Women Are Racist

No, not really. But in John Tierney’s continued analysis of dating behavior, he cites some interesting studies that suggest that women are far less open to dating men of other races than vice versa.

African-American women said yes about 30 percent less often to Hispanic men; about 45 percent less often to white men; about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

Black women were the most averse to interracial dating, Asian women were the most open to it, and Asian men didn’t fare all that well.

I’m not going to hypothesize why – after all, I’m a dating coach, not a social scientist – but this very much corresponds with what I’ve heard from clients.

White women said yes about 30 percent less often to black or Hispanic men, and about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

With one exception. I’m a bit surprised at men’s openness to interracial dating. While I’ve personally dated women across the racial spectrum, I’ve only had a handful of clients who ever expressed preferences for women of other races. Then again, the demographics of my clients are probably a bit skewed towards upper-middle class white people.

Any readers with interracial dating experience care to weigh in?

Hispanic women said yes about 20 percent less often to black or white men, and 50 percent less often to Asian men.

Money quote:The researchers found that most women speed daters said yes (meaning they’d like to see a man again after the four-minute speed date) less often to men of another race than they did to men of their own race. Here’s how much less interested they were in the other races, as compared with their enthusiasm for men of their own race:

Asian women didn’t discriminate much by race (except for showing a very slight preference for Asian men over black or Hispanic men).

Click here to read the whole article:

Update:

But wait, there’s some “good news” from those same researchers.

A few days later, after looking at 300 reader comments, researchers sent some surprising news back.

Daters who discriminate by race… also temper these biases once they get to know one another.

“The researchers realize that their results can be depressing, but they also agree with the many readers who caution against reading too much into the preferences of online daters and speed daters. Yes, these daters clearly discriminate by race and height and looks and other superficial qualities, but they also temper these biases once they get to know one another.”

People who are terribly picky in choosing partners online will relax their standards if they spend just three or four minutes talking to someone at a speed dating session.

Click here to read the whole article.

What’s your view? To quote one researcher, Paul W. Eastwick, “do those stated ‘turn-offs’ come back to haunt you later in the relationship, or are they permanently forgotten?”

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Comments:

  1. 91
    Julia

    I’m white and have dated men of Hispanic and Asian background. My longest LTR was with a Pakistani Muslim immigrant. It was really exciting at first but then his culture started to come through. He wanted me to be both type A American woman and Pakistani housewife, I am better for leaving him. At this point, I am more interested in other white men of similar background. Though as a recovering Catholic, I am most interested in Jewish men.

  2. 92
    SS

    @Betty
    “The black men kept telling me that if I did not put up with his nonsense, he’d leave me for a white girl.”
    Yeah, I had three different black men tell me that. I told them to go ahead and leave.
     
    I married a white guy.
     
    Dating might be difficult, but don’t buy into the idea that there are no men interested in getting serious with and marrying a black woman.

  3. 93
    Lucy

    I did date someone of a different race. It was mostly the clash of cultures which made it a bit edgy. This was true even with someone who was born in the UK. So it can be pretty complicated with someone who at face value seems pretty similar to you. We didn’t share the same cultural references but he seemed somehow resentful of this and wanted to remind me as often as he could of “the white man’s burden”. He didn’t celebrate Christmas either which was hard for me to get my head around as I live for family festivities.

    Ethnicity in general does not affect how attracted I am towards a person. Although I would say it’s more likely I’d be attracted to someone of the same race. In general if a man is handsome, then he’s handsome and race is no issue for me at all. I grew up in the Scottish countryside, which meant that I did not encounter many people of a different race. I can’t help but fall for men of the same race as me because they are what I’m used to seeing. I didn’t even see anyone of a different race in my town (although I do travel abroad) until I was almost a teenager.

  4. 94
    markymark

    This is hilarious, Asian men are basically competing like crazy with everyone for Asian women, so they have to date outside their race but getting rejected more percentage wise by the already few (compared to men) women of other races who are willing to date outside their race.
    bah lol. Yes i’m a bitter Asian male :)
    (I did briefly date 2 white chicks in High School, the extent of my interracial relationships so far).

  5. 95
    April

    I have nothing of real substance to add to these comments; seems everything has already been covered.  I just want to say I’m a 27 year old white woman who’s attractive (there’s no way to not sound snobbish saying that–it’s what I’m told, and empirical evidence suggests it’s true) and I’ve dated 2 white men, 3 Mexican-American men and am currently dating an Asian guy who was born and raised in China.  I date men based on how physically attractive they are (I have a pension for long hair!) as well as their intellect, drive, humor and kindness…not necessarily in that order.  I’ve seen attractive guys of all races and there are PLENTY of hot Asian guys (Shin Koyamada…I melt when I see him).  I suppose it helps that I’m 5 feet tall, so every guy is taller than me. 
    An hypothesis I could suggest for why women seem less likely to date outside their race is fear that their family will judge them harshly. I had to endure my grandparents call my Mexican-American boyfriend Paco, Jose, Pedro…any other name besides his real name (Juan). Sometimes they just called him “the Mexican” for the 5 YEARS we dated.  They’re ignorant eh-holes, so I just brushed them off. Luckily my mom and dad are very accepting.  But I could see how racist parents could mess things up.  For some insane reason, racist family members may see their daughter GIVING BIRTH to a bi-racial child as more of an affront than their son inseminating a woman of a different race? I don’t know.

  6. 96
    southAsa

    I am of south asian descent. I have lived in the US for 12 years and have been in several states. Most of the time I have lived in majority white areas and interracial dating differs from region to region. In the south, mexican and african american men have white girlfriends, so did I. When I moved to the east coast, white women were more racist, in the midwest, again white women are racist, in the south west, arizona, new mexico, white women and hispanic women are racist. If you live in california, women tend to be more open minded regardless of race where you will find white/asian, white/indian, black/hispanic, indian/hispanic, black/white pairings. I would say south california is the only interracial dating melting pot in america because of the abundance of the variety of ethnicities living there which is not found everywhere in  the US. I like women of all ethnicities and majority of the time I find white women sexually attractive, but they are becoming the most racist of them all, which is difficult for me for being brown, expecially in these times when brown men are shown in the media in a very degrading way that affects the mentality of the people of this country. For the past 8 to 9 years, brown men have faced more racism in dating than what black men faced back in the 60′s.

  7. 97
    m

    I think if you Asian, Latin, and Middle Eastern men stopped perceiving “women” and “white women” as the only interchangeable nouns, you’d have much less to complain about and do much better.
    /woman of color who dates interracially
     

  8. 98
    Nicole

    @M,
    Not sure if we’re on the same wavelength(I think we are), then yes, non-white men really only are complaining about white women when they say that “women” are racist.  I’ve noticed that a lot of men will list their own race and white women, except of course black men who seem to be unique in listing every other race EXCEPT their own.  
    So the Asian or Indian men who “can’t get a date” only think of white women as being the only other type of acceptable women besides women of their own race (who they complain only chase white men).  So I can’t pity them at all…why should anyone pity them when they have no problem paying forward the same treatment they receive?

  9. 99
    Lucy

    Do we really need to have this discussion? There are far more important things to consider than race. How about maturity, kindness, can he make you laugh? I have had relationships with white, black and asian men and you know what, they were all interesting, sweet human beings. Focus on what is really important.

  10. 100
    Nicole

    @Lucy, if you don’t like the conversation, why does it bother you that other people have it.  That is great if you live a color-blind existence but I’m guessing you aren’t a POC, which basically gives you the advantage in these situations.
    MOC like to chase white women, or women of color who aren’t their race, and I guess it bothers them when those women don’t respond.  There is definitely a hierarchy when it comes to dating and mating and the people form groups that are stereotyped negatively experience this when they attempt to date across the color line.  While I think they should examine why it’s so important to them, it’s not as if it’s not a real issue.
    But you kind of have to walk in their shoes or you have no real right to tell them to shut up.

  11. 101
    Dave

    Racial dating preferences are fine.  The romance community is now global.  Everyone is finally free to seek the person right for them, physically and with respect to compatibility.  I’ve done a lot of thought into this issue, and I always end up with the same conclusion: you can’t dictate to others whom they choose to love.  You just can’t.  I agree it *can* be unfair if a woman wants a man who is at least 6′ tall, she indirectly excludes Asian men, and if a man likes blondes, he indirectly excludes black women.  Then again, the Asian men can have their own preferences, as can black women (and both are entitled to do so). 
    You can’t impose egalitarian political ideals in the world of love.  People like certain traits, and dislike others.  People want attractive partners, tall ones, fit ones, fat ones, dark ones, fair ones, whatever.  Somebody always gets excluded.  Love is inherently *unequal*.  Your choice for one partner results in the rejection of 10 others.  No amount of socio-political discussion about equality and open-mindedness is going to alter that reality.
    I’m Asian.  I’m 40, 5’7″, divorced.  I have 3 kids.  2 of them are autistic.  My ex was white.  I love Caucasian women.  That’s what attracts me, and I shiver inside when I stand by one.  I can’t help it.  And, honestly, I can’t blame those Caucasian women who feel nothing for me, or think I’m too short.  They’re not racists.  They’re just trying to find their passion, just as I’m trying to do the same.
    And, good news, I met a fabulous, 43 year old Caucasian brunette recently who saw something in me and welcomed me into her life.  And she’s gorgeous to me.  She was born in a small midwestern town.  I was born in the big city in the west coast.  I use a fork.  She uses chopsticks.  It’s hilarious and we adore each other.  It *happens*.  It takes time, patience, but ultimately, you just have to stay the course.  Keep believing. 

  12. 102
    History Buff

    This sounds about right. Goes to that whole evolutionary idea of men trying to spread their seeds as much as possible vs. women more in-tuned with guys who can “protect” and provide resources. 
    If our culture (US) perceives an ideal mate as someone who is white, rich, and is pretty social, that is what women are going to go after (this is what girls are going to feel with the man). Add also that women prefer taller men (check out the study online), it is no wonder that Asian men are on the short end of the stick.
    If there is any consolation for Asian men, a lot of this “rule” is not set in stone. What is considered a providing mate for a woman changes overtime each generation. In fact, only a century ago, it was very common for Chinese men to date & marry Black women in the US and Caribbeans (take that for weird facts in history).
    PS- About me. Just a stats and history buff. Was in a relationship with an Italian, Korean, Chinese, and Mexican in my life.

  13. 103
    Akasha

    The study doesn’t sound complete. Another issue that might come up is the cultural and social expectations and gender equality in many cultures. Having lived in Asian and Latin American countries where women are still expected to be submissive, cook, clean, take care of everyone in the family, wash the clothes, help the children with homework and still go out and work 50 hours a week. Sounds great for the men, which it is because they don’t have to do anything but work in a job and even then they sometimes don’t even do that or contribute anything financially towards the household. Not even close to being beneficial to the women.

    Then again, if you’re talking about this inside the U.S. and strictly among those who have grown up with the concept and application of gender equality, then you have to consider the different regions of the country and the race make up of those areas, as well as whether you are talking about people from urban, suburban or rural areas because the race relations usually differ based on that as well.

    Needs much more data.

  14. 104
    WhatsGoingOn

    @TheObserver 4: “Asian women are the RACIST females on the planet.
    They allow themselves to be white washed and to hate their own race.  Some only date only white males, even after repeated physical and emotional abuses…”
     
    For those of you who make comments like that above or agree with them on this blog or elsewhere, help me to understand why you think Asian women who date outside their race are considered “white washed” and haters of their own race?  Because these types of accusations against Asian American women make me sick.  It is absolutely racist, bitter, mean and self-serving to make statements like this.  Men, especially Asian or Asian American men who read comments like this, why do you not speak out against racism?  Why do you not defend your sisters, cousins, friends from this kind of distasteful attack?  Your tacit silence is damning.
     
    The issue of dating outside your race is a sensitive one and I applaud Evan for even bringing it up.  It is a lot more complex than “Asian women don’t want to date Asian men.”  That may describe the big picture trend but the reasons this happens is varied.  Have you considered that Asian women who want to be empowered, independent free thinkers and respected, successful leaders are given a very difficult time within the traditional Asian culture?  Who are given a very hard time by Asian in-laws and Asian society who want their sons to be the center of attention?  Do you realize that there are millions of girl babies in Asian cultures who are killed, abandoned, aborted, raped, and sold into sexual slavery each year?  What exactly of this culture is supposed to be appealing to an Asian American woman who has been “Americanized” (Oh, I’m sorry, “white-washed”). 
     
    Obviously, I am giving extreme examples.  But even in a first or second generation Asian American family there are subtle expectations and limitations that can make you feel trapped.  I think the Asian American male greatly underestimates this discrepancy and should be more sensitive to it if he wishes to date an Asian American female.  It is very difficult to straddle two cultures for both men and women.  Depending on how you were brought up, sometimes you go one way, sometimes the other.  If you have had enough bad experiences in a patriarchical culture, yes, it’s natural to want to avoid that culture.  There is nothing wrong with you for wanting to do that, rather it is the culture that should be apologetic for treating you like second class citizens.  And speaking of culture, if you were born in America or grew up here, you are part of the melting pot of “American culture.”  You can listen to hip hop or country, you have black and white and Hispanic and Asian friends.  Why must you be expected to eschew the greater multiculture in favor of your own race when making a big decision like whom to marry.  And if you don’t, you are thought of as hating yourself or your own race?  That is neither fair nor realistic.
     
    I am a professional Asian American woman who grew up in suburban America married to a Caucasian man.  I didn’t just magically decide to do that due to some internalized hatred of my own race.  In my late twenties, I seriously tried to date Asian and Asian American men.  I wanted to find someone who was kind and strong like my father, who always treated my mother with love and respect (maybe this was the exception rather than the rule).  However, these men and/or their families were just not a good fit for me.  Some of them were wracked with insecurities and identity crises, some of them were bitter about their status in society behind the “white man,” some of them were determined to rectify that status by studying and working themselves to death to become top dog and successful, which left very little room for a relationship.  Some of them were determined to mold me into meek, subservient traditional women like their mothers.  Obviously, perhaps I didn’t date the “right” Asian man, whomever that may be and I am sure there are better ones out there.  But the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result.  So I broadened my search to include other races.  Eventually I met my now-husband who happens to be Caucasian.  I picked him because of all the people I had dated, he was the most compatible with me, treated me the best, and loved me the most.  It didn’t have to do with his race.
     
    Being the kind and gentle soul that he is, he always goes grocery shopping with me and is excited to learn about my Asian heritage because he wants to know everything about me.  We made the mistake of going to an Asian supermarket before Asian New Year’s because I was excited to show him some of the Asian traditions.  The way he was treated by other Asian men in that supermarket because he was with me was deplorable.  He was glared at, men made comments behind his back (which I understood but thankfully he didn’t), the guy at the meat counter refused to talk to him and instead took the order of the Asian couple behind us in line.  It was more of the same comments of a white guy “stealing” Asian women.  What, like they owned me or something?  I was thankful that he understood less that day than he could have, because it would have really hurt him.  He was just trying to be friendly.  He did not have an Asian fetish – I was the first Asian girl he ever dated.  I was ashamed of my culture that day and the blatantly racist attitude. 
     
    In summary, for those Asian men out there who continue to make baiting, racist comments about Asian women who choose to date white men, realize that they choose to do so for a reason and sometimes it has nothing to do with race.  However, if the Asian culture continues to treat Asian women like second class citizens, do not be surprised that Asian women will continue date and marry other races because they want to be treated with respect and as equals.

    1. 104.1
      WoW

      Good for you, now open up Notepad, copy, paste and print out what you just wrote. Keep it in a safe place. And when your half Asian son finishes high school (I advice you abort him given what you just wrote) and is out in the real world, give him the note you saved for all of those years. The fact is that Asian men are mentally superior. Men of different races would have long rioted if they saw 44+ percent of their women cohabiting with men of other races. Despite all of this the majority of Asian men still prefer to be with Asian women. It even shows in the data. 

    2. 104.2
      U R SPG

      Have you read Kiwi’s reply to you below? I fully agree with him. You see and hear what you want to believe. When you have a bad experience with Asians, it is somehow the fault of all Asian men and the Asian culture by extension. But if you have a bad experience with White men, you will just write it off as an anomaly, saying that there are a few bad eggs in every race.

  15. 105
    Karthik

    Sayanta,
       I call BS on your take on Indian men. Indian men don’t chase White women because they consider them as trophies. When it comes to Indian men, non-Indian women treat us better than Indian women do. To an INdian man like me, White women, Black women, Latinas are more fun and outgoing in dates than Indian women. Atleast they dont have their noses in the clouds and eyes rolling towards the ceiling on dates.
        If you are a non-Indian man and you disagree with me, I would say that non-White women treat other race men better than their own. If you are a POC you will know what I’m talking about. Asian women hate Asian men, Latinas hate Latinos, BW hate BM, Indian women hate Indian men, etc. Its not because we are sexist, chauvinistic, etc, Its because you non-white women like to date outside the race and you dont want to be called a racist. So what do you do. YOu blame your men for it. 
        White women, dont be duped into thinking all these non-white men are sexist, chauvinist, etc and all non-White women are innocent oppressed women waiting to be rescued by White people. Its just an excuse to date “UP” by up I mean white. Why is it that the INdian women complaining about Indian men are not dating black men other than just for hookups. Why is it that they have to date only White men. Indian women just dont have that much say in the eyes of a white man compared to say Asian or Latin women. So they get on an internet forum and bitch about why they are 35 and no (WHITE) man wants her. They are also very jealous of White women and at the same time expect their sympathy. Pathetic if you ask me. Sayanta, you arent dating them white boys because they are fun but because they are WHITE. YOU have the inferiority complex not Indian men.
       I’m sensing you are blaming Indian men to rationalize your choice to date outside the race. That way you can be racist to your own men while scapegoating the same men you hate so much. Don’t act like your fecal matter doesnt stink.
    I sure am not going to apologize for choosing non-Indian women (Yes, they have been mostly white) over mine when my kind hates me so much. Every woman except white women hate their own men. And that makes White women very attractive in my eyes. 
     
    PS: Indian in this context is Indian-American not ones raised in India.

  16. 106
    Victor

    I don’t think women are racist in general. I think women have preferences… and men do too. Why is it that “racist” is used for what really is a “preference”? Online Merriam-Webster defines racism as “the belief that some races of people are better than others”. This is what I understand it to be as well. Preference for a certain nationality, race, skin color, etc are akin to preferring short, tall, fat, bald, etc.

    I think the dating pool can be dictated by region or city, even neighborhood that one lives in Cosmopolitan cities, especially where there is exposure to more types of people, are probably places where you’ll find more interracial dating. As children, our acceptance of people are shaped early on by our contact with other children in school, sports, the community. I grew up in a largely Hispanic community, I’m Filipino. The other races that comprised the school were Caucasians, African-Americans and other Filipinos. I thought Hispanic girls were hot. I dated more of them than Filipinos or Caucasian. African-American girls just didn’t do it for me in the attraction department. For example, many think Beyonce as hot; me, not. Am I racist? No, it’s a preference. So, turning this around… women are not racist, they just have preferences.

  17. 107
    Anti-Racism

    Oh come on! Cut the BS please! Of course most women are RACIST, just think about it. How many white women want to have mixed babies? Not many of them huh? So, why do you think they don’t want to have black babies, for example? Well, I’ll tell you why; it’s simple: THEY DON’T LIKE THEM BECAUSE OF THEIR BLACK FEATURES AND SKIN COLOR. Is it a preference? No, it’s not a preference; it’s irrational, and it’s racism. They simply think that to have a white baby is BETTER than to have a black one, why? Well, it means they won’t have to deal with the many prejudices and discrimination that still exist in our stupid racist society; plus they think white babies are prettier. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO MIX WITH OTHER RACES, YOU ARE A RACIST. I don’t care what you say about preference. If it were just a preference, then you would recognize that black people, for example, can be beautiful as any other race of people in the world; and if you can see the beauty in them, you can date them, marry, and have children, too. But, of course, you can’t because you are a narrow-minded racist person, just admit it! It’s crude, but it’s true. White women are a majority, right? Then yeah, the majority of women in the world are racist, period. People just don’t want to admit it, but it’s reality what I’m talking about. Even more, I daresay all of us are racist to a lesser or greater extent. Even though, I don’t blame anyone, because I know I’m not perfect either, but I just say that the first step to overcoming racism—or any other social problem– is to recognize its presence – in one way or another– inside of us, and admit it to start the change. I, at least, admit it, so I’m not a hypocrite anymore. Think about it!

    P.S. What are you saying? You don’t like Beyoncé??? Lol you must be Hitler man cause that woman is a bombshell!!! Now seriously, you are a racist dude; you just don’t want to admit it, end of story.

  18. 108
    Kiwi

    @ WhatsGoingOn

    You said:

    “Men, especially Asian or Asian American men who read comments like this, why do you not speak out against racism? Why do you not defend your sisters, cousins, friends from this kind of distasteful attack? Your tacit silence is damning.”

    Some Asian women do indeed look down on Asian men and will jump at the first opportunity to get a white man. This is not some fairy tale that millions of Asian men are making up as a conspiracy against Asian women. There are Asian women in my family just like the ones described by TheObserver. I have encountered Asian women in my daily life who held contempt for Asian men and would act fawningly towards white men. I put up with their disrespectful behavior towards the men of their own race and I tolerate their choice. I could argue that your silence on this issue is damning, as well. TheObserver was simply calling Asian women racist, like most women are. And he never said ALL Asian women were like that, only SOME. I think most Asian women are not like that. If you think calling out racism is itself racist, then you are in big trouble, because in that case, you just did it, too.

    You said:

    “If you have had enough bad experiences in a patriarchical culture, yes, it’s natural to want to avoid that culture.”

    I agree. White women from the American South come from a very sexist, conservative, and patriarchal culture. It comes from tradition and the Southern Baptist interpretation of the Bible, which views women as men’s property. Women from this culture very often are fed up and move on to men from other cultures. However, there is a key difference between white Southern women and Asian-American women. Asian women will attribute patriarchy to the entire Asian race (60% of humankind) and many of them will swear off dating any and all Asian men because of that, confounding race and culture as one and the same. Even Asian-American men who are fully Americanized (or as you say, non-sexist) will be sworn off by Asian women. White women, however, will most certainly not swear off all white men. They simply open themselves to different cultures. In fact, while most white Southern women will open up to white men of other cultures, they do not extend that open-mindedness to nonwhite men of other races, even ones who share their culture.

    In the same vein, South Asian women and Middle Eastern women come from cultures that are even more patriarchal than East Asian ones. For example, women face honor killings, women are not allowed to drive, and women must be accompanied by a male relative in some of these cultures. East Asian cultures do not have these sexist traditions. Strangely, we do not see the same number or percentages of women from these groups swearing off men of their race as we do for East Asian women. East Asian women also happen to be fetishized while East Asian men are emasculated by American culture. Other Asian groups are not affected by gendered stereotypes. This is not a coincidence.

    TheObserver said:

    “Some only date only white males, even after repeated physical and emotional abuses”

    TheObserver showed clear support for the safety and well-being of Asian women here, but that went over your head. Let me say that men of all races and all cultures are sexist. White men are not better than Asian men. That is a racist stereotype, one which you may believe. Asian men are not born misogynists. That is also a racist stereotype, one which you seem to advocate. When Asian women run into a few sexist Asian men, somehow that can be blamed on the entire Asian male race. But when Asian women run into sexist white men, somehow that’s only because of a few bad people. White men are seen as individuals. Asian men are seen as a monolith. Why are white men given the benefit of the doubt when they exhibit the same sexist traits that all races of men exhibit? Stereotypes paint white men as the ideal man and Asian men as nerdy, weak, effeminate, asexual, and undesirable. Look at the article. Women categorically discriminate against Asian men, which is very harmful to Asian men’s psychology. But you don’t care.

    You said:

    “I was ashamed of my culture”

    This says a lot about you. Even more damning is that you think race and culture are the same thing.

  19. 109
    No hero

    Dating has a lot to do with standing in society and who have the most: Whitee men.  Asian women are just looking for a provider and white men will always find a servant somewhere.  I am a black man, and  I also noticed that white men will date successful women of any other races.  

  20. 110
    Bea

    A lot of the time, I’ve noticed that when guys date women of another race, they can tend to objectify them. I have friends who only date girls who are Asian and they openly say that they fetishize that. I don’t really approve of that. It’s great to date interracially and be open-minded, but it’s racist to date someone of another race simply because you sexually objectify and stereotype them.
    BTW, I’m the kid of an interracial marriage, and even though my dad was obviously open to dating and even marrying my mom, he was still racist sometimes. So interracial dating isn’t an indicator of open-mindedness necessarily. I don’t say this to castigate interracial dating – I mean I’m mixed and so practically everyone I date has some racial differences from me, and I’ve never not dated someone or been less attracted to someone based on race. My fiance is interracial too (half hispanic, half white) so it kinda makes me wonder if we’re actually dating interracially given that we’re both half white, half something else. Anyways, I just don’t feel that who you date is a good indicator of whether you’re racist or not, but I do believe that it’s great to be open-minded and not decide not to date someone based on race.

  21. 111
    John Lindsay

       “Black women were the most averse to interracial dating,”

    JL: I DEFINITELY DISAGREE with that statement.
    Instead, Arab, Asian, Latino, Indigenous, and White men….largely will NOT  date Black women.
    Hence, yo u can’t blame Black women for that.

    Two, the following stats are the same for Black and White women:

    “White women said yes about 30 percent less often to black or Hispanic men, and about 65 percent less often to Asian men.”

    “African-American women said yes about 30 percent less often to Hispanic men; about 45 percent less often to white men; about 65 percent less often to Asian men.”

    Hence, WHY would you claim “Black women were the most averse to interracial dating?!”

    If we examine national dating/marrying stats for Asian women, we would see numbers that are very different from your following claim:

      “Asian women were the most open to it,

    Look around you and tell me what you see.
    You see a high percentage of Asian women dating and marrying White men.
    Where are the stats for Asian men….since you claimed, “and Asian men didn’t fare all that well?!”

    MOST IMPORTANTLY….you cannot go by what people as individuals tell you.
    Tons of peer-reviewed research articles demonstrate….”when you ask about ‘racial’ beliefs in regards to marriage and other topics…what people say and what they do…are two different things.”

  22. 112
    Smith

    One thing black Americans are not getting is that match.com and all the sites are code words for sites where white people meet and want to date and marry, majority on these sites are white people, so what do you guys expect.  It’s either you want to date and marry a white person on these sites or you get out if these dating sites. Foreign blacks particularly from Africa know this and don’t even bother, they have their own functions( parties and etc) they do and dating sites to meet one another. african Americans have their own dating sites now like black singles.com and etc now for people to meet their own without feeling like their beginning others to get attention. Asians, even Hispanics have their own dating sites. It’s a way for people to meet their own and not have to feel they need feel insecure of who they are. To me I think black women are wasting their time on Eharmony and match.com, cause these sites are not made for non-whites, it’s just the basic truth. This is not racist just being honest. Why do you think black singles is the number one black sites in the US cause their in their own territory not a territory that won’t even looked their way. This why their are beauty pageants today specifically for certain races. Ones for asians, hispanics and blacks now.  Black women need to get this reality whether they want a black man or a non-black one, they need to open to the fact that eharmony and eyc is not the priority site for them to look for potential partners, there’s nothing wrong in joining but don’t take it seriously. 

  23. 113
    Jenny

    I find this idea really interesting, at least in relevance to my social circles. Personally, I have a preference for Asian (including Indian) men (I am a young and relatively attractive white woman). Maybe it’s just a fluke that I happen to have this preference, but at least in circles I frequent, interracial dating is extremely common. Most of the people I know don’t really give a damn about the race of those they date, just judging by personality and attractiveness. I do the same thing (with the addition of generally finding Asians extra attractive for some reason.) I think generally, younger people are more open to the idea of interracial dating.

  24. 114
    J

    Doing good adds meaning to life.

  25. 115
    Chen

    Just being brutally honest here, but seeing as how most women (and I guess some men) don’t know about this [racial] social hierarchy, I’ll put it out here for everyone to see. Please comment though, as I’d like to hear some (non-rude) opinions from everyone!
    So TYPICALLY speaking, men of certain races will automatically have a higher chance with a woman, regardless of her ethnic/religious, etc background. This is pretty much universal (excluding the hard-line racist people). Anyways, the list goes as so:
    #1) Black-AMERICAN Men, closely followed by African-Black men (if I categorized incorrectly, please don’t be offended, it is NOT intentional).
    #2) Caucasian Men (this is all encompassing… so, North American, British, French, German, Russian, etc. – and yes I said Russian, I don’t see how they are “Asian” and don’t give me that BS about Continent placements).
    #3) Arab/Muslim Men (again, this is all encompassing… so, Afghan, Iraqi, Saudi, Kuwatii, Egyptian, etc).
    #4) “Asians” (by this, I mean, Indians, Pakistanis and Bengalis).
    #9999999) Real Asians (by this I mean, Japanese, Vietnamese, Korean, Chinese, Thai, Filipinos, etc). The reason I said Real Asians are ranked #9999999 is because, no matter how “good looking” “average to tall” or how wealthy/successful we are, women don’t give a F about us, unless they are either gold-digging, have some sort of extreme  K-POP/J-POP/Anime fetish OR they are just straight out settling for whatever. Even after all the disasters of yesterdays (WW2, Korean/Vietnam War, etc) Real Asians are still seen as the lowest of the low. It hurts for me to write this, because I always try to be optimistic but when your constantly bombarded with hate it’s hard to ignore it.

  26. 116
    JennLee

    I’m visiting a friend, a hot, slightly older white man I know.  He showed me this article and wanted my opinion.  I’m more interested in the comments.  So much racism, and often from people claim to be the victims of it.  Let me be blunt.  I prefer white and Asian men.  I have no interest in dating black men.  I have dated several black men but did not like the experience.  I don’t like the culture.
     
     
    You black men can’t have it both ways.  You can’t be so disrespectful to women of your own race and expect women of other races to find you appealing.  Your race invented the term “ho” to refer to women.  You invented the word “playa,” and the excuse, “Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.”  Do you really think this excuses your bad behavior?  I would like to point out that you can’t blame women for avoiding you when you act as if your purpose for living is to have sex with every semi-attractive female that offers her body to you.  It doesn’t make you gay if you refuse her.
     
     
    I am attracted to men who love to experience other cultures.  The man I am visiting is a good example.  His taste in music is diverse, unlike the black men I tried dating.  They thought being diverse meant including Eminem in their Rap collection.  This white man is typical of white and Asian men I date in that he has many types of music in his collection.  Rap, Hip Hop, new and old Rock, Country, some Classical, POP and many more.
     
     
    I also grew tired of the culture of blaming everybody else for their own problems.  In Korean culture, when I do something good, others will say, “Jenny Fighting!”  This is recognition that we all must overcome adversity to do well.  Everyone must overcome.  We do not act like victims because life is hard.  There is no structural racism in the U.S.  If you think there is, it proves you are a loser and not worth my time, or the time of any self respecting woman.  I have lived in several countries, from Korea where I was born, the U.S., and other countries, thanks to my father’s chosen career.  I am thankful for that.  I live exclusively in the U.S. now.  I find the white and Asian men here a delight to date.  I dislike the victim attitude of other minorities here, and the hatred for other races that it causes in them.

  27. 117
    mochalotta

    Asian women phenomenon, just reading these posts is so interesting.  Why do so many white/non-white guys chase asian women?  So many “thoughtful” answers and even the self hating one blaming asian men for not defending their sisters.  Listen up 15 lb brain types :  go to any porn site and what category do you find right next to anal sex?  Asians.  Asians women are a “porn” filter like anal and fisting.  Is it really a mystery why asian gals are so popular?  White man’s society has created a self fulfilling fetish, but nah it can’t be right?  Its all about love.

    1. 117.1
      JennLee

      Excuse me? We don’t need you to defend us. You need an education.

      http://seoulbeats.com/2012/05/the-sexualization-of-caucasian-women-in-k-pop/

      And if you ever cared to notice, in Asia, porn sites have White/Caucasian sections. And white women are imported to be prostitutes, mostly Russian women.

      The men I know are consistent in why they say they prefer Asian women. They don’t follow an order but I will use my common sense to put them in an order will at least be close for most men.
      1. We are not normally big and fat.
      2. They like they way we look (feminine face and we age better).
      3. We are more feminine, calm, soft spoken (yes we can get angry and shout too).
      4. We treat men better.
      5. We are more respectful, much less aggressive or domineering (white women see this as subservient but we are not, we also demand respect and get it).

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