Women Are Racist

No, not really. But in John Tierney’s continued analysis of dating behavior, he cites some interesting studies that suggest that women are far less open to dating men of other races than vice versa.

African-American women said yes about 30 percent less often to Hispanic men; about 45 percent less often to white men; about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

Black women were the most averse to interracial dating, Asian women were the most open to it, and Asian men didn’t fare all that well.

I’m not going to hypothesize why – after all, I’m a dating coach, not a social scientist – but this very much corresponds with what I’ve heard from clients.

White women said yes about 30 percent less often to black or Hispanic men, and about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

With one exception. I’m a bit surprised at men’s openness to interracial dating. While I’ve personally dated women across the racial spectrum, I’ve only had a handful of clients who ever expressed preferences for women of other races. Then again, the demographics of my clients are probably a bit skewed towards upper-middle class white people.

Any readers with interracial dating experience care to weigh in?

Hispanic women said yes about 20 percent less often to black or white men, and 50 percent less often to Asian men.

Money quote:The researchers found that most women speed daters said yes (meaning they’d like to see a man again after the four-minute speed date) less often to men of another race than they did to men of their own race. Here’s how much less interested they were in the other races, as compared with their enthusiasm for men of their own race:

Asian women didn’t discriminate much by race (except for showing a very slight preference for Asian men over black or Hispanic men).

Click here to read the whole article:


But wait, there’s some “good news” from those same researchers.

A few days later, after looking at 300 reader comments, researchers sent some surprising news back.

Daters who discriminate by race… also temper these biases once they get to know one another.

“The researchers realize that their results can be depressing, but they also agree with the many readers who caution against reading too much into the preferences of online daters and speed daters. Yes, these daters clearly discriminate by race and height and looks and other superficial qualities, but they also temper these biases once they get to know one another.”

People who are terribly picky in choosing partners online will relax their standards if they spend just three or four minutes talking to someone at a speed dating session.

Click here to read the whole article.

What’s your view? To quote one researcher, Paul W. Eastwick, “do those stated ‘turn-offs’ come back to haunt you later in the relationship, or are they permanently forgotten?”

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  1. 151

    I prefer Asian men. However not many prefer black women.

  2. 152

    I would date Asian men. The hottest guy in my high school was South Asian. (That was in the ’80s ‘though, so he’s very married by now!) Also, I would date red headed men. Patty on Millionaire Matchmaker says redheads are undateable, but I don’t have a problem with anyone’s hair color. I just like men with a certain IQ, and I have to say, most men on dating sites are too low-IQ for me. I just can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone who has no thought of anything beyond what’s on television, what’s for dinner, and how much longer until Friday. I like men who are smart and inspired; who have some sort of goal or mission in life. I don’t necessarily need a super rich man, just someone who has some idea of accomplishing something in life beyond collecting a paycheck for 20 years and then retiring to the sofa to get old, fat and boring.

  3. 153

    Also, in the ’80s, some of the (white) girls in the class that graduated a year before me, decided to just ask out black guys to the prom. Some of the white guys in my school got upset about that. There were some nasty racist notes left for those girls in their locker (all written by anonymous cowards, naturally). It didn’t change their plans, and they went to prom with whomever they wanted to. Gen X girls are independent, and have no fear.

  4. 154

    I have dated many different women and have lived an Asian women I’m white

  5. 155
    BigAsianPackage Blog

    So, yeah, right on. This is from my blog that talks about how it affects me, as an Asian American man….

    Here’s the point: there’s an unanswered simplistic message that dominates the conversation on race and sex about Asian men – They are not sexual, and they have small penises. Social and sexual standing are related, and as such, to those who accept presentation of the world in terms of race and essential racial qualities, Asian men are undesirable socially and sexually.

    That’s something I’ve experienced my whole life. It has been difficult and my life has been worse for it. Imagine in your social circle, it was rumored that you weren’t desirable sexually and had a small dick or wide-set vagina. Whether true or not, I’m guessing it might be detrimental to you. Now imagine in the whole world, every single person has heard this rumor even before you talk to them. That’s the kind of narrative that exists.

    For me, it’s not pleasant, but I also don’t have a problem with saying fuck you and doing my own thing. I’m okay with seeking more individual experiences with women who can appreciate me for the whole package. I speak my mind, I like women a lot, and I think that my particular personality type (perpetually horny) has made it easier for me in the sex department.

    It’s not the same for everyone though. I know a lot of eligible guys sidelined because they’re maybe less assertive (Asian + less assertive = wimp; White + less assertive = geeky). They shouldn’t be penalized for a personality trait. Still now in 2015, it’s commonplace in our society to trash Asian men publicly and ridicule them for an assumed physical racial trait. Which other group of people do we do that to?

    Still, none of this by itself compelled me to write. I was fine letting people go on in their ignorance. I have a nice big cock, and I was fine sharing that in just the bedroom (or bathroom, or kitchen, or wherever, but you get my point).

    It is my young nephew, a fine young boy of nearly 4. He is bright, happy, curious, and sensitive. He’s the only boy in his ballet class, loves pink and purple cars and all utility trucks, and he asks me if I am feeling okay. I love him, and everything about him, and I think it should be okay that he express himself growing up in the world instead of scared into isolation through compounding social rejections. But he will grow up as an Asian man in America, and right now, the chances of going through that without injury and self-hate are none. Zero. I’m serious. I know this, and this is why I write.

    1. 155.1

      I agree with everything you’ve said about the stereotypes of Asian men. And it’s a discussion we need to have in our society. But it does happen to lots of other groups of people too based on race, religion, gender and sexual preferences. It happens to Muslims, it happens to blacks, it happens to homosexuals and it happens to women too. These stereotypes that limit us as people and put us in an ugly box.

      I think your nephew sounds absolutely amazing. I just because an aunt myself and I hope my nephew turns out a lot like yours. I think all we can do is support our nephews in whoever they are or who they become and teach them that they need to stand up for who they are even when other people try to make them feel bad about it. That’s all we can do. Yeah, they will get hurt. Yeah, others will make fun of them. But if we let other people stop us from being who we are, that doesn’t solve the problem either. All we can do is encourage a different kind of strength inside them.

      But I know this doesn’t completely solve the issue. I just think that this time, that’s a part of what we can do. i do think Asian men get a bum wrap though. But it does happen to all kinds of other groups too.

  6. 156
    Marcelo Deunnero

    A big part of Asian women’s desirability is their attitude.  Many are very beautiful.  The male psyche is majorly based upon respect and honor,  just as most women love being cherished and desired.  Many Asian women are very feminine, and while not pushovers it is more common for them to show their men a level of respect that men like.  No woman should be viewed as lesser than a man or be subservient or a pushover, but feminism has gone over board in the west and has in many women killed part of what makes them appealing to men.  I love that my wife acts different than me.  It makes her interesting, and appealing.  If a woman has a good man that actually loves her and she respects him then she will get what she wants from him.  I do think black women are more confrontational than many other women, and I think they suffer because of it.  A lot of  men from other races would be with a black woman who is feminine and respectful.  A strong woman or man and a confrontational one are two different things.   I have seen so many videos of  black men absolutely degrading black women for being too confrontational.  I do understand there are always two sides to a coin though.

  7. 157

    I definitely agree with this article pointing out that dating site pools in this area at least, northern Virginia and Maryland, specifically look for Caucasian ethnicity, that includes women of all ethnicity, some ethnic women unwilling to even date their own race. Here women are open to white men mainly or Asian men. A lot has to do with perception of wealth as well. It’s very uppity and I’ve known women in the bar scenes to choose completely disregard other races if approached and I realize this may be due to comforts, but the slogan of US being a melting pot is hard to find in the mid-Atlantic it seems. Friends in areas like TX, FL, & Cali have told me they are more open to other ethnicity regardless of knowing wealth and height. There aren’t many hispanic actors portrayed well in the media/hollywood and while asian (chinese/korean) and black are getting better representation if not more of a spot light.

  8. 158

    I think that people should just mind their own business about who anyone dates.  What anybody does with their genitals is their own business.  Sorry if such and such group ‘has no one to date’ of their own group…you don’t own the genitals of anyone of your group or outside it.  Seriously, it is called free will and God gave it to everyone.  I wouldn’t want anyone to force me to have sex with anyone I didn’t like…that’s rape.  I believe any consensual union is ok.  That’s it.  I hate it when people try to force their will on others to benefit themselves somehow in their peabrains.  If you don’t like some people hitting on you just make a face like eww you’re not my type and hopefully they won’t be shattered by it.  Well, you can be nice about it …a nice eww… There are nice ways to be mean (which isn’t really ‘mean’ it is just rejection).  Everyone has the right to reject.  Everyone owns their own genitals and brains.  It is infuriating for anyone to try to impose themselves where they are not wanted.  Frustrated?  Sorry, it’s not my problem.  I can handle frustration and rejection which I’ve experienced.  Why can’t some others?  Narcissism.

  9. 159

    I’m Asian American, grew up here. while dating statistics superficially are true, once you get into a relationship with someone that’s when all gloves come off and peoples true colors and issues, programming, prejudices etc. I’ve had white and black men compare me to their own as well have stereotypical expectations of me or stereotype me in ways I was obviously not. I’ve had men cheat on me, use me, lie to me etc regardless of race because bottomline how someone acts or treats you has nothing to do with race just as white and black women experience. I’ve known quite a few white and surprisingly black men who can’t handle or not even used to a woman who stands up for herself or can handle true assertiveness in a female that is usually projected on Asian males. I’ve learned there is no such thing as one race having advantage over another because in reality everyone is getting screwed in relationships because its hard to either meet people who are compatible or meet good men or women for relationships period.












    1. 159.1
      Karmic Equation

      Women stay too long in relationships that don’t make them happy.

      Once she has sex with the guy, she’d rather try to (1) create a relationship (where none ever existed), e.g., try to make a casual sex guy into her bf; or (2) make an unhappy/unhealthy relationship work than to walk away;  or (3) change the guy from someone she is incompatible with to someone she can better get along with.



      None of the three options will work in the long run and (1) and (3) are bound to create situations where the guy will end up cheating on her.

      IMO, in most situations, women can avoid being cheated on if SHE has the courage to end the relationship as soon as she recognizes that the relationship isn’t making her happy. An unhappy woman in a relationship makes the relationship intolerable for both parties. Her “hanging in there” instead of dumping him will result in either (A) he dump her or (B) he cheats on her.

      Yes, I know, guys who shirk their relationship duty is what usually makes a woman miserable.

      Dump him then. Why try to make him do something he obviously either is not interested–or no longer interested–in doing (e.g., make you happy) or is incapable of doing (e.g., speaks a love language that you don’t speak or appreciate).

      If women had the courage to exit a failing relationship sooner, she can prevent a lot of her own heartache and bitterness, and avoid creating situations where men are more likely to cheat.

      1. 159.1.1

        Unfortunately people do often stay too long in unhealthy relationships.  I think it may stem from what psychologists call “intermittent reinforcement”, or still being “rewarded” occasionally and inconsistently.  I think it’s pretty rare for anyone to be a jerk all the time.  Even the most incompatible men I dated were still good to me sometimes.  Those few good times give us hope (however brief and misguided) that the relationship can potentially be good, if we just “hang in there” and “work” at it enough.  It’s sort of like why some people play slot machines for the occasional payout, although they just lose their money most of the time.

        I understand that no relationship will ever be 100% perfect because we’re all only human, with our own weaknesses and frailties.  However, I think that we should still expect things to be good the majority of the time, with just rare or occasional moments of irritation, etc. (and even those should be relatively minor, no major dealbreakers like abuse).  When the bad times, overall, outweigh the good ones, it’s time to jump the sinking ship.  I think I hung too much hope on those good moments that happened 10% of the time, while not paying enough attention to the 90% of the time they made me feel like crap!  I hope everyone out there finds someone, as I have, where those ratios are the other way around.


        1. Karmic Equation

          Yup. This is it in a nutshell:

          When the bad times, overall, outweigh the good ones, it’s time to jump the sinking ship. 

  10. 160

    WHAT???? Calling women racist just because they don’t want to sleep with him, come on get a brain and really think about it why would a woman want to choose one man over the other?

    1. She has standards

    2. Men call women slags if they suspect she is willing to sleep around

    3. Women have a right to sleep with whoever they want, the author needs to respect that and stop labelling women as racist just because she is with one man at a time

    4. This man is just horny and annoyed that some women reject men so he is trying to find a reason to justify it and calling women racist seemingly does just that.

    5. FACT: Throughout our history the majority of men have been the racist ones and some men are just so cold and lack empathy which is inherently racist

  11. 161

    I’m a Mulatto girla nd I ONLY date interracially.  I’m attracted to white men and I PREFER them.  I’ve been OPENLY attracted to White guys since I was a little girl and I’ve always been open to interracial dating and marriage.  I certainly don’t fit any averse statistics.  I’ve never been ashamed of may attraction to and preference of White men and I never will be.  It’s sad how so many people are brainwashed into believing something so normal like loving, desiring, dating and marrying someone of a different ethnic background is “taboo.”  Taboo is for the birds.  White guys rock!!! 

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