(Video) Do Men Owe Women An Apology?

A friend of mine posted this video on her Facebook page the other day. I watched it from beginning to end and wasn’t sure what to think.

On one hand, the clip is filled with heartwarming, earnest sentiments. Truly, if the world were filled with more men like this, dating would be a breeze.

On the other hand, is this really how we want our men to sound? Which is to say, very much like women…

Personally, I dig the message and agree that men can become a whole lot better at relating to women. I’m just not sure that I would really enjoy hanging out with these kinds of guys myself.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Do you like sensitive, spiritual, new age guys?

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Comments:

  1. 1
    fusciah

    This video with all these apologies to women, assumes only women have been abused. Any women who has not been able to overcome hurt in her life from a man or anyone would find this sentiment attractive.

    I know this is a self help website for women but what about men who have been hurt or abused by women either as a child or an adult?

    I think men and women are Loved & Hurt equally in relationships.

    This is how we grow. So Forgive, Live, Love and know that once you reach a certain age, no one can do anything too you without your permission, that is the basis of all relationships.

  2. 2
    Gem

    I don’t get it. I really don’t understand the point. At all.
    If their goal is for a future ideology of “worhsiping the divine in each other”….fine, okay, if that’s what you’re into….

    But no, I do not think that men as a gender need to apologize to women as a gender in order for the above to take place.
    That’s ridiculous. I believe in individuals.
    If someone has wronged another, apologize to that person.

    I don’t believe men as a group owe me any apologies or special treatment for anything that an individual man may have done to me in my past and I don’t want to be raised up as some divine, spiritual being deserving of worship by men who have come to recognize thier feminine side. I personally found the video bizarre.

    I love the differences in men and women and think we should celebrate and respect them and treat each other with integrity. Period.

  3. 3
    Steve

    It is not my intention to be sarcastic or offensive.   This youtube reminded me of videos of the forced confessions of American POWs during the Vietnam War.  A lot of ideological catch phrases mixed in with  broken men apologizing for being who and what they are.   In this case, the speakers were apologizing for being men and being masculine.
     
    In my opinion that  may win them the platonic friendships of the students in the local Women’s Studies class, but it is less likely to win these kinds of men girlfriends or win them a sense of fulfillment in their lives.
     
    The syrup spoken in this video may feel temporarily gratifying to women who just got a snootfull of disrespect, but like Evan who isn’t sure if he would want to be friends with these men,  I don’t think many women would find the personalities of these men attractive.     Self hatred or self non-acceptance is a real turn off.
     
    These guys need to learn to distinguish the difference between respecting women  and internalizing a lot of man hating flotsam.
     
    I know it is unlikely for a person to read an entire book that opposes their views, but I recommend “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Dr. Robert Glover to anyone who thinks men should think 24/7 like the guys in this video.
     

  4. 4
    Blue

    Can you imagine the forward movement the world would take if every, single person acknowledged the thoughts, feelings and emotions in this video.

    I, personally, am moved to tears because of this video and have big hopes for more movement in this direction.

    As for being attracted to men who speak in this manner (however you want to label it) I am not sure as I have never encountered a man, such as this, in my dating endeavors.  I feel open to it.

  5. 5
    Venus

    I loved it!  Nobody’s perfect and there may never be a perfect synchronization of the sexes but this is an acknowledgement that it could be better, that it should be better. 

    Now it is time for a similar apology from women to men because we are not faultless!

  6. 6
    Erthy

    Wow!!

    These men are thoughtful, loving, STRONG, CAPABLE, responsible, sexy, trustworthy, selfless, humble, fearless, other-centred, intuitive, authoritative, reliable, and understanding.

    This makes then VERY MASCULINE AND VERY IMPRESSIVE.

  7. 7
    Theresa H

    on one hand – I appreciated the overall sentiment and on some level found it quite reassuring that men could be so thoughtful / articulate as there is still a little warped part of me that worries that “all men are bastards”….the whole presentation of the video was a little creepy though…..as if there was some sublimnal message designed to brainwash us and its been put out there by a cult…the music didnt help
    xx

  8. 8
    SS

    In theory, this video was great.
     
    However, I don’t know any men who act, think or sound like this at all. And I surmise that a few actors were paid to say these words…
     
    I appreciate the sentiment, but I know wonderful men who think highly of women and treat them very well who would never express themselves this way. They are masculine men who appreciate feminine energy but aren’t trying to co-opt feminine energy. They believe in respecting women simply because they are good men who are secure in themselves.
     
    Also, I have dated a few men who seem to say the right things and fit into this uber-sensitive, evolved man role. They ultimately turned out to be the most narcissistic, self-absorbed people I ever met, and their supposed appreciation and respect for women was almost nil. They just were playing the new-age sensitive man role, but they were as jerky as the macho, boorish guys… if not worse.

  9. 9
    Sayanta

    I personally like the message(Mutual) respect for each other in a spiritual context, but not the presentation. Kind of cultish and weird

  10. 10
    Gem

    I still don’t get why men should have to apologize for being a man or why a woman should have to apologize for being a woman. I’ll apologize to someone, man, or woman if I screw up and wrong them. As a woman, I feel no need to apologize for my entire gender and to accept that these men feel I need this from them makes me feel icky. Like I’m a justified man-hater that needs to be coaxed back into their loving care.

    The rest of their message, -let’s come together and work together to be the best we can be, yada, yada – is all well and good.

    But personally, the New Age, sensitive, touchy-feely man is a turn off. Give me a man’s man: The Marlboro man – minus the cigarettes, LOL. 

  11. 11
    Angel

    Loved it and have respect for the men who made it. Doubt if any of these fine men live this way or talk this way all of the time, but am proud of them for making this video. However, in my opinion, they are not the ones who owe the apology, but the rats that actually do those things are! And yes, have to agree, some women should also make one! As for dating a man like that, you bet I would! In fact, there were a couple in the video you can send my way.

  12. 12
    Selena

    A little “new-agey” goes a long way with me, I don’t seek it out. I don’t want to be apologized to by men I don’t know. I’d like to hear a couple ex’s of mine apologize to me for their previous “dirty deeds” though. Ha!

  13. 13
    starthrower68

    I am all for men behaving with integrity and character but this smacks of some sort of new age further emasculation of men. 

  14. 14
    Jennifer

    Evan,

    I’m sorry that I am being unfair here:  honestly I couldn’t get past the first 10 seconds.  I turned it off.  I was creeped out.

    So, to answer your question…..No, I don’t want to hang out with guys like these.

    Jennifer

  15. 15
    Ruby

    A bit hokey, and overly warm n’ fuzzy in presentation, but if you think about all the ways that women have been, and continue to be, abused and subjugated by men (domestic violence, rape, genital mutilation, to name but a few), wouldn’t it be great if more men did embrace these sentiments?

    On a personal level, I’m not into new-agey stuff, but I do appreciate men who can convey sensitivity. Especially the hot ones.

  16. 16
    melie

    Very interesting!  Definitely new age in it’s personna.  I value sensitive and spiritual men!  However, I also value Judeo/Christian values and them integrated into the sensitive and God centered: not just in a male I am pursuing a relationship with but also in my female friends.  I find the video intriguing, and beguiling in that it is a very humanistic, anhimistic approach to forgiveness and cleansing.

  17. 17
    Sandra

    Yes, about time. I think it’s amazing.

  18. 18
    Kit

    Definitely felt creeped out by the presentation, not going to lie. The men were reasonably physically attractive and the words resonated in different places, but the robotic delivery didn’t carry the sincerity or warmth I would need to take it seriously.
    In one place, I pictured a really tough looking marine delivering the same overall message of loving women and respecting the gift of femininity but with his own words and style. Definite improvement.

  19. 19
    Steve

    @Gem #10
    I think you about nailed it.  I worked in a hippy-dippy place during college.  I got to know a few men who wore the “feminist-sensitive-man” label on their sleeves.  In general they didn’t have any guys as friends, were a bit self loathing, passive aggressive, often weren’t successful with women, but when they were guys who got dates it was because they were using the “feminist-sensitive-man” as their shtick to get women into bed.
    @starthrower68 #13
    You wrote in two lines what I took a few paragraphs to try to say.  Ditto!

  20. 20
    Cory

    I do not want to waste time saying the obvious, that men and women should be equal partners and so on. Of course. But men and women are different in many ways, some wonderful and complementary ways, and we should celebrate the male and female nature. Unfortunately, society has ravaged the notion of manhood and feminized men, and women will reap the rewards of that with so-called “men” like these. I strongly encourage anyone who cares about this sort of thing and is raising children to read an older but outstanding book “The War Against Boys”

  21. 21
    Andrea

    I’m not going to lie, I found the video pretty… awkward?  I can appreciate a sensitivity, but I think it’s more so the “presentation” of the video.  I feel like their voices and the music sound in the background could be found in a Charity or Rehab Program ad.  I’d rather hear this sort of stuff in a college women’s studies class, in a more casual way– not in a youtube video.

  22. 22
    Steve

    As a man with many women friends over the years, I can say from experience that even when women think they are attracted to a man like this, maybe even start building a life with one, eventually something deep inside of them that still knows the real nature of men and women wakes up, and they find themselves deeply dissatisfied. We have become so enlightened over the past what, couple hundred years at best? But men and women have been men and women for hundreds of thousands or millions of years? Why do we try so hard to deny nature? Ditto everything everyone else has said about men appreciating women and so on, but ignoring our basic nature is not wise.

  23. 23
    starthrower68

    @Selena #12,

    I agree with you.  While I appreciate the intent behind the video, these men are not responsible for the ones who insist on lousy behavior.  And these men, while I might certainly be friends with them, are no more attractive to me as a romatic partner than “masculine” women are to men.  I spend enough time being chief cook, bottle washer, breadwinner, etc, that the last thing I want in a man is one with whom I feel more manly. 

  24. 24
    Katie

    I was rolling my eyes and thinking “oh GAWD” after the first few seconds, but in the spirit of keeping an open mind, I played to the whole thing. I say played, because I found myself more interested in reading the responses than watching the video.
    It seemed full of insincere cliches and I felt put on a pedestal and therefore distanced from these men rather than closer, which I think is what an apology should do. Of, course, I agree with some of the above sentiments that no entire group owes any other entire group an apology for actions taken by individuals.
    Not that I don’t think sex and love and sprituality and peace can’t be cocreated by all people or members of each gender can’t learn from each other. I just think this was not an effective message.

  25. 25
    Sayanta

    Steve, #22-

    I’m not crazy about the presentation of this vid, like I said. But what do you mean, deny nature? I’m not railing against masculinity or male energy, but I think many many many men need to learn to be more communicative and to treat women with respect. Which is what the message of this vid is, even though it got lost in New Agey cultish music and words.

  26. 26
    Kirsten

    I tried to watch this video but couldn’t make it past the first 15 sec…it seemed a bit off and contrived. But I find it odd that there seems to be a wave of this going around. Just this morning, a friend of mine forwarded me this link http://youtu.be/XljZf0CVbgY , as I am almost four years out of a difficult divorce and not dating anyone (funny how everyone assumes you are a man-hater with issues if you are divorced and not in another relationship pretty much instantly). Anyhow, I have a mixed response to it, because although I couldn’t make it through your video (it just bothers me too much to see two individual guys attempting to apologize on behalf of other dudes everywhere…like what did they ever do to me?), this other link (to a poem set to music, that doesn’t have individual men speaking an apology, but instead sort of lets you imagine a former significant man in your life apologizing for himself) did in fact make me feel better ofr some reason. 

    Maybe it’s because that’s as good of an apology as some of us are ever going to get. It’s like the movie “It’s Complicated” when Meryl Streep says, “How far back does that ‘sorry’ go?” and Alec Baldwin replies,”How far back do you need it to go?”….hahaha.

    Truthfully, we women could stand to apologize for all the times we’ve been crazed, jealous, nagging and harping biatches. But ultimately, it bothers me when anyone- male or female- apologizes profusely for things as a matter of general discourse. That type of apologetic communication style just seems disingenuine.

     And I don’t date these sensitive, new-age type of guys but maybe that’s what I’m doing wrong (and probably why my friend forwarded me the link.)

  27. 27
    Venus

     I take this video in the spirit in which it is being proffered.  It’s true that the men in the video are not responsible for the many atrocities against women but they are simply acknowledging that what has happened was wrong.  Isn’t this what the feminist movement was about?  Shifting perceptions on the woman’s role and place in society.  Elevating them to a position of equality, freeing them from the subservience hoisted upon them by religion and societal norms. 

    I see the video as an acknowledgement that is long overdue.   Some of it is perhaps misplaced – like the apologizing for things that are dictated by the testosterone driven male psyche – the drive to succeed, drive to dominate, drive to protect which taken to another degree results in the wars that these guys were apologizing for.  But hey, if we can remove some of the soppiness and tone it down a notch it would make a great social studies discussion for eighth graders. 

    Why should women apologize?  How about I apologize for being an emasculating bitch in the boardroom but this was the only way to get you to accept me as your boss.  Apologize for depriving you of your rights as a father because I was angry and resentful with you for moving on so quickly after the divorce… lol  I know there are many more.    (And no, those two apologies do not apply to me but I have seen women who do this.) 

  28. 28
    Gem

    I agree Steve. The men I’ve known who were super in touch with their feminine side, and were very sensitive and gentle, were coupled with ball-busting women who controlled the heck out of them. There is such a thing as overdoing it. The videos message seems to say that there is something inherently wrong with masculinity that needs to apologized for and that is not attractive.

  29. 29
    Shouraku

    “I believe in treating women with the utmost respect, love, and kindness. I cherish you all………………………..Wanna go to the bar with me on Thursday and knock back a few?”
    All joking aside, this video reminded me of an overly complex pickup line. Not the sentiment behind their words (which I do appreciate), but in the very generic delivery.
    What would impress me would be a man saying something to the effect of: “I personally treated women poorly in the past. I understand how my behavior was wrong and hurtful and I plan never to act in such an inappropriate manner ever again.”
    I believe that an individual feeling regret for his or her own behavior is one thing, but a person who is apologizing for an entire sex just comes off as belittling and overly generic. This makes it hard for me to take this video seriously.

  30. 30
    EE

    @Kit 18

    I agree. These men are not saying this stuff with intent. They mostly appear passionless and insipid so the whole thing  comes off as contrived, which then sets off the “are they trying to sell me something?” alarm bells. That is where the creepiness comes from. 

    The content, notions of a blanket apology for the past misdeeds of 50% of the world, and notion that someone can OWN someone elses mistakes are all separate topics on their own. Even without going there, the message is not delivered in a way that gives it  any meaning.

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