Your Links For Love – February 20

This week’s best news links on dating, relationships and sex.

From cat lovers to salad toppings? 17 weirdly niche dating sites (MSNBC video) Would you use any of these sites?

Study: Double-dating Improves Romance Have you tried “dating” another couple? Did it work for you?

Study: One third of us have tried dating websites with middle-aged suitors using them most

Study: Playing Hard to Get May Get the Girl

Study: traditional and online dating are, in fact, very similar

Poll results: Dating Dilemma: Who Picks Up The Tab?

And don’t forget, my interview for the Ultimate Soulmate Summit airs today. If you enjoy this blog and want to learn more about relationships from some of the world’s greatest authorities (and yours truly!) for free, click here to register.

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  1. 1

    Playing hard to get may get the girl?  How about playing hard to get may leave the girl thinking “he’s just not that into me” and the girl writes him off and moves on?

  2. 2

    I would try a cat lovers site, assuming there were any guys actually on there. Sooo many people are allergic to cats, and it’s just one more thing that can drive a wedge into a relationship that otherwise shows promise in the early stages. My last heartbreak was a guy who was very allergic to my cats, and he was also taking medication for migraines. He didn’t like to be on both meds at the same time, so whenever he felt a migraine coming on, he would have to cancel our date. In retrospect, that was probably just an excuse (he had a habit of being chronically late and/or not showing up – first and only loser I’ve ever fallen for like that; I guess now I know what NOT to look for in a man!).
    “Cougar” dating is for women who don’t mind hooking up with unemployed guys who will beg you for money all the time. Avoid Gen-Y men like the plague – they have 50% unemployment and still live in their parent’s basements. Ugh. is technically a matrimonials site. Most users are Indians – based in India and virtually any other country. There are numerous caucasians on the site as well, which I guess means they are guys who like Indian women, or they just aren’t meeting anyone serious on other dating sites? There are other matrimonials sites out there for Muslims and people from countries with long cultural traditions of arranged marriages. The sites allow single to sign themselves up, or sign up on behalf of the son/daughter/sister/brother/etc they are trying to fix up.
    The playing hard to get article simply describes the Zeigarnik Effect in dating. I subscribe to Emily McKay’s dating newsletter for women, and she discussed this in a recent email.
    According to Wikipedia, the Zeigarnik Effect states that “people
    remember uncompleted or interrupted tasks better than completed
    ones”.  So, when a guy “leaves you hanging” you stick around because your brain wants to figure out why, and connect all the dots. The healthy thing to do is to accept that he is manipulating you and recognize that this is what is going on. That will free you up to dump him and move on. Otherwise, you can be “left hanging” for years, wasting time on a guy and a relationship that is going nowhere and isn’t even making you happy.

    I’ve never “double dated” but a guy I met on Craigslist showed up on our 2nd date (we went to the movies) and then one of his friends and his friend’s girlfriend showed up too, so I guess that was a double date, although we hadn’t really planned ahead to do that. I was pleased, actually, that he was introducing me to his friends so early in the dating process, although he was probably jumping the gun a bit, since I hadn’t really made up my mind if I wanted to keep on seeing him longer than for just a few dates. Compared to my last bf though, it was a breath of fresh air. It felt like “gee, a guy who really respects me enough and is proud to show me off to his friends! that’s feels really good for a change!” Granted, he was sort of a Lothario type who probably falls in love too quickly, and I was a little concerned about his rushing things. Also, he was just out of a divorce and only just acquired full custody of his kids, and things were a bit of a mess for him family-wise, so I was worried about walking into an unstable situation like that. It’s hard to know what to do about dating single parents if you aren’t one yourself. There is no Miss Manners guide to dating single parents for the perplexed never married person! Maybe that should be Evan’s next ebook offering. 🙂 (just a tiny hint!)
    Who Picks Up The Tab = the man. Period. At least for the first 4 or 5 dates, in my opinion. I don’t think the guy has to pay for everything forever, unless he is clearly the sugar daddy, or de facto sugar daddy, in the relationship (i.e. – he is a figure business owner and you are a struggling wage slave and/or recently unemployed… the Great Recession is definitely having an impact on this question!!).
    Full disclosure: I’m a southern girl, so as far as I’m concerned, the guy MUST pay the tab, open doors for you, etc. Anything less is simply disrespectful, and would p*ss me off frankly!! LOL So, you have to keep in mind the cultural background of the person you are dating. If you are a guy and you’re taking out a southern girl, try to be really, really traditional in all ways, if you want to make a really good impression on her. Think: 1950s dating tips videos (I bet youtube has loads of those! wouldn’t hurt to do a little 50s-dating-refresher when you have some down time…).
    P.S. – Congratulations Evan on your new baby! Is she here yet? will you post pics? 🙂
    Also, thanks for the invite to the Ultimate Soulmate Summit, it is great stuff so far. Listened to your interview last night, took lots of notes. I think a lot of my online dating problems boil down to copywriting issues. Gotta write to the audience you want to attract, which pulls them in at the same time it screens out the guys you don’t want. There was another dating telesummit thingy recently…so between your advice and his, I’m busy rewriting. Also, I need new pics, desperately, but I am thinking of just hiring a professional photographer to make some pics for me I could use on LinkedIn or wherever, and get double traction by using them for dating photos as well. I seriously can’t take good pics at all. Digital cameras growl and hiss at me and run away.

  3. 3
    Karl R

    Vicki said: (#2)
    “I’m a southern girl, so as far as I’m concerned, the guy MUST pay the tab, open doors for you, etc. Anything less is simply disrespectful, and would p*ss me off frankly!! LOL So, you have to keep in mind the cultural background of the person you are dating. If you are a guy and you’re taking out a southern girl, try to be really, really traditional in all ways, if you want to make a really good impression on her.”

    I agree that a person should keep in mind the cultural background of the person he/she is dating.

    That applies to you, Vicky, as much as the men you date. If they were raised someplace other than the south, they didn’t spend their first 18 years being taught the southern way to treat a lady. 

    If you live in a city where 90% of the men were raised in the south, you can afford to cling to your cultural bias. But you are ruling out almost every non-southerner by holding them to that standard. And if you live in a city where the majority of the men are non-southerners (and that includes some of the cosmopolitan cities in the south), then you are penalizing yourself far more than the men you choose not to date.

    My girlfriend grew up in Houston. I grew up in Detroit. If she got offended every time I overlooked one of the southern cultural niceties, we wouldn’t have made it past the first week. I instinctively treat her with respect … as it would be demonstrated by someone who grew up in my circumstances. While she appreciates it when I remember a few of the southern rules, she doesn’t consider it to be a dealbreaker issue.

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