Your Worst Date Story, Ever!

The dating biz is a small one. Pretty much everyone who gives dating and relationship advice in the U.S. is someone with whom I’ve crossed paths at one point in time, and most of them are pretty darn good people. A perfect example is my friend, Jennifer Kelton, who is the founder of BadOnlineDates.com.

Find humor, catharsis and knowledge in sharing these kinds of experiences.

Although it sounds negative, Jennifer finds humor, catharsis and knowledge in sharing these kinds of experiences, and she’s giving you the chance to participate. Just send her your best worst date story through badonlinedates.com and have a chance to win a $50 gift card, a ”Worst Date Ever” tee-shirt and the online coverage of your story on blog.badonlinedates.com.

Click here to learn more.

As for me, I won’t be entering because it wouldn’t be fair.

As a veteran of 300 online dates, I have at least 5 that would trump your worst date, and virtually make your head explode with some version of “She said WHAT?!” Don’t even test me. I’ll win. :)

So please, share your worst dates with me in the comments section…then swing by Jennifer’s site and win something for all your pain:

http://blog.badonlinedates.com/2010/05/the-worst-date-contest-its-ok-to-laugh.html

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Joe

    How about you share your five after the contest is over? :)

  2. 2
    JuJu

    Hey, at least post your bad dates here on your blog, Evan!
    We are curious! :-)

  3. 3
    shalini

    Yeah… we are curious! :D :P

  4. 4
    Selena

    Please share your stories Evan! We can all use a laugh. And a little schadenfreude :)

  5. 5
    Evan Marc Katz

    Sorry y’all. Friends get to hear my war stories over drinks. I don’t like to go negative publicly. Nobody gains from it.

  6. 6
    Selena

    Sure we could gain from it – by learning what NOT to do!

  7. 7
    Wolf

    I once had an online date where the girl asked if she could sacrifice me in a religious ceremony

  8. 8
    Evan Marc Katz

    If she asked to sacrifice you, I’m betting that you were HER bad date story!

  9. 9
    IamDavid

    “If she asked to sacrifice you, I’m betting that you were HER bad date story!”

    haha funny, boy I have had some bad dates, but nothing like that!

  10. 10
    Joni

    Evan – first, bought your new book and loved it. My friends and I refer to ourselves as Evan-ites and say, What would Evan do?

    Worst-ending to a string of dates w/ same guy… I live in Los Angeles. Even with 3-6 months of mirroring the men, I find that I’ve now dated 3 commitmentphobes/narcissists and get burned REALLY badly. Even after going so far as meeting the parents and grandparents, attending holidays and weddings together, twice the following has happened to me. After dating for 6 months, the first guy said, “I care about you and love you,” and when I mirrored back he said, “Thanks. I actually meant I’m not in love with you. I just love you.” After a month of dating, the second guy said, “I want you to be my girlfriend, when you’re done searching, on your own terms.” After waiting another month, I brought up I was ready and he said, “I changed my mind.” Yet the whole time they were very attentive, caring, and their behavior was to ask me out immediately/etc until that crucial moment when they freaked out. As you can imagine, I was devastated. So I left them and no longer allow them in my life at all. I know the last guy doesn’t have to do with the next guy. Yet, I’m at the end of my rope and want to take a break from dating to recover and to better learn how to spot these types of men. I already read a couple of books on commitmentphobes/narcissists over the last year or two when this happened to no avail. But how do I detect these types of men? I also don’t know how to be “emotionally cautious” until the guy becomes my boyfriend. I don’t scare guys away. When getting to know guys and having them get to know me, I can’t be nonchalant about it. I’ve invested 3-6 months because of their good, reliable actions until they drop a bomb on me. I want to learn to be less caught up.

  11. 11
    Christian

    @joni – I believe you waited too long indirecly most guys would expect three days you took 30 days. You let his mind wondered because you made him think you weren’t into him.

  12. 12
    Rita

    My worst date story happened this past year. We met thru an online dating service; he contacted me first and we hit it off “online”. He sounded great on paper. We spoke on the phone several times before going out. Since he lived about 3 hrs away from me it was decided to meet at a restaurant somewhere in between (which on my part meant a 2 hour drive). Once there (and I got there on time; he was 5 minutes late) I found out that the restaurant happened to be closed on that particular night of the week (he had not checked or made reservations). When he parked and got out of his car, it felt immediately awkward to me; no warmth or extension of affection (hug or even handshake); which has never happened before (and I’ve dated a lot). I immediately noticed that he smelled like a combination of lysol and vomit; couldn’t tell if it was from his jacket or his car. OK, by now I’m really ready for a glass of wine (or two). We got in his car to find another restaurant that would be fairly close and found one which was mediocre, although the food was decent. This man had said in his profile that he didn’t smoke; however during the date he smoked about 4 cigarettes. And I know that women stretch the truth sometimes but he was 2 or 3 inches shorter than what he said; and had a mildly effeminate affect which is a turnoff to most heterosexual women. I made some small talk during the dinner (he did pick up the check) and tried to be gracious when I said thank you. Delete that profile; next…

  13. 13
    Joni

    @Christian – The first guy was my boyfriend, but at the saying “I Love You” stage it obviously fell apart and I realized how self-serving he was in having me say it back.  He only wanted to hear it,  not say it to me and mean it.  As for the second guy, I’ve read from Christian Carter and other dating books/coaches that men who have TONS of options only think about being exclusive 3-6 months in.  No?  My guy knew I was into him which is why I thought he asked after 1 month.  He claimed he was looking for the right woman now that everything in his life was in order.  He said he was ready and wanted to make sure I was serious/ready too on my own, without his prodding.  I’d always mirror back and our relationship would reach another milestone.  It’s once he/guys realize they are now “in a relationship” that the commitmentphobes/narcissists feel trapped & scared that they run because they have self-esteem and emotional health issues.  They say they want a gf and relationship and once they have it, they freak out.  I wish I had insight on how to stay detached of the outcome while dating.  That and how to spot CP/N is what I need help on.

  14. 14
    Diana

    To Joni, if you haven’t already, I cannot recommend Rori Raye’s relationship blog strongly enough. A Google will find her. Fantastic site!

  15. 15
    Blog Moderator

    @Joni – Love the “Evan-ites” comment.

    Please send questions by clicking the “Ask Evan” button at the top of the page. Or, if you really want to get control of your love life, sign up for one of his excellent coaching packages. With Evan’s guidance, your “worst date” stories will start being outnumbered by your “best date” stories!

  16. 16
    starthrower68

    @Joni #13,

    Sounds like we are sisters in the struggle, lol!  When you find the answer to the $64k question, let me know.   I have a full and blessed life, much to be thankful for, and know that I am loved by many; yet I still struggle with not caring about the outcome of a situation.   Is it that I’m female and hard-wired to desire relationship?  I certainly don’t think I’m needy and desperate because I’ve been without a significant relationship for most of the almost 7 years I’ve been divorced.  Like most human beings, I experience occasional pangs of loneliness or wishing I had someone, but it passes. 

    As with spotting the CP/N types, unfortunately I think it takes a bit of hands on experience to spot them quickly and get rid of them just as quickly.  Listen to that still, small voice that tells you something is wrong; because if you hear it from within, something usually is wrong. 

  17. 17
    Tia

    we met at a Barnes and NOble, he “seemed” normal, we discussed books, philosophy, etc. a good hour . I was leaving and he asked could he called me, i took a chance and gave him a number, he did call by the end of that week and we met up at the bookstore again, he wanted to spend the hot summer day at a park. I thought this meant walking around, possibly having a nice lunch there, etc. no it meant sitting in his hot car with the stereo turned up while he cast a watchful eye over the half naked girls there and said ” alot of these girls will get knocked up this summer”.

    no food, no drinks, heat. i looked in the back seat of the car to see a bottle of chocolate syrup there, “what’s this” i asked. turns out he travels around with it “just in case” i cringe to think.

    the “date” drags on and we endup at another park, this time we walk around, i learn some interesting things about him, he is currently jobless, and is enrolled in domestic violence programs, oh did i mention his father is a crack head crossdresser.  back to the car, he wants to whip it out and show it to me, he thinks i’d be impressed. needless to say i never call him again! he calls for a good month afterward until he gives up

  18. 18
    JuJu

    Joni, my two cents: something of this sort happened to me a couple of times now, and my verdict is, this kind of conduct is common for men who are in love with the idea of being in love. They get all overly intense from the very beginning, long before they actually know you well enough to make any such proclamations/commitments, because at first glance/impression you fit their rough “template” of what they need for romantic bliss. It’s not you they actually want (once again, not because there is anything wrong with you, but simply because they can’t possibly know you well enough at that stage to decide that you are their heart’s desire (if they even know what their desire is)), it’s the fantasy relationship in their head. And whenever some aspect of your personality doesn’t fit that template (as it invariably will), it all comes crashing down.
     
    The solution? Realize that that was what happened, that a man so lacking in self-awareness is not the kind of man (I would hope) you need anyway, and next time look for someone higher up on the personal growth/development scale.
     
     

  19. 19
    JuJu

    Tia, wow, some patience you’ve got! I would have left the moment I realized the big plan was to sit in the car.
     
    I know what it’s like to suffer the consequences of being too nice and considerate, but we should all learn to cut our losses.
     
     

  20. 20
    JuJu

    Rita, except for the smell of Lysol and vomit, that’s a very average /ordinary date in my book. Consider yourself lucky!
     
     

  21. 21
    starthrower68

    Wow, I don’t feel so bad about my worst date story.  The guy was saying “I’m in love with you” on the phone before we’d even met.  I did give him the benefit of a doubt and met him for dinner.  When the conversation turned to his sebaceous cysts, I saw my life with that guy flash before my eyes.  Needless to say, that never happened. 

    All guys are not bad.  Somewhere out there are some great ones.  But the bottom feeders just make my head droop.

  22. 22
    mora

    On the commitmentphobes: I think everything in our culture points to women as disposable commodities to be consumed and upgraded, discarded, collected and traded like coins, watches, baseball cards.
    The whole women with cleavage, airbrushed images on every corner–what if we did this to men and made them wear make-up, and be a fantasy sex images to us–for the most part they do not play this role. I hate saying this, as it’s so blatantly obvious, we overlook it as a given.
    My main point–male promiscuity is celebrated and seemingly more gratifying (reality- not as pretty), than for women due to power dynamics–women are seen as softer, less threatening, catlike and soft, emotional, and men are seen as more dominant and withholding.
    So, what is in it for men to commit, unless they reach an age of fewer options, desire security or want kids? The fantasy for men is to be irresistible to all women, it’s not to be married.
    The coming on strong is simply the need to conquer. I’d say don’t let yourself be conquered. They will go away unless they really like you, and at least you wouldn’t be taken on a ride. One can choose to take it slow, keep oneself sane for the keeper, who will eventually turn up.

  23. 23
    Evan Marc Katz

    @Mora – wouldn’t disagree with most of your points – there is a problem with male promiscuity and entitlement – see Maureen Dowd’s column today; however, I entirely disagree with your conclusion:

    “Don’t let yourself be conquered. Your keeper will ‘eventually’ turn up.”

    Sorry. If you follow that strategy, you are correct that “they will go away”.

  24. 24
    Sayanta

    EMK-

    Just curious- your reply to Mora’s “don’t let yourself be conquered.”

    Why is it a ‘bad’ strategy? I’m assuming Mora’s saying, don’t stray from your principles and who you are as a person when she says that. You can’t possibly be telling us we shouldn’t do that, right?

    I might be misunderstanding something here- if so, plz feel free to clarify.

  25. 25
    Evan Marc Katz

    @Sayanta – Men ask you out, they follow up with phone calls, they pay for you when courting you, they ask you to be exclusive, they ask you to sleep with you, they ask you to trust them – this is what they do to “conquer” you. If you aren’t receptive to this – or put up walls because you believe that men exist merely to “take you on a ride” – lots of good men are not going to want to climb your walls.

  26. 26
    starthrower68

    So I just had a guy contact me again after weeks of no contact, but let me rewind to why.  He started from being in love and ready to put a ring on my finger in 6 months to our final conversation which was pretty much him throwing ad hominem attacks at me.  I only saw him once during that roughly 2 month period.  He got his final word in and I thought fine, won’t have to hear from him again.  Tonight, he decided to try fence testing.  Can’t say I was really open and receptive.  Had I forgiven?  I guess so, as in after that last ugly conversation, I didn’t give him any thought.  I’m guessing the only reason he contacted me is because he’s got nothing else going on.  Not that I do, but I’ll take my Friday and Saturday nights at home alone over that drama.

  27. 27
    Cat

    You definitely have more options than just “home alone” or “that drama.” Get out there! Don’t let one fool get you down… I love some of your phrasing, BTW. The “rewind to why” and “fence testing” are awesome.

  28. 28
    Sayanta

    Starthrower-

    What an ass…I think the God/dess is protecting you there (if you’re atheist, change that to…”it’s for the best”).

    I actually initiated contact with a guy a week and a half ago- got no response, until yesterday. He said he’s just started seeing someone (yet he’s very active on Match), but he’d really like to get to know me better and be ‘friends.’ Um…ok. I hit delete on that one.

  29. 29
    starthrower68

    @ Cat,

    I don’t deny that there are alternatives to sitting at home alone on Friday and Saturday nights; however, when you live in central Illinois,  there aren’t may options other than the bar scene or spending Friday and Saturday nights at the Barns & Noble.  I’m also finishing up my BA and working on getting into a MPA program this fall, which I’d like to finish in about 12 months so I’m going to have to have a laser-like focus on that, as well as work full time and raise three kids.  I’m very aware that there aren’t going to be many men wanting to share time with all of that. 

    @ Sayanta,

    I am convinced that this dude has a personality disorder.  Not just because of his treatment of me, but of some other observations.  A narcissistic misogynst cannot be reasoned or dealt with.  You just run from it as quickly and as far away as you can.

  30. 30
    GB

    Went for a couple of drinks one evening with a guy I’d been chatting with on an online dating site. I’m not the sort of girl who needs to be pandered to, so we drank in rounds- buying each other drinks. We got along well but as this was the first encounter nothing happened- not even so much as a kiss.
    upon leaving work the following evening- I work in a basement of a building with no phone network for shifts 12+ hours long- I had six text messages and three missed calls from the guy.
    his ultimate response to not having heard from me for 13hr was that he wanted me to repay him the money he had spent buying me drinks seen as I had been leading him on…

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