Women Are Racist

No, not really. But in John Tierney’s continued analysis of dating behavior, he cites some interesting studies that suggest that women are far less open to dating men of other races than vice versa.

African-American women said yes about 30 percent less often to Hispanic men; about 45 percent less often to white men; about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

Black women were the most averse to interracial dating, Asian women were the most open to it, and Asian men didn’t fare all that well.

I’m not going to hypothesize why – after all, I’m a dating coach, not a social scientist – but this very much corresponds with what I’ve heard from clients.

White women said yes about 30 percent less often to black or Hispanic men, and about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

With one exception. I’m a bit surprised at men’s openness to interracial dating. While I’ve personally dated women across the racial spectrum, I’ve only had a handful of clients who ever expressed preferences for women of other races. Then again, the demographics of my clients are probably a bit skewed towards upper-middle class white people.

Any readers with interracial dating experience care to weigh in?

Hispanic women said yes about 20 percent less often to black or white men, and 50 percent less often to Asian men.

Money quote:The researchers found that most women speed daters said yes (meaning they’d like to see a man again after the four-minute speed date) less often to men of another race than they did to men of their own race. Here’s how much less interested they were in the other races, as compared with their enthusiasm for men of their own race:

Asian women didn’t discriminate much by race (except for showing a very slight preference for Asian men over black or Hispanic men).

Click here to read the whole article:


But wait, there’s some “good news” from those same researchers.

A few days later, after looking at 300 reader comments, researchers sent some surprising news back.

Daters who discriminate by race… also temper these biases once they get to know one another.

“The researchers realize that their results can be depressing, but they also agree with the many readers who caution against reading too much into the preferences of online daters and speed daters. Yes, these daters clearly discriminate by race and height and looks and other superficial qualities, but they also temper these biases once they get to know one another.”

People who are terribly picky in choosing partners online will relax their standards if they spend just three or four minutes talking to someone at a speed dating session.

Click here to read the whole article.

What’s your view? To quote one researcher, Paul W. Eastwick, “do those stated ‘turn-offs’ come back to haunt you later in the relationship, or are they permanently forgotten?”


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  1. 121
    Michael Ejercito

    Some girls and women get hot and bothered by fair skin.

    Others always bet on black.

    there is nothing wrong with that.

  2. 122

    Exactly Susy. Some folks think everyone is awfully envious of them, it has to be a conspiracy. Of course we must be “fat”, “insecure”, and “jealous” (as if the bulk of AW dating out were gorgeous). Most people know the deal, regardless of race or even gender. I wasnt even talking to that poster in the first place but she felt the need to justify herself with an essay yet again, that alone says it all. LOL! Moving on…

    1. 122.1

      The green eyed monster has made a home in this topic. Simple fact. If you aren’t finding a man to date, it isn’t the fault of Asian women. It is your own fault, but that;s harder to accept, isn’t it? And sorry, but we won’t be shamed into dating, or not dating who you think we should. We aren’t as weak as you seem to think we are. We will date who we find attractive, not who others approve of, for us. We are also not a homogenous group. I prefer Asian and white men. I have friends who prefer white and Hispanic. I have friends who prefer just Asian men. So whether you are fat, jealous, or insecure, you simply don’t “know the deal.” You don’t want to “know the deal.” You want to blame somebody for your failings in life, just as all racists do. There are billions of people on this planet. If you can’t find somebody to date, it is your fault and nothing will change that except a choice by you to improve yourself.

    2. 122.2
      Michael Ejercito

      And what the fuck is wrong with women (white or otherwise) getting wet “down therte” by the thought of white men?

    3. 122.3

      Where did I ever write that I had a problem attracting men? That I wasn’t attractive? You are imagining your own scenarios. I respect asian women who don’t bash asian men – not those who do. I never said asian women were weak. Some of my best friends are asian women…and men. Which is why I know way more about some dirty secrets than the average non-asian. I have nothing against asian women dating white men. But bashing constantly asian men as an excuse to date out is clearly wrong. Someone told you previously to copy paste and print what you said about asian guys to your future son. There’s no way a son could see his mom the same after reading this. That’s how bad it is. You may not realize it but you do put white men on a pedestal. I don’t care if you don’t admit it to yourself because it won’t harm me. I just hope that you realize that it WILL harm your children, especially if you happen to have sons. Bye.

      1. 122.3.1

        And where did I ever bash Asian men. I’ve done nothing more than defend my RIGHT to also date white men, without being accused. What you, and a few others have done is attempt to shame Asian women for liking white men. Good luck with that. We won’t be shamed. Your posts were repugnant. I have always maintained that I date both Asian and white men. Never have I said I don’t date Asian men. You and other like minded people have it completely wrong, and you are too narrow minded to even see it. Read Evan’s reply to letter in the article, “Am I Selling Out For Not Dating Within My Race?” http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/am-i-selling-out-for-not-dating-within-my-race/

        This is the relevant part of Evan’s reply”

        “My six best friends from college are Jewish. My four male cousins are, too. NONE of us married Jewish women.

        Not because we didn’t want to, per se. Hell, I was on JDate for nearly 10 years!

        The reason I didn’t marry Jewish was simply this:

        a) We make up 1.8% of the population.

        b) We’re kind of difficult. And for a 40-year marriage, I wanted easy. Lots of others come to similar conclusions. In Judaism, the intermarriage rate is over 50%.”

        This was another part that is relevant.

        “The only difference is that Jewish men are willing to sacrifice a Jewish wife in return for happiness. Jewish women are more likely to try to insist upon Jewish husbands.”

        OK, so what Evan is saying is that the biggest reason is that the Jewish community is a very small part of this country. Because of this, it is just more likely, mathematically speaking, that he would find a non-Jewish woman to marry.
        The same holds true here. Far more White men than Asian men. The odds are simply in favor of a white man being the one I find to marry.

        So take Evan’s reply and replace him with an Asian woman , and stating that her, her six best friends from college, and four female cousins all married white men. You would look at that and assume that they worship white men.

        The real problem here is that your angst is misplaced. With Asian women being the minority, and there being so many good white men to choose from, the problem is not us, but the white women who won’t date Asian men. The problem is that for every Asian woman who finds a white husband, there isn’t a white woman, who will marry an Asian man.

        In Evan’s example, the problem wasn’t that he and his friends found non-Jewish women to marry, it’s that Jewish women aren’t as willing to step outside their world to find a man that they are compatible with. I know a wonderful Jewish couple, and I also know their daughter who is now 40 and never married. She does not speak Hebrew but went to Israel anyway, to find a husband. She is a very pretty woman. But, as Evan mentioned, about Jewish men and women, she is very very demanding. It pushed many men away, Jewish and Non-Jewish alike.

        1. Michael Ejercito

          @ JennLee- “The problem is that for every Asian woman who finds a white husband, there isn’t a white woman, who will marry an Asian man.”

          Is there any reason why that might be?

        2. Elle

          “And where did I ever bash Asian men.” You cant be serious. Someone even suggested that you copy, paste and print what you wrote (I believe that poster was “WoW”) and show it to your future son. If you don’t see anything wrong with what you have written you are a LOST CAUSE. I don’t have the time and patience to read your novels, you’re a typical hypocrit, this is what a good fraction of asian women who date out are. Playing dumb. Nobody ever stopped you from liking white – I said I didnt have a problem with it, but liking and worshipping are different notions, you’re turning it into some “war against you” because you love the attention and wish everyone was “jealous”, when we are just pointing out the obvious, any race and gender sees it. The experience of THE OFFSPRING of such couples are undeniable evidence of this foolishness. Google “stuff eurasian males like” or “halfasianhalfdead” for instance, and there are more like them speaking out. It’s undebatable. Bye.

        3. Michael

          @ Elle- “I said I didnt have a problem with it, but liking and worshipping are different notions”
          Here is where you are really jumping the shark. You accuse Jenn of worshipping white men- as if sexual attraction is a form of worship. I never knew of an example of a woman (white or otherwise) who worship white males.
          Out of billions of women, maybe a few ten thousand or so do worship white men, in the sense they overlook flaws merely because they are white, and that they bash non-white men, stereotyping them. 
          Most non-white women who are with white men do not bash non-white men in general. Of those who do, most will find that their next piece of white “meat” will be a dildo.

        4. JennLee

          What a load of crap. I wouldn’t have a single problem showing my son anything I write. Dating white men AND Asian men is far different than worshiping them. I don’t even think you are a woman. You sound far too much like the Asian men I know who can’t get girlfriends and are bitter over it. What you seem to not understand is that there men like that in every race. I know some white men who think the very same way and get upset at all of the white women dating black men. There are also many more Asian men than Asian women thanks to China’s policy in past decades. So it stands to reason that there will be many more Asian men without women. Again, this is not the fault of Asian women who date out of their race, it is the fact that women of other races don’t date them to make up for the Asian women who do find mates in other races. Similar to what happens to black women when black men date women of other races, but the other races don’t make up for that by dating black women in anything approaching equal numbers. Evan’s example is similar but different. It is similar in that Jewish men are finding wives in other cultures but Jewish women aren’t as open to doing so, so for them, the pickings are slimmer. Those who are successful are likely the ones who are more beautiful and less difficult.

          Asian men living in western countries also have to up their game. Be more manly without being mean and aggressive. Be successful. Be handsome. Etc.. There are many and they have little difficulty finding women. Sometimes they even attract white women.

          I would teach my son that life is not fair and rewards those who take their future into their own hands, and don’t make excuses. He would see your posts for what they are. Whining and excuse making.

          Whine all you want, but Asian women will still continue to date the best man available to them that they also find attractive. Sometimes those men will be white, sometimes Asian, sometimes other races.

          I dated and loved a man who looked like Rick Yune.

          Asian men like him, tall, handsome and very physically fit never complain about Asian women dating other races. They don’t because they don’t have a hard time finding women for themselves. Who complains? Short, pudgy Asian men. Well guess what, short pudgy white men have the same problems picking up women, as do short pudgy Hispanic men, and short pudgy black men. Physically ugly men and women across the board have a hard time getting dates. Life isn’t fair.

          Your short sightedness blinds you to the reality and the reality is that white men love us, and there are many more of them to choose from in this country than Asian men. So the odds are simply in favor of finding a good match who is white. Just as Evan noted that for a Jewish person it is more likely to find a good match who is not Jewish because like Asians, Jews make up a small percentage of the population.

          If Asian women worshiped white men, there wouldn’t be any Asian couples in this country. There are more than enough interested white men in this country for ever Asian woman to find a white man to marry. So your theory is bunk. But, wait, you read it on the internet. It must be true. LOL

        5. JennLee

          Is there any reason why that might be?

          Good question. Maybe you should ask white women. Ask black women why they don’t tend to like men of other races, etc… Ask women in other countries why they tend to prefer not to date black men. Can’t blame it on the American media. Why do women prefer taller men? Why do men prefer thinner women? Why do people prefer people with attractive faces? Why do women prefer educated men? Why do men prefer women with cute butts? Why do women prefer 6-pack abs?

          People have preferences, and they aren’t media driven. Media follows people’s desires. The hierarchy of what is and is not attractive is in us at birth. That has been proven, scientifically.

  3. 123
    A random white guy just passing by

    Jenn, I don’t know how old you are, but don’t take anything too personal in this post
    I’m pretty sure Michael, Elle and others didn’t mean any harm to you. They are just expressing their opinions, that’s all. :) 

    1. 123.1

      It’s a lost cause but thanks for trying.

    2. 123.2

      @random white guy

      No, they aren’t just expressing their opinion, they are on a crusade to attempt to shame Asian women into not dating white men. That……that is a lost cause. We aren’t as weak as they think. We aren’t going to be shamed to not date who we want to date. The truth is, when we see whiny losers crying about us having white fever, we laugh about it, because we know the truth. We know that we are attracted to strong Alpha Asian males who have enough going on to attract women. We know it is the losers that are doing the whining.

      These whiny individuals don’t know the deal, but I and my sisters do. See, when I am dating a very handsome Asian man, I don’t get the dirty looks from the loser Asian men. I get lustful stares. But when I am with a handsome white man, they dirty looks come out. Why does this happen? I think it is quite simple. If they see me with a white man, they feel anger because they think that I should be with an Asian man. They don’t have a woman so they think I should have given them a chance before dating a white man. In some warped way, they think women should only date out of their race once they have been completely rejected by their own race. It really bothers them when they see the prettier women in their race, dating men of other races.

      We have all seen this. The losers get angry when they see a beautiful Asian woman with a white man, but they don’t get mad when they see an ugly Asian woman with a white man. And top quality Asian men don’t have a problem with it because they aren’t having a problem getting girlfriends. It’s only the losers who have a problem with it.

      1. 123.2.1
        Michael Ejercito

        @JennLee I certainly am not trying to shame any woman (who is unmarried) into not dating white men.
        I once read a forum thread on WM/AF relationships on the PlentyOfFish.com forum years ago, and there were quite a few comments from posters, purpoting to be white men, bashing white women for character defects. 
        It is one thing to say that a particular race’s common physical traits are sexy. It is a whole other thing to bash one’s own race for having certain character defects. That only begs questions about oneself.
        If there are Asian women who would only date white men and simultaneously have disdain for Asian men, I suspect that they either hide their disdain very well, or that they never get past the first date.

        1. JennLee

          “If there are Asian women who would only date white men and simultaneously have disdain for Asian men, I suspect that they either hide their disdain very well, or that they never get past the first date.”

          I do not have disdain for Asian men. I am simply attracted to both, and here, there are many more white men to be attracted to than there are Asian men. I am not attracted to all white men, nor am I attracted to all Asian men. I might be too picky, but it hasn’t kept me from getting dates and relationships. I am still searching for “the One.” I think the one I am with now may be him. Yes, he’s white.

          He does not bash white women, and I wouldn’t say that he has disdain for them, but i do know that he is not attracted to a great many of them. But then, he is also good looking enough to not have to settle for a white woman he is attracted to.

          We have talked about this, and he said that it boils down to many things. There are very attractive white women with great personalities, but he says that they are in such short supply. He said too many others have aggressive, controlling personalities, or other serious drama. Then he says there are some who are not physically attractive to him but he thinks they are wonderful people, with kind hearts and nice personalities, though just being physically unattractive does not automatically equal a nice, sweet personality.

          He says that with me he sees everything he wants in a woman. Not fat, pretty face, sweet disposition. Yes, I can get mean and nasty also, but my default personality is not to be mean but to be sweet and kind. This what he says he likes most about me. He said with so many other women he has dated, the default personality was not good, and he had to work hard to bring out the sweet side. So those women were just the opposite side, because my default is to be sweet and kind, and somebody has to work hard to bring my mean side out.

          I agree though. I would not be attracted to him if he bashed white women. I do know he prefers Asian women, and that is OK with me. He knows that I prefer Asian and white men. I really don’t know what he would do if I bashed Asian men because I never have, but I do suspect that he would not find it attractive.

  4. 124

    I am really surprised at Mr. Katz for not editing this discussion/comments of the topic more thoroughly!  

    It contained some “idiots” whose syntax and spelling was less than pathetic (who bragged about knocking up a white female, although his “spelling” explicated that it should have been a plural number of white females, but who, nevertheless, had the temerity to complain that “asian” females discriminated against him because he is “Negro” <– I refuse to use the term “African-American”.).  It also contained verbal abusiveness to just about every type of human resident in the United States, from many of the commentators <– and irrespective of their individual genetic origins!!

    For just about all of the commentators to this topic, I certainly am glad that I am too old (and been married for over 30 years) to again be in the “dating pool”.  The thought concepts exhibited by many of the female commentators on this topic would lead me to believe that most of them have their individual IQ values on the “left hand side of the IQ distribution curve” (also true of about 99% of the males who contributed to this discussion).  Fortunately for me I am probably shorter than most of the female commentators to this topic and therefore would be considered completely unattractive to them (even if I were 30 years younger, by some magic).   Even more fortunately for me, I did meet a (Caucasian) woman 31 years ago who found me attractive, despite my shortness (she is still 3 inches taller than me), increasing baldness, somewhat non-Caucasianess (Jewish), and overweightness (but I am still quite muscular and “well cut”).  

    Too many of the people who commented on this topic have lost sight of what the intent “should be” for such a discussion.  My assumption of the intent would be to find a “life partner” with whom to spend the rest of one’s life, presumably in a monogamous non-violent relationship, including the production of offspring (who are legally legitimate <– much better for the offspring’s personal, professional, legal, and financial futures than being a bastard <– in the dictionary sense!!).   Very few seemed to grasp this, which is probably a good thing, in a convoluted sense, for the future of Mr. Katz’s business!

    1. 124.1

      @Observer:  Evan doesn’t generally edit comments.  As he states, “Good luck (to those) policing the internet!”  As you’ll see, most posters are given enough rope to hang themselves.   Please blame them, not Evan, for the poor quality of their posts.

  5. 125
    Just Anonymous

    Asian guy here, I don’t think its that surprising to be honest for my lack of chances with women, from bars to online dating. I’ve come to realize its probably just me and I can’t really blame anyone for it. But I lasted all this time alone.

    Even then, confidence is difficult to maintain overtime and consistently. My mind isn’t as optimistic as it once was. And mentally, I’ve just given up. I think I need help but I don’t know where to go.

    Good luck to other asian guys out there, keep hope alive. 

    1. 125.1

      I like you post. It makes you very attractive in personality because you accept full responsibility and do not blame other people for being who they are. I don’t know how old you are, but I would say that you can still be very happy, and in the end, attract a woman into your life. Maybe she won’t be as physically beautiful as you always wanted, but then maybe that will turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Maybe she will have a personality that grows on you and eventually makes you forget about her physical shortcomings, just as she would do with you. Continue to grow this beautiful inner self that you displayed here, and I am sure that at some point, a woman is going to see that in you and fall head over heels for you.

      It also doesn’t hurt to invest in yourself. Modern medicine has made it such that people no longer just have to accept how they look. Working out also does wonders, but if you are short, I would be careful about body building. Go for more of a lean cut look, especially if you are already thick in build. Invest in good clothes, not the comfortable look. The short answer is to up your game. Then accept what that brings you in life.

      An Asian guy I dated once put it like this. He said some people will never hit home runs. but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a good baseball player and have a great career. You still have to work hard at it, but once you do, you may find that you are great at getting on base.

      The same goes for love. Just because you can’t get a 8-10 doesn’t mean you can’t have a great relationship with a great woman, and have a happy life as a result.

      The most unattractive thing a man can do is act like a victim and place blame on others, so you already have something very attractive to build on. I feel very certain that if you build on that, and are honest about your strengths and weaknesses, you will have no problem eventually finding a woman who loves you. Once you are honest about your strengths and weaknesses, accept responsibility for the things that you can actually change, or improve upon. Being short isn’t something you can change, but being out of shape is, for example. having an unattractive nose is something you can do something about.

      Good luck to you JA.

  6. 126

    Reading all kinds of related comments implied to me that  Asian girls will do anything to shag a White guy and will rather date a jerk guy as long as he is White. Which is awfully stupid. I just can’t comprehend the thought nor the concept. Beauty comes from every race. People will be attracted to beautiful guys, and girls will fall for the nice, decent guys.

    1. 126.1

      And because you read it on the internet, it must be true, right? Maybe you should read my posts since I am actually a Asian woman, and ignore the hyperbolic posts by those who are not. What you think you learned is as true as the moon being made of cheese.

  7. 127

    Just a few thoughts I wanted to add, pardon me if it’s already been mentioned or if this is an old thread, I can’t tell.  Sorry…
    As a very curvy asian woman, I find that black men in general are more interested in women that have curves.  I suppose white guys and asian guys will like curves but to a certain extent and it is usually the bust that htey don’t mind the curves.
    How dare I make that statement?  Well, let me tell you this.  I recently joined POF and I have found that the majority of men that send me messages or want to meet me are usually black and heavy set.  I have sent a few messages to some asian guys and haven’t had any interest whatsoever besides one. 
    I think some asian men feel emasculated within western culture becuase they feel the need to ‘trade up’ if you’ll pardon the term.  I actually remember reading one guy’s profile and he said “I only date white girls” Ok…everyone’s entitled to what they like…
    So while I’ve been kinda open to the idea of asian guys, I haven’t had any interest from them. 
    One more thing to add though, to the curvy women out there on the dating sites, do you only get interest from curvy guys?  Every so often I get a non-curvy guy msg me but he ‘disappears’ soon after…I mean after a few messages that are very generic.

    1. 127.1

      I wish there was some kind of picture guide out there to show what the different terms mean. Some are self explanatory to an extent. Like thin, slender, slim, all denote somebody who is lean in body type. Athletic can be a bit more confusing, because the person could actually be very thin from running, while somebody else could look like a cornerback for a college team. Muscular would usually be somebody who has a fair amount of built up muscles, but that could have them looking like a linebacker/running back, or a full blown body builder. Now we come to the terms voluptuous, curvy, buxom, etc.. Buxom I know refers specifically to having a more generous chest. Voluptuous could also refer to the same thing. However, curvy is the one that creates the most confusion. Why? Because as young teens, we referred to the girls that had round butts and boobs as being curvy. In other words, it meant girls who had curves in all the right places. However, it seems that women now use it as a cute way of saying they are fat. I remember responding to some profiles with photos of faces only, and they said they were “curvy.” We would correspond, and a few more pictures would be traded, and what I would learn is that they weren’t curvy, they were fat. Sorry, but for most men, fat is not attractive, nor is it attractive to most women. Your post indicates that you do get interest from some guys, but only the “curvy” guys maintain interest, and this seems to be a bit of a problem to you. The reason it seems a problem is that there are guys who are very interested, but they are curvy, but the non-curvy guys don’t stick around. To me it seems obvious also that many of the curvy black guys want something long term with you, as you intimated as much. So my question would be, what’s the problem? I think I know because I have often had “curvy” girls show a lot of interest in me when I am single and attend parties. Sorry, but I am in very good shape, so I am not going to be interested in “curvy.” What would we have in common? I am extremely active. I scuba dive, lift weights, go mountain biking on some fairly serious trails. I like to camp, and hike, and combine the two, so that means hiking for miles just to get to the campsite. I like to swim, skydive, play tennis, and ride motorcycles. Pretty much if it is seriously active, I am in, even if I have never done it before. So what I need is a woman who is also active. Very active guys have a hard time finding a woman who is anywhere close to his equal in that area. So when I do date, it is an athletic girl who is very active and up for breaking out in a sweat. So my advice is to become very active if you are “curvy.” Being curvy is a choice. I’ve seen many curvy girls make the choice to no longer be curvy. All of them became very hot looking girls. So I scratch my head and wonder why every girl does not do this. You make the choice to make sitting in front of a TV or computer your main leisure activity. You make the choice not to do very active things. You make the choice to eat unhealthy food loaded with starches and sugar. So I have no sympathy for curvy women when they complain about their miserable dating life, and lack of interest from non-curvy guys. Ask yourself, if you were in decent shape, and not curvy, would you date a man who is out of shape? I highly doubt it because I was once out of shape and made the choice to no longer be curvy. The difference in the interest I received from women before and after is stark. Women avoided making eye contact with me, and the truth is, I was only about 40-50 pounds overweight. But, once I lost the weight and added muscle, women began treating me completely different. Often making and keeping eye contact. I was no longer invisible. Now if I strike up a conversation with a woman in the grocery store, the women are very friendly, with big smiles, and an obvious attitude that they enjoyed the banter. Even married women. I don’t pursue that and I am also sure none of them want anything more than a little flirting to boost their self esteem, which is very nice, because they didn’t flirt when I was overweight. So my friendly advice is that if you want attention from non-curvy guys, become non-curvy yourself. Just like me, you will see that you suddenly become visible to the opposite sex, the ones that you actually want the attention from.

  8. 128

    Man, you people are stuck in the past. People are people! Find someone who looks good to you, have fun, love each other, make babies! Stop getting hung up on stuff that doesn’t matter.

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I've been reading your work for over a year now, and enjoy your teachings. I am almost a veteran on...

Ignoring Men

Part 2 of Janet's question from last Friday: If a woman gets a flood of emails on a dating site,...