Women Are Racist

No, not really. But in John Tierney’s continued analysis of dating behavior, he cites some interesting studies that suggest that women are far less open to dating men of other races than vice versa.

African-American women said yes about 30 percent less often to Hispanic men; about 45 percent less often to white men; about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

Black women were the most averse to interracial dating, Asian women were the most open to it, and Asian men didn’t fare all that well.

I’m not going to hypothesize why – after all, I’m a dating coach, not a social scientist – but this very much corresponds with what I’ve heard from clients.

White women said yes about 30 percent less often to black or Hispanic men, and about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

With one exception. I’m a bit surprised at men’s openness to interracial dating. While I’ve personally dated women across the racial spectrum, I’ve only had a handful of clients who ever expressed preferences for women of other races. Then again, the demographics of my clients are probably a bit skewed towards upper-middle class white people.

Any readers with interracial dating experience care to weigh in?

Hispanic women said yes about 20 percent less often to black or white men, and 50 percent less often to Asian men.

Money quote:The researchers found that most women speed daters said yes (meaning they’d like to see a man again after the four-minute speed date) less often to men of another race than they did to men of their own race. Here’s how much less interested they were in the other races, as compared with their enthusiasm for men of their own race:

Asian women didn’t discriminate much by race (except for showing a very slight preference for Asian men over black or Hispanic men).

Click here to read the whole article:


But wait, there’s some “good news” from those same researchers.

A few days later, after looking at 300 reader comments, researchers sent some surprising news back.

Daters who discriminate by race… also temper these biases once they get to know one another.

“The researchers realize that their results can be depressing, but they also agree with the many readers who caution against reading too much into the preferences of online daters and speed daters. Yes, these daters clearly discriminate by race and height and looks and other superficial qualities, but they also temper these biases once they get to know one another.”

People who are terribly picky in choosing partners online will relax their standards if they spend just three or four minutes talking to someone at a speed dating session.

Click here to read the whole article.

What’s your view? To quote one researcher, Paul W. Eastwick, “do those stated ‘turn-offs’ come back to haunt you later in the relationship, or are they permanently forgotten?”

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  1. 151

    I prefer Asian men. However not many prefer black women.

  2. 152

    I would date Asian men. The hottest guy in my high school was South Asian. (That was in the ’80s ‘though, so he’s very married by now!) Also, I would date red headed men. Patty on Millionaire Matchmaker says redheads are undateable, but I don’t have a problem with anyone’s hair color. I just like men with a certain IQ, and I have to say, most men on dating sites are too low-IQ for me. I just can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone who has no thought of anything beyond what’s on television, what’s for dinner, and how much longer until Friday. I like men who are smart and inspired; who have some sort of goal or mission in life. I don’t necessarily need a super rich man, just someone who has some idea of accomplishing something in life beyond collecting a paycheck for 20 years and then retiring to the sofa to get old, fat and boring.

  3. 153

    Also, in the ’80s, some of the (white) girls in the class that graduated a year before me, decided to just ask out black guys to the prom. Some of the white guys in my school got upset about that. There were some nasty racist notes left for those girls in their locker (all written by anonymous cowards, naturally). It didn’t change their plans, and they went to prom with whomever they wanted to. Gen X girls are independent, and have no fear.

  4. 154

    I have dated many different women and have lived an Asian women I’m white

  5. 155
    BigAsianPackage Blog

    So, yeah, right on. This is from my blog that talks about how it affects me, as an Asian American man….

    Here’s the point: there’s an unanswered simplistic message that dominates the conversation on race and sex about Asian men – They are not sexual, and they have small penises. Social and sexual standing are related, and as such, to those who accept presentation of the world in terms of race and essential racial qualities, Asian men are undesirable socially and sexually.

    That’s something I’ve experienced my whole life. It has been difficult and my life has been worse for it. Imagine in your social circle, it was rumored that you weren’t desirable sexually and had a small dick or wide-set vagina. Whether true or not, I’m guessing it might be detrimental to you. Now imagine in the whole world, every single person has heard this rumor even before you talk to them. That’s the kind of narrative that exists.

    For me, it’s not pleasant, but I also don’t have a problem with saying fuck you and doing my own thing. I’m okay with seeking more individual experiences with women who can appreciate me for the whole package. I speak my mind, I like women a lot, and I think that my particular personality type (perpetually horny) has made it easier for me in the sex department.

    It’s not the same for everyone though. I know a lot of eligible guys sidelined because they’re maybe less assertive (Asian + less assertive = wimp; White + less assertive = geeky). They shouldn’t be penalized for a personality trait. Still now in 2015, it’s commonplace in our society to trash Asian men publicly and ridicule them for an assumed physical racial trait. Which other group of people do we do that to?

    Still, none of this by itself compelled me to write. I was fine letting people go on in their ignorance. I have a nice big cock, and I was fine sharing that in just the bedroom (or bathroom, or kitchen, or wherever, but you get my point).

    It is my young nephew, a fine young boy of nearly 4. He is bright, happy, curious, and sensitive. He’s the only boy in his ballet class, loves pink and purple cars and all utility trucks, and he asks me if I am feeling okay. I love him, and everything about him, and I think it should be okay that he express himself growing up in the world instead of scared into isolation through compounding social rejections. But he will grow up as an Asian man in America, and right now, the chances of going through that without injury and self-hate are none. Zero. I’m serious. I know this, and this is why I write.

    1. 155.1

      I agree with everything you’ve said about the stereotypes of Asian men. And it’s a discussion we need to have in our society. But it does happen to lots of other groups of people too based on race, religion, gender and sexual preferences. It happens to Muslims, it happens to blacks, it happens to homosexuals and it happens to women too. These stereotypes that limit us as people and put us in an ugly box.

      I think your nephew sounds absolutely amazing. I just because an aunt myself and I hope my nephew turns out a lot like yours. I think all we can do is support our nephews in whoever they are or who they become and teach them that they need to stand up for who they are even when other people try to make them feel bad about it. That’s all we can do. Yeah, they will get hurt. Yeah, others will make fun of them. But if we let other people stop us from being who we are, that doesn’t solve the problem either. All we can do is encourage a different kind of strength inside them.

      But I know this doesn’t completely solve the issue. I just think that this time, that’s a part of what we can do. i do think Asian men get a bum wrap though. But it does happen to all kinds of other groups too.

  6. 156
    Marcelo Deunnero

    A big part of Asian women’s desirability is their attitude.  Many are very beautiful.  The male psyche is majorly based upon respect and honor,  just as most women love being cherished and desired.  Many Asian women are very feminine, and while not pushovers it is more common for them to show their men a level of respect that men like.  No woman should be viewed as lesser than a man or be subservient or a pushover, but feminism has gone over board in the west and has in many women killed part of what makes them appealing to men.  I love that my wife acts different than me.  It makes her interesting, and appealing.  If a woman has a good man that actually loves her and she respects him then she will get what she wants from him.  I do think black women are more confrontational than many other women, and I think they suffer because of it.  A lot of  men from other races would be with a black woman who is feminine and respectful.  A strong woman or man and a confrontational one are two different things.   I have seen so many videos of  black men absolutely degrading black women for being too confrontational.  I do understand there are always two sides to a coin though.

  7. 157

    I definitely agree with this article pointing out that dating site pools in this area at least, northern Virginia and Maryland, specifically look for Caucasian ethnicity, that includes women of all ethnicity, some ethnic women unwilling to even date their own race. Here women are open to white men mainly or Asian men. A lot has to do with perception of wealth as well. It’s very uppity and I’ve known women in the bar scenes to choose completely disregard other races if approached and I realize this may be due to comforts, but the slogan of US being a melting pot is hard to find in the mid-Atlantic it seems. Friends in areas like TX, FL, & Cali have told me they are more open to other ethnicity regardless of knowing wealth and height. There aren’t many hispanic actors portrayed well in the media/hollywood and while asian (chinese/korean) and black are getting better representation if not more of a spot light.

  8. 158

    I think that people should just mind their own business about who anyone dates.  What anybody does with their genitals is their own business.  Sorry if such and such group ‘has no one to date’ of their own group…you don’t own the genitals of anyone of your group or outside it.  Seriously, it is called free will and God gave it to everyone.  I wouldn’t want anyone to force me to have sex with anyone I didn’t like…that’s rape.  I believe any consensual union is ok.  That’s it.  I hate it when people try to force their will on others to benefit themselves somehow in their peabrains.  If you don’t like some people hitting on you just make a face like eww you’re not my type and hopefully they won’t be shattered by it.  Well, you can be nice about it …a nice eww… There are nice ways to be mean (which isn’t really ‘mean’ it is just rejection).  Everyone has the right to reject.  Everyone owns their own genitals and brains.  It is infuriating for anyone to try to impose themselves where they are not wanted.  Frustrated?  Sorry, it’s not my problem.  I can handle frustration and rejection which I’ve experienced.  Why can’t some others?  Narcissism.

  9. 159

    I’m Asian American, grew up here. while dating statistics superficially are true, once you get into a relationship with someone that’s when all gloves come off and peoples true colors and issues, programming, prejudices etc. I’ve had white and black men compare me to their own as well have stereotypical expectations of me or stereotype me in ways I was obviously not. I’ve had men cheat on me, use me, lie to me etc regardless of race because bottomline how someone acts or treats you has nothing to do with race just as white and black women experience. I’ve known quite a few white and surprisingly black men who can’t handle or not even used to a woman who stands up for herself or can handle true assertiveness in a female that is usually projected on Asian males. I’ve learned there is no such thing as one race having advantage over another because in reality everyone is getting screwed in relationships because its hard to either meet people who are compatible or meet good men or women for relationships period.












    1. 159.1
      Karmic Equation

      Women stay too long in relationships that don’t make them happy.

      Once she has sex with the guy, she’d rather try to (1) create a relationship (where none ever existed), e.g., try to make a casual sex guy into her bf; or (2) make an unhappy/unhealthy relationship work than to walk away;  or (3) change the guy from someone she is incompatible with to someone she can better get along with.



      None of the three options will work in the long run and (1) and (3) are bound to create situations where the guy will end up cheating on her.

      IMO, in most situations, women can avoid being cheated on if SHE has the courage to end the relationship as soon as she recognizes that the relationship isn’t making her happy. An unhappy woman in a relationship makes the relationship intolerable for both parties. Her “hanging in there” instead of dumping him will result in either (A) he dump her or (B) he cheats on her.

      Yes, I know, guys who shirk their relationship duty is what usually makes a woman miserable.

      Dump him then. Why try to make him do something he obviously either is not interested–or no longer interested–in doing (e.g., make you happy) or is incapable of doing (e.g., speaks a love language that you don’t speak or appreciate).

      If women had the courage to exit a failing relationship sooner, she can prevent a lot of her own heartache and bitterness, and avoid creating situations where men are more likely to cheat.

      1. 159.1.1

        Unfortunately people do often stay too long in unhealthy relationships.  I think it may stem from what psychologists call “intermittent reinforcement”, or still being “rewarded” occasionally and inconsistently.  I think it’s pretty rare for anyone to be a jerk all the time.  Even the most incompatible men I dated were still good to me sometimes.  Those few good times give us hope (however brief and misguided) that the relationship can potentially be good, if we just “hang in there” and “work” at it enough.  It’s sort of like why some people play slot machines for the occasional payout, although they just lose their money most of the time.

        I understand that no relationship will ever be 100% perfect because we’re all only human, with our own weaknesses and frailties.  However, I think that we should still expect things to be good the majority of the time, with just rare or occasional moments of irritation, etc. (and even those should be relatively minor, no major dealbreakers like abuse).  When the bad times, overall, outweigh the good ones, it’s time to jump the sinking ship.  I think I hung too much hope on those good moments that happened 10% of the time, while not paying enough attention to the 90% of the time they made me feel like crap!  I hope everyone out there finds someone, as I have, where those ratios are the other way around.


        1. Karmic Equation

          Yup. This is it in a nutshell:

          When the bad times, overall, outweigh the good ones, it’s time to jump the sinking ship. 

  10. 160

    WHAT???? Calling women racist just because they don’t want to sleep with him, come on get a brain and really think about it why would a woman want to choose one man over the other?

    1. She has standards

    2. Men call women slags if they suspect she is willing to sleep around

    3. Women have a right to sleep with whoever they want, the author needs to respect that and stop labelling women as racist just because she is with one man at a time

    4. This man is just horny and annoyed that some women reject men so he is trying to find a reason to justify it and calling women racist seemingly does just that.

    5. FACT: Throughout our history the majority of men have been the racist ones and some men are just so cold and lack empathy which is inherently racist

  11. 161

    I’m a Mulatto girla nd I ONLY date interracially.  I’m attracted to white men and I PREFER them.  I’ve been OPENLY attracted to White guys since I was a little girl and I’ve always been open to interracial dating and marriage.  I certainly don’t fit any averse statistics.  I’ve never been ashamed of may attraction to and preference of White men and I never will be.  It’s sad how so many people are brainwashed into believing something so normal like loving, desiring, dating and marrying someone of a different ethnic background is “taboo.”  Taboo is for the birds.  White guys rock!!! 

  12. 162

    Men are racist too. I live in NYC. I’m very attractive and have no problem getting dates with other attractive, educated people in real life – of all races. However, if I put a profile online I only get responses from less educated/older/unattractive black men or overweight/old/unattractive white men. While I am vegetarian and an atheist, both of which could account for the lack of appropriate responses in other cities, they can’t be issues in NYC because a large percentage of men living here also have one of both of these attributes. When I send emails out to men who are my type, the type of men I have dated in the past, I NEVER get  a response. Given what I know and have seen, I can only attribute this to racism.

  13. 163

    I’m a Mexican-American man myself and I really have a thing for white women. I know I’m not bad looking & I’m tall (for Hispanic standards) 6’1 However where I live they only seem to be interested in white men exclusively. I would even say It’s probably a lot easier for a lesser attractive white guy than myself to get with a good looking Mexican woman (or white woman) than it would for me to be with a white woman.

  14. 164
    Jayden Fong

    We can all get behind being less racist I hope.  A lesson I learned.

  15. 165

    As an Asian man who have dated many white women, it is indeed an uphill battle. Am i racist in my preference? Probably. Is Jen Lee racist? Probably. Except she is in denial and im not.

  16. 166

    While I do believe women are just as racist as men why is a woman’s racism defined by who she will or will not date? To prefer dating within your own race does not make you a racist.  After all of the things I must deal with as an African American woman the last thing I want to do is date someone who cannot understand why I see the world as I do. I refuse to be in a relationship with someone I cannot comfortably share certain aspects of my life. I will only entertain serious relationships with a man who has political views similar to mine and who is able to discuss racial and social issues freely. African American men and some other minority men I know can do this.  None of this means there is something wrong with the white men I know. I work with white men and I have gone to school with white men all of my life. I have had good conversations with some of them, particularly in my work setting, but I am not interested in dating them.  And I am perfectly comfortable with white men not wanting to date me.  They have the right to choose women based upon their own interests and preferences.

    People have the right to select and date whomever they want for all of the idiosyncratic reasons human beings tend to have and that doesn’t make them racist.  


    1. 166.1
      Karl R

      hh said:

      “why is a woman’s racism defined by who she will or will not date?”

      If I (as a man) refuse to date a woman because of her race, that’s racial discrimination.  It’s a racial bias.

      Why would it be any different for women?


      hh said:

      “After all of the things I must deal with as an African American woman the last thing I want to do is date someone who cannot understand why I see the world as I do.”

      And if you assume that is true of all white men, purely based upon their race, that is racial prejudice (literally: pre-judging) and racial stereotyping.


      hh said:

      “I will only entertain serious relationships with a man who has political views similar to mine and who is able to discuss racial and social issues freely.”

      There are blacks at both ends of the political spectrum.  Whites too.

      And it seems a bit ironic that you only want to date someone who can discuss racial issues freely … but you’re not willing to date a white man long enough to find out whether he can do that.


      A little self-knowledge goes a long ways.

      Everyone brings their own set of biases and prejudices to dating (whether they’re based on race, age, culture, class, politics, etc).  I’m no exception.  But I didn’t try to hide from them.  Or justify them.  Or ignore them.  Or disguise them as something else.

      By acknowledging them for what they were, I gained some control over them.  I could recognize the direction my biases and prejudices were steering me, and I could choose a different course.

    2. 166.2
      Russell Hush

      You said, “I will only entertain serious relationships with a man who has political views similar to mine and who is able to discuss racial and social issues freely.”


      Define “able to discuss racial and social issues freely.”  In my experience, people who say that mean they want the person to agree with them.  I see a whole lot of denial in the black community about what is really going on.  Watch this video.


      When you say “discuss freely,” do you mean create a safe space for you to vent your beliefs, or do you mean actually discuss what I believe?  I think it is the former, not the latter.  I mean would I be able to say that I think Zimmerman was overzealous and yet still within the law, and that Trayvon Martin is the one who started the physical altercation?  Would I be able to talk about how the black community is being lied to, and fed stories about Michael Brown, which was a justified shooting, but then the atrocities by blacks on whites are being hidden from them and the rest of the country?  Could I discuss the statistics that show a black person is many times more likely to be killed by another black person than a white person, or that a white person is far more likely to be killed by a black person than a black person being killed by a white person?  Would I be able to talk about how Jesse Jackson himself said “There is nothing more painful to me at this stage in my life than to walk down the street and hear footsteps… then turn around and see somebody white and feel relieved.”


      I too won’t marry a black woman, and like you I have my reasons other than racism.  I see many black women I figure would make a great wife…are beautiful, smart, nice, etc… but the bottom line is, in her community, I will never be Bro, I will always be Cuz.  When push comes to shove, there are too many in your community who have a chip on their shoulder, and for no good reason.  Easier to blame other people than take responsibility for one’s own actions and decisions.

      1. 166.2.1
        Karl R


        If you wanted to reinforce hh’s belief that white men are racist, you could have done it in far fewer words.  Just throw around some racial slurs, call yourself superior, and save us all a lot of time.


        I work in the legal profession.  There is a world of difference between being unable to find evidence that Darren Wilson had broken the law, and his actions actually being justifiable.

        In addition, you should read the Justice Department’s report about Ferguson (click here).  Not the one about Darren Wilson (which seemed to be every white racist’s favorite reading for that week).  Read the one that talks about how the mayor, city council, police force and municipal courts systematically violated the civil rights of the people they were supposed to serve.

        In addition to the violations of civil rights, the Justice Department specifically noted that the officers were poorly trained in techniques to deescalate confrontations with citizens.  The cited numerous incidents where the officers involved escalated the conflicts.


        Unless Darren Wilson was a substantially better person than the entire department he served in, he routinely violated the rights of blacks.  Unless he was better trained than the entire department he served in, he probably escalated the conflict with Michael Brown, rather than deescalating it.

        For the record, Darren Wilson had previously worked for a police force (in Jennings) that had been disbanded … for the same kind of violations that occurred in Ferguson (click here).


        Russell Hush said:

        “When push comes to shove, there are too many in your community who have a chip on their shoulder, and for no good reason.”

        Read that report.  From what I can tell, Ferguson is not an isolated example of a police department gone wrong.

        The people of Ferguson had been repeatedly subjected to police stops and searches with no probable cause.  They had their first amendment rights violated.  They were subjected to excessive force.  Their community leveraged funds by subjecting them to excessive fines and court fees.

        And the only reason we ever heard about this was because an unarmed black man was shot and killed (with or without justification).  If not for that, the Ferguson police department would still be violating the rights of its citizens.


        Maybe that is a reason for people to get angry.

        1. Russell

          I don’t believe we can have real honest discussions about race, and this black man discusses that very subject.



          Is he a racist?  I don’t think so.  I think he’s frustrated.

      2. 166.2.2

        Russell, you don’t have a clue what you’re talking about, and evidently your understanding of statistics is very limited. Your assertion that a ‘white person is far more likely to be killed by a black person than a black person being killed by a white person’ is based on a misunderstanding of the Justice Department statistics. Blacks do commit more violent crimes than whites, mainly because of factors such as massive poverty, unemployment rates, and capital flight from urban areas, etc. However, for this very reason the probability of black on white crime increases relative to white on black crime, but only because informal segregation ensures that blacks encounter whites with more frequency. The link below offers more detail on this.

        Moreover, your claim that black on white crime is being hidden from the country is based on nothing. It’s the same argument made by white nationalists like Jared Taylor.

    3. 166.3

      You nailed it.  I have dated a few black girls for only a brief time when I was a slut back in the day.  It was brief only because I chose all my situations to be brief back then.  Due to the sort relationships and being young the relationships were more on the light playful side of things.  What I liked in your comment was something about your partner having your same world views and political views as yourself.  i wonder if I ever allowed those black girl relationships to have developed, would there have been some bad obstacles to overcome.  Obstacles from within myself.  I could care less about the states we got.

  17. 167

    @ Russell – I would dare to say your views on “why you will never  date or marry (enter race here)” are as myopic and bigoted as hh’s. The two of you are much more alike than different.

    @ Karl R – Kudos. Fine words.

    1. 167.1

      I disagree.  See, I was in the Navy.  I went in totally naive because I lived in a town that was all Caucasian.  Not all white, but all Caucasian.  OK, almost all Caucasian.  A small amount were Asian.  The thing is, nobody there cared about race.  My best friend was Korean, and another was Latino, and as dark as any black man.  His sister was one of the most sought after girls in the school.  Nobody cared about race.  I thought of that as normal.  I thought of race and racism, and racial prejudice as just something you see on TV.  I had no experience with it.


      I entered the Navy and treated everybody the same.  Even befriended black men.  Some of my best friends were black men.  When I was working in my job, my very best friend was a black man that admitted to me that he got along better with white people like me because I didn’t judge him in any way.  He grew up in a mostly black area where his dad was a highly educated professional.  Shortly after moving there, when he was very young, he came home from school and spoke the slang his friends at school were speaking.  His dad hit him.  Told him he was never to talk like that, at all.  They had a short conversation about proper English not being the white man’s language but the international businessman’s language.  As a result, he had the most proper English I have ever heard.  This did not seem to sit well with many blacks.  He said he was always being treated as an outsider.  Told that he thought he was better than everybody else.  That treatment is not uncommon, as I came to learn, when you try to sound educated in some areas of the black community. At least it was back in the 80’s.


      Ever heard the old term, “G-Money?”  Know what it meant?  Another of my close black friends told me.  More like warned me when I asked him why none of his friends called me G-money, yet always called Andy that, who was a white kid we worked with.  And they always seemed really glad to see him.  He told me I didn’t want them to call me that.  He told me that it was what they called guys who were loose with their money in order to gain acceptance…especially white guys.  As I watched them do this, after that, it sickened me.


      Once, in the gym, me and a black guy had a disagreement about the rules, which were posted.  He was violating them, I was not, yet he wanted me to stop what I was doing so he could continue to violate the posted rules.  All of the black guys took his side.  Security arrived and I was called a racist for not letting the guy have his way.  Long story.


      In many other instances, I watched black men take sides against me, some who I called friend, when it was a disagreement between me and another black guy, and I was clearly in the right.  It taught me that I can have friends, but that the black community as a whole will never see me as equal, as a peer. In short, I can’t count on them to have my back.  A few individual black friends, maybe.


      But a marriage is hard to maintain in this day and age without having to deal with the manufactured strife that exists between blacks and whites. I’ve seen how different races can get along when people aren’t trying to keep them stirred up against each other.  In so many ways, there are powers that be who want to keep the races stirred up, especially black vs white.  That video I posted was a peek into how we are manipulated by the media.  Or, should I say, most people are.  Imagine family gatherings where her family or some of them, would talk openly about their beliefs in cases such as Trayvon, while I had to bite my tongue, or worse, pretend to go along with their beliefs, just to keep the peace.


      I wish we lived in a world that was like the small town I grew up in, and I wish there was something I could do to make that happen, but I am just one small boat against the tide.



      Sorry you think I am a racist, but no, I am not.  I am somebody who is not, who finds himself in a world where powers, political and otherwise, seem determined to make sure there is strife between the races.  We could literally have an hours long discussion on this topic, such as why they altered the truth in the movie “The Express,” which was about the first black Heisman winner who played for Syracuse.  Instead of celebrating the fact that this was one more example of wrongs being righted, they altered the truth, such as making the West Virginia game in West Virginia so they could portray people being racist to the player.  The players on the team came forward after the movie and said that stuff never happened, and in fact, that game was played in Syracuse.


      I am back in college and I constantly see examples where they try to keep this issue on the surface.  Such as reading stories about real racism in the 50s.  Never once mentioning the vast progress we’ve made since then.


      Then you have stuff that the video I posted brings up.  How the news is not reporting the truth.  Why they don’t is a matter of debate, but the fact that they don’t is not debatable.  A black professor wrote a very good article about how the media covers incidents differently, with an obvious result of playing up race when it is white on black violence, but suppress the stories, or the facts of the story, when it is black on white violence.


      Also Karl, that report has nothing to do why a national movement of Hands up Don’t Shoot would be so popular.  Corruption in government is not unique to Ferguson and is almost always not racially motivated.  Here in Jacksonville, they routinely break the law where probation is concerned.  I tried to help a fiend whom this was happening to.  Bottom line is they take advantage of poor people, not black people.  Most of the people on misdemeanor probation are white.  Plenty of poor white rednecks here.  He was sentenced to 1 year probation and 6 months in jail, running concurrent.  The whole time he was on probation the first 6 months after doing his time in jail, he was told that his probation was 6 months long.  At the last appointment, he was told that his file was being submitted to the judge for closure, or something like that.  He thought he was done.  Oh but nay any.  A month an a half later, he was called and told that he was till on probation and that his probation was 1 year, not 6 months.  I helped him do research and we found four court cases that verified that what they were doing was illegal.  I gave him the printouts of these Florida Supreme Court decisions to take in, and went with him.  I was not allowed back at the desk, but I could hear the lady talking to him.  First, let me point out that one of the cases specifically stated that the total time of punishment for a misdemeanor crime was 1 year.  Another clarified that in that when both probation and jail time were given, the total combined time could not exceed 1 year.  Another case explained that probation could not be extended for any reason without a new violation, where a court decision awarded more probation time, in which case the time started immediately and ran concurrent with any other ongoing probation.  In other words if you were serving 3 more months, committed a crime and got another year, your total time from that point would be 1 year, not 15 months.  In other words, they couldn’t delay the time of a punishment so that it could be stacked on top of another punishment.  Additionally, it stated that a violation of probation could not be a reason for extending probation.  The only options available to a judge were to reinstate your probation and let you finish that time, or he could rescind it and put you in jail to finish your time.  The one note on that is that your time does stop if you are in violation, until such time as you are no longer in violation.  So if you are serving a 1 year probation sentence, go into violation for not reporting to your probation officer as scheduled, then your time stops.  If that was with 5 months to go, you still have 5 months to do if you turn yourself in 5 months later.  This is where the judge can make you finish tat 5 months, or any part of it in jail, or he can reinstate your probation and let you finish the 5 months.  The final one stated that after the year passed, if there were no new violations, the judge in the case actually had no jurisdiction over the case.  In short, what they were doing was actually harassment.  you would think some lawyer would be salivating to get that case, and sue, but no, they all wanted money up front to take the case.


      In this case, he had 6 months added.  he had to report almost immediately, and take his $60 dollars for that months, and the same for the previous month.  In total, it cost him $360 and 5 days of his time to report to the PO.  I sat there flabbergasted as I listened to this women admit that they extended people’s probation all the time.  And he was old that no matter what those papers said, if he wanted off, he had to go in front of the judge.  We looked at that and knew for sure what would happen.  The judge would let him off probation because he had no choice.  That is the law.  They would act like it was a paperwork/communication mix-up and we would be told that he was free to go.  Problem?  Just to even get a consult with a lawyer was $250, and going in front of the judge was going to cost him a lot more than that.  he was looking at a total of between $1500 and $2500 total to fight it.  End result?  It was easier to let the system win and just pay the $360 and make 4 more visits.

      He could have just told them to get screwed and never went back in.  If they re-arrested him he could get a public defender to fight it.  But that is a scary thought when you already see how corrupt the system is operating.  He asked my advice and I told him that I couldn’t offer an opinion.  It had to be his decision alone.

      This kind of corruption has nothing to do with race.  It has to do with them raising revenue on the backs of people who can’t afford to fight back, or when it makes no sense monetarily, to fight back.  And this kind of thing exists everywhere.


      None of this changes or alters the fact that the belief in the black community is wrong on many things, especially in who is victimizing who, as I pointed out.  And the level of violence is abhorrent, but people who see themselves as victims are capable of many serious atrocities, such as how the Nazis saw themselves as victims due to the oppressive war reparations, and used that to incite people to do the most inhuman things to other people.  In law enforcement, they refer to that as the victim badge.  The belief that because you feel you are a victim, that you are justified in your actions.


      In that black professor’s article, it was stated that the justification for suppressing black on white violence in the news is that they fear a white backlash.  They fear a race war sparking from one, or a series of articles.


      My point was not that there isn’t corruption in government.  There clearly is.  My point was that they do it to anyone, of any race, that they feel they can get away with it.  This happens in dealings with the IRS.  Many state and local government agencies.   And the victims are not of just one race.  In fact, in total, whites are victimized by this corruption more than blacks.


      Furthermore, as pointed out in that video, and any legitimate crime statistics you want to look at, the problem is not white on black violence.  The real problem is black on black violence, followed by black on white violence.  Yet the black community never tries to do anything about it.  The rise up and protest when the media stirs them up with a white on black incident of violence.


      As I said above, I wish I lived in a country that resembled that small town I lived in.  One where race mattered not one iota.  But the reality is, I don’t.  And I have to make my decisions based on that fact.  That has nothing to do with feeling superior, I don’t, or being racist, I’m not.  It has to do with looking at the reality of the situation.

      1. 167.1.1
        a casual reader

        tl;dr but I’ll bite anyway.

        Russell, I would hope that most intelligent adults are aware that their personal experiences are not universally representative and are subject to confirmation bias.

        You in particular should consider the role the latter plays in your own views and experience. I know if my life experiences with people of another race were ALWAYS negative, I’m might stop to consider why that is.

        Secondly, FBI and DOJ statistics show the violent crime in America is very much intraracial. In 87-93% of violent crimes, including rape and murder, the victim and the offender are of the same race.

        The odds of a white person in America who does not live in a predominantly black community and who isn’t involved in crime themselves becoming a victim of a violent crime at the hands of a black person is ridiculously low.

        Odds are much, much higher that if a violent crime is committed against you (a big if for most white people) the perpetraror shares your skin color.

        I can find 100s of YouTube videos “documenting” alien invasions. I don’t lie awake at night fearing that every sound I hear is an extraterrestrial breaking into my house to kidnap me.

        In other words, it’s easy to find “evidence” that supports your beliefs while ignoring legitimate and agreed upon official sources of information and accusing the media and government of conspiracies.

    2. 167.2
      a casual reader

      It’s not racist to have a dating preference based on what you are attracted to or what you feel comfortable with.

      It is racist to stereotype an entire group as having a “chip” on their shoulder and being inherently sociopathic. Especially when your beliefs are easily disputed by legitimate data and crime statistics.

    3. 167.3

      One of the definitions of racism is to be antagonistic and assume superiority toward others based on race. Other definitions include elements of power and economic factors when talking about structural racism. My comments were neither antagonistic nor presented as superior to anyone else’s. I stated my opinion and my preference.  I am not a bigot for selecting minority men or for selecting men who hold similar opinions on race, or have somewhat similar interests, similar politics or who like to engage in an analysis of current events the way I do.   I am not intolerant to those who hold opinions contrary to mine on matters that are important to me. I have had good working relationships with such people, I just don’t date them.  
      Everyone has the right to their opinion, even you. However, name calling and attempts to intimidate or close a discussion do not further the communal conversation on race nor does it enlighten anyone.  I do not allow others to define me, never have and never will.  But you  have a good day.

      1. 167.3.1


        I think your assertion is a fair one. However, as a single Black woman myself, I would never be so general as to state I’d refrain from dating an entire race of people based on my own personal experiences with a few.

        You may view this as preference, but it’s no different than Russell’s comment above discounting every Black woman in the dating scene based on his personal experience with a few.

        You stated:

        ” I work with white men and I have gone to school with white men all of my life. I have had good conversations with some of them, particularly in my work setting, but I am not interested in dating them.  And I am perfectly comfortable with white men not wanting to date me.” 

        I’ve dated many White men who are, for lack of a better term, “woke” to issues concerning race, racism, privilege, social and economic power structures and institutionalized racism and poverty. I’ve come across many who, if they weren’t woke, had the capacity and desire to learn and become so with a proper guide, mentor and/or partner.

        I wouldn’t count them all out. It’s short sighted, as well, for you to feel they all count you out because you are Black. You’re an intelligent enough woman to not allow people to define you. That’s incredibly applaudable.  It’d be equally valuable to you not to define all White men by very narrow parameters as well.

  18. 168


    “In many other instances, I watched black men take sides against me…”

    Upon reading your words further, which I should not have, I highly doubt the issue all these man had was with your race.

    I thankful the other commenters see the issue as well. We’re seeing exactly what those men saw in you. The sad thing is, you’ll never see it yourself.

    1. 168.1


      Its’ fine if you and I agree to disagree.  I believe I use more than generalities to formulate my opinions and preferences. I use observations, experiences with white men I have met in school or at work, books, sitting in discussion groups and sometimes co-leading discussion groups about racial issues, reading scholarly studies, data and sometimes reading comments online, which is not always a good thing.   I have listened to white men who seem to be racially sensitive, for example Tim Wise,  but I am aware that many may not agree with his observations. I worked in higher education for many years and sensitivity sessions related to race and gender are commonplace, particularly when students have issues.



      There are many factors that come into play when we are choosing a potential mate. For me a sense of ‘home’ is important and the ability to speak a ‘similar language’.  By that I mean I do not want to have to define the roots of my perceptions about racial issues.  Black men tend to know them whether they agree with me or not. Discussions are not always about race at ‘home’, our opinions just emerge during a conversation. With black men and with many men of color the conversations are fluid, there are no false starts or searches for the “correct” word to use.  I am aware that you may not see things as I do. I don’t believe other people have to have preferences similar to mine. Everyone should feel comfortable with their own choices.
      Look, I will acknowledge that a racial preference in dating could possibly smack of racism but the other side of that coin is that everyone must date someone from all other races (or say they are willing to) just to prove they are not racist against any one race. That doesn’t make sense. A well-known actor, Robert DeNiro, has been married 3 or 4 times. All of his wives were/are African American. Does that mean he is racist toward white women or Latinas or Native American women or are African American women merely his preference?













      1. 168.1.1
        Karmic Equation

        I agree with HH.

        Racism has to have an underlying vibe of superiority or antagonism.

        Preferences only become racism if the person with that preference believe or act as his or her “white” significant other is better than someone else’s “black/yellow/green” significant other. Of that someone who chooses to date a different race than themselves are somehow lesser people.

        HH isn’t saying anything of that sort.

        She wants to date people that she can more easily connect with. And she believe she can do that better with people of her own race. She’s not saying that whites are stupid or insensitive or anything that derides the white race.

        “Victim mentality” is seeing slights when there aren’t any. And calling people who’re not racist “racist” diminishes that label such that it loses it’s power.

        Fun fact: Did you know that the word “awful” used to have the same meaning as the current word “awesome”? But because the word “awful” became overused, it lost its power is now a negative.

        I don’t believe the word “racist” will ever become a positive through overuse, however, just as when rape is falsely reported or restraining orders are falsely obtained, people start questioning the veracity of the those reporting the rape or obtaining the R.Os, instead of being outraged at the acts being reported.

  19. 169

    It is true about nobody should marry a short person.   The short gene in truth is majority of the time because of incest.    The more incest in the family then the more shorter you get and the more split lip babies are born.

    Other words for incest is “TEACUP”   Are you sure you want to make a teacup human?

    You should have your genitals removed forcefully   if you think it is ok to marry your mom or dad or cousin or 4th or 5th or 6 or 7th cousin.    Your entire family tree is then corrupt.

    The way to confirm your blood line is strong is to always marry a tall person.

    1. 169.1

      If you don’t want to marry a short person, please don’t. But making crap up based on bits and pieces of information you might have picked up along the way and are now manipulating to justify your own preference has to be one of the most ignorant things I ever read on the interwebs. And I’ve read some ignorant stuff! Calling a human being a ‘teacup human’ is also extremely ignorant and I would identify as a prejudice on it’s own. Perhaps you are being satirical though. I sure hope you are. Otherwise, you are a disturbed individual.

  20. 170

    If women remain racist it is perfectly logical because unless they are foolhardy or indiscriminate they must and do take class into account. Despite pop culture exceptions, more resources are available to and controlled by the people who founded and exploited the country. These people are white. There are lonely poor white people whom no one discusses or dates.

  21. 171

    When it comes to females, maternally there is an altruist factor, this generally tends toward lesser people. Whether it be dick or wallet, or a lack thereof, the complexity of which behavioral evolution may have formed a racist factor, it will always be in the direction of white power cannibalism. It wasn’t about white people being any different to other people it’s just overwhelming favour in that direction is not logical by any means, just instinctive tending towards sick, incapacitated in a society that is striving towards an immutable change may have been the foundations of hellenism, western philosophy any sort of advancement, procreation, necessity… don’t respect women though, that’s your worst mistake, they’re not really with it so to speak. It’s a completely illegal setup that isn’t obvious to people at the receiving end, in fact perceptually women understood equal rights as an exchange of sex for citizenship. The argument was that if you’re a black man at that extreme and of the destruction factor making them the strongest, they would have a penis large enough to match an idol. So they just set up endless idols in hope that they could maintain crime to a minimum, or basically just scrape through. Just a crappy excuse for gothic revivalism, placing women on a pedestal or making a spastic feel good about being in your company, may have always helped white people from the brink of extinction since the ice age.

  22. 172

    The most common is probably black men white women, then asian men white women. The rest are quite rare from what ive seen online.

  23. 173

    The number of white men who contact me online to date is very high but they are making it very clear they are looking to explore the black women sexuality myths NOT to truly get to get to know me as a human being. They tend to make sure I am at least 40 minutes away so as decrease the chances of their friends, family and most importantly their co workers seeing them with me. Black women NOT want to be reduce to sexual myths is not racist it is COMMON FUCKING SENSE.

    1. 173.1

      thats why vetting is so important. i can see those types from “miles” away.

  24. 174

    Black girls are still very racist against white women dating black man. And theres this stupid stereotype about a white women dating black man saying shes a hoe and all. Im so sick of seeing hatefull comments about a black celebrety dating a white chick. Why is it that you dont really see this from a white man dating a black women. And i mean really mean and nasty comments. Why is it so wrong for a women other than a black women to have preferences for a black man. Im not trying to be black i just love black man. Its just a preference. I shouldn’t be called a hoe or being told i cant be happy because black man just use white women for their money and sex.

    1. 174.1

      Just as white women are extremely vicious against a black women who date white men. Hell Ive ran into with my friend she only dates white men and this group of white women were damn near ready to fight her over it. And the constant little shady questions of “oh hes cute why is he with her?”.


      Its no secret white women are just as if not more jealous when they see a black woman with a white guy, and dont let him be a white guy of “means” then the feeling of being “slighted” really come out.  Now thats the instance Ive seen in real life but  online too is bad. Black women can barely even have their own space to talk about interracial dating without white women running up in the space to make it about them.

      Like really are they that pressed?

      1. 174.1.1

        You nailed that one lplp.  I lived in Scottsdale, AZ for a bit in my 20’s.  I was in killer shape and to sum it up, just looked amazing.  All I had to do is walk outside and I was getting ass.  It sounds terrible but it is sooooo true that I laugh about it now.  I started dating  my neighbors daughter who was black and visiting from Detroit.  This was a sort lived summer romance but it was hot and heavy.  this girl was probably the hottest black woman and possibly the hottest woman (20 year old) on the planet in the mid 1990’s.  White ladies in the stores looked pissed and black dudes literally ran into walls when they saw us.  Partially due to the inter racial aspect but I think it was from us just being so damn sexy!  I am now 45 and getting married to a white woman that is part Native American.  life is a trip,  get on the plane and take it!

        1. lplp

          YES!!!! see if you are a white man or black woman who dates or dated interracially you already know that white girls loose their ish at the thought/sight of black women with white men. Just watched a video where this dude was watching tv with his g/f and she saw this hot white guy with this non-white girl and she rolled her eyes and said “ewww he could have any white girl he wanted why is he with her?” um yeah ok. And if youre sir hotness like you, well just forget about it.

  25. 175

    Never had a problem dating outside my race and never one within it!! However whether anyone likes it or not it boils down to how attractive you find another person. If you do not fancy a white black brown cream green blue purple red or orange individual then it is not going to work! Why do people get upset when someone says they do not fancy them? You like who you like end of!!! Here in the UK you just get on with love and tell everyone else to f off! Every single country/environment/family/relationship has it s own challenges. It s up to you to make it work!

  26. 176

    Well i wouldn’t say that women are racist these days since many white women nowadays are dating black men and are getting married to them as well.

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