Become the Woman that No Man Can Ever Leave

I’m still buzzing from the email that I got from my former client, Michelle. And let me say, that Michelle is one of my favorite clients ever.

Always good-humored, always confident, always present – and, most importantly, always coachable, Michelle saw instant results in working with me.

She attracted a man who was different than her previous boyfriends – and that’s exactly what she needed. After all, Michelle will be the first to tell you that she’s a bit of a handful. And after dominating (and losing respect) for her last guy, she craved the attention of a man who was a little more alpha.

Men don’t stay with women who treat them as incomplete projects – they bond with women who make them feel good.

She got him – and she got all the problems that come with being with such a man.

She couldn’t tell him what to do.

She couldn’t make him say that he loved her fast enough.

She couldn’t ensure that he wanted to stick around for the future.

Although Mark treated her great, he was still very much a MAN. Early 50’s, successful, busy, a divorced father of a teenaged son, he felt very fortunate to have landed a 33-year-old stunner like Michelle.

All of the stories that Michelle told me reiterated how much he valued her, and at the time that she gave me this testimonial that’s on my Commitment Course page, she was in a great comfort zone with Mark.

He treated her well, he told her he loved her, he put up with her self-proclaimed “brattiness,” and he alluded to a future together.
But all relationships have their challenges, and Mark and Michelle were no different.

The elephant in the room for this couple was that Michelle very much wants to have kids, while Mark never really anticipated that he’d be a father again in his 50’s.

While I was coaching Michelle through the first four months of their relationship (and intermittently in between), I cautioned her to NOT put any pressure on him about getting married and having kids. While theoretically, she could be “wasting” her time with him, my advice was to let him fall in love with her.

If he did, she would have a lot more leverage when the baby talk came up, as opposed to trying to extract an answer out of him in the early stages of the relationship.

This worked like a charm. Because really, it was no secret that Michelle wanted to be a Mom, and since Mark was a man of integrity, he wanted to do right by his girlfriend. He agreed, last July, to be the future father of her children.

Then he changed his mind a few months later.

No matter how much he loved Michelle, Mark just couldn’t pull the trigger on a second round of fatherhood, and they tearfully parted ways.

True love will find you sooner rather than later – as long as you prioritize your love life.

I was sad for Michelle, but very proud at how she handled herself. Despite her high-maintenance tendencies, she became better at understanding Mark’s needs and point of view, and created the healthiest relationship that she’d ever had before.

Every time she wanted to criticize him for how he handled his relationship with his son, or his ex-wife, or his boss, she remembered that men don’t stay with women who treat them as incomplete projects – they bond with women who make them feel good.

Most importantly, from our work together, Michelle knew that her future husband wants to be a dad, and thus, she had no regrets about walking away when she did.

That was the last I’d heard from Michelle. Until today.

Turns out that her breakup only lasted for one week.

Mark loved Michelle.

Her playfulness, her sexiness, and yes, even her attitude and mood swings. After spending a year and a half together, Mark realized that he couldn’t imagine life without her. Which is as it should be.

And while I give Michelle credit for becoming the woman that no man can ever leave, Michelle actually gives ME credit. Here’s a snippet of her note to me:

I asked him why he had a change of heart and finally came to this conclusion.  He said because he’s in love with me. 

I can’t tell you what this has done for me in this relationship.  I feel so relieved and at ease with it all. 

Evan, you taught me to be playful, lighthearted, patient, kind and compassionate. 

You’re an AMAZING (THE BEST) dating coach!

Thank you.  


Love,

Michelle

I love Michelle and I love this story.

A confident, successful, attractive woman in her mid-30s finds a masculine, confident man, wins him over with her feminine energy, and makes herself so indispensable to his life that he can’t imagine being without her.

I’m attending their wedding this summer in San Francisco and I couldn’t be more excited for the both of them.

Know that this is within your grasp and that true love will find you sooner rather than later – as long as you prioritize your love life like Michelle did.

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching/

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Comments:

  1. 61
    DinaStrange

    Well, actually America is not a real democracy. Regarding the comments that imply that she is settling. After all, it’s her business and at this point we can only wish her happiness. If a guy is 50, looks good for his age and has money, and she is good looking and self sufficient and is truly into him, i think it might be a good match. I don’t think the problem is that he is 20 years older than her, maybe our general beliefs in gold digger, middle age crisis manifesting in getting a younger wife and our general cynicism is interfering in our judgement.

  2. 62
    maria

    THIS IS A WONDERFUL ARTICLE! Thank YOU EVAN for sharing!
    It is EXTREMELY SAD AND RIDICULOUS to read the rude remarks in regards to this young ladies success story. Perhaps, that is why most of you are still single and lonely.

    I am happy to read this for I am going thru the same thing and have also learned alot from EVAN from just reading his blog. This is amazing and I hope the best for them!

    Congrats EV!! You are a great coach!

  3. 63
    Margaret

    Soul, I am willing to bet your guy is successful, or you wouldn’t be looking at a man 18 years older than you. Just saying.

  4. 64
    DinaStrange

    I also want to add, and speaking from a different cultural perspectives, that both men and women in USA are extremely materialistic in their approach of relationships and lots of shallow factors play a role here…everyone wants a 10 (whatever that means), so you get lots of dissatisfied and miserable people…still looking for that then. I mean situations overall is extremely pathetic and is only getting worse.

  5. 65
    Clare

    Soul,
    I could not agree with you more! :)
    I feel strongly that sometimes in the shuffle of advice and skepticism, people get cold and forget the idea of love. Love should not blind you to a person’s flaws or cause you to overlook what should not be overlooked, but love is the reason we are all here in the first place.
    If you are going to live in the kind of black and white world that Heather painted, I submit that no one is ever going to be good enough.
    Love is about being prepared to be vulnerable, understanding the other person’s point of view and needs, as well as your own, and yes, sometimes it is about second chances. It is about compromise and sometimes it is about choosing an unconventional mate and finding unconventional solutions.

    For me, the *most* inspiring stories are not where a couple had a completely perfect, smooth and problem-free road to matrimony (I don’t believe these really exist anyway), but where love overcame their humanity and the unpredictability of life, and they decided they couldn’t live without each other.

    Maybe I am just a hopeless romantic, but I think if you believe in love and trust it, rather than finding reasons to drive it away, it has a much greater chance of finding you.

  6. 66
    Zaq

    Soul: “I am 34… 2 years ago I would probably have said that a 20-year age difference would have been my worst nightmare ahahahahah ….. and guess what I totally fell in love with a 52 year-old man!!! ….. and there are tons of younger trophies out there who would have killed to be with him..”

    It is my experience that most younger women think the idea of a relationship with a much older man is ridiculous. Until of course they meet HIM.
    I had one 25 year old tell me to my face that she didn’t agree with the age gap relationship of a mutual friend, and she would never do that. Seconds later it was made perfectly clear that wouldn’t apply to me !
    Women appear to think logically, but ACT emotionally. There is a huge difference between what they say and what they do.
    If younger women were not attracted to older men then older women would have them all to themselves.
    I don’t see blame being placed on the younger women.

    Also, I think young women are NOT attracted to MOST older men – only those, as in this example, who exhibit alpha characteristics.
    That leaves the majority of the older men still available to them.
    GREAT !! – except for one thing.

    YOU DO NOT WANT THEM
    You want the same men who ARE attractive to younger women.
    But, as Evan says “you are only as valuable as your options”
    Your options are ordinary men.

    Here’s a success story
    A friend of mine, mid 50s, recently divorced, is marrying a woman of similar age next week. He met her only a year ago.
    Woop !! Woop!!

    Here’s the thing – he’s in average condition and has been unemployed for 3 years – SAVVY ?

  7. 67
    Michelle

    #70, and when you’re 60, he’ll almost be 80.

    I was having a conversation recently with my colleague who is 57, her husband is the same age. I am 48 and was telling her about a man I met who was interested in me, he’s 57. I was concerned he might be too ‘old’ for me, although he’s in excellent health and looks younger than his age. She brought up this point: “when getting older, you want someone who is going through the same things you are physically”. And believe me, as you age, there are physical changes that pop up out of the blue or things perhaps worsen with time. That won’t sway my decision on maybe having a relationship with this man, but she gave me some food for thought. One thing I have learned is older people have wise advice since they have gone through or are going through the ‘reality’ of life.

  8. 68
    Soul

    @Magaret

    He is very successful! I have only had 3 long-term relationships altogether (I have never had any short-term story), and all of them were extremely successful…. and I was making a 6-figure salary myself until last year….I am successful too….I mostly meet successful men, because of my lifestyle…. the restaurants, private clubs, lounges, conferences I go to and hang out in….

    Also, prior to meeting him, I was alone for 5 long years (a few dates, a few kisses, NO SEX FOR 5 YEARS). I was still surrounded (and approached) by very successful men, some younger, some older….. I have always been approached by men actually….

    @ZAq

    This is hilarious loooool

  9. 69
    Soul

    # 78:

    My post is incomplete. What I wanted to say is that If I was a gold digger, I would have had many other opportunities (same age or younger!).

    @ Michelle, # 77
    “when you’re 60, he’ll almost be 80.”. Yes, I know!!! But I don’t care, I love him! we’ll cross that bridge when it comes….

  10. 70
    Brenda

    Margaret @69: I am 55, mother of two sons, one with special needs, and I dated men around my age for 3 years before my fiancé found me- yes, some had health issues, some had integrity issues and some just had way too many issues. BUT………there are really great men out there near our age, who are adorable, wonderful men (my fiancé, for one) who desire a great relationship with women our age………Just get back out there with a smile on your face and hope in your heart, and keep dating……date many different kinds of men in your age range.

    PS Evan, our wedding is in 4 months (have been engaged for 6 months) and I met him because of you and the fact that you asked me to look beyond those I typically dated………..thank YOU!

  11. 71
    priya

    I have seen in some of your post where you have given advise to ladies to not to date too older men.Isnt it applied here too Evan?There is 20 year age gap.

  12. 72
    nathan

    Zaq @76 “Women appear to think logically, but ACT emotionally.” And the same is true for most men. It may look different on the surface, but it’s a small minority of people who are actually mostly driven by logic and reasoning. And that’s a good thing. Human intelligence is much more diverse than how we think things through. Our thinking is frequently wrong anyway, and never completely encompasses experience. The problem with emotions comes when we let them take over and run us. Don’t bother trying to say men are more logical. If I had a dollar for every dude I have met who was controlled by anger, rage, or sadness, I could retire today – at 36 years old.

    DinaStrange @74 “both men and women in USA are extremely materialistic in their approach of relationships and lots of shallow factors play a role here” There is some truth to this. We have been sold the story of getting “the biggest and the best” of everything: house, relationship, business or job, etc. And that story has pushed many folks to create endlessly long lists of qualities and conditions they want. Those wants are then thought of as “must haves,” which leads to endless amounts of suffering. Because often, you can’t get what you want. And a fair amount of the time, getting what you want doesn’t actually make people happy. Or the happiness isn’t long lasting as we thought it might be.

    To Claire @75 Love is highly powerful. It’s the energy, really, that sustains our lives in my opinion. Furthermore, I completely agree with you that being black and white, fixed to a set of rules and beliefs about relationships, is probably going to lead to being alone or miserably together with another. There has to be room for surprise, flexibility, second chances, and compromise. With all of that said, sometimes all of these qualities can be present between two people, and it doesn’t last. The first post I ever wrote on my dating/relationship blog was about just such a relationship. http://21centuryrelationships.blogspot.com/2011/04/love-of-unsettled-hearts.html
    There is zero doubt in my mind that had a few things been different in the overall situation, the love between the two of us would have been enough to overcome the remaining obstacles. But it wasn’t in this case. And I think that’s where the romantic stories of lovers overcoming it all falls apart. Sometimes it’s really just too much – the circumstances of our lives. Neither person failed to love well enough, and both were the best partners they could be. But it just didn’t overcome. (I’m sure people could pick apart pieces of my story, but consider what I’m saying beyond the specific example from my own life.)

    Michelle’s relationship seems to actually be in a better place than mine was. Her fiance’s waffling on having children remains the biggest question in my mind. But it’s one that is answerable, and workable, between the two of them. So, although I have expressed some doubts about their situation, she could have chosen a man with a lot more red flags than this guy seems to have.

  13. 73
    Gina

    I think this is a great story. It seemed like many people were focusing on the age, but obviously Michelle is fine with it and fell in love with the guy, got what she wanted in a man. The opinions of the woman are based on what they find okay for them and feel Michelle didn’t get a happy ending because he was older – in their perception. And, they were not respectful at all in their opinion, they were downright condescending. Its funny because a man recently asked me out that is 49 and I am 30, turning 31. I debated but ultimately decided against dating him. I weighed the pros and cons but for me, it’s just too much of an age difference, however I feel that if a person is cool with the age difference, love is love. I think this post is more about her having success with finding someone she “wants” to be with and is in love… obviously if she wasn’t attracted or excited about it, she wouldn’t have wrote Marc a thank you with such excitement.

  14. 74
    Susan61

    When I first read the story my initial reaction was a heavy eye roll, shaking my head and thinking “well, I hope she’ll be happy with this much older guy”. My first thought admittedly, was “yeah, I know what HE gets – a much younger, beautiful woman that can still bear him children – IF he decides he wants this, and he sounds a bit ambivalent. And then I thought “well, what does she get out of this arrangement?” And then I experienced some of the feelings of resignation that at age 50, once being a beauty myself, I am now lodged firmly in the echelon of “low status women”. My automatic negative thought was: “All attractive men over 50 want women in their 30’s and I’m doomed”. So yes, I indulged in these feelings for a (short) while. I reminded myself how I was never attracted to much older men, still am not, and that’s just who I am. Perhaps a male poster will jeer at me “well, that’s why you’re still single, honey!” And I might jab back and say, “oh yeah, well.. let’s see YOU date and commit to a woman 10-20 years your senior!”. These feelings are familiar and very easy to resort to. I do believe I was dumped by a man two years my senior due to my age. This was *indeed* a painful experience.

    Yet, despite the above initial reaction, what I really took from this post was this: what you put out, you get back. Like attracts like. If I continue to put out any negative energy, that’s what I get back. If I continue to indulge in these feelings that just because ONE 52 year old guy rejected me that ALL 50 something attractive men will reject me, then THAT is what I will get. If I treat each day like a gift and accept with grace where I am in life, RIGHT now – and it’s exactly WHERE I should be and its a beautiful thing – and treat other humans with respect, kindness and convey a more joyous approach to life, then my chances of finding love increase exponentially. I am finally at this place and feel extremely happy to be alive – and SINGLE. If I find love, great. If I live another day to be single and live more joyously, GREAT. I’m just going to HAVE FUN and let the chips fall where they may. :-)

    Best of luck to the happy couple!

  15. 75
    Happy

    I am married to a man 19 years my senior and have been for 28 years. I am now 55 and the marriage, although it was fairly happy, has run its course. I think the main issue was not age, however, it was differences in our personalities that have become magnified since he retired 8 years ago, he into a quiet life of TV and I into expanding my horizons more and more. Also our physical needs and drives are now quite different.

  16. 76
    Heather

    @ Soul:

    My opinion is my opinion and I really don’t appreciate your labeling it as “ridiculous.”

    I stand by what I say. Had it been me, that this guy had walked out on, I would not have him back. There’s a saying going around: “Taking back an ex is like going to a yard sale, and buying back all of your old crap.” He flip flopped 2-3 times on the kids issue, and broke up with her. What’s so hard to understand here? Sure, maybe she does “LOVE him!” But guess what. Love does NOT, and NEVER will “conquer all.” Had that been the case, then my love for my ex husband would have withstood his abuse of me, his multiple addiction problems, etc. But it didn’t. Her loving him doesn’t mean that it’s going to be a good, healthy, strong relationship that will go the distance.

    If you disagree with me, then disagree with me, but I do take offense to your rudeness.

  17. 77
    Soul

    @Heather

    Please accept my apologies for my words. You are right and I was wrong and rude; I should not have said that.

    On a different note, this is not YOUR story…. and her husband-to-be is not your ex. There is no reason why you should transfer your hurts and fears onto them. Love does “conquer it all” for some, and not for others….

  18. 78
    Christine

    Susan, I know where you’re coming from, even though I’m in my 30s (just turned 33). I often feel like I’m in the “low status” echelon in the romance department because attractive and successful men in their 30s often want women in their 20s. So no matter where you are along the age spectrum, there’s always someone younger or hotter who’s higher up on the “totem pole”, so to speak. However, I draw inspiration from my brother-in-law’s story. He was 33 when he started dating my sister (who was also 33). Before that, he had dated some young and beautiful, but vacuous and immature 20-somethings. He eventually chose my sister to marry, because he had similar shared experiences with her and could get a mental connection with her that he could never get with those younger women. If all he wanted was youth and beauty, he had his chance to marry one of those other women instead. So I’m hoping there are more men out there like that.

    Even beautiful 20-something women don’t always have it so easy. They can attract more men, but can’t always keep them and aren’t guaranteed lasting love either. I know a pretty 20-something who got dumped by her 40-something boyfriend because he felt she just wasn’t mature enough for him. I also know a beautiful but vapid 20-something model who has been repeatedly dumped by her 30-something boyfriend (they’re one of those on again-off again couples). He’s frustrated by her lack of intellect and ambition. So even the attractive 20-somethings at the top of the dating totem pole don’t have immunity to heartache and disappointment.

    To get back on track with the original post, congratulations to Michelle. I admit I initially had some reservations about the whole age difference, but I don’t know these people so it’s hard for me to judge. As long as they’re happy with each other, that’s what matters. What I got out of this post was that you can get love by knowing what you want, and not being afraid to take a chance to get it. I really respect her courage in being prepared to walk away when it looked like she wasn’t going to get what she wanted, and standing by what she valued. Best of luck to them!

  19. 79
    Kurt

    I question the relevance of this story. I mean if the 33-tear-old woman truly is as beautiful as you claim, that old man in his 50s must have felt so fortunate to have her and would be willing to tolerate a lot because he knows that not many beautiful women 20 years younger are going to want him.

    Maria (#6), your post makes you seem very angry. Although I agree that a 20+ year age difference seems huge in this case, you are hypocritical to label all men as “completely superficial.” In my own personal experience, women are far, far more superficial than my male peers.
    When women are younger they hold all of the power and often abuse it – women get away with this because they hold far more dating power than men at that age. However, when women get older, the balance swings back to the men and a lot of women just don’t seem to comprehend this.

  20. 80
    Love

    “We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” ~ Dr. Seuss

    They found love!!!!!

    I am happy for them and hope I find love too one day!

  21. 81
    AnnieC

    I thought I must have been reading an old blog post, I was sure I had read about this before.

    This particular story(and it’s impact on me) is one of the main reasons my partner(50) and myself(38) are now in a commited relationship and are going to try for a child.

    I was worried also, that my partner would think he was too old, and wouldn’t choose to have one and I might have to walk. He has grown children, and had said to a previous partner, no more kids.

    However, I took it to heart this story didn’t pressure in any way, until the time was correct for me to express my wishes. He responded very quickly, and started thinking about having a little person who we could both care for and create a lovely family. He was actually getting more and more excited about it. He’s even asked me if I have been to the doctor yet, to ensure everything is in working order etc. We did discuss that he would be an older father, and we both agreed, if this was going to happen it would happen naturally only and we were going to make an extra special effort to remain physically active, healthy and keep our minds active as well.

    This story, is THE main reason, I went down the path I did, have ended up SO happy with an older man, and am about to move to Canada permanently with him and try and have a family.

    The negativity and bitterness of some of these posters is just horrifying. Men MAY like younger women but they fall IN LOVE with women who make them feel good.

    I have 2 friends who are marrying/have married men 10 years younger than them. I dated a man 9 years younger.

    Who you are, and how you behave and present yourself and how you make a man feel, is the key. Nothing else.

    I’m so glad you have shared this story again Evan. I am very similar to this situation, and by assisting this woman, you have also assisted me. Thanks from the bottom of my heart.

  22. 82
    AnnieC

    Sorry for the double post, took a bit to wade through all that.

    For those that are saying that he left for a week is a sign of a no-go, I think you are way off the mark in your judgment People are not robots. They aren’t always going to react in the best way or the way in which we hope.

    My sister case in point. She dated a man whom she really fell in love with(and he with her). He broke up with her twice. To so many here this might be a red flag, however the reasons this happened were a reaction he had to a terribly stressful situation that he was struggling to deal with. She did say to him, if this happens one more time, then I am out because it is too painful. As they worked through the issue, it was decided my sister would move to where he lived(Long distance relationship to begin with). Once she moved in with him, she began to understand the serious stress he was under, and how she was asking too much of him without understanding his situation.She was like the straw on the camels back.

    They now have a beautiful baby boy and are as happy as Larry. You just can’t know what is going through a persons mind or what they are experiencing moment to moment. It’s about giving things some time, and not seeing the bad in everything, but just knowing within yourself what you can tolerate and when to walk away. Being a strong person is about giving people chances even if they may hurt you.

    Only very damaged or emotional unstable people can’t risk a bit of hurt from time to time making demands that they themselves are not capable of honouring.

    1 week breakup? Meh…not even remotely a big deal.

  23. 83
    nathan

    Annie, red flags aren’t – in my view – an instant signal to reject someone. In the case of them coming up while in a relationship, they are a sign to pay closer attention to the situation, and halt the free flowing “green light” you might have had with the other person before.

    You act like questioning that point with the boyfriend is “awful,” but frankly, I’d argue it’s being wise. The times I have had a girlfriend break up and then come back over some issue, you better believe there was a period of re-establishing the connection and trust. And the same has been true the few times I have done the same. Furthermore, this is one of those life changing decisions – having children – that yes, stirs up all sorts of responses. But I doubt Michelle simply took him back after the break up and went back to 100% trusting him the way she did. It sounds like it ultimately has brought them closer together -which is wonderful – but as you said, people aren’t robots. And the majority of writers questioning that piece of the story know damn well that such a rift over an issue like children is “a big deal,” one that either could be the thing that glues two people together, or which tears them apart. The risk needed to happen, and maybe the small break up was for the best. But sometimes it’s not. Only time will tell which one it is.

  24. 84
    Androgynous

    Illeana at @66 – you’re right. We posters here do not know Michelle and have not invested in her the same way Evan has. We have every right not to feel inspired by this story, but not the right to be rude about it.
    While it is wonderful for Michelle to have found the man of her dreams willing to give her what she wants – a family, like a number of other posters here, I do wonder about the wisdom of new fatherhood at such at a relatively advanced age. I personally know of men in their 50s pressured into fatherhood (I use the word pressure because the men wouldn’t do it otherwise if they didn’t face the prospect of losing their beloveds) and while they may not come to regret their choice, the physical and mental toll on them has been very great – of course Mark could be the exception and his wealth so vast as to ensure a very comfortable upbringing for all of his current and prospective children. SO while this is a feel good story, there are elements of it that some people are wise to question.

  25. 85
    SS

    Like others, my worry is more about the fatherhood aspect than the age gap. If Michelle and Mark are happy with each other, more power to them and I wish them many wonderful years together!

    That being said, I was the “Michelle” in the story for most of my dating life. I’m only a year older than her now. I dated a few older men (and rejected others for age-related reasons), but the one issue I had with the ones I did like was the fact that they were reluctant to start another family or start a family at all.

    I didn’t blame them for feeling that way… I totally understand why a man in his late 40s or early 50s doesn’t want to start over again or become a father for the first time. I even saw this reluctance in men in their late 30s who had married early and now had three teenagers/young adults and considered themselves out of the raising newborn stage.

    However, I wanted children. I wanted a man who was eager to be a father for the first time (or another time) and not a reluctant one who had to be talked into it. I often ended these dating situations myself (or never let them get started) once the men expressed to me — without my prompting — that they really weren’t interested in kids. Plus, I did want a husband who, even if somewhat older than me, would still have a good 35+ years of time to enjoy his children. (Yes, I know we can never control when we’ll die and a healthy 25-year-old man can die in a car crash tomorrow, but I’m basing this on an average male life expectancy of about 75 years.)

    I do hope for Michelle that Mark finds himself adoring his second chance at fatherhood and that he lives a long and healthy life enjoying his children. It is a risk, however, that women in such a situation shouldn’t take lightly.

  26. 86
    Margaret

    @ Brenda, # 80. I am happy for you. But I still want a man at or within 10 years(if he is in good shape) . I don’t want to take on a sick old man when I didn’t have the good years. Congratulations to you!

  27. 87
    Margaret

    @ Soul #78 sorry for being a beotch. It’s just hard seeing eligible men my age going for women 20 years older, while I am supposed to be happy that some old foggie in his 60s or 70s will give me the time of day.

    I sincerely wish you happiness in your relationship. I, too, am successful and want the same in a partner.

  28. 88
    Margaret

    Oops, I meant 20 years younger! Either way, I wish you success and happiness.

  29. 89
    Soul

    @MArgaret

    I am a woman and I often get frustrated too lool. … and look at it this way: I’ll be the one stuck with an oldie foggie in his 70s when I am your age !!!!

    Thanx for your message and your nice words, I really appreciate it.

  30. 90
    Zaq

    A woman getting older is like a man getting shorter. Imagine a man being surrounded by hot women, but as the years go by he becomes less and less successful, because now he is shorter and no longer a catch.
    (yes I know it doesn’t happen to men)

    Perhaps that’s the problem. Women still expect to land the man that used to be in her league, but now isn’t.
    No one here is shedding a tear for young beta males who are losing women of their age to successful older men.
    Why is that ?

    If old men are the ONLY ones asking you out, then that IS your dating level. Take it or leave it. My guess is though that you do have more options.

    And what’s with all this not wanting to deal with sickness issues in 25 years time. Have you any idea how risky life is ?
    To have 10 years happiness together would be worthwhile.

    Here’s a salutary tale. I woman I know was finding it difficult finding a mate as she approached 30. She made it perfectly clear that she was not going to date an “old foggie”.

    Although she had little success in her 20s, as luck would have it, in her early 30s she met a young man with a good job, and quickly gave birth to a child. She got all those things that she had wanted.

    Unfortunately, within a year, her partner came down with an illness which led to him losing his job. He cannot now work and is mentally incapacitated. Although having to care for a young child, she is the only one capable of working to bring in money. I bet “Old foggies” are looking pretty attractive to her now !

    As the Dalai Lama said “people spend so much time planning for the future, and fail to live life NOW”

    1. 90.1
      Emma

      Look,I am 19 so no older woman here and I think of it like this: 
      It  is 2045,I am 50 and I am an undesirable old crone.
      Do I go with Plan A? 
      1.In the course of the next few years,I snatch a wealthy man(I have money) in his 40’s-50’s  (preferably in his 50’s,that makes me even more ”valuable” little gem in his filthy old eyes.
      2.He pops the viagra,he takes care of the job (not really).I lust over the pool boy or the gardener (and I do the crap out of them,depends on how I want to play it). 
      3.I have the children that I desire,as a ”young and fertile lady” but with a much less superior genetic coding (poor critters probably are going to have some health issues) 
      3. Well,(hopefully) he dies when I get into my 40’s (no amount of love or 
      ”alphaness” is going to compensate for the resentment over having to take care of an old man,while life is going on outside this ”sacred” union),I inherit the good money and live the good life,meanwhile my poor children miss their father. 
      4.At 50 and beyond,I use beautiful rent boys whenever I feel like it,if I feel like it.
      Or do I go with Plan B?
      1.I find the beautiful young man that my heart desires and I have a relationship suited to my youth.Young,strong maybe even succesful (why not ?I have a good deposit of money and a more than decent education myself,still going at it.)
       2.Beautiful,passionate relationship with all the perks that are reserved with the young and beautiful. 
      3. I have the children that I desire.Genetically superior,with a young father that can teach them things and guide them through life. 
      4.We divorce in my 40’s,since I am older than the dinosaurs and less desirable than vermin.He gets the beautiful young woman,he wants.
      5.I  have money and I use it as I see fit for myself.I cougar it up or do whatever I feel like at the moment.I want more money?I marry  the wealthy 80-year-old.Well,I am not in my 20’s anymore but to a man with failing vision and some ”perseverance” that no woman in her 20’s is going to have (she will be up the 50’s one),I will seem like a treat.  
      6.My children will still have their asshole father.He will be there for the important stages of their lives.Who knows,maybe we will even manage to have each other as  a friend from the good old times. 
       7.See Plan A:Step 4. 

      Now,now.I have already predicted what you are going to say.Who knows what will happen tommorow?Maybe,the young husband will be sickly before an ageing husband,but let’s be honest:The torment and frailty of a beautiful youth is for sure more attractive (and poetic) than the gradual loss of lustre,the living corpse. 
      In the end,no matter what is going to happen I prefer Plan B.At no point,do I see any real benefits in Plan A.
      It saddens me of course that I will get dumped by the love of my life and that he will no longer find me attractive but at least I get to have him for a little while,at his prime (that goes for me as well).I wish I could have him all for myself but I am under no illusions.It seems like a quite fair exchange after all doesn’t it? 
      Asyou say:live life now!I will,with beautiful young men!

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