never date a (fill in the race) man/woman strictly because of what other people have said or what they have heard over forms of media (like word of mouth, TV, etc), and especially if they have never dated that race before. Many stereotype folks simply because they just dont know. I think the phrase goes, Dont knock it until you have tried it! Parents used to say that about different foods: why cant some say that about dating different races?

  8. 68
    BigKahuna

    I agree with this article. I am an asian and I travel across the country. White women are the most racists when it comes to Asians. In their opinion, since they are accepting to black men; they are open to all races.

    Black woman, on the other end, one needs a sledge hammer to break the ice. But they are the same with all men including black men.

    Hispanic is all about the green card …

    However, I cannot say the same in Europe. I was amazed; i went for a burger and ended up closing the joint. Of all my travels, i always have the most incredible dates in Europe.

  9. 69
    valmont

    that is not called racism. racism is the HATRED of other races.
    This is called choices, ex: women almost ALWAYS want a guy who is taller, you can’t force them to choose otherwise.

    For me, I would never date a women with a size A breast for example. that’s life.

  10. 70
    katie

    white girl speaking! i had a tumultuous yet loving relationship with my ex of three years, who was black/mexican. my current boyfriend is chinese-american, and despite the criticisms you may have heard about asian men, he really does bring the passion. :3

  11. 71
    Jink

    I am an Asian man and I see that times are changing. 10 years ago, I hardly find one Asian male/white female couple in the streets. Now I see it more (in L.A. and San Francisco area), but still not a lot. I see it in Seattle too. But, in NYC, I hardly see one Asian male/white female couple based on my ‘limited’ travel there.

    I am into Latin women and I got to say they are even more close mindedabout Asian men than white women are (based on my experiences). They are very into your looks and build and very blunt about it. The funny thing is that the Latin women in Mexico (based on my travel there) and recent immigrants to USA are very open to Asian men, while it is the US born or raised ones who are close minded (possibly due to American media and hip hop influences). Latina women in Texas are very open to Asian men (from my travel there) whereas NYC Latin women are not. Californian Latin women are in between (the immigrant and lower class ones are approachable, but the Americanized ones who are into hip hop are not).

  12. pingback
  13. 72
    satan

    what is it with interracial dating? most people don’t do it, and more importanly they don’t have too.

  14. 73
    Cindy

    I don’t think these stats are altogether true. I think they are skewed by only representing the type of people prone to internet dating and leave out a good number of people who rely way more on their networks in the real world than those online.
    For example, I am a white American female of European descent from NYC and I’ve dated across the spectrum, and you know what, I LOVE Asian men the best!  My boyfriend, who I met in grad school, is from China (foreign student) and I think he’s one of the most awesome guys ever. He is 5’6″ by the way and I like that too. I am 5″4′ so consider him to be the perfect height for me. I guess just looking at me though, one wouldn’t peg him as my type. He surely didn’t! Had a mutual friend not confided in me that my boyfriend initially assumed by default I would never be interested, (i.e. had written off the possibility), and so if I wanted to turn the tide so to speak, I would have to be really, painfully obvious, (and oy vey I’m flirt-shy by nature), in my flirting with him, which worked! Otherwise I would have assumed he was just not interested in me and/or that he only liked Asian women, and given up. It would have never occurred to me that he would assume because I was white, though I might be friendly I would never be interested in him in that way. I mean in my circle of friends, about 65% of the interracial marriages are between AM/WF – that’s eight couples out of 12 for you. (The other four couples are: white husband/black wife, WASP husband/Middle Eastern wife, Jewish husband/Latina wife and East Indian Gujarati husband/white wife (technically AM/WF)).  These 12 couples all met through friends, work, travels or at school but none online.
    Actually most of the people I know who are in interracial relationships met in the real world and the vast majority of these couples are either married or together for many years. I can’t think of one interracial couple who met online. Now my friends who went for online dating however, ended up with someone from their own race ironically enough.
    @Jink – I went to a high school in NJ, near NYC, that was 95% Hispanic in population, and many of my Latina classmates positively drooled over Asian men (well mostly Filipino or Hapa to be precise) but had the hardest time getting their attention (such as at interscholastic sporting events). They flirted to no avail or were too shy. Many of these girls went to the same University as me and would always wistfully look at the Asian guys from a distance as a result. Seems to me there might be some wires crossed here, since I know a lot of Latina women in the NYC area more than happy to date an Asian guy. I think they just don’t know how to approach them since typical flirting has failed them in the past or they feel that Asian men prefer Asian women exclusively. And I see many more AM/WF couples in NYC (at the very least one couple every time I am there), mostly around Korea Town and typical date spots in Midtown or the West Village.

  15. 74
    Ed

    @valmont Let’s get one thing straight racism is not just about hate. It’s can be about bias and preference. A person who is truly not racist is someone who has the ability to love and fall in love with someone regardless of their race.

    Having a racial preference is unfortunately a part of being american. It may not be about hanging someone or kicking someone off the bus but it’s still racist. We should be striving to be more open to viewing all races as attractive rather than accepting that we supposedly have preferences that we have no control over. 

    As for Asian women, well they take internalized racism to amazing levels. I feel sorry for the Asian community.

  16. 75
    Some Things are Obvious

    It’s a simple answer why males seem more open to dating interracially, especially white males. To White males “interracial dating” only means “Interracial f*cking”. They look at dating (when it comes to other races, in particular) as an opportunity to have a different variety of sexual conquest. However, women date with a long-term mindset. They date in expectation of finding ‘the one’. So black women, having dealt with the racism in this society for centuries, know that it’s going to be difficult to come home after dealing with racism in the outside world and have a man who can relate to the experience (on the victimized side of the coin) on a personal level.

  17. 76
    OBSERFUSE

    Hi, your posting is very invaluable for me. I will, no doubt continue to keep a close eye on your web site. Please do update.

  18. 77
    Anne

    I think everyone should have their own PREFERENCES. I don’t mind interracial couples. In fact, my parents are an interracial couple BUT I can’t help but be physically attracted to a certain “type” or even a certain “race” which I happen to be 75% of because of my own family background and growing up during the 80s when I saw mostly Caucasians in the media and even in my neighborhood. In fact, I even read in Scientific American… an article about how people normally talk/hang out etc. with those that are “similar” to themselves (i.e. gender, race, size, apparel or just Anything that would make two people find themselves “similar” to each other or Something to that effect.) It’s true, I do see “mixed race” groups of people hang out, date etc but (at least in my town) I still Normally* see those of the same/similar race date/hang out etc. In my opinion, people should date who they are attracted to, and not because they are dating someone that makes them look more politically correct. I also want to point out Lesbians (for example) supposedly can’t help but be attracted to only women no matter how hard they could attempt to be straight, they can’t force themselves to be attracted to someone they aren’t into. I believe it’s the same with race. If a person isn’t attracted to a white person or a “little person” for example… they can’t just switch off what they aren’t attracted to  so they please the rest of society. Attraction doesn’t work that way. Just my opinion.

  19. 78
    L

    Women discriminate more than men because of child bearing.  Usually, the females are the ones that choose the mate (women like to be desired) while the males choose to mate with any females (men just can’t get enough).

  20. 79
    noname

    I’m a white female, and I’m into foreign men pretty much exclusively. It’s not so much what race you are, it’s if they’re not from Canada. I love Nordic, Irish, Jamaican, Korean, Australia, anywhere!

    However, Asians hold a special place in my heart. Japanese and Korean men are the greatest. Especially Koreans. Unfortunately… it’s hard to find Asian guys who like white girls. lol =(  

  21. 80
    Sayanta

    Noname-

    Huh??? Most Asian men (and women) I’ve met almost exclusively like whites! 

  22. 81
    ATLdude

    i myself is black and i live in atlanta georgia. I have a child by a white women i dated alot of white women and black women throughout my life… But one thing i have to say and i would say im not an ugly guy! Im about 5’11 215 i have an athletic build with a little tummy…. I attend georgia state university study accounting and i graduate next semester and i also play football! At my school there are id say about 20% asian, 30% indian 10% Latino, 40% of the rest… But i never see indian women with blackmen or asian women with blackmen or even latino women with blackmen! All i know is i bring something to the table but never can i get any of these women! So you tell me if its not racist can someone please tell me where i can find the women of these ethnicities who date blackmen! O and also middle eastern women!

  23. 82
    jj

    This is for the woman who wanted tips on dating an Asian guy.  The quick way is to have a business card and give it to the guy.  Don’t worry about flirting – a lot of Asian guys are not into the public flirting thing so much; one-on-one is easier.  Talk on the phone, email, and chat online.  Don’t give it up on the first date – you have to get him to call you and ask you out a couple times.
    About marriage – if you’re looking for a relationship, find out how he feels about the interracial relationship.  Maybe it depends on the city or race or social circle, but a lot of guys are totally cool with it.  Some are not.  Of the American born on the West Coast, I’d say that around half are going to be married interracially, and of the Asian-Asian pairings, a little more than half will be inter-ethnic or inter-religion.  (In other words, maybe 1/4 of the guys will find someone within their ethnic community… and that’s mostly going to be 2nd generation guys who live in or near ethnic centers like SF or LA.)
    If you spot a dude who is hanging in an inter-ethnic or inter-racial crowd, you’re so in, it’s ridiculous.

  24. 83
    Maverick

    I think it’s true that a lot of women exclude asian men because of stereotypes (not manly, boring, not athletic) because of stereotypes that are perpetuated in the media. You can see these stereotypes being bumped up against in the media now with the Jeremy Lin phenomenon.

    At the same time, a lot of Asian men will not consider women who are not white or Asian (sometimes it’s only one). So … this is not really a one-way street. Furthermore, a lot of these Asian men who do this tend to express opinions similar to TheObserver #4 which … to put it lightly … comes across as somewhat whiny and chauvinistic. This tends to be represented in the rest of their interactions with women as well. Which isn’t very masculine or attractive to women, as I understand it. 

    Also @Jink — I live in NYC and see a lot of Asian men / white women couples. Do you go to the East Village? 

  25. 84
    Ru ja

    It most definitely is touched for men of south Asian or Asian decent to meet people on match on even when we go out.  People have tons of stereotypes about different ethnicitites and women have it better then men do.  Match has been such a waste of money for me, everyone woman including other races say they prefer caucasisnambit it slightline climes the younger te women. 

  26. 85
    patrick

    Women are more likely to cave into societies prejudices and standards.  Men are more free thinkers and are willing to step out of the boundaries.  I believe it’s because of how women and men live.  Women are more relient on men whereas men are more relient on themselves.  So, society preaches to white women that black men are all thugs and worthless, and their racist parents forbid them to date black men, so you have a huge population of women that are more racist than their male counterparts. 

    I’ve basically gave up on trying to pursue women.   

  27. 86
    John

    As an Asian American male (yes, there is a BIG difference between Asian and Asian American considering we live on opposite ends of the planet) my dates have thus far been with White females. Never gave it much thought until I came across this forum, I always assumed women in general were looking for certain things in men, in general. I was more under the impression women wanted men with muscles and being able to fix cars and houses. So under that presumption, I just exercised, ate a lot, and learned to fix a car. So I’m about 6’2, weigh close to 190 and my car only breaks down when I kick it to death.

    I’m sure there are some “invisible barriers” that prevent people from even chatting with each other (let’s face it, rejection does suck), but I think you’d be surprised how much the “other side” will open up if you take the first approach.

  28. 87
    Rachael

    Well…my first thought while reading this is, “Hey! I’m a white woman who married a Vietnamese man! This isn’t true!”

    And then my second thought was, “The plural of ‘anecdote’ is not ‘data’.”

    Thing is, my personal observations (more anecdote) jive with the data presented above. Most white women don’t date Asian-American men. (Honestly? I think this is largely about the height issue, though. We really discriminate against short men. My husband is 5’10”, an inch shorter than me, and at my low threshold for male height.)

    But there is also the “Asian men don’t marry white women” part of the story. Sure, they date white women, but many (in my anecdotal experience) go back “home”, to the women their mother will approve of for a daughter-in-law.

    So, yeah, I think it’s true. Women don’t date so much outside their race. And I think men don’t MARRY so much outside their race.

    But our kids are breathtaking. ;)

  29. 88
    Kathleen

    Im a white woman from New Zealand I was married to a black man for 20 years Since being single I consider white guys in the mix but I end up dating black guys because they just seem more physically attractive to me Ive seen asian men who are attractive Ive just never dated one

  30. 89
    Betty

    I’ve dated Black, Asian, White, Persian & Mexcican: The black men kept telling me that if I did not put up with his nonsense, he’d leave me for a white girl, the asian guy was polite but refered white, the white men said I was not real, just a fantasy or an experiement, the mexican men was cute, nice, but I we  had communiction problems b/c he knew so little english. The persian man, only liked me behind closed doors like the white men so I start distrusting their intent.  I’m a never married black woman who has not dated in 15 years..now saving myself for true love.

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